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How Finding Flow Helps You Decide What To Do With Your Life

How Finding Flow Helps You Decide What To Do With Your Life

Being in my mid 20’s, most would say I have barely scratched the surface when it comes to experiencing life. I would have to agree, but I certainly feel as though I could have much more direction. As I graduated high school I felt like I really knew what I wanted to do with my life. I knew where I was going to college, and I had a major picked out that I was sure of. Due to a number of unfortunate circumstances, I wasn’t able to go away to college as planned, so I was stuck going to community college for my first two years.

I’m not saying anything is wrong with community college. Looking back, I definitely saved a ton of money by doing that. As I started classes, I picked up a bartending job to make extra money for myself. I started meeting people from all over, and I also learned what they did for a living. It got the wheels in my brain turning, “maybe I’m not doing what I want to be doing”, “in 20 years am I still going to love what I’m doing?”, etc.

I decided that it was best for me to take some time off. I have gone to and dropped out of college twice since I initially started back in 2010. Since then I have continued my job as a bartender, and I feel as though my life has been on auto pilot ever since. I’m happy with where I am, the experience I have gained, and the relationships I have formed. That being said, I still feel as though my life doesn’t really have any direction.

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What is “flow” and how do I find it?

In life I think most of us fall victim to trying to be in control of every little thing. By doing so you tend to feel held back, restraiend, and bottled up. Flow is literally the opposite of control. The field of psychology gives one definition:

“Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person in an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity.”

I don’t think there’s one specific way to find your flow. For me, I have found that by doing things and being around people that I absolutely love is where I have found just that. I have always enjoyed writing. I would lose track of time when I would sit down at the end of the day to journal.

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Just one day it clicked for me, I so passionately wanted to become a writer. I found that I would get lost in the thought of writing something that other people could relate to. I wanted people to know that they are not alone in how they feel. I think that is so important.

When you find your flow, you’re able to embrace the uniqueness about you as well as your talents. Accept yourself for exactly who you are now. Admit that you haven’t really allowed yourself to pursue the things you’d really like to do with your life. Under all the layers of expectations you have to be able to encourage your “better self”, the person you were truly meant to be.

Need some suggestions to help give yourself a little direction?

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1. Be frugal

What I mean is, if something isn’t directly connected to your “flow”, it should come secondary. Minimize your spending. Downsize your housing, the amount of times you eat out, the amount of money you spend on clothing, etc. Before you do anything, ask yourself if it is going to benefit your state of flow, cut back as much as you can. If it does not bring you to your extremely joyful state, why are you spending money on it?

3. Have Compressed/Uncompressed days

I think it’s important to fill certain days full of all the things we don’t really want to do. Laundry, paying bills, dishes, cleaning the house, etc are all included. No one likes doing these things, so I have found that by doing my best to get it all done over 3-4 days out the week, I’m able to really appreciate my uncompressed days more. Uncompressed days motivate me to get through my compressed days.

3. Lessen your commitments

In life we commit to many things: jobs, romantic relationships, friendships, etc. The trouble with this is sometimes we “over-commit”. By doing so, we end up paying more attention to those things, forget about ourselves, get burnt out, and end up not being able to give as much to others. Your most important investment is yourself. If you find yourself committed to anything that disrupts your peace and your “flow”, pull yourself away from it.

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4. Maintain your flow state

  • Eat a well balanced diet: You’d be surprised how much better you’ll feel when you eat healthier. I don’t mean you need to make drastic changes to your diet, but incorporating more fruits and vegetables could be very beneficial. Making some modifications can really make all the difference.
  • Get enough sleep: Don’t oversleep, but get just enough so that you’ll feel fully rested for the next day. Eight hours should be plenty. Decorate your room in a way that you find to be relaxing so you can fall asleep with ease.
  • Exercise: I would usually recommend at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. This allows you to take a break in your day to give your mind a chance to relax and clear your head. Exercise gives you an extra jolt to get through the day.
  • Spend time with close friends: Don’t get this confused with people you spend time with to just pass time. I’m talking about people who you can truly rely on for anything. The people you can rely on for emotional support, the ones you can go to in other times of need, who you can call at 3 AM and know they will answer. Having that core group of people is incredibly beneficial to your flow. They support you and inspire you to become whatever and whoever you truly want to be.

Featured photo credit: www.businessinsider.com via businessinsider.com

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Erica Wagner

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on March 14, 2019

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

Recruiters might hold thousands of interviews in their careers and a lot of them are reporting the same thing—that most candidates play it safe with the questions they ask, or have no questions to ask in a job interview at all.

For job applicants, this approach is crazy! This is a job that you’re going to dedicate a lot of hours to and that might have a huge impact on your future career. Don’t throw away the chance to figure out if the position is perfect for you.

Here are 7 killer questions to ask in a job interview that will both impress your counterpart and give you some really useful insights into whether this job will be a dream … or a nightmare.

1. What are some challenges I might come up against this role?

A lesser candidate might ask, “what does a typical day look like in this role?” While this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in an interview, focusing on potential challenges takes you much further because it indicates that you already are visualizing yourself in the role.

It’s impressive because it shows that you are not afraid of challenges, and you are prepared to strategize a game plan upfront to make sure you succeed if you get the job.

It can also open up a conversation about how you’ve solved problems in the past which can be a reassuring exercise for both you and the hiring manager.

How it helps you:

If you ask the interviewer to describe a typical day, you may get a vibrant picture of all the lovely things you’ll get to do in this job and all the lovely people you’ll get to do them with.

Asking about potential roadblocks means you hear the other side of the story—dysfunctional teams, internal politics, difficult clients, bootstrap budgets and so on. This can help you decide if you’re up for the challenge or whether, for the sake of your sanity, you should respectfully decline the job offer.

2. What are the qualities of really successful people in this role?

Employers don’t want to hire someone who goes through the motions; they want to hire someone who will excel.

Asking this question shows that you care about success, too. How could they not hire you with a dragon-slayer attitude like that?

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How it helps you:

Interviewers hire people who are great people to work with, but the definition of “great people” differs from person to person.

Does this company hire and promote people with a specific attitude, approach, worth ethic or communication style? Are the most successful people in this role strong extroverts who love to talk and socialize when you are studious and reserved? Does the company reward those who work insane hours when you’re happiest in a more relaxed environment?

If so, then this may not be the right match for you.

Whatever the answer is, you can decide whether you have what it takes for the manager to be happy with your performance in this role. And if the interviewer has no idea what success looks like for this position, this is a sign to proceed with extreme caution.

3. From the research I did on your company, I noticed the culture really supports XYZ. Can you tell me more about that element of the culture and how it impacts this job role?

Of course, you could just ask “what is the culture like here? ” but then you would miss a great opportunity to show that you’ve done your research!

Interviewers give BIG bonus point to those who read up and pay attention, and you’ve just pointed out that (a) you’re diligent in your research (b) you care about the company culture and (c) you’re committed to finding a great cultural fit.

How it helps you:

This question is so useful because it lets you pick an element of the culture that you really care about and that will have the most impact on whether you are happy with the organization.

For example, if training and development is important to you, then you need to know what’s on offer so you don’t end up in a dead-end job with no learning opportunities.

Companies often talk a good talk, and their press releases may be full of shiny CSR initiatives and all the headline-grabbing diversity programs they’re putting in place. This is your opportunity to look under the hood and see if the company lives its values on the ground.

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A company that says it is committed to doing the right thing by customers should not judge success by the number of up-sells an employee makes, for instance. Look for consistency, so you aren’t in for a culture shock after you start.

4. What is the promotion path for this role, and how would my performance on that path be measured?

To be clear, you are not asking when you will get promoted. Don’t go there—it’s presumptuous, and it indicates that you think you are better than the role you have applied for.

A career-minded candidate, on the other hand, usually has a plan that she’s working towards. This question shows you have a great drive toward growth and advancement and an intention to stick with the company beyond your current state.

How it helps you:

One word: hierarchy.

All organizations have levels of work and authority—executives, upper managers, line managers, the workforce, and so on. Understanding the hierarchical structure gives you power, because you can decide if you can work within it and are capable of climbing through its ranks, or whether it will be endlessly frustrating to you.

In a traditional pyramid hierarchy, for example, the people at the bottom tend to have very little autonomy to make decisions. This gets better as you rise up through the pyramid, but even middle managers have little power to create policy; they are more concerned with enforcing the rules the top leaders make.

If having a high degree of autonomy and accountability is important to you, you may do better in a flat hierarchy where work teams can design their own way of achieving the corporate goals.

5. What’s the most important thing the successful candidate could accomplish in their first 3 months/6 months/year?

Of all the questions to ask in a job interview, this one is impressive because it shows that you identify with and want to be a successful performer, and not just an average one.

Here, you’re drilling down into what the company needs, and needs quite urgently, proving that you’re all about adding value to the organization and not just about what’s in it for you.

How it helps you:

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Most job descriptions come with 8, 10 or 12 different job responsibilities and a lot of them with be boilerplate or responsibilities that someone in HR thinks are associated with this role. This question gives you a better sense of which responsibilities are the most important—and they may not be what initially attracted you to the role.

If you like the idea of training juniors, for example, but success is judged purely on your sales figures, then is this really the job you thought you were applying for?

This question will also give you an idea of what kind of learning curve you’re expected to have and whether you’ll get any ramp-up time before getting down to business. If you’re the type of person who likes to jump right in and get things done, for instance, you may not be thrilled to hear that you’re going to spend the first three months shadowing a peer.

6. What do you like about working here?

This simple question is all about building rapport with the interviewer. People like to talk about themselves, and the interviewer will be flattered that you’re interested in her opinions.

Hopefully, you’ll find some great connection points that the two of you share. What similar things drive you head into the office each day? How will you fit into the culture?

How it helps you:

You can learn a lot from this question. Someone who genuinely enjoys his job will be able to list several things they like, and their answers will sound passionate and sincere. If not….well, you might consider that a red flag.

Since you potentially can learn a lot about the company culture from this question, it’s a good idea to figure out upfront what’s important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a hands-off boss who values independent thought and creativity? Maybe you work better in environments that move at a rapid, exciting pace?

Whatever’s important to you, listen carefully and see if you can find any common ground.

7. Based on this interview, do you have any questions or concerns about my qualifications for the role?

What a great closing question to ask in a job interview! It shows that you’re not afraid of feedback—in fact, you are inviting it. Not being able to take criticism is a red flag for employers, who need to know that you’ll act on any “coaching moments” with a good heart.

As a bonus, asking this question shows that you are really interested in the position and wish to clear up anything that may be holding the company back from hiring you.

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How it helps you:

What a devious beast this question is! On the surface, it looks straightforward, but it’s actually giving you four key pieces of information.

First, is the manager capable of giving you feedback when put on the spot like this? Some managers are scared of giving feedback, or don’t think it’s important enough to bother outside of a formal performance appraisal. Do you want to work for a boss like that? How will you improve if no one is telling you what you did wrong?

Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?

Third, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about before you leave the interview. This gives you the chance to make a final, tailored sales pitch so you can convince the interviewer that she should not be worried about those things.

Fourth, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about period. If turnover is keeping him up at night, then your frequent job hopping might get a lot of additional scrutiny. If he’s facing some issues with conflict or communication, then he might raise concerns regarding your performance in this area.

Listen carefully: the concerns that are being raised about you might actually be a proxy for problems in the wider organization.

Making Your Interview Work for You

Interviews are a two-way street. While it is important to differentiate yourself from every other candidate, understand that convincing the interviewer you’re the right person for the role goes hand-in-hand with figuring out if the job is the right fit for you.

Would you feel happy in a work environment where the people, priorities, culture and management style were completely at odds with the way you work? Didn’t think so!

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Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

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