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How Finding Flow Helps You Decide What To Do With Your Life

How Finding Flow Helps You Decide What To Do With Your Life

Being in my mid 20’s, most would say I have barely scratched the surface when it comes to experiencing life. I would have to agree, but I certainly feel as though I could have much more direction. As I graduated high school I felt like I really knew what I wanted to do with my life. I knew where I was going to college, and I had a major picked out that I was sure of. Due to a number of unfortunate circumstances, I wasn’t able to go away to college as planned, so I was stuck going to community college for my first two years.

I’m not saying anything is wrong with community college. Looking back, I definitely saved a ton of money by doing that. As I started classes, I picked up a bartending job to make extra money for myself. I started meeting people from all over, and I also learned what they did for a living. It got the wheels in my brain turning, “maybe I’m not doing what I want to be doing”, “in 20 years am I still going to love what I’m doing?”, etc.

I decided that it was best for me to take some time off. I have gone to and dropped out of college twice since I initially started back in 2010. Since then I have continued my job as a bartender, and I feel as though my life has been on auto pilot ever since. I’m happy with where I am, the experience I have gained, and the relationships I have formed. That being said, I still feel as though my life doesn’t really have any direction.

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What is “flow” and how do I find it?

In life I think most of us fall victim to trying to be in control of every little thing. By doing so you tend to feel held back, restraiend, and bottled up. Flow is literally the opposite of control. The field of psychology gives one definition:

“Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person in an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity.”

I don’t think there’s one specific way to find your flow. For me, I have found that by doing things and being around people that I absolutely love is where I have found just that. I have always enjoyed writing. I would lose track of time when I would sit down at the end of the day to journal.

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Just one day it clicked for me, I so passionately wanted to become a writer. I found that I would get lost in the thought of writing something that other people could relate to. I wanted people to know that they are not alone in how they feel. I think that is so important.

When you find your flow, you’re able to embrace the uniqueness about you as well as your talents. Accept yourself for exactly who you are now. Admit that you haven’t really allowed yourself to pursue the things you’d really like to do with your life. Under all the layers of expectations you have to be able to encourage your “better self”, the person you were truly meant to be.

Need some suggestions to help give yourself a little direction?

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1. Be frugal

What I mean is, if something isn’t directly connected to your “flow”, it should come secondary. Minimize your spending. Downsize your housing, the amount of times you eat out, the amount of money you spend on clothing, etc. Before you do anything, ask yourself if it is going to benefit your state of flow, cut back as much as you can. If it does not bring you to your extremely joyful state, why are you spending money on it?

3. Have Compressed/Uncompressed days

I think it’s important to fill certain days full of all the things we don’t really want to do. Laundry, paying bills, dishes, cleaning the house, etc are all included. No one likes doing these things, so I have found that by doing my best to get it all done over 3-4 days out the week, I’m able to really appreciate my uncompressed days more. Uncompressed days motivate me to get through my compressed days.

3. Lessen your commitments

In life we commit to many things: jobs, romantic relationships, friendships, etc. The trouble with this is sometimes we “over-commit”. By doing so, we end up paying more attention to those things, forget about ourselves, get burnt out, and end up not being able to give as much to others. Your most important investment is yourself. If you find yourself committed to anything that disrupts your peace and your “flow”, pull yourself away from it.

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4. Maintain your flow state

  • Eat a well balanced diet: You’d be surprised how much better you’ll feel when you eat healthier. I don’t mean you need to make drastic changes to your diet, but incorporating more fruits and vegetables could be very beneficial. Making some modifications can really make all the difference.
  • Get enough sleep: Don’t oversleep, but get just enough so that you’ll feel fully rested for the next day. Eight hours should be plenty. Decorate your room in a way that you find to be relaxing so you can fall asleep with ease.
  • Exercise: I would usually recommend at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. This allows you to take a break in your day to give your mind a chance to relax and clear your head. Exercise gives you an extra jolt to get through the day.
  • Spend time with close friends: Don’t get this confused with people you spend time with to just pass time. I’m talking about people who you can truly rely on for anything. The people you can rely on for emotional support, the ones you can go to in other times of need, who you can call at 3 AM and know they will answer. Having that core group of people is incredibly beneficial to your flow. They support you and inspire you to become whatever and whoever you truly want to be.

Featured photo credit: www.businessinsider.com via businessinsider.com

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Erica Wagner

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on July 16, 2019

7 Ways to Get Rid of Negative Energy and Become Positive

7 Ways to Get Rid of Negative Energy and Become Positive

Negativity affects ourselves and everyone around us. It limits our potential to become something great and live a fulfilling, purposeful life. Negativity has a tangible effect on our health, too. Research has shown that people who cultivate negative energy experience more stress, more sickness, and less opportunity over the course of their lives than those who choose to live positively.

When we make a decision to become positive, and follow that decision up with action, we will begin to encounter situations and people that are also positive. The negative energy gets edged out by all positive experiences. It’s a snowball effect.

Although negative and positive thoughts will always exist, the key to becoming positive is to limit the amount of negativity that we experience by filling ourselves up with more positivity.

Here are some ways to get rid of negativity and become more positive.

1. Become Grateful for Everything

When life is all about us, it’s easy to believe that we deserve what we have. An attitude of entitlement puts us at the center of the universe and sets up the unrealistic expectation that others should cater to us, our needs, and our wants. This vain state of existence is a surefire way to set yourself up for an unfulfilled life of negativity.

People living in this sort of entitlement are “energy suckers”–they are always searching for what they can get out of a situation. People that don’t appreciate the nuances of their lives live in a constant state of lacking. And it’s really difficult to live a positive life this way.

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When we begin to be grateful and appreciate everything in our lives–from the small struggles that make us better, to the car that gets us from A to B every day–we shift our attitude from one of selfishness, to one of appreciation. This appreciation gets noticed by others, and a positive harmony begins to form in our relationships.

We begin to receive more of that which we are grateful for, because we’ve opened ourselves up to the idea of receiving, instead of taking. This will make your life more fulfilling, and more positive.

2. Laugh More, Especially at Yourself

Life gets busy, our schedules fill up, we get into relationships, and work can feel task oriented and routine-driven at times. Being human can feel more like being a robot. But having this work-driven, serious attitude often results in negative and performance oriented thinking.

Becoming positive means taking life less seriously and letting yourself off the hook. This is the only life that you get to live, why not lighten up your mood?

Laughter helps us become positive by lightening our mood and reminding us not to take life so seriously. Are you sensitive to light sarcasm? Do you have trouble laughing at jokes? Usually, people who are stressed out and overly serious get most offended by sarcasm because their life is all work and no play.

If we can learn to laugh at ourselves and our mistakes, life will become more of an experiment in finding out what makes us happy. And finding happiness means finding positivity.

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3. Help Others

Negativity goes hand in hand with selfishness. People that live only for themselves have no higher purpose in their lives. If the whole point of this world is only to take care of yourself and no one else, the road to a long-term fulfillment and purpose is going to be a long one.

Positivity accompanies purpose. The most basic way to create purpose and positivity in your life is to begin doing things for others. Start small; open the door for the person in front of you at Starbucks or ask someone how their day was before telling them about yours.

Helping others will give you an intangible sense of value that will translate into positivity. And people might just appreciate you in the process.

4. Change Your Thinking

We can either be our best coach or our best enemy. Change starts from within. If you want to become more positive, change the wording of your thoughts. We are the hardest on ourselves, and a stream of negative self talk is corrosive to a positive life.

The next time you have a negative thought, write it down and rephrase it with a positive spin. For example, change a thought like, “I can’t believe I did so horribly on the test–I suck.” to “I didn’t do as well as I hoped to on this test. But I know I’m capable and I’ll do better next time.”

Changing our self-talk is powerful.

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5. Surround Yourself with Positive People

We become most like the people that we surround ourselves with. If our friend group is full of negative energy-suckers and drama queens, we will emulate that behavior and become like them. It is very difficult to become more positive when the people around us don’t support or demonstrate positive behavior.

As you become more positive, you’ll find that your existing friends will either appreciate the new you or they will become resistant to your positive changes. This is a natural response.

Change is scary; but cutting out the negative people in your life is a huge step to becoming more positive. Positive people reflect and bounce their perspectives onto one another. Positivity is a step-by-step process when you do it solo, but a positive group of friends can be an escalator.

6. Get into Action

Negative thoughts can be overwhelming and challenging to navigate. Negativity is usually accompanied by a “freak-out” response, especially when tied to relationships, people and to worrying about the future. This is debilitating to becoming positive and usually snowballs into more worry, more stress and more freak-outs.

Turn the negative stress into positive action. The next time you’re in one of these situations, walk away and take a break. With your eyes closed, take a few deep breaths. Once you’re calm, approach the situation or problem with a pen and pad of paper. Write out four or five actions or solutions to begin solving the problem.

Taking yourself out of the emotionally charged negative by moving into the action-oriented positive will help you solve more problems rationally and live in positivity

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7. Take Full Responsibility, Stop Being the Victim

You are responsible for your thoughts.

People that consistently believe that things happen to them handicap themselves to a victim mentality. This is a subtle and deceptive negative thought pattern. Phrases like “I have to work” or “I can’t believe he did that to me” are indicators of a victim mentality. Blaming circumstances and blaming others only handicaps our decision to change something negative into something positive.

Taking full responsibility for your life, your thoughts and your actions is one of the biggest steps in creating a more positive life. We have unlimited potential within to create our own reality, change our life, and change our thoughts. When we begin to really internalize this, we discover that no one can make us feel or do anything. We choose our emotional and behavioral response to people and circumstances.

Make positive choices in favor of yourself.

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny” ― Lao Tzu

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Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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