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The Law Of Attraction: The Part No One Wants To Talk About

The Law Of Attraction: The Part No One Wants To Talk About

Law of Attraction: “The belief that positive thoughts are magnets for positive life experiences and negative thoughts are magnets for negative life experiences.” – Urban Dictionary

I understand the theory of the Law of Attraction. It makes sense. Until, of course, I think about the multitudes of children that have less than ideal, at best, and horrendous and terrifying, at worst, childhood experiences. Did their thoughts draw the negative experiences they had? Experiences that often start in infancy? Did mine?

Are we born with different energy vibrations?

With those questions in mind, I was led to presume we are born into this world with different energy vibrations, thereby attracting differing experiences. So why are we born with different vibrational energies? Is it possible that our vibrational energy at birth is based on the growth we experienced in our past life and how we left this world at that time?

Now, that is some heavy duty stuff. It also assumes I believe that we come here more than once. Although I have thoughts and opinions about that, we are going to stay focused right here and right now, since that is the reality with which we have to work.

Should we focus on what we have or on what we don’t have?

I am no expert on Universal Laws or specifically, the Law of Attraction. I am, however, becoming an expert on my own life experience. Years ago, before the law of attraction was even on my radar or was everywhere in the media, I was well into adulthood. My thoughts were not on healing and positivity. I did know I wanted to feel better, despite thinking that was not possible for me.

My thoughts were an out of control freight train, powering through my mind, searching for answers to questions, still unarticulated. My negativity run amok. I was angry, hurt, confused and discontent.

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I remember thinking I “should” be grateful and thankful for all the good I have in my life. At some level, I think I was, but I was also angry and was much more focused on what was lacking, which flies in the face of the law of attraction.

Yet, if we are not aware of what is lacking, how can we know what we want? Identifying what is lacking is a necessary step towards the manifestation of what we do want.

Sometimes it feels like, we’ll never be happy

When someone suggested I express gratitude for what was happening in my life, I was pretty sure they had no idea what I was feeling, as I gave them a resentful sneer. I could not express gratitude. I would not express gratitude for the misery I carried in my heart. I was angry enough at everything and everyone to withhold any gratitude I might have actually been feeling. Just out of spite. Yup, that was me.

There came a point, when I could be nothing other than what I was in that moment. I couldn’t fake anything. I could not see far enough ahead to see myself feeling happy, nor could I imagine what it looked like, let alone that it might be available to me.

I am assuming that most people who are hurting, physically or emotionally, long to feel better. Self-defeating behaviors that appear to the onlooker to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, might be the only way they know how to feel better in that particular moment.

Sometimes we choose the wrong things to comfort us instead of being mindful

I cannot begin to tell you the number of times I have lost that “last ten pounds”. So, if I want to lose that ten pounds and keep it off, then why am I eating a pint of ice cream? At any point I could have stopped this defeatist behavior.

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Why not at the store when I was examining the flavors available? How about when I took it from my cart and laid it on the belt at checkout? Why not when I was taking it out of my freezer and not scooping an appropriate portion into a bowl? How about when I was a quarter or even half way through the pint and could have put the lid on and placed it back into the freezer?

Well, because it was my comfort, my best friend. I did not care about any article on the “Ten Things To Do To Avoid Overeating” or counting to ten to let the impulse pass or most especially, “sitting with my feelings” instead. Hell, that is why I wanted the ice cream! Nope, hands down, I chose the ice cream. If it was mind over matter, matter won every time.

Listen to yourself, you already know what you want

If I was reading about and attempting to manifest what I wanted in my life, through the law of attraction, I would certainly have felt like a complete failure. Which I was already feeling. And isn’t that exactly the problem? I wanted to snap out on those positive, happy-go-lucky people, who did not seem to experience life the way I did. I was envious of of them. They irritated me.

So with all this negativity, how then did I find myself on a trajectory of healing, wholeness and good things, in spite of myself?! Is it possible that the often unspoken and unacknowledged desire to feel better or be happy, sets the law of attraction into motion, despite despair and negativity? I give that a resounding, “YES”.

I believe that way down deep, despite the negativity that crowds out positive thoughts, caused by the “I’m not enough” syndrome, most people know what they want. I believe most of us want the same things. We want to be understood, accepted and loved. We want to feel valued and have purpose. We want to matter. We so want to matter. And we do. The problem is, most don’t know it.

How to get what you desire

In that tucked away space, where the sun has yet to shine, the Law of Attraction is percolating away, inviting its manifestation. So what is the part of the Law of Attraction that no one talks about? It is what has to happen between identifying my desire and getting it.

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It is necessary to move away from old energy patterns, to make way for the new. And that means facing myself. That means grappling with those old and often deep seated beliefs that are no longer useful. That means feeling unresolved emotions.

If you have spent any time looking at the multitudes of books and articles related to the Law of Attraction and how to get what you want, then you already know that a big part of that process is believing you already have it. Feeling as though it is already true.

Check your deepest beliefs

When I was where I was, when I wasn’t where I am now, I could not make it feel true. It was a process of two steps forward and three steps back. I had to first acknowledge I didn’t believe I deserved to be happy or have the good things in life. That baby step led to the next and the next and there now sits a chasm between where I was and where I now am.

If I don’t believe I deserve to have the healthy body I want, then I won’t. That’s the Law of Attraction, right? So I have to ask myself, why don’t I believe I deserve that? If I do think I deserve it and still can’t manifest it, then I have to again ask, why?

What is the deep seated belief I unknowingly hold, that needs to be coaxed to the surface, lovingly held and gently released? I have found this question to be useful again and again and again. As I acknowledge and heal one part, it opens the door and invites another to show up for the same attention. And it is a never ending process of manifesting in my life more and more of what I want.

When I stand still, I see the horizon out ahead. When I grow, I move forward and the horizon moves forward as well. I then see things I couldn’t see or understand from my previous viewpoint. If you are asking for a healthy relationship, then won’t the universe need to address the parts of you that draws unhealthy. Don’t you have to be healthy before you can have healthy? Otherwise isn’t it doomed to fail?

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Take account of where you are right now

Another definition for the Law of Attraction is: “You get what you are, not what you want.” So each time we heal some part of ourselves, our vibrational energy increases and more positive will come into your life. What you want will show up, unexpectedly bearing gifts, for your life.

It won’t come in one fell swoop. You will be unable to maintain it, because you aren’t yet ready for it. Trust that the universe has your back, all the time, in every way, always working things out for your good. If you can see the prize, then see it. If you can feel what it will be like to have the prize, then by all means do so.

But if you can’t, then it is okay to be right where you are right now, in your pain. When the pain starts to clear, so will your mind. Know it is enough to want to be able to see what is up ahead, even if you can’t. Failure does not exist in the Law of Attraction. You are not in a race with anyone else. Social media only looks like everyone’s life is better than yours!

Take the baby step of acknowledging right where you are. Right here. Right now. No need to pretend.

And one day you will be saying, “Hey, all you positive, happy-go-lucky people, power to you! Maybe you were born at a higher frequency than me and had a head start. But hey, watch out, because this is a whole new life and I am right on your tail!”

Featured photo credit: William Stitt via images.unsplash.com

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Sandra Cooper

Psychotherapist

New Year’s Resolutions and Better Health Will The Real Me, Please Stand Up! Which One Of Those Voices In Your Head is Yours The Law Of Attraction: The Part No One Wants To Talk About

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

Creating a vision for your life might seem like a frivolous, fantastical waste of time, but it’s not: creating a compelling vision of the life you want is actually one of the most effective strategies for achieving the life of your dreams. Perhaps the best way to look at the concept of a life vision is as a compass to help guide you to take the best actions and make the right choices that help propel you toward your best life.

your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset you have

    Why You Need a Vision

    Experts and life success stories support the idea that with a vision in mind, you are more likely to succeed far beyond what you could otherwise achieve without a clear vision. Think of crafting your life vision as mapping a path to your personal and professional dreams. Life satisfaction and personal happiness are within reach. The harsh reality is that if you don’t develop your own vision, you’ll allow other people and circumstances to direct the course of your life.

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    How to Create Your Life Vision

    Don’t expect a clear and well-defined vision overnight—envisioning your life and determining the course you will follow requires time, and reflection. You need to cultivate vision and perspective, and you also need to apply logic and planning for the practical application of your vision. Your best vision blossoms from your dreams, hopes, and aspirations. It will resonate with your values and ideals, and will generate energy and enthusiasm to help strengthen your commitment to explore the possibilities of your life.

    What Do You Want?

    The question sounds deceptively simple, but it’s often the most difficult to answer. Allowing yourself to explore your deepest desires can be very frightening. You may also not think you have the time to consider something as fanciful as what you want out of life, but it’s important to remind yourself that a life of fulfillment does not usually happen by chance, but by design.

    It’s helpful to ask some thought-provoking questions to help you discover the possibilities of what you want out of life. Consider every aspect of your life, personal and professional, tangible and intangible. Contemplate all the important areas, family and friends, career and success, health and quality of life, spiritual connection and personal growth, and don’t forget about fun and enjoyment.

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    Some tips to guide you:

    • Remember to ask why you want certain things
    • Think about what you want, not on what you don’t want.
    • Give yourself permission to dream.
    • Be creative. Consider ideas that you never thought possible.
    • Focus on your wishes, not what others expect of you.

    Some questions to start your exploration:

    • What really matters to you in life? Not what should matter, what does matter.
    • What would you like to have more of in your life?
    • Set aside money for a moment; what do you want in your career?
    • What are your secret passions and dreams?
    • What would bring more joy and happiness into your life?
    • What do you want your relationships to be like?
    • What qualities would you like to develop?
    • What are your values? What issues do you care about?
    • What are your talents? What’s special about you?
    • What would you most like to accomplish?
    • What would legacy would you like to leave behind?

    It may be helpful to write your thoughts down in a journal or creative vision board if you’re the creative type. Add your own questions, and ask others what they want out of life. Relax and make this exercise fun. You may want to set your answers aside for a while and come back to them later to see if any have changed or if you have anything to add.

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    What Would Your Best Life Look Like?

    Describe your ideal life in detail. Allow yourself to dream and imagine, and create a vivid picture. If you can’t visualize a picture, focus on how your best life would feel. If you find it difficult to envision your life 20 or 30 years from now, start with five years—even a few years into the future will give you a place to start. What you see may surprise you. Set aside preconceived notions. This is your chance to dream and fantasize.

    A few prompts to get you started:

    • What will you have accomplished already?
    • How will you feel about yourself?
    • What kind of people are in your life? How do you feel about them?
    • What does your ideal day look like?
    • Where are you? Where do you live? Think specifics, what city, state, or country, type of community, house or an apartment, style and atmosphere.
    • What would you be doing?
    • Are you with another person, a group of people, or are you by yourself?
    • How are you dressed?
    • What’s your state of mind? Happy or sad? Contented or frustrated?
    • What does your physical body look like? How do you feel about that?
    • Does your best life make you smile and make your heart sing? If it doesn’t, dig deeper, dream bigger.

    It’s important to focus on the result, or at least a way-point in your life. Don’t think about the process for getting there yet—that’s the next stepGive yourself permission to revisit this vision every day, even if only for a few minutes. Keep your vision alive and in the front of your mind.

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    Plan Backwards

    It may sound counter-intuitive to plan backwards rather than forwards, but when you’re planning your life from the end result, it’s often more useful to consider the last step and work your way back to the first. This is actually a valuable and practical strategy for making your vision a reality.

    • What’s the last thing that would’ve had to happen to achieve your best life?
    • What’s the most important choice you would’ve had to make?
    • What would you have needed to learn along the way?
    • What important actions would you have had to take?
    • What beliefs would you have needed to change?
    • What habits or behaviors would you have had to cultivate?
    • What type of support would you have had to enlist?
    • How long will it have taken you to realize your best life?
    • What steps or milestones would you have needed to reach along the way?

    Now it’s time to think about your first step, and the next step after that. Ponder the gap between where you are now and where you want to be in the future. It may seem impossible, but it’s quite achievable if you take it step-by-step.

    It’s important to revisit this vision from time to time. Don’t be surprised if your answers to the questions, your technicolor vision, and the resulting plans change. That can actually be a very good thing; as you change in unforeseeable ways, the best life you envision will change as well. For now, it’s important to use the process, create your vision, and take the first step towards making that vision a reality.

    Featured photo credit: Matt Noble via unsplash.com

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