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Clever People Live A Microlife While Busy People Live A Linear Life. Which One Are You Living?

Clever People Live A Microlife While Busy People Live A Linear Life. Which One Are You Living?

Happiness is what we all strive for in life. We are told, and often dictated by society, which way is best when it comes to how we should lead our lives in order to get the best outcome. Of course, we are all different and diverse in our ways of thinking and have opinions on how we should live our own lives but how willing are we to see things from another perspective?

Living a linear way is the most common approach we adopt to deal with life. This, for example, could mean studying hard while we’re young, working hard in our jobs and make sure we are married by a certain age. While all these benefit us in certain ways, it can sometimes lead us to unhappiness especially if we struggle to study, work hard in a job we don’t enjoy or reach that certain age and still haven’t met the right person.

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A linear life has a tendency to dictate how ‘successful’ you are. It gives people guidelines that can’t always be met and don’t take into account that life is unpredictable and unexpected.

Why A Linear Life Isn’t Always The Best

Not only does leading a linear life put pressure on us to achieve goals by a certain time, it creates a mindset where we blind to other opportunities that are there for the taking. We tend to focus on the one path we set out for ourselves and we rarely venture away from the ‘norm’.

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When we’re young, we usually rebel against walking in a linear path and we live more in the moment. We have more of a tendency to explore and embrace the journey more in order to find out about ourselves either consciously or subconsciously. But once we’re older, this often gets forgotten and we can easily slip into the rigid, expectancy of adult life.

The Regret of Living a Linear Life

Living a carved-out linear path can often cause regrets later on. We believe happiness will come once we’ve worked hard and created a nice pot of money and only then relax and enjoy life. We believe we’ll be happy when we’ve met our soulmate and checked off another goal on our list because that’s what’s expected of us.

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It’s a big cliché when people say it’s all about the journey but that’s exactly what creates a full life; not having our heads down, sacrificing the now in order to fulfill the end cause. By doing this we can miss huge opportunities to grow and develop ourselves and give us the chance to obtain sufficient self-understanding.

Don’t get me wrong, living a linear life can suit some people and can provide a certain structure that someone can adhere to but if this is you and you’re not entirely happy with your life, it might be time to gain a different perspective and consider the benefits of living more in the present moment.

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The Benefits of Living a Microlife

Living a microlife is all about living every day as though it’s your last day – that doesn’t mean quitting your job and going on a permanent holiday – it means finding the right balance in every aspect of your life. For example, don’t make your job your whole life, don’t make having money the be all and end all of your happiness, don’t be afraid to follow a different career path, or don’t settle for that okay relationship just because you feel it’s about time you settled down already.

The advantage of this more open way of living is that we are living in the moment and adopting a mindset where you expect life to change and embrace different paths that life has to offer you – that’s it’s okay to go off the beaten track. By contrast, a well-planned linear life can’t prepare you for the uncertainties that life throws at you nor can it prepare you for disruptions that inevitably come up.

So try and ignore the fear, change your mindset and perspective on how to live your life. Embrace each moment and create a balance in all areas of your life and most of all expect and embrace change – trust that the change or the different way of life is there to help you grow and live the ultimate happy life you deserve!

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Jenny Marchal

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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