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How To Get Un-stuck From Feeling Stuck In Your Twenties

How To Get Un-stuck From Feeling Stuck In Your Twenties

One thing that transcends time, space and geographical location, is the feeling of being stuck in your life. Many of us are in the midst of what some call the “quarter-life crisis” a crossroad between childhood, naivete and adult responsibilities.

While I do not consider this tumultuous period in your twenties as a crisis, it is a big enough issue to warrant consideration. Below are the ways to get un-stuck for twenty-somethings feeling stuck in their life.

Be Conscious of Your Internal Worth

Believing that your worth is hinged on the validation of other people.

Recognition, Awards, While they are some form of tangible evidence for work you may have done, they are still not an accurate representation of you worth, value, talent or success. Whether or not someone else tells you that you are doing a good job, it matters that the voice of recognition that you hold most dear is your own. You alone can know the hard work and dedication that you put into your life, so waiting for others to recognize should be barely a drop in the bucket.

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Refusing to be mindful of your finances, regardless of how small your bank account balance may be.

Now, I’m not saying become an extreme budgeter, a la Extreme Couponing or deny yourself the simplest of pleasures, however, your wallet might really appreciate if you were more careful about random shopping trips and frequent restaurant outings.

Money is definitely not all, but it is an unfortunate necessity to survive at the most minimal basis. We do not need to be a slave to it, but by seeking out simple financial strategies, you will be creating a much less tumultuous space for yourself.

Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself

Making decisions based on fear or desperation.

Decisions made from periods of emotional uncertainty tend to result in life dissatisfaction later on. When we are faced with an empty bank account, the offer to pet-sit five cats despite your serious allergies might actually start looking good. When decisions are made because we are fearful of the outcome of our current circumstances, or desperate to attain something that we believe others are expecting us to, then we are not truly connecting with ourselves at the core.

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Decisions, regardless of circumstances, are better made from a place of thoughtful consideration. Your conscience and your sense of self will be all the better for it.

Staying focused on instant gratification, rather than long-term sustained happiness.

We live in a fast-paced world where trends and the collection of things that are new and must-haves are intertwined with how we view our position in the world. You can get, view and share things with the simple click of a button, our needs are satisfied before we can even complete the thought.

Instant gratification has become a way of life, but what we will soon come to understand is that focusing on the things that we can possess right now, or the places that our life can take us right now, is cutting us off from our potential for long-held satisfaction with life.

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As cliche as it may sound, nothing worth having comes easily. While that gig may give you a quick few bucks to blow on your next big dinner plans, holding out for that stable client who you can build a long-term relationship with can have you moving out of your dingy apartment in due time.

Being unsure how to rid yourself of toxicity in your life (people/places/situations)

Toxicity can pull at the fibers of your life force and have you constantly wondering why you are so drained. You may not notice it at first, but I encourage you to take the time to do a bit of self-reflection when you find yourself feeling a bit ‘off’ after an encounter with a particular person, or taking part in a certain activity.

Become more self-aware about your reactions to the world around you, and you will find yourself picking out shards of glass that you never knew were there before.

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The Myth Of Perfection

Placing more importance on perfection, rather than progression.

This is a concept that has personally left me feeling stuck for quite some time. For so long, I was so concerned with perfecting a story or polishing a project to its maximum potential, before even considering letting other people know about it, that I ended up stalled.

I was stalled by this myth that is perfection. My movements towards just getting something done, one small step at a time, was constantly overshadowed by the doubts that it needs to be perfect, and if I can’t make sure that it’s perfect, then there’s no sense doing it. A lesson well learned, is that progression, even with baby steps, trumps the crippling effects of perfectionism.

Waiting for the magical period of time where you are richer, fitter, and more popular to do what you have always wanted to do.

Do it now. Start where you are. You do not need to be privileged to take steps everyday towards doing the things that you have always wanted to do. Regardless of how fit, rich, or popular you are, you have the opportunity each day to make one move.

There will never be a perfect time to start. If the issue here is perfectionism (as we touched on, in the previous item), then look at it this way: to do and make mistakes means that you are learning and growing.

Featured photo credit: D.L. Samuels via shotbydlsamuels.com

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Shanice J. Douglas, MSc.

Writer | StoryTeller | Founder, WittedRoots.com

How to Stop Your Mind from Going Blank in Any Stressful Situation How To Get Un-stuck From Feeling Stuck In Your Twenties

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Last Updated on August 10, 2020

10 Principles for Success to Live Your Dream Life

10 Principles for Success to Live Your Dream Life

Are you stressed out and overwhelmed, wishing you had more time to do the things that really matter? Are you ready to do something better, something special in your life or your career?

If you’re ready to do what you want in life, then the 10 principles of success are what you need to follow.

You were born with a gift that no one else in the world can express like you. When you dance to your own music, you naturally develop your innate abilities and excel in work and life. You are a total rock star. But when you live someone else’s idea of who you should be, it throws off your groove.

Many people—maybe you—stopped following their dreams way too early in life because their talents were ignored, minimized, or shamed. They didn’t have the chops to win an American Idol competition or nab an Olympic gold medal, so they stopped expressing their inborn gifts altogether.

You don’t need to be an award winner to rock your life. Living your dream life is about discovering your superpowers and feeling vibrant and joyful when you use them. It’s about owning what makes you unique and finding like-minded people to support you.

Here are 10 success principles to help you live a rich and rewarding life on your terms that have worked with thousands of people in my workshops and will work for you, too.

1. Get a Hobby to Move Closer to Your Dreams

If you never became a professional dancer or a world-renowned author, it does NOT mean you should stop dancing or writing! These activities make you come alive, even if you “only” do them as favorite pastimes.

Engaging in a hobby is one of the most important success principles you can follow to move closer to your dreams.

When you try something creative for the first time or in a long while, you begin to see opportunities at work and in life that you were unaware of before. You also feel happier and more energized, according to a recent study from New Zealand.[1]

Some of my most burned-out executive clients reinvigorated their careers by discovering a creative outlet that refueled them after the workday ended. Research at San Francisco State University shows that having a hobby lowers stress and helps you succeed at work.[2]

So, give yourself permission to try new things and revisit old passions you gave up long ago. Setting aside just one hour a week for personal exploration can significantly change your life.

Who knows? Your creative outlet could transform into a thriving business or lead to a new profession down the road.

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2. Focus on Your Strengths, Not Your Weaknesses

Did you know that you are more likely to succeed when you develop your natural strengths rather than work on your weaknesses? The problem is that you probably don’t know where your true talents lie.

Here are a few options to help you discover your unique strengths. You can:

  • Take the VIA Character Strengths Survey[3]
  • Try Gallup’s CliftonStrengths Assessment[4]
  • Answer a few Superpower Questions

Once you understand what makes you tick, you can use these skills at work and your personal life to get more done in less time. If you boost your unique abilities through practice and study, you can accelerate your career and become a leader in a field that matters to you. It’s worth investing in yourself this way.

3. Jumping off a Cliff is NOT Required

Here’s the deal: most people are too afraid to change. When participants first come to my workshops, they tell me they have mouths to feed, bills to pay, and fear that if they follow their dreams, someone will get hurt.

The old saying “leap and the net shall appear” does not comfort them. Because they are hesitant to plunge into the unknown, they believe their only option is to stay put where they are in life. Can you relate?

You do not have to sacrifice the life you have now to start a new one. I was a psychology professor by day and singer by night for years before I transitioned into a full-time music career.

Just take a little time out each week to do what enlivens you through a hobby, volunteer work, etc. Get a feel for it.

Is it what you really want? If so, increase the time you spend doing it and make the transition when the time feels right.

4. Give Your Inner Critic Some Love

The main culprit that keeps you from stepping outside your comfort zone and getting the life of your dreams is KCRP or K-CRAP – the radio station that plays 24/7 in your head. The moment you try to do something interesting with your life it slaps you down with such chart-topping killer hooks as “Who do you think you are?” and “You’ll never be good enough!”.

Have you ever noticed that KCRP’s mean-spirited DJ sounds like your parents, teachers, bosses, and other authority figures who shut you down creatively? These folks don’t need to stifle you any longer (although they often still do) because your inner critic does it for them. That keeps you stuck in a rut.

To break free, try thinking of this DJ as a gruff old grandfather who gives you crap to keep you safe. Remember, this grumpy grandpa is woefully out of touch with the times. So, his stern opinions don’t really matter much, do they? Give him a pat on the back for his good intentions, and put your focus back on what makes you come alive.

This success principle will give you the courage to venture into the unknown where you can dance to the beat of your own drummer.

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5. Embrace Your Inner Self

Many of us don’t go after our dreams because we’re afraid folks will find out how odd or strange we are. But our little eccentricities often turn out to be our greatest strengths. Yes, it’s good to be quirky.

Odds are, you lost track of your true passions and talents before you were even old enough to know you were getting off-track. You became slowly “adulterated” by learning to:

  • Take on family roles that don’t match who you really are.
  • Spit back what teachers taught you in school rather than risk getting bad grades for being original.
  • Hide parts of yourself that don’t seem acceptable to certain social groups.

The price for fitting in is that you may wind up leading a life that doesn’t fit you all that well. Your true calling becomes clear when you embrace what makes you different from others and allow yourself to stand out from the crowd, even if it feels awkward. Often, the very qualities you view as your flaws are your greatest gifts.

Here’s How to Listen to Your Inner Voice for Greater Fulfillment.

6. See the Bigger Picture to Find Your True Calling

I cannot stress the importance of this success principle enough. Your true calling is right in front of you. But you may miss it because you’re looking for it in the wrong place.

To “see” it clearly, try widening your point of view.

Case in point: Maria felt she needed to retire early from being a police detective, so she could travel abroad. I encouraged Maria to think of ways that she could continue to serve as a law enforcer (a career she loved) and travel overseas at the same time.

A few months later, Maria landed a job with the United Nations in Bosnia training the local police force to understand and embrace human rights procedures.

Like Maria, you are an everyday rock star capable of accomplishing greater things than you can imagine. Is what you’re looking for right in front of you, too? Do you have an inkling of what it may be?

Look beyond your day-to-day activities, your current job, and even the town you live in. View your life from an eagle’s perspective and be open to new possibilities.

7. Try a Little Wish-List Magic

Pretend I’m your fairy godmother and I give you permission right now to be your most magnificent self. What kind of life would be music to your ears? It doesn’t matter whether it seems unattainable or even downright crazy. Write it down on a wish list.

Get quiet. Be honest. Think big.

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What would you like your career, your relationships, your health, your finances, and your spiritual life to be like? Jot down enough details so that your wishes seem tangible to you. Then, look at this list every morning before you start your day and every night before you go to sleep.

Sounds silly? It’s not. It works! Permitting yourself to daydream about a rich and fulfilling life is the first step to manifesting it.

8. Take Breaks to Get Clues About Your Ideal Future

Did you know that working straight through to a deadline leads to diminishing returns? Research shows that taking a break for 15 minutes every 75 to 90 minutes can help you recharge, refresh your focus, and get more done in less time.[5]

Wait, it gets better! A Stanford study shows that walking increases your creative output increases by 60 percent. Doing repetitive activities such as walking, running, riding your bike, swimming, and sweeping allow solutions to problems to pop into your mind out of nowhere.[6]

What does this success principle have to do with creating your dream life?

These mini-breaks allow you to get vital clues for what to do next to attain your ideal future. Plus, you won’t waste precious time and energy getting lost in other people’s agendas.

9. Take Action on Your Inspired Ideas

Once an inspired thought pops into your mind, take action.

This is one of the most powerful success principles for turning your dreams into reality; the sooner the better. Whatever it is—from calling an old friend to taking a new route home—be sure to do it!

Pay attention to your oddball hunches. You need to go after what you want, not just dream about it. As comedian Jim Carrey warns,

“You can’t just visualize and go eat a sandwich.”

10. Count Your Rockstar Moments

Still not sure you have what it takes to get your dream life? This final success principle is guaranteed to help.

Make a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished. As you read back through it, put a star next to each item, and let it sink in.

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You’ll be pleasantly surprised by how good you’ll feel about yourself afterward. You’ll also see how effective you’ve been in the past at getting what you want. You’ve succeeded before, you can succeed again.

You already rock. You just need to own it. Trust me, you’ve got this!

Final Thoughts

Eleanor Roosevelt said,

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

Following these success principles will help you find the time and energy to do the things that really matter and live with clear intention.

By spending just one hour a week doing something you love, focusing on your strengths and achievements, embracing what makes you different, and acting on inspired ideas, you can create a life that is a perfect fit for you, step-by-step.

If you don’t have a clue about what your dream life could look like yet, don’t worry. Your heart knows. It has been “talking” to you for a long time. It’s just being muffled by KCRP, buried under a lot of “shoulds” and fear.

This article can also help you figure out the life you truly want to live: How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up.

Stand still, get quiet, and listen. It’s constantly telling you what you need to do to realize your own rockstar potential. It may be just a whisper now, but the more you pay attention to it, the louder it will get, and the easier it will be to follow.

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Featured photo credit: Rahul Dey via unsplash.com

Reference

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