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How He Uses Money To Exert Power And Control Over You

How He Uses Money To Exert Power And Control Over You

A man who tries to buy your love may want to “own” you. 

A woman who is overly impressed by a man’s status, possessions and bank account will be blinded to his true nature.

Men spend money to impress and seduce women. Women spend time and money on their hair, clothes and makeup to attract a first-string man. It’s normal for men and women to want to date and marry a mate who is reasonably attractive and financially stable.

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However, some men flash cash to charm women during the courtship phase and once the relationship is cemented, they will use money to exert power and control over the woman.

I met David (not his real name) through a social group. He was ordinary looking but he was a charming, successful doctor. He was knowledgeable about travel, wine, cuisine, antique furniture and art. He strutted his image in expensive clothing, splashy jewelry and a Mercedes. He boasted of a second home in another city. He bragged about his medical practice and overseas speaking engagements. He gloated about a $1 million wrongful termination settlement from his previous medical group.

David eagerly pursued me. He knew I had a good job and I was accustomed to buying nice things. It was no secret that I wanted a man with intelligence, ambition and financial security.

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He was the most enchanting, attentive, entertaining man I had ever known and with his social references and impressive resume I considered him to be a safe relationship prospect.

Wrong, wrong, wrong—a jillion, zillion, gabillion times wrong!

Our first date was at a nearby casino. David reached into his pants pocket, pulled out a thick wad of folded one hundred-dollar bills, peeled off five of them, handed it to me as if it were an everyday occurrence, and said, “Here, go have fun!” David referred to the five hundred as “chunk change.” I considered it a car note. I gambled with David’s money, lost one hundred dollars and at the end of the evening I handed David the remaining $400. .

David worked overtime to wow me. He constantly showed up at my house with unexpected gifts and flowers. We traveled staying at the best hotels, we ate and drank like fat cats, and when we shopped together he was quick to pull out his wallet to pay for a purse, an outfit or a pair of shoes I wanted. I presented my credit card to the sales clerk to pay for my purchases but he pushed my plastic back at me and said, “Put your money up; you don’t pay when you’re with me.”

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In the fifth month of dating him he surprised me with a stunning engagement ring.

Everything that David said and did made me believe he felt it was his “job” to take care of me. I was certain I had found the man of my dreams. We talked about marriage and I moved into his house.

Within months, our relationship began to change. I recognized him to be the most irrational, controlling, pathologically lying and verbally abusive man that had ever crossed my path.

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David used his money as a weapon to control, punish and power over me.

When we were dating David portrayed himself as someone who enjoyed nice things and he had the ability to afford them. Cohabitating, he tried to control my spending. He snarled at me when I wanted to buy a new outfit for his conference. He punished me for days with his disapproving, sullen silence when I asked him to buy outdoor furniture. He condemned me when I hinted for a nice watch for Christmas. He complained that downed economy had ridiculously lowered his earnings.

David was a peacock in a cheap suit. He purchased his jewelry and clothing on eBay. His second home belonged to his ex-wife. I learned that the lawsuit never happened. And his clunker Mercedes finally died on him.

The reality was: I let David’s boast of money, possessions and status blind me to the fact that he was a manipulative, deceitful sociopath who lacked all sense of compassion, moral values and social conscience.

Recognizing the warning signs of a man who tries seduce you with money is the first step to avoiding him.

  1. He ingratiates you with his generosity. He draws you in with his charm, gifts and adoration. He’s extravagant with his dining out and fine wines. He gives you surprise gifts, large and small. He sends you flowers and cute cards. He pays for your shopping trips. He talks about a wonderful future together. The money he spends on you makes you feel special, adored and secure.
  2. His lifestyle doesn’t match up: Pay attention to his spending. Does he pay cash for everything? He may be over limit with his credit cards. Do his belongings look neglected? He makes excuses for his tattered sofa or he doesn’t bother to fix the nasty dent in his car fender. That’s because he’s not the well-to-do man he puts on to be.
  1. He’s an incessant braggart. Braggarts are often astute liars. They embellish their stories and inflate their financial worth to impress you. Listen carefully to what a man’s friends and family say about him—they will unconsciously reveal the truth about his attitude about money and his relationship behavior.
  1. He tries to equal the playing field with money. Money is the “great equalizer” for the older and less attractive man. Men who use money to boost their sagging ego will bring emotional issues into a relationship.
  2. He asks you for money. He never seems to have cash. He asks you to grab dinner “this time,” movie tickets, groceries and wine, pay for a cab or parking as he hands his Range Rover keys to the valet attendant. He’s cheap or his checking account is overdrawn.

If a man tries to buy your love and commitment, if his claim to success, possessions and bank accounts seem ostentatious and if he seems TOO good to be true—that is your sign to stifle your emotions and question his authenticity.

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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