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How He Uses Money To Exert Power And Control Over You

How He Uses Money To Exert Power And Control Over You

A man who tries to buy your love may want to “own” you. 

A woman who is overly impressed by a man’s status, possessions and bank account will be blinded to his true nature.

Men spend money to impress and seduce women. Women spend time and money on their hair, clothes and makeup to attract a first-string man. It’s normal for men and women to want to date and marry a mate who is reasonably attractive and financially stable.

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However, some men flash cash to charm women during the courtship phase and once the relationship is cemented, they will use money to exert power and control over the woman.

I met David (not his real name) through a social group. He was ordinary looking but he was a charming, successful doctor. He was knowledgeable about travel, wine, cuisine, antique furniture and art. He strutted his image in expensive clothing, splashy jewelry and a Mercedes. He boasted of a second home in another city. He bragged about his medical practice and overseas speaking engagements. He gloated about a $1 million wrongful termination settlement from his previous medical group.

David eagerly pursued me. He knew I had a good job and I was accustomed to buying nice things. It was no secret that I wanted a man with intelligence, ambition and financial security.

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He was the most enchanting, attentive, entertaining man I had ever known and with his social references and impressive resume I considered him to be a safe relationship prospect.

Wrong, wrong, wrong—a jillion, zillion, gabillion times wrong!

Our first date was at a nearby casino. David reached into his pants pocket, pulled out a thick wad of folded one hundred-dollar bills, peeled off five of them, handed it to me as if it were an everyday occurrence, and said, “Here, go have fun!” David referred to the five hundred as “chunk change.” I considered it a car note. I gambled with David’s money, lost one hundred dollars and at the end of the evening I handed David the remaining $400. .

David worked overtime to wow me. He constantly showed up at my house with unexpected gifts and flowers. We traveled staying at the best hotels, we ate and drank like fat cats, and when we shopped together he was quick to pull out his wallet to pay for a purse, an outfit or a pair of shoes I wanted. I presented my credit card to the sales clerk to pay for my purchases but he pushed my plastic back at me and said, “Put your money up; you don’t pay when you’re with me.”

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In the fifth month of dating him he surprised me with a stunning engagement ring.

Everything that David said and did made me believe he felt it was his “job” to take care of me. I was certain I had found the man of my dreams. We talked about marriage and I moved into his house.

Within months, our relationship began to change. I recognized him to be the most irrational, controlling, pathologically lying and verbally abusive man that had ever crossed my path.

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David used his money as a weapon to control, punish and power over me.

When we were dating David portrayed himself as someone who enjoyed nice things and he had the ability to afford them. Cohabitating, he tried to control my spending. He snarled at me when I wanted to buy a new outfit for his conference. He punished me for days with his disapproving, sullen silence when I asked him to buy outdoor furniture. He condemned me when I hinted for a nice watch for Christmas. He complained that downed economy had ridiculously lowered his earnings.

David was a peacock in a cheap suit. He purchased his jewelry and clothing on eBay. His second home belonged to his ex-wife. I learned that the lawsuit never happened. And his clunker Mercedes finally died on him.

The reality was: I let David’s boast of money, possessions and status blind me to the fact that he was a manipulative, deceitful sociopath who lacked all sense of compassion, moral values and social conscience.

Recognizing the warning signs of a man who tries seduce you with money is the first step to avoiding him.

  1. He ingratiates you with his generosity. He draws you in with his charm, gifts and adoration. He’s extravagant with his dining out and fine wines. He gives you surprise gifts, large and small. He sends you flowers and cute cards. He pays for your shopping trips. He talks about a wonderful future together. The money he spends on you makes you feel special, adored and secure.
  2. His lifestyle doesn’t match up: Pay attention to his spending. Does he pay cash for everything? He may be over limit with his credit cards. Do his belongings look neglected? He makes excuses for his tattered sofa or he doesn’t bother to fix the nasty dent in his car fender. That’s because he’s not the well-to-do man he puts on to be.
  1. He’s an incessant braggart. Braggarts are often astute liars. They embellish their stories and inflate their financial worth to impress you. Listen carefully to what a man’s friends and family say about him—they will unconsciously reveal the truth about his attitude about money and his relationship behavior.
  1. He tries to equal the playing field with money. Money is the “great equalizer” for the older and less attractive man. Men who use money to boost their sagging ego will bring emotional issues into a relationship.
  2. He asks you for money. He never seems to have cash. He asks you to grab dinner “this time,” movie tickets, groceries and wine, pay for a cab or parking as he hands his Range Rover keys to the valet attendant. He’s cheap or his checking account is overdrawn.

If a man tries to buy your love and commitment, if his claim to success, possessions and bank accounts seem ostentatious and if he seems TOO good to be true—that is your sign to stifle your emotions and question his authenticity.

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

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