Advertising
Advertising

How He Uses Money To Exert Power And Control Over You

How He Uses Money To Exert Power And Control Over You

A man who tries to buy your love may want to “own” you. 

A woman who is overly impressed by a man’s status, possessions and bank account will be blinded to his true nature.

Men spend money to impress and seduce women. Women spend time and money on their hair, clothes and makeup to attract a first-string man. It’s normal for men and women to want to date and marry a mate who is reasonably attractive and financially stable.

Advertising

However, some men flash cash to charm women during the courtship phase and once the relationship is cemented, they will use money to exert power and control over the woman.

I met David (not his real name) through a social group. He was ordinary looking but he was a charming, successful doctor. He was knowledgeable about travel, wine, cuisine, antique furniture and art. He strutted his image in expensive clothing, splashy jewelry and a Mercedes. He boasted of a second home in another city. He bragged about his medical practice and overseas speaking engagements. He gloated about a $1 million wrongful termination settlement from his previous medical group.

David eagerly pursued me. He knew I had a good job and I was accustomed to buying nice things. It was no secret that I wanted a man with intelligence, ambition and financial security.

Advertising

He was the most enchanting, attentive, entertaining man I had ever known and with his social references and impressive resume I considered him to be a safe relationship prospect.

Wrong, wrong, wrong—a jillion, zillion, gabillion times wrong!

Our first date was at a nearby casino. David reached into his pants pocket, pulled out a thick wad of folded one hundred-dollar bills, peeled off five of them, handed it to me as if it were an everyday occurrence, and said, “Here, go have fun!” David referred to the five hundred as “chunk change.” I considered it a car note. I gambled with David’s money, lost one hundred dollars and at the end of the evening I handed David the remaining $400. .

David worked overtime to wow me. He constantly showed up at my house with unexpected gifts and flowers. We traveled staying at the best hotels, we ate and drank like fat cats, and when we shopped together he was quick to pull out his wallet to pay for a purse, an outfit or a pair of shoes I wanted. I presented my credit card to the sales clerk to pay for my purchases but he pushed my plastic back at me and said, “Put your money up; you don’t pay when you’re with me.”

Advertising

In the fifth month of dating him he surprised me with a stunning engagement ring.

Everything that David said and did made me believe he felt it was his “job” to take care of me. I was certain I had found the man of my dreams. We talked about marriage and I moved into his house.

Within months, our relationship began to change. I recognized him to be the most irrational, controlling, pathologically lying and verbally abusive man that had ever crossed my path.

Advertising

David used his money as a weapon to control, punish and power over me.

When we were dating David portrayed himself as someone who enjoyed nice things and he had the ability to afford them. Cohabitating, he tried to control my spending. He snarled at me when I wanted to buy a new outfit for his conference. He punished me for days with his disapproving, sullen silence when I asked him to buy outdoor furniture. He condemned me when I hinted for a nice watch for Christmas. He complained that downed economy had ridiculously lowered his earnings.

David was a peacock in a cheap suit. He purchased his jewelry and clothing on eBay. His second home belonged to his ex-wife. I learned that the lawsuit never happened. And his clunker Mercedes finally died on him.

The reality was: I let David’s boast of money, possessions and status blind me to the fact that he was a manipulative, deceitful sociopath who lacked all sense of compassion, moral values and social conscience.

Recognizing the warning signs of a man who tries seduce you with money is the first step to avoiding him.

  1. He ingratiates you with his generosity. He draws you in with his charm, gifts and adoration. He’s extravagant with his dining out and fine wines. He gives you surprise gifts, large and small. He sends you flowers and cute cards. He pays for your shopping trips. He talks about a wonderful future together. The money he spends on you makes you feel special, adored and secure.
  2. His lifestyle doesn’t match up: Pay attention to his spending. Does he pay cash for everything? He may be over limit with his credit cards. Do his belongings look neglected? He makes excuses for his tattered sofa or he doesn’t bother to fix the nasty dent in his car fender. That’s because he’s not the well-to-do man he puts on to be.
  1. He’s an incessant braggart. Braggarts are often astute liars. They embellish their stories and inflate their financial worth to impress you. Listen carefully to what a man’s friends and family say about him—they will unconsciously reveal the truth about his attitude about money and his relationship behavior.
  1. He tries to equal the playing field with money. Money is the “great equalizer” for the older and less attractive man. Men who use money to boost their sagging ego will bring emotional issues into a relationship.
  2. He asks you for money. He never seems to have cash. He asks you to grab dinner “this time,” movie tickets, groceries and wine, pay for a cab or parking as he hands his Range Rover keys to the valet attendant. He’s cheap or his checking account is overdrawn.

If a man tries to buy your love and commitment, if his claim to success, possessions and bank accounts seem ostentatious and if he seems TOO good to be true—that is your sign to stifle your emotions and question his authenticity.

More by this author

How Abusive Men Use Money To Control How He Uses Money To Exert Power And Control Over You

Trending in Communication

1 How to Develop Mutual Respect in a Relationship 2 If Money Can’t Buy Happiness, What Can? 3 Having an Emotional Breakdown? 15 Ways to Re-Center Yourself 4 10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts 5 What’s the Easiest Language to Learn for English Speakers?

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on September 17, 2019

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

Positive thinking can lead to a lot of positive change in your life. Developing an optimistic outlook can be good for both your physical and mental health.

But sometimes, certain situations arise in life that makes it hard to keep a positive outlook. Take steps to make positive thinking become more like your second nature and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.

Here are 10 ways to make thinking positive thoughts easy:

1. Spend Time with Positive People

If you surround yourself with constant complainers, their negativity is likely to rub off on you.

Spend time with positive friends and family members to increase the likelihood that their positive thinking habits will become yours too. It’s hard to be negative when everyone around you is so positive.

Advertising

2. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

When you encounter problems and difficulties in life, don’t play the role of the victim. Acknowledge your role in the situation and take responsibility for your behavior.

Accepting responsibility can help you learn from mistakes and prevent you from blaming others unfairly.

3. Contribute to the Community

One of the best ways to feel good about what you have, is to focus on what you have to give.

Volunteer in some manner and give back to the community. Helping others can give you a new outlook on the world and can assist you with positive thinking.

4. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials

Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the Bible, spiritual material, or inspirational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

Advertising

Some recommendations for you:

5. Recognize and Replace Negative Thoughts

You won’t be successful at positive thinking if you’re still plagued by frequent negative thoughts. Learn to recognize and replace thoughts that are overly negative. Often, thoughts that include words like “always” and “never” signal that they aren’t true.

If you find yourself thinking something such as, “I always mess everything up,” replace it with something more realistic such as, “Sometimes I make mistakes but I learn from them.”

There’s no need to make your thoughts unrealistically positive, but instead, make them more realistic.

6. Establish and Work Toward Goals

It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress.

Advertising

Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more.

7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity

Spend some time thinking about the consequences of negative thinking. Often, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job.

Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial.

8. Offer Compliments to Others

Look for reasons to compliment others. Be genuine in your praise and compliments, but offer it frequently. This will help you look for the good in other people.

Advertising

9. Create a Daily Gratitude List

If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day.

Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

10. Practice Self-Care

Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively.

Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking.

Learn about these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

More About Staying Positive

Featured photo credit: DESIGNECOLOGIST via unsplash.com

Read Next