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Personal Authenticity – It Cuts Both Ways

Personal Authenticity – It Cuts Both Ways

In my previous article, Will The Real You Please Stand Up, I looked at the importance in developing personal success and personal authenticity. This is grounded in accepting yourself as you are. More than that, it’s all about liking yourself as you are. Authenticity is critical to trust, trust is the cornerstone of influence, and influence is the foundation of success.

This relationship is widely recognized, but not so well understood. Which is a shame, because most of us don’t realize that we all of us possess, right now, the essential ingredient for success in our personal, and our professional, lives – an authentic “me”.

That personal authenticity brings success in the truth, and nothing but the truth. But it isn’t the whole truth. Lawyers understand this very well.  They’ll tell you that a jury will only believe a witness if that witness is both credible and reliable. The same test is applied by anyone you set out to influence in your business or your personal life.

Personal Authenticity Means Self-Knowledge

Here’s how it works. If someone believes that the personality I present to them is genuine – the real me as against something role-played for effect – they’re more likely to trust me.  Put it another way, if they don’t believe I’m genuine they flat out won’t. Tempting as it often, is to try to appear different to, or more than, we really are. We’re not as a rule, good at it. If you know you’re not being honest, then the chances are, your audience will too. Game over.

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I must speak in measured terms. Say only what I know and can show, to be true. I should not exaggerate, even when it appears to be in my interest to do so. And I must always do what I say I’ll do. Doing these things will lend enormous weight to what I say. More than this, it will add confidence to how I say it. I will be credible, I will be reliable and I will be trusted. What I say will carry authority, and will have impact.

This is the essence of the relationship between personal authenticity and success. And, critically, authenticity has to be both internal and external, central to your relationship with yourself as well as with others. The internal part, the self-appraisal, is seen by many as a negative process – an exercise in fault-finding at best, self immolation at worst. It isn’t that.

It’s about identifying areas of relative strength and weakness, recognizing the contribution of each to the whole you, and accepting what you find. This is catharsis at its best and may be the most empowering thing you ever do.

What makes the connection with success is how you leverage the authentic “me”; it’s how your actions create the trust, and through that the influence, that unlocks the door. It should be a planned process, because success, however it may appear, is not random or a matter of chance. It is the result of conscious planning and conscious action.

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Personal Authenticity Means Integrity

Another word for this is integrity. It’s the honesty with which we interact both with ourselves and with others. It’s our uncompromising adherence to the principles by which we choose to live our lives. And it is a matter of choice. We’re all capable of it, and no-one can take it away. Which is good, because integrity is the bedrock of our personal wellbeing; it makes us confident, it makes us happy and it makes us successful.

When you understand the role of personal integrity you can leverage it to scale your success. Your integrity is leverage, of and by itself. The more faithful you are to your true self and the more honest your approach, the greater will be your credibility, your authority and your impact.

The more widely you practice this approach, the wider your success. And here, again, the balance between internal and external is key. Success is the product of value given; the more value you give to the greater number of people the greater your success will be. Crucially, however, whatever the number of those people, one of them has to be you. There has to be balance between helping others and helping yourself – a balance between self and service, to borrow a phrase from Laurie Ellinghausen.

A life of absolute service is noble in concept but hardly fulfilling. We all need to eat, to be stimulated and to enjoy. The alternative life of absolute self is scarcely more appealing. Taken in its terms we live, and die, alone.

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The necessary balance requires us to recognize, and to be comfortable with, our own value. Too many of us don’t. We under-value ourselves and we don’t ask for – we don’t even look for – our true worth. Understanding our own value is an integral step in the journey of self-discovery by which we come to authenticity. And, like success, it can be scaled. The more value you can offer, the more you can command.

Don’t just be true about yourself. Be true to yourself.

This above all – to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

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Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Polonius; Hamlet Act I Scene III – William Shakespeare

Featured photo credit: matt jones via magdeleine.co

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Last Updated on March 29, 2021

5 Types of Horrible Bosses and How to Beat Them All

5 Types of Horrible Bosses and How to Beat Them All

When I left university I took a job immediately, I had been lucky as I had spent a year earning almost nothing as an intern so I was offered a role. On my first day I found that I had not been allocated a desk, there was no one to greet me so I was left for some hours ignored. I happened to snipe about this to another employee at the coffee machine two things happened. The first was that the person I had complained to was my new manager’s wife, and the second was, in his own words, ‘that he would come down on me like a ton of bricks if I crossed him…’

What a great start to a job! I had moved to a new city, and had been at work for less than a morning when I had my first run in with the first style of bad manager. I didn’t stay long enough to find out what Mr Agressive would do next. Bad managers are a major issue. Research from Approved Index shows that more than four in ten employees (42%) state that they have previously quit a job because of a bad manager.

The Dream Type Of Manager

My best manager was a total opposite. A man who had been the head of the UK tax system and was working his retirement running a company I was a very junior and green employee for. I made a stupid mistake, one which cost a lot of time and money and I felt I was going to be sacked without doubt.

I was nervous, beating myself up about what I had done, what would happen. At the end of the day I was called to his office, he had made me wait and I had spent that day talking to other employees, trying to understand where I had gone wrong. It had been a simple mistyped line of code which sent a massive print job out totally wrong. I learn how I should have done it and I fretted.

My boss asked me to step into his office, he asked me to sit down. “Do you know what you did?” I babbled, yes, I had been stupid, I had not double-checked or asked for advice when I was doing something I had not really understood. It was totally my fault. He paused. “Will you do that again?” Of course I told him I would not, I would always double check, ask for help and not try to be so clever when I was not!

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“Okay…”

That was it. I paused and asked, should I clear my desk. He smiled. “You have learnt a valuable lesson, I can be sure that you will never make a mistake like that again. Why would I want to get rid of an employee who knows that?”

I stayed with that company for many years, the way I was treated was a real object lesson in good management. Sadly, far too many poor managers exist out there.

The Complete Catalogue of Bad Managers

The Bully

My first boss fitted into the classic bully class. This is so often the ‘old school’ management by power style. I encountered this style again in the retail sector where one manager felt the only way to get the best from staff was to bawl and yell.

However, like so many bullies you will often find that this can be someone who either knows no better or is under stress and they are themselves running scared of the situation they have found themselves in.

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The Invisible Boss

This can either present itself as management from afar (usually the golf course or ‘important meetings) or just a boss who is too busy being important to deal with their staff.

It can feel refreshing as you will often have almost total freedom with your manager taking little or no interest in your activities, however you will soon find that you also lack the support that a good manager will provide. Without direction you may feel you are doing well just to find that you are not delivering against expectations you were not told about and suddenly it is all your fault.

The Micro Manager

The frustration of having a manager who feels the need to be involved in everything you do. The polar opposite to the Invisible Boss you will feel that there is no trust in your work as they will want to meddle in everything you do.

Dealing with the micro-manager can be difficult. Often their management style comes from their own insecurity. You can try confronting them, tell them that you can do your job however in many cases this will not succeed and can in fact make things worse.

The Over Promoted Boss

The Over promoted boss categorises someone who has no idea. They have found themselves in a management position through service, family or some corporate mystery. They are people who are not only highly unqualified to be managers they will generally be unable to do even your job.

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You can find yourself persistently frustrated by the situation you are in, however it can seem impossible to get out without handing over your resignation.

The Credit Stealer

The credit stealer is the boss who will never publically acknowledge the work you do. You will put in the extra hours working on a project and you know that, in the ‘big meeting’ it will be your credit stealing boss who will take all of the credit!

Again it is demoralising, you see all of the credit for your labour being stolen and this can often lead to good employees looking for new careers.

3 Essential Ways to Work (Cope) with Bad Managers

Whatever type of bad boss you have there are certain things that you can do to ensure that you get the recognition and protection you require to not only remain sane but to also build your career.

1. Keep evidence

Whether it is incidents with the bully or examples of projects you have completed with the credit stealer you will always be well served to keep notes and supporting evidence for projects you are working on.

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Buy your own notebook and ensure that you are always making notes, it becomes a habit and a very useful one as you have a constant reminder as well as somewhere to explore ideas.

Importantly, if you do have to go to HR or stand-up for yourself you will have clear records! Also, don’t always trust that corporate servers or emails will always be available or not tampered with. Keep your own content.

2. Hold regular meetings

Ensure that you make time for regular meetings with your boss. This is especially useful for the over-promoted or the invisible boss to allow you to ‘manage upwards’. Take charge where you can to set your objectives and use these meetings to set clear objectives and document the status of your work.

3. Stand your ground, but be ready to jump…

Remember that you don’t have to put up with poor management. If you have issues you should face them with your boss, maybe they do not know that they are coming across in a bad way.

However, be ready to recognise if the situation is not going to change. If that is the case, keep your head down and get working on polishing your CV! If it isn’t working, there will be something better out there for you!

Good luck!

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