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9 Things You Need to Know Before Dating A Lawyer

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9 Things You Need to Know Before Dating A Lawyer

When someone tells you dating a lawyer is just like dating anyone else, they are lying! This might be too straightforward for you, but after dating a lawyer for a year and a half, I know that lies have no room between you and your legal expert. Because they are so used to people who tell hundreds of lies, lawyers are able to sniff a lie from a mile, so there is no point in trying to hide something from them. On the other hand, you will notice how objective and sincere a lawyer is in a relationship.

Lawyers are stubborn and they are used to finding arguments in everything – and this is just the start of it all. Here are the main things you need to know before diving into a relationship with a lawyer.

1. Lawyers think differently.

This is the starting point: lawyers and law students think completely different from the rest of us. They are trained to think differently from the first day they decide to become a successful lawyer, so you will have to get used to this. Lawyers can be highly objective in the most subjective situations, which is a double-edged sword. In critical situations, this is an advantage, which enables your date to act quickly and correctly.

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But in love… it’s another thing. Because they are used to being objective, lawyers might be cold and lack affection sometimes, but this doesn’t mean your date doesn’t like you. It’s just he/she is very objective about it.

2. Legal field is filled with parties.

Dating a lawyer? You must have a killer party wardrobe because lawyers attend a lot of events and most of these are high class. Prepare to meet people from Congress, politicians, celebrities, and many more public personalities at these parties. Despite what most people think, lawyer gatherings are never boring, so you will have a lot of fun!

Another thing you need to know about lawyers is they get over-excited over free-time plans, simply because they have so little free time.

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3. You will be alone a lot.

Dating a lawyer sometimes feels like dating a ghost because they work a lot. A whole lot! You will often find yourself alone while your lawyer friend is at the office preparing a case. If you are the kind of person who likes to go out at 6 PM in the evening, you will be disappointed, because lawyers often work late hours. You will probably find yourself first going out on the town around 9 or 10pm.

Another thing you have to get used to when dating a lawyer is cancellations: don’t be surprised if your date cancels all your plans because he or she needs to go through a massive pile of books and laws, in order to build the case they are working on. Of course, this is one of the main reasons law is among the most swiped professions on Tinder.

4. You will learn legalese.

One of the perks of dating a lawyer is you will learn legalese. This is also valid if you are dating a law student, who is going to practice his/her speeches around the house, forcing you to hear those legal terms over and over again. The next time you are confronted with reading a contract, you will notice you understand it a lot better, which is a huge advantage.

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5. You will never pay full price again.

Lawyers are great at negotiating, which means you will never have to pay full price again. For anything! Your date is always going to make use of the proverbial lawyer charm and get some freebies or discounts. If you pay enough attention to them, you will also be able to negotiate next time you go shopping. But lawyers use their charm for a good reason…

6. Lawyers have a huge student debt.

Lawyers not only practice their skills for work when they negotiate, but also to make their life easier because they can’t afford too many things in the first few years of practice. This is due to the huge student loan debt a lawyer has, and he or she is forced to use all their skills to make a living so they can manage to repair their debt.

7. You will never win another argument again.

Lawyers argue for a living, so there is no way they are going to lose back home, on their own “field”. Also, if you propose white, they will instinctively reject it and propose black instead. They can’t help it, so don’t be mad about it.

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8. Lawyers love commitment.

This one is big: lawyers love hard facts both in work and love, so they want to be in a solid relationship. They love to be clear about their dating status and will want to have their significant other write on the calendar when their anniversary is. As a rule of thumb, keep things as clear and solid as possible in all areas of your relationship.

9. Your friends will look up to you for dating a lawyer.

As strange as it sounds, no one will ever look at you the same again after hearing you are dating a lawyer. I don’t know why this happens, but it does happen. My friends are now a lot more polite (not that they weren’t before) and their entire attitude towards me has changed. They somehow make me feel like a celebrity since I started dating my lawyer.

Bottom line, there are pros and cons to dating a lawyer, but it’s up to you to decide if it’s worth the trouble. Or you could leave it to the jury. :)

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Featured photo credit: Cosmopolitan UK via cosmopolitan.co.uk

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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