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6 Love Lessons I Learnt From My Mother

6 Love Lessons I Learnt From My Mother

My parents separated when I was just 15 after a turbulent marriage. To say divorce was the best thing for them is an understatement. While my father flung himself head first into a rebound fling that later resulted in another marriage, my mother took a higher approach, she set off into the world and she found herself.

Maybe it was my young impressionable age or my parents drastically different approaches to life and love that influenced me; but as the older I’ve got, the more I’ve seemed to admire my mum’s non tolerance to bullshit in relationships. To date, she taught me some of the most valuable lessons I could have ever learnt when it comes to matters of the heart. Here are 6 love lessons I learnt from my mother.

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1. You Deserve The Best

Like most mothers do, mine is constantly telling me I deserve everything in the world, and this is extremely important to remember in love. She worked hard to teach me and my brothers that we deserve nothing but the best, from education, to what to expect in a partner. If someone isn’t realizing your true value and honoring it, then kindly show them the door. Once you realize your own self worth and how important you really are, you will attract someone who also shares this value.

2. You Can Leave at Any Time

Maybe it was the divorce that prompt this. But life is too short to stay in an unhappy relationship. Life is supposed to be about happiness, joy, and laughter. Not misery. There’s no magic spell for happiness but the easiest way to stop being unhappy, is to cut the unhappiness out of your life. There is no excuse, nothing is holding you back but yourself. If you aren’t happy, then change it. It’s as simple as that.

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3. Love Yourself First

Watching my mum be by herself for so many years and refusing to settle into a relationship for the sake of it, showed me the true potential of an independent woman. She changed her career, got a degree, and made a life for herself away from a relationship status. She rediscovered herself outside of marriage and it was truly inspirational. It taught me that you have to be comfortable and happy in your own skin, with your own life, and then focus on your romantic pursuits. Because all else will fail if you aren’t truly happy with yourself first.

4. Don’t Forget Everyone Else

From the minute I turned 13, she drilled into my head.

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“Boys may come and go but friends will stay forever.”

And it’s true. Many of time I’ve thought I’ve found the one, only for it to end in disaster and have myself thank my lucky stars, I still had my family and friends by my side. There’s no reason to ever lose contact with anyone else in your life because you’ve found a relationship, some loves of our lives can be temporary, and it’s not worth losing our family and friends over them.

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5. Never Settle

If he doesn’t give you butterflies, if he doesn’t treat you well, if he isn’t honest or kind, don’t settle. Don’t make yourself excuses or bargain with yourself for the sake of a relationship. Never settle for anything less than what you want and deserve. If you want someone who calls you, kisses you goodnight, and likes to visit your family, then don’t settle for someone who won’t do this. Go out there and find your perfect package, because within reason it is possible and there’s no need to settle for anything less.

6. Money Doesn’t Matter

There’s a famous saying in our house, “I’d rather share a can of baked beans with someone I love, than have a five course dinner in Paris with someone I didn’t.” And it’s something I truly believe in. Money isn’t everything in life. It’s the people who matter most, someone can buy you the world but that will not buy you love and affection. It taught me to be humble, to appreciate people, and not to be materialistic. Money can’t buy happiness and it certainly can’t buy love.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via flickr.com

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6 Love Lessons I Learnt From My Mother

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Last Updated on December 9, 2019

5 Simple Ways to Relieve Stress Effectively

5 Simple Ways to Relieve Stress Effectively

Everyone experiences mental stress at one time or another. Maybe you’re starting a new career, job, or business, or you feel incredibly overwhelmed between work, parenting, and your love life (or a lack of it). It could even be that you simply feel that you have way too much to do and not enough time to do it,  plus, on top of everything, nothing seems to be going the way it should!

Yup, we all experience mental stress from time-to-time, and that’s okay as long as you have the tools, techniques and knowledge that allow you to fully relieve it once it comes.

Here are 5 tips for relieving mental stress when it comes so you can function at your best while feeling good (and doing well) in work, love, or life:

1. Get Rationally Optimistic

Mental stress starts with your perception of your experiences. For instance, most people get stressed out when they perceive their reality as “being wrong” in some way. Essentially, they have a set idea of how things “should be” at any given moment, and when reality ends up being different (not even necessarily bad), they get stressed.

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This process is simply a result of perception and can be easily “fixed” by recognizing that although life might not always be going as YOU think it should, it’s still going as it should—for your own benefit.

In fact, once you fully recognize that everything in your life ultimately happens for your own growth, progress, and development—so you can achieve your goals and dreams—your perception works in your favor. You soon process and respond to your experience of life differently, for your advantage. That’s the essence of becoming “rationally optimistic.”

The result: no more mental stress.

2. Unplug

Just like you might need to unplug your computer when it starts acting all crazy, you should also “unplug” your mind.

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How on earth do you unplug your mind? Simple: just meditate.

It isn’t nearly difficult or complicated as some people think, so, if you don’t already meditate, give it a try. Whether you meditate for 5 minutes, 30 minutes, or 2 hours, this is a surefire way to reduce mental stress.

Meditation has been scientifically proven to relax your body (resulting in less mental stress), while also reducing anxiety and high blood pressure.

3. Easy on the Caffeine

Yes, we know, we know—everyone loves a nice java buzz, and that’s okay, but there’s a fine line between a small caffeine pick-me-up and a racing heart and mind that throws you into a frenzy of mental stress.

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Try giving up caffeine for a while and see how you feel. And, if that’s completely out of the question for you, at least try to minimize it. You might find that lots of your mental stress mysteriously “disappears” as your caffeine intake goes down.

4. Attack Mental Stress Via the Back Door

That’s right: your body and mind are part of the whole being, and are constantly influencing and affecting each other. If you’re experiencing a lot of mental stress, try to reduce it by calming your body down—a calm body equals a calmer mind.

How do you calm your body down and reduce physical stress? A  great way to reduce physical stress (thereby reducing mental stress) is to take natural supplements that are proven to reduce stress and anxiety while lifting your mood. Three good ones to look into are kava-kava, St John’s wort, and rhodiola rosea:

  • Kava-kava is a natural plant known to have mild sedative properties, and you should be able to find it at your natural health food store or vitamin store. It’s available in capsules or liquid extract form.
  • St John’s wort is a natural flower used to treat depression. Again, it’s found at your local health store in capsules or liquid. Because it uplifts mood (enabling you to see the brighter side of all experiences) it helps relieve mental stress as well.
  • Rhodiola rosea is a natural plant shown to reduce stress and uplift mood, and Russian athletes have been using it forever. Like the other two supplements mentioned, rhodiola rosea can be found at your natural health store in capsule or liquid form.

While these supplements are all natural and can be very helpful for most people, always check with your health care provider first as they can cause side-effects depending on your current health situation etc.

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5. Good Old-Fashioned Exercise

This tip has been around forever because it works. Nothing relieves mental stress like running, kickboxing—you name it. Anything super-physical will wipe out most of your mental stresses once the exercise endorphins (happy chemicals) are released into your brain.

The result: mental stress will be gone!

So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed or just plain stressed, try using some of the above tips. You can even print this out or save it to refer to regularly.

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Featured photo credit: Radu Florin via unsplash.com

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