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6 Love Lessons I Learnt From My Mother

6 Love Lessons I Learnt From My Mother

My parents separated when I was just 15 after a turbulent marriage. To say divorce was the best thing for them is an understatement. While my father flung himself head first into a rebound fling that later resulted in another marriage, my mother took a higher approach, she set off into the world and she found herself.

Maybe it was my young impressionable age or my parents drastically different approaches to life and love that influenced me; but as the older I’ve got, the more I’ve seemed to admire my mum’s non tolerance to bullshit in relationships. To date, she taught me some of the most valuable lessons I could have ever learnt when it comes to matters of the heart. Here are 6 love lessons I learnt from my mother.

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1. You Deserve The Best

Like most mothers do, mine is constantly telling me I deserve everything in the world, and this is extremely important to remember in love. She worked hard to teach me and my brothers that we deserve nothing but the best, from education, to what to expect in a partner. If someone isn’t realizing your true value and honoring it, then kindly show them the door. Once you realize your own self worth and how important you really are, you will attract someone who also shares this value.

2. You Can Leave at Any Time

Maybe it was the divorce that prompt this. But life is too short to stay in an unhappy relationship. Life is supposed to be about happiness, joy, and laughter. Not misery. There’s no magic spell for happiness but the easiest way to stop being unhappy, is to cut the unhappiness out of your life. There is no excuse, nothing is holding you back but yourself. If you aren’t happy, then change it. It’s as simple as that.

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3. Love Yourself First

Watching my mum be by herself for so many years and refusing to settle into a relationship for the sake of it, showed me the true potential of an independent woman. She changed her career, got a degree, and made a life for herself away from a relationship status. She rediscovered herself outside of marriage and it was truly inspirational. It taught me that you have to be comfortable and happy in your own skin, with your own life, and then focus on your romantic pursuits. Because all else will fail if you aren’t truly happy with yourself first.

4. Don’t Forget Everyone Else

From the minute I turned 13, she drilled into my head.

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“Boys may come and go but friends will stay forever.”

And it’s true. Many of time I’ve thought I’ve found the one, only for it to end in disaster and have myself thank my lucky stars, I still had my family and friends by my side. There’s no reason to ever lose contact with anyone else in your life because you’ve found a relationship, some loves of our lives can be temporary, and it’s not worth losing our family and friends over them.

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5. Never Settle

If he doesn’t give you butterflies, if he doesn’t treat you well, if he isn’t honest or kind, don’t settle. Don’t make yourself excuses or bargain with yourself for the sake of a relationship. Never settle for anything less than what you want and deserve. If you want someone who calls you, kisses you goodnight, and likes to visit your family, then don’t settle for someone who won’t do this. Go out there and find your perfect package, because within reason it is possible and there’s no need to settle for anything less.

6. Money Doesn’t Matter

There’s a famous saying in our house, “I’d rather share a can of baked beans with someone I love, than have a five course dinner in Paris with someone I didn’t.” And it’s something I truly believe in. Money isn’t everything in life. It’s the people who matter most, someone can buy you the world but that will not buy you love and affection. It taught me to be humble, to appreciate people, and not to be materialistic. Money can’t buy happiness and it certainly can’t buy love.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via flickr.com

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6 Love Lessons I Learnt From My Mother

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Last Updated on January 3, 2020

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don’t understand?  If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!

The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This post will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places!  Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.

1. Positive people don’t confuse quitting with letting go.

Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgement to let go of negative forces in their lives.  Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to The Relationship Prayer which goes:

 I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life … 

To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones … 

And to have the wisdom to know the DIFFERENCE!

 2.  Positive people don’t just have a good day – they make a good day.

Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.

3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past.

Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong – in the past where they happened. They don’t spend much time pining for the good ol’ days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.

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4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person.

The most positive people are the most grateful people.  They do not focus on the potholes of their lives.  They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences.  They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.

5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities.

Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can’t do.  They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities.  They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time.  They refuse to be like Charlie Brown expecting that this time Lucy will not pull the football from him!

6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!

Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.

7. Positive people smile a lot!

When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!

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8. People who are positive are great communicators.

They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life.  They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else’s blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse.  They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.

9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness.

One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time.  Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.  

10. Positive person are empowered people – they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life.

Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe.They limit interactions with those who are toxic in any manner, even if it comes to legal action and physical estrangement such as in the case of abuse. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.

How about you?  How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself?  If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it — if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?

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I wish you well in keeping positive, because as we all know, there is certainly nothing positive about being negative!

Featured photo credit: Janaína Castelo Branco via flickr.com

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