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Artist Reconnects With His Mom With Dementia Through His Camera

Artist Reconnects With His Mom With Dementia Through His Camera

When artist Tony Luciani’s elderly mother Elia moved in with him, he didn’t see it as a burden. Instead, he saw it as an opportunity to start a wonderful project with his new camera — he needed a subject and Elia was the perfect model.

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    Timeless Memories

    Elia suffers from dementia, meaning she often recalls memories from years gone by but can’t remember the last minute, hour, or day. Tony decided to use this as inspiration for testing out his new camera — a short-term project that was to span almost 2 years.

    The series of photos portray Elia’s dementia in a unique and personal way, fusing her distant memories with her current reality.

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          From One Caregiver To Another

          Tony describes how his mother was always his caregiver but now the roles have reversed. He wanted to include Elia in the project to make her feel productive and show his true love and adoration for her.

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          “She’s always been someone who participated and gave more than she received.”

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            More Than Just Another Art Project

            Elia is still pretty active and goes for small walks often, stopping by a bench or sitting under a tree by herself.

            Although looking after his elderly mother has been lonely at times, Tony believes the photography has given back more than he could have asked for.

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            “I’m doing more work, and I’m not at the beach. I’m at the studio and I’m creating and I’m doing photographs,” he said. “And with her here as my model, it’s every artist’s dream to have a model that I can call — and there she is.”

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                  Dealing With The Heartache Of Dementia

                  Tony says the project has been successful due to the love he has for his mother and has helped him really re-evaluate the relationship he has with her.

                  Dementia can be emotionally hard on the loved ones of those suffering with the disease, but finding a truly involving and productive way to explore and deal with the journey has helped both Tony and Elia in their life together.

                  “Here I thought, initially, I was going to be the brave guy and take her into my home, rather than shoving her into a nursing home or assisted living, and having my life disrupted and all that. But what I got out of it was more than I gave.”

                  Featured photo credit: Tony Luciani via tonyluciani.ca

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                  Jenny Marchal

                  Freelance Writer

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                  Last Updated on February 21, 2019

                  The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

                  The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

                  In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

                  Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

                  Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

                  Conflicts are literally everywhere.

                  Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

                  Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

                  Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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                  Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

                  Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

                  Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

                  The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

                  Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

                  Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

                  How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

                  Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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                  Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

                  Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

                  How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

                  Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

                  Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

                  Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

                  How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

                  Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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                  Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

                  Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

                  How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

                  Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

                  Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

                  Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

                  How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

                  Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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                  Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

                  Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

                  How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

                  Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

                  Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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