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Try These 10 Things If You Want Success In A Long Distance Relationship

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Try These 10 Things If You Want Success In A Long Distance Relationship

Every relationship demands that both parties put in a lot of hard work and dedication to keep the romance alive. And a long distance relationship needs even more of that hard work and dedication which is why it can be very tricky.

The distance of hundreds or thousands of miles between the couple makes things difficult and they tend to get complicated- it certainly is not easy. However, it isn’t impossible to make long distance relationships work in this era of internet.

While it may seem like the distance will make the relationship less satisfying, knowing some simple facts and abiding by them could make the long distance relationships just as exciting and fulfilling. Here below, we’ve listed 10 things every couple in long distance relationships should work on to make the relationship work.

1. Manage time and communicate in a healthy manner.

Long distance relationships force you to communicate a lot to compensate for the distance. You’ll spend hours and hours talking and chatting. You’ll focus a lot of your time and energy on your partner as you constantly feel the necessity to communicate to keep the relationship working. But soon, you get tired and things start to look hopeless.

Know the right moments- when and how you say things matters more than how frequently you talk. Build a healthy pattern to communicate with your partner. Knowing how and when to communicate will take a great lot of pressure off the relationship and keeps it healthy.

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Proper management is the key in LDR. Know each other’s schedule and manage time in such a fashion that it drives your relationship as well as other aspects of your life side by side. Avoid excess communication since that is actually unhealthy.

2. Be open about your emotions.

It is of utmost importance to be open about your emotions in every relationship and it is more so in long distance relationships. Talk about your weaknesses just as you’d talk about your strengths.

It is easier to hide your true feelings and weakness in LDRs for the distance provides the perfect cover. But, hiding your emotions and keeping secrets could set the relationship in the course of disaster.

Since the distance will magnify any kind of tensions in a long distance relationship, it is better to talk about jealousy, envy, insecurities and be honest and transparent about everything.

3. Send each other gifts.

Everybody loves getting gifts. Gifts pretty well do their job of strengthening any relationship- they sure do work their magic in a long distance relationship as well. Send flowers, cards or any thoughtful gifts to help your partner feel loved.

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Send each other personal objects to hold on to. When you are far apart, having something tangible to remember each other by strengthens the relationship. Buy things online and have them delivered to your partner as a surprise.

4. Talk dirty.

In a long distance relationship, physical intimacy is almost off the table, so talking is all that the couple have. When you’re already talking so much about everything, talk about sex and make it dirty.

Sexual desire keeps the relationship going and reinforces trust between couples. Let your partner’s imagination run wild with provocative descriptions and sexual innuendos. You sure like seeing each other- exchange seductive selfies or even video chat if you both like making things adventurous.

After all, turning your guy on or girl for that matter from time to time is very important to keep the relationship alive. Make sure your computers don’t have any virus for obvious reasons.

5. Learn to ask good questions and listen well, get creative, and surprise your partner.

Dull conversations in long distance relationship might suggest that the flame is dying. To prevent such situations, talk about the deep stuffs that make you think and help you understand each other better. Listen carefully and ask good questions. Things get boring sometimes, acknowledge that, but just don’t be so lame that your partner might start to question the relationship.

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Learn about her/his interests and get creative to surprise them from time to time. Find good topics before you start chatting or talking. Sing to each other on telephone or video chats, write songs or poems about your partner if that is your thing. Make them feel special with words.

6. Do things together.

Doing things together like movies, dinners, and dates might not be achievable in a long distance relationship but still there are plenty of things you can do together online. Watch movie at the same time and talk about it immediately afterwards.

Play online games together. Read books and articles online, recommend them to each other. Designate date nights and video chat, listen to music, sing together, dance for each other. Do things and laugh together. It really helps to keep the relationship going.

7. Try writing letters and long emails to each other.

Letters and emails offer you that precious time to think and express yourself in the best way possible to your partner than when you’re texting or talking over the telephone. The joy and excitement when you find a letter from your lover in your mailbox is a hundred times stronger than when you get a text on your cellphone.

Write long emails to reflect on any tricky issues you might have in the relationship. Besides, emails and letters can be treasured for the future- who knows your long distance love story could make a great book later where your letters and emails would make exciting reads.

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 8. Learn to manage your emotions and expectations.

There are times of excitement and joy when your great expectations come true. But also, long distance relationships come with more room for jealousy, envy, doubts, fear and ups and downs. And they are easily magnified, if not taken care of properly.

Approaches like cutting off communication and giving the silent treatment make things extremely difficult in long distance relationships. The best approach is to understand the situation and talk to each other about managing your emotions and expectations together. Recognizing your emotions and managing your expectations pays off big time.

9. Spend time with friends and family outside the relationship.

People in long distance relationships may develop tendencies to turn inwards after spending so much time without their partner. Lonelier times could be difficult to cope with and social situations might become awkward for them. The long distance relationship takes its toll on the lovers that way.

Understand that you have a life where you are at the moment. Don’t cut off your friends and families from your life, spend time with them. Involve yourself in other things of your liking. The secret is to keep yourself healthy, so that you can keep your relationship healthy.

10. Visit your partner as often as possible.

Visit your partner as often as possible. Nothing else can parallel the joy and happiness of meeting each other in person, not even the gifts or letters. If you haven’t yet met each other and are limited to talking and interacting online, it’s wiser to meet as soon as possible.

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It could be that the chemistry you have online might not be there when you are together in person. Find that out as soon as possible. Schedule meetings before hand and save up for your trips.

Featured photo credit: Pixabay via pixabay.com

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Nabin Paudyal

Co-Founder, Siplikan Media Group

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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