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Try These 10 Things If You Want Success In A Long Distance Relationship

Try These 10 Things If You Want Success In A Long Distance Relationship

Every relationship demands that both parties put in a lot of hard work and dedication to keep the romance alive. And a long distance relationship needs even more of that hard work and dedication which is why it can be very tricky.

The distance of hundreds or thousands of miles between the couple makes things difficult and they tend to get complicated- it certainly is not easy. However, it isn’t impossible to make long distance relationships work in this era of internet.

While it may seem like the distance will make the relationship less satisfying, knowing some simple facts and abiding by them could make the long distance relationships just as exciting and fulfilling. Here below, we’ve listed 10 things every couple in long distance relationships should work on to make the relationship work.

1. Manage time and communicate in a healthy manner.

Long distance relationships force you to communicate a lot to compensate for the distance. You’ll spend hours and hours talking and chatting. You’ll focus a lot of your time and energy on your partner as you constantly feel the necessity to communicate to keep the relationship working. But soon, you get tired and things start to look hopeless.

Know the right moments- when and how you say things matters more than how frequently you talk. Build a healthy pattern to communicate with your partner. Knowing how and when to communicate will take a great lot of pressure off the relationship and keeps it healthy.

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Proper management is the key in LDR. Know each other’s schedule and manage time in such a fashion that it drives your relationship as well as other aspects of your life side by side. Avoid excess communication since that is actually unhealthy.

2. Be open about your emotions.

It is of utmost importance to be open about your emotions in every relationship and it is more so in long distance relationships. Talk about your weaknesses just as you’d talk about your strengths.

It is easier to hide your true feelings and weakness in LDRs for the distance provides the perfect cover. But, hiding your emotions and keeping secrets could set the relationship in the course of disaster.

Since the distance will magnify any kind of tensions in a long distance relationship, it is better to talk about jealousy, envy, insecurities and be honest and transparent about everything.

3. Send each other gifts.

Everybody loves getting gifts. Gifts pretty well do their job of strengthening any relationship- they sure do work their magic in a long distance relationship as well. Send flowers, cards or any thoughtful gifts to help your partner feel loved.

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Send each other personal objects to hold on to. When you are far apart, having something tangible to remember each other by strengthens the relationship. Buy things online and have them delivered to your partner as a surprise.

4. Talk dirty.

In a long distance relationship, physical intimacy is almost off the table, so talking is all that the couple have. When you’re already talking so much about everything, talk about sex and make it dirty.

Sexual desire keeps the relationship going and reinforces trust between couples. Let your partner’s imagination run wild with provocative descriptions and sexual innuendos. You sure like seeing each other- exchange seductive selfies or even video chat if you both like making things adventurous.

After all, turning your guy on or girl for that matter from time to time is very important to keep the relationship alive. Make sure your computers don’t have any virus for obvious reasons.

5. Learn to ask good questions and listen well, get creative, and surprise your partner.

Dull conversations in long distance relationship might suggest that the flame is dying. To prevent such situations, talk about the deep stuffs that make you think and help you understand each other better. Listen carefully and ask good questions. Things get boring sometimes, acknowledge that, but just don’t be so lame that your partner might start to question the relationship.

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Learn about her/his interests and get creative to surprise them from time to time. Find good topics before you start chatting or talking. Sing to each other on telephone or video chats, write songs or poems about your partner if that is your thing. Make them feel special with words.

6. Do things together.

Doing things together like movies, dinners, and dates might not be achievable in a long distance relationship but still there are plenty of things you can do together online. Watch movie at the same time and talk about it immediately afterwards.

Play online games together. Read books and articles online, recommend them to each other. Designate date nights and video chat, listen to music, sing together, dance for each other. Do things and laugh together. It really helps to keep the relationship going.

7. Try writing letters and long emails to each other.

Letters and emails offer you that precious time to think and express yourself in the best way possible to your partner than when you’re texting or talking over the telephone. The joy and excitement when you find a letter from your lover in your mailbox is a hundred times stronger than when you get a text on your cellphone.

Write long emails to reflect on any tricky issues you might have in the relationship. Besides, emails and letters can be treasured for the future- who knows your long distance love story could make a great book later where your letters and emails would make exciting reads.

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 8. Learn to manage your emotions and expectations.

There are times of excitement and joy when your great expectations come true. But also, long distance relationships come with more room for jealousy, envy, doubts, fear and ups and downs. And they are easily magnified, if not taken care of properly.

Approaches like cutting off communication and giving the silent treatment make things extremely difficult in long distance relationships. The best approach is to understand the situation and talk to each other about managing your emotions and expectations together. Recognizing your emotions and managing your expectations pays off big time.

9. Spend time with friends and family outside the relationship.

People in long distance relationships may develop tendencies to turn inwards after spending so much time without their partner. Lonelier times could be difficult to cope with and social situations might become awkward for them. The long distance relationship takes its toll on the lovers that way.

Understand that you have a life where you are at the moment. Don’t cut off your friends and families from your life, spend time with them. Involve yourself in other things of your liking. The secret is to keep yourself healthy, so that you can keep your relationship healthy.

10. Visit your partner as often as possible.

Visit your partner as often as possible. Nothing else can parallel the joy and happiness of meeting each other in person, not even the gifts or letters. If you haven’t yet met each other and are limited to talking and interacting online, it’s wiser to meet as soon as possible.

It could be that the chemistry you have online might not be there when you are together in person. Find that out as soon as possible. Schedule meetings before hand and save up for your trips.

Featured photo credit: Pixabay via pixabay.com

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Nabin Paudyal

Co-Founder, Siplikan Media Group

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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