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Try These 10 Things If You Want Success In A Long Distance Relationship

Try These 10 Things If You Want Success In A Long Distance Relationship

Every relationship demands that both parties put in a lot of hard work and dedication to keep the romance alive. And a long distance relationship needs even more of that hard work and dedication which is why it can be very tricky.

The distance of hundreds or thousands of miles between the couple makes things difficult and they tend to get complicated- it certainly is not easy. However, it isn’t impossible to make long distance relationships work in this era of internet.

While it may seem like the distance will make the relationship less satisfying, knowing some simple facts and abiding by them could make the long distance relationships just as exciting and fulfilling. Here below, we’ve listed 10 things every couple in long distance relationships should work on to make the relationship work.

1. Manage time and communicate in a healthy manner.

Long distance relationships force you to communicate a lot to compensate for the distance. You’ll spend hours and hours talking and chatting. You’ll focus a lot of your time and energy on your partner as you constantly feel the necessity to communicate to keep the relationship working. But soon, you get tired and things start to look hopeless.

Know the right moments- when and how you say things matters more than how frequently you talk. Build a healthy pattern to communicate with your partner. Knowing how and when to communicate will take a great lot of pressure off the relationship and keeps it healthy.

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Proper management is the key in LDR. Know each other’s schedule and manage time in such a fashion that it drives your relationship as well as other aspects of your life side by side. Avoid excess communication since that is actually unhealthy.

2. Be open about your emotions.

It is of utmost importance to be open about your emotions in every relationship and it is more so in long distance relationships. Talk about your weaknesses just as you’d talk about your strengths.

It is easier to hide your true feelings and weakness in LDRs for the distance provides the perfect cover. But, hiding your emotions and keeping secrets could set the relationship in the course of disaster.

Since the distance will magnify any kind of tensions in a long distance relationship, it is better to talk about jealousy, envy, insecurities and be honest and transparent about everything.

3. Send each other gifts.

Everybody loves getting gifts. Gifts pretty well do their job of strengthening any relationship- they sure do work their magic in a long distance relationship as well. Send flowers, cards or any thoughtful gifts to help your partner feel loved.

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Send each other personal objects to hold on to. When you are far apart, having something tangible to remember each other by strengthens the relationship. Buy things online and have them delivered to your partner as a surprise.

4. Talk dirty.

In a long distance relationship, physical intimacy is almost off the table, so talking is all that the couple have. When you’re already talking so much about everything, talk about sex and make it dirty.

Sexual desire keeps the relationship going and reinforces trust between couples. Let your partner’s imagination run wild with provocative descriptions and sexual innuendos. You sure like seeing each other- exchange seductive selfies or even video chat if you both like making things adventurous.

After all, turning your guy on or girl for that matter from time to time is very important to keep the relationship alive. Make sure your computers don’t have any virus for obvious reasons.

5. Learn to ask good questions and listen well, get creative, and surprise your partner.

Dull conversations in long distance relationship might suggest that the flame is dying. To prevent such situations, talk about the deep stuffs that make you think and help you understand each other better. Listen carefully and ask good questions. Things get boring sometimes, acknowledge that, but just don’t be so lame that your partner might start to question the relationship.

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Learn about her/his interests and get creative to surprise them from time to time. Find good topics before you start chatting or talking. Sing to each other on telephone or video chats, write songs or poems about your partner if that is your thing. Make them feel special with words.

6. Do things together.

Doing things together like movies, dinners, and dates might not be achievable in a long distance relationship but still there are plenty of things you can do together online. Watch movie at the same time and talk about it immediately afterwards.

Play online games together. Read books and articles online, recommend them to each other. Designate date nights and video chat, listen to music, sing together, dance for each other. Do things and laugh together. It really helps to keep the relationship going.

7. Try writing letters and long emails to each other.

Letters and emails offer you that precious time to think and express yourself in the best way possible to your partner than when you’re texting or talking over the telephone. The joy and excitement when you find a letter from your lover in your mailbox is a hundred times stronger than when you get a text on your cellphone.

Write long emails to reflect on any tricky issues you might have in the relationship. Besides, emails and letters can be treasured for the future- who knows your long distance love story could make a great book later where your letters and emails would make exciting reads.

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 8. Learn to manage your emotions and expectations.

There are times of excitement and joy when your great expectations come true. But also, long distance relationships come with more room for jealousy, envy, doubts, fear and ups and downs. And they are easily magnified, if not taken care of properly.

Approaches like cutting off communication and giving the silent treatment make things extremely difficult in long distance relationships. The best approach is to understand the situation and talk to each other about managing your emotions and expectations together. Recognizing your emotions and managing your expectations pays off big time.

9. Spend time with friends and family outside the relationship.

People in long distance relationships may develop tendencies to turn inwards after spending so much time without their partner. Lonelier times could be difficult to cope with and social situations might become awkward for them. The long distance relationship takes its toll on the lovers that way.

Understand that you have a life where you are at the moment. Don’t cut off your friends and families from your life, spend time with them. Involve yourself in other things of your liking. The secret is to keep yourself healthy, so that you can keep your relationship healthy.

10. Visit your partner as often as possible.

Visit your partner as often as possible. Nothing else can parallel the joy and happiness of meeting each other in person, not even the gifts or letters. If you haven’t yet met each other and are limited to talking and interacting online, it’s wiser to meet as soon as possible.

It could be that the chemistry you have online might not be there when you are together in person. Find that out as soon as possible. Schedule meetings before hand and save up for your trips.

Featured photo credit: Pixabay via pixabay.com

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Nabin Paudyal

Co-Founder, Siplikan Media Group

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Last Updated on September 30, 2020

How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Future

How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Future

We often hear people talk about the importance of living in the present and the different ways it will benefit us. It all sounds wonderful, especially the lower levels of stress and anxiety, but how exactly can we live in the moment when our mind is constantly worrying about the past or plans for the future?

In this article, we’ll discuss some of the benefits of living in the moment you may not be aware of. Then, we’ll look at some of the obstacles and why we worry. Finally, and most importantly, I’ll show you how to live in the moment and stop worrying using some simple practices that you can easily incorporate into your busy schedule.

The result: a happier and more fulfilling life.

The Importance of Living in the Moment

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” -Buddha

While it can be difficult to live in the moment, it has innumerable benefits.

Here are just a few that will enhance your life tremendously:

Better Health

By reducing stress and anxiety, you avoid many of the associated health consequences, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and obesity. Studies have shown that being present can also improve psychological well-being[1].

Improve Your Relationships

Have you ever been with someone who is physically present, but mentally s/he’s a million miles away?

Being with unavailable people is a struggle, and building relationships with them extremely difficult.

How about being with someone who is fully present? We enjoy being with her/him because we can make a much deeper connection.

By living in the moment, you can be that person other people enjoy being with, and you make relationships much easier.

Greater Self-Control

You have greater control over your mind, body, and emotions. Imagine how much better your life would be if it weren’t at the mercy of a racing mind and unpredictable emotions. You would certainly be more at peace, and much happier[2].

Why Do We Worry?

Before we answer this question, it’s important to distinguish between worry and concern.

When we are concerned about something, we are more likely dealing with a real problem with realistic solutions. Then, once we do whatever we can to address the problem, we’re willing to live with the outcome.

Worrying, on the other hand, involves unrealistic thinking. We may worry about a problem that doesn’t really exist, or dwell on all the bad things that can happen as a result. Then, we feel unable to deal with the outcome. Either way, we have difficulty dealing with uncertainty, which is a normal part of life.

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Certainly, some of our problems may not have desirable outcomes, such as a serious health issue. Some problems may be beyond our control, such as civil unrest or economic downturn. In such cases, it can be hard to avoid worrying, but not impossible.

3 Steps to Start to Live in the Moment

Step 1: Overcome Worrying

In order to overcome worrying, we need to do two things:

Calm Your Mind

When you calm your mind, you are able to see more clearly.

The reason some problems seem so daunting is that our mind is racing so fast that we cannot see things as they truly are. Then, we make up a bunch of possible scenarios in our mind, most of which are unlikely to come true.

In addition to seeing more clearly, a calm mind will help us think more realistically. Unrealistic thinking is fueled by confusion and uncontrolled emotions. Calming your mind will reduce confusion and calm your emotions, allowing you to live in the present.

Focus on Solutions Instead of Problems

Some people tend to be more solution-oriented, and others more problem-oriented. Some of the factors that may determine this are gender, upbringing, and education.

People with more education tend to be problem-solvers. That is what their years of education train them to do. In addition, their jobs probably reinforce this way of thinking.

If you’re not problem-solving oriented, don’t worry. You can train yourself to worry less. We’ll discuss that soon.

Step 2: Identify Obstacles to Living in the Moment

In today’s busy world, it can be a challenge to live in the moment. The reasons revolve around how our mind works, as well as outside influences.

Racing Mind

Many busy people have a racing mind that never seems to slow down. Their mind gets so agitated from too much sensory stimulation.

You see, anything that stimulates any of our five senses will trigger a thought, and that thought leads to another, and then another, and so on.

If you have a busy life, all your activities will overstimulate your mind and make it seemingly impossible to slow it down.

Unpleasant Situations and a Troublesome Past

None of us want to be in unpleasant situations, or remember those of the past. They can bring up painful emotions, which we don’t want to feel.

So how do most people cope with painful emotions?

By doing whatever we can to avoid them, we can take our mind to another place and time where things are more pleasant.

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In other words, we avoid living in the present moment.

Some people resort to things that stimulate sensory pleasure, such as food, alcohol, or sex. Others will consume substances that dull their mind and keep them from thinking about unpleasant or stressful situations.

A Wandering Mind

From the moment we are born (likely sooner) until the time we die, our body and mind are active performing some function. Therefore, it’s natural for our mind to have some level of activity, whether conscious or unconscious.

Generally, a wandering mind is unproductive. One thought starts an endless chain of thoughts, and this process can go on until we need our mind to perform a specific function or get distracted with something else.

Now, there are times when a wandering mind can be productive, such as when creating works of art, or trying to find creative solutions to problems. In such cases, we need our mind to explore different possibilities[3].

Outside Influences

Most of us are not fully aware of how our environment and social norms influence our thinking and behavior. People and institutions are constantly competing for our attention. The media draws our attention to the past, and advertising usually to the future[4].

Many people around us who dwell on the past or future try to draw us to their way of thinking. Even the whole concept of the American dream is geared toward the future. It tells us that if we acquire things like a good career, family, and house, then we’ll be happy.

Step 3: Practice Mindfulness

So how can we live in the moment in a world that is constantly trying to draw our attention to the past and future?

Before we get into concrete actions you can take, it’s important to understand what mindfulness is. You’ve probably heard the term before, but may not fully understand what it means.

Understand Mindfulness

The concept of mindfulness is actually quite simple. To be mindful is to live in the moment.

When you are mindful, your attention is focused on what is happening in the present moment, and you are fully in touch with reality[5].

You are aware of what is happening in your body, mind, emotions, and the world around you. This is different than thinking about these things. To develop greater understanding, you don’t have to think about them so much, but rather just observe them.

This may be counterintuitive to many people, especially intellectuals, because they’re so used to using logic to develop greater understanding. With mindfulness, we calm our mind and emotions so we can see clearer. Then, much of our understanding will come from simple observation. When we develop mindfulness, we literally expand our awareness.

To develop mindfulness, we need to train ourselves to observe things more objectively, that is, without our emotions or preconceived ideas influencing our views.

If you’re ready to live a better life, read on for some simple mindfulness practices that you can incorporate into your daily routine to help you live in the moment.

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You don’t have to do all of them, but rather choose the ones that appeal to you and suit your lifestyle.

Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness meditation is the mainstay of developing mindfulness and living in the moment. To practice mindfulness meditation, all you really have to do is sit quietly and follow your breathing. When your mind wanders off, just bring it back to your breath.

Notice how your lungs expand with each in-breath and contract with each out-breath. Let your breathing become relaxed and natural.

You don’t have to do it perfectly. The idea is to start spending time away from the constant sensory stimulation of all your activities, and just allow it to settle down naturally. Start with about 5 to 10 minutes per day and work your way up to about 20 minutes or longer.

This practice is highly effective, and can have both short-term and long-term benefits.

If you want to learn more about mindfulness meditation, take a look at this article: What Is Mindfulness Meditation? 7 Ways to Start Meditating

Mindful Breathing

While this may sound the same as mindfulness meditation, all you’re really doing is taking short breaks occasionally (10 to 15 seconds) to observe your breathing. Stop whatever you’re doing, and take a few mindful breaths, then resume your activity. That’s it.

You can do mindful breathing at any time of the day during your busy schedule. What it does is interrupt the acceleration of your mind. It is like taking your foot off the accelerator while driving. It’s a nice refreshing break you can take without anyone noticing.

Here’re some breathing exercises you can try to learn: 5 Breathing Exercises for Anxiety (Simple and Calm Anxiety Quickly)

Mindful Walking

Walking is an activity that you perform several times throughout the day. We often think we’re being productive by texting or calling someone while walking. But are we really?

Instead of getting on your cell phone or letting your mind wander off, why not use your walking to train yourself to live in the moment and focus on the task at hand?

Mindful walking is similar to mindful breathing, but instead of focusing on your breath, focus on your walking. Pay attention to each footstep. Also, notice the different motions of your arms, legs, and torso. When your mind wanders off, just bring your attention back to your walking.

You can even make a meditation out of walking. That is, go walking for a few minutes outside. Start by slowing down your pace. If you slow down your body, your mind will follow.

In addition to paying attention to your walking, notice the trees, sunshine, and critters. A mindful walk is enjoyable and can really help your mind settle down.

You can discover more benefits of walking in nature here.

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Mindful Eating

Eating is an activity that most of us perform mindlessly. The reason is that it doesn’t require your attention to perform. Therefore, many of us try to multitask while we eat. We may talk on the phone, text, watch TV, or even hold a meeting.

The problem with not eating mindfully is that we don’t eat what our body and mind need to perform at an optimal level[6]. We may eat unhealthy foods, or too much. This can lead to various health problems, especially as we get older.

Live in the present with mindful eating.

    Mindful eating has many health benefits, such as reduced food cravings, better digestion, and even weight loss[7].

    So how do you eat mindfully? Start by slowing down, and avoid the temptation to distract yourself with another activity. Here are 3 different aspects of eating where you can practice mindfulness:

    • Eating itself: Focus your attention on choosing a portion of food to insert into your mouth. Notice the smell, flavor, and texture as you chew it; then finally swallow it. As with following your breath during meditation, pay close attention to every aspect of eating.
    • Choice of foods: Although you’ve already chosen your food before you have begun eating, you can still take the opportunity to contemplate your choices. Think about the nutrients your body needs to sustain itself.
    • Contemplating the sources: Most of us don’t think about all the work it takes to provide us with the food we eat. While you’re eating, consider all the work by the farmer, shipping company, and the grocery store. These are real people who worked hard to provide you with the food necessary for your survival.

    You can find more tips about mindful eating here: 7 Simple Steps to Mindful Eating

    Mindful Activities

    Choose an activity that you perform regularly, such as washing dishes. Focus all your attention on this activity, and resist the temptation to let your mind wander,. When it does, just bring your attention back to washing dishes.

    Notice some of the specific movements or sensations of washing dishes, such as how the soapy water feels on your hands, the circular motion of scrubbing the dish, or the rinsing. You’d be surprised at how such a mundane activity can truly expand your awareness.

    You can choose any activity you like, such as ironing, folding clothes, mowing the lawn, or showering. Over time, you will begin doing all these activities with greater mindfulness.

    Final Thoughts

    Practicing mindfulness is like regularly putting small amounts of change in a jar. They will all add up over time, and this will add up to greater peace and happiness, as well as get you closer to achieving your goals.

    Remember, you don’t have to do the mindfulness practices perfectly to get the benefits. All you have to do is keep bringing your mind back to the present moment when it wanders off.

    Practicing mindfulness may be a bit challenging in the beginning, but I can assure you it will get easier.

    The benefits of living in the moment are well within your reach, no matter how much your mind is racing. If you stick with these mindfulness practices, you too will learn how to live in the moment and stop worrying. When you do, a whole new world will open up for you. This is what Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh calls the ultimate reality.

    More About Living in the Present

    Featured photo credit: Smile Su via unsplash.com

    Reference

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