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How Pronouns can Affect the Quality of Your Relationships

How Pronouns can Affect the Quality of Your Relationships

Although most of us never really consider how we use words, particularly pronouns, we need to realize their potential in positively or negatively influencing the quality of our relationships. By consciously and mindfully selecting inclusive pronouns in our interactions, we can create a sense of unity and purpose in our relationships. When we select and use possessive and singular pronouns, we tend to isolate ourselves and alienate those we share our lives with.

I, me, he, she, herself, you, it, that, they, each, few, many, who, whoever, whose, someone, everybody, etc. are words that take the place of a noun. We use them constantly in our lives. They shape our lives and the quality of life that we share. How we use pronouns says a lot about what we believe of others, ourselves, our lives– and here’s why.

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It seems so simple, but if we learn to use less of some pronouns and more of others, we can enjoy a highly elevated quality of life. It may surprise you to know that the pronouns “I” and “me” can be the most destructive pronouns to use. Oftentimes when we use the pronoun “I”, we omit the existence of anybody else but ourselves. The word “me” also implies that we have no concern for another person in our statement.

Moving on to the pronoun “mine”. It is no coincidence that the word “mine” can be used to describe both a state of ownership, as well as a very deep hole, or a kind of bomb. Consider how many conflicts begin in relationships due to the use of the word “mine”. Then consider the outcome of conflicts that end badly due to the use of the words, “me, mine, or I”. Nearly every conflict that results in tragedy has within it a reason that includes the words “me, mine, or I.”

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People end up alone due to the overuse of the words me, mine, and I. People end up hurting each other deeply because of the use of these three words. People end up in prison and in court because of their use of these words. People also end up dead, because of the use of the words, I, me, and mine.

It is ironic that if we just learned to replace those three words, we could enjoy a much more productive and fulfilling life. Unfortunately, many social norms encourage and even honor the use of possessive and singular pronouns. Consider how normal it is today for example, to say the phrase, “that is my car, I bought it”. If you are a part of a marriage or any other kind of relationship, using the words I, me, or mine, completely invalidate the existence of the other partner. Would it not be more productive to say something like, “This is our car, we bought it”, even if the money you technically bought it with, was your own?

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The same concept applies when it comes to parenting with your significant other. Who has not heard or used the phrase “That is my child”, when in reality the phrase should say, “he/she is our child”.

If you have ever been around young children, and seen them fight with each other, they will often only use one word against one another, and that is the pronoun “mine”.

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It is not ironic that as we get older, we become more ensconced in our use of these words either. As we age, we accomplish things, and acquire things, and it is just natural that we would deem these accomplishments and acquisitions as explicitly our own. In reality however, no one ever accomplishes anything completely by him or herself.

If you have anything or have done anything, it is because other people helped you along the way somehow. No one is truly “self-made”. There are always supporters, encouragers, and helpers, who contribute their own time and resources into our successes.

By exchanging the words I, me, and mine, with we, us, and ours, we start to become a part of something larger than ourselves. We start to recognize that we all need each other, and have more things in common than not. We start to enjoy a higher quality of life, and develop an awareness of other people’s needs. In addition, we can enjoy the benefits of fulfillment personally and professionally, because pronouns can be our friends, or our enemies depending on how we use them.

Featured photo credit: Kaboom Pics- People on the pier via kaboompics.com

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How Pronouns can Affect the Quality of Your Relationships

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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