Although most of us never really consider how we use words, particularly pronouns, we need to realize their potential in positively or negatively influencing the quality of our relationships. By consciously and mindfully selecting inclusive pronouns in our interactions, we can create a sense of unity and purpose in our relationships. When we select and use possessive and singular pronouns, we tend to isolate ourselves and alienate those we share our lives with.
I, me, he, she, herself, you, it, that, they, each, few, many, who, whoever, whose, someone, everybody, etc. are words that take the place of a noun. We use them constantly in our lives. They shape our lives and the quality of life that we share. How we use pronouns says a lot about what we believe of others, ourselves, our lives– and here’s why.
It seems so simple, but if we learn to use less of some pronouns and more of others, we can enjoy a highly elevated quality of life. It may surprise you to know that the pronouns “I” and “me” can be the most destructive pronouns to use. Oftentimes when we use the pronoun “I”, we omit the existence of anybody else but ourselves. The word “me” also implies that we have no concern for another person in our statement.
Moving on to the pronoun “mine”. It is no coincidence that the word “mine” can be used to describe both a state of ownership, as well as a very deep hole, or a kind of bomb. Consider how many conflicts begin in relationships due to the use of the word “mine”. Then consider the outcome of conflicts that end badly due to the use of the words, “me, mine, or I”. Nearly every conflict that results in tragedy has within it a reason that includes the words “me, mine, or I.”
People end up alone due to the overuse of the words me, mine, and I. People end up hurting each other deeply because of the use of these three words. People end up in prison and in court because of their use of these words. People also end up dead, because of the use of the words, I, me, and mine.
It is ironic that if we just learned to replace those three words, we could enjoy a much more productive and fulfilling life. Unfortunately, many social norms encourage and even honor the use of possessive and singular pronouns. Consider how normal it is today for example, to say the phrase, “that is my car, I bought it”. If you are a part of a marriage or any other kind of relationship, using the words I, me, or mine, completely invalidate the existence of the other partner. Would it not be more productive to say something like, “This is our car, we bought it”, even if the money you technically bought it with, was your own?
The same concept applies when it comes to parenting with your significant other. Who has not heard or used the phrase “That is my child”, when in reality the phrase should say, “he/she is our child”.
If you have ever been around young children, and seen them fight with each other, they will often only use one word against one another, and that is the pronoun “mine”.
It is not ironic that as we get older, we become more ensconced in our use of these words either. As we age, we accomplish things, and acquire things, and it is just natural that we would deem these accomplishments and acquisitions as explicitly our own. In reality however, no one ever accomplishes anything completely by him or herself.
If you have anything or have done anything, it is because other people helped you along the way somehow. No one is truly “self-made”. There are always supporters, encouragers, and helpers, who contribute their own time and resources into our successes.
By exchanging the words I, me, and mine, with we, us, and ours, we start to become a part of something larger than ourselves. We start to recognize that we all need each other, and have more things in common than not. We start to enjoy a higher quality of life, and develop an awareness of other people’s needs. In addition, we can enjoy the benefits of fulfillment personally and professionally, because pronouns can be our friends, or our enemies depending on how we use them.
The most valuable thing an experienced person has is their experience. People make mistakes, learn from them, and adapt their life around them to become better people. Those people would then tell tales to others to help teach those lessons so that others would not have to make the same mistakes.
People still tell these stories today but in a slightly different format — they use speeches to express their experiences. Here are some valuable life lessons you can learn from some of the greatest inspirational speeches:
1. JK Rowling teaches us to not fear failure no matter how bad things become
It is a well-known fact that JK Rowling’s now-famous Harry Potter series was turned down by several publishers before it was finally picked up. Those publishers are likely kicking themselves in the pants right now. However, before that, JK Rowling was in a fairly dire situation and was on the brink of failure. Despite being turned down time and time again, she kept trying. Her efforts paid off. Harry Potter is now a ubiquitous character in today’s world culture. Despite failing over and over again, Rowling kept trying and fulfilled her dreams. You can watch her deliver some valuable life lessons in her Harvard commencement speech video above.
2. Steve Jobs teaches us to never settle
Steve Jobs had a fairly tumultuous life. He co-founded Apple, was kicked out of the company, came back, and then re-defined the mobile phone space with the iPhone. Even if iPhones aren’t the rage they once were, its iconic value is forever written in stone. One thing Jobs never did was settle. He lived life on his own terms and was rewarded for it by being dubbed one of the most revolutionary voices in technology of our time. In the Stanford commencement speech above, Jobs explains how you should never settle for what someone else wants out of your life. It’s your life and you should do what you want with it.
3. Admiral William H McRaven teaches us to make our beds every day
Anyone who has gone through the basic training of a military service will tell you it’s pretty difficult. However, every seemingly obnoxious step is actually a life lesson in disguise. This even applies to flawlessly making one’s bed every single morning. As Admiral William H McRaven teaches us, recruits are taught to make their beds every morning to remind them that even the little things in life matter. After all, how can you be expected to handle the biggest obstacles in your life if you can’t even handle the small and the mundane like making your bed every day? You can watch the entire speech in the video above.
4. Author David Foster Wallace teaches us that we’re a part of a greater existence
David Foster Wallace found fame in 1987 with his book The Broom of the System. Nearly 20 years later in 2005 he game a commencement speech at Kenyon College that is worth listening to at least once. In his speech, he reminds us that was are but a part of a huge, dynamic, ever changing interaction of life forms. In order to truly experience life, we need to leave our personal bubbles and interact with others even if it’s in an unpleasant way. Wallace states, “It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down.” You can watch the whole speech above.
5. Stephen Colbert teaches us that life isn’t something you can plan
If there is anyone who knows about improvisation, it’s comedian Stephen Colbert. In his commencement speech at Northwestern University in 2011, Colbert reminded students that you cannot plan life. Life throws too many curve balls. There are too many unpredictable things that can happen. The most successful and happy people are not those who have a plan, but those who can roll with the punches and overcome the obstacles. He goes on to site his time as an improv comic and how all of the actors working together to create a scene out of literally nothing are all working for one another. He states that like improv comedy, you don’t know what happens next in life. You just make it up as you go along. You can watch the whole speech above.
6. Kurt Vonnegut teaches us to not sweat the small stuff
Some of our younger readers may not know Kurt Vonnegut. He is a famous author that found of of his success during the middle of last century. In 1999, Kurt Vonnegut was at Agnes Scott College giving a commencement speech. During the speech, he mentioned that in order to live a more complete life, people needed to let stuff go. He argued that you cannot reasonably expect others to forgive you for your mistakes if you cannot forgive others and that you cannot live life fostering a personal vendetta against others.
7. Neil Gaiman teaches us that success can be distracting.
Neil Gaiman is most known for his work in a number of literary mediums including journalism, comic books, and novels. In 2012, Gaiman gave a speech at the University of the Arts where he talked about success. He stated that when you become successful, you may be unintentionally swayed from performing the actions that made you successful. Gaiman recalled his early success and how he felt pressured to answer emails all day long and it actually prevented him from writing as much as he wanted. So he reminds us to keep doing what makes us successful and to not let others get in the way.
8. Barack Obama’s life lessons teaches us that you really can beat the odds
We know that not everyone likes Barack Obama but that doesn’t mean the man can’t deliver an amazing speech. In this 2004 keynote speech at the Democratic National Convenction, Obama reminds that it is possible to beat the odds and become something great. He cites his own upbringing as an example and how he was never expected to make it as far as he did. It shows that when you’re passionate about something and when you try hard enough, you can accomplish almost anything. It’s important to note that Obama talks about this in 2004 and would become the President of the United States just four years later.
9. Robin Roberts reminds us that we each have the courage to overcome challenges
Robin Roberts knows a thing or two about courage. She is a breast cancer survivor and has done battle with a rare blood disease called myelodysplastic syndrome. Her sister once had to donate bone marrow just so Robin could remain alive. She was also ESPN’s first African American broadcaster in the early 1990’s. She’s a woman who works in an industry predominately populated by men. So when Robin Roberts takes the stage at the ESPYs and delivers a short lecture on having courage, we would do well to listen!
10. Martin Luther King Jr. reminds us that some things are more important than success
We all know the story of Martin Luther King Jr. So much so that we have a day of the year to celebrate him as a national holiday here in the United States. Most of us have listening to segments of his famous speech where he told the world about a dream he had. The main message of his famous speech is that racial inequalities needed to end and he was absolutely right. However, he also reminds us that there are things that are more important than success such as equal rights and treating each other with respect and kindness. If you somehow made it through school without watching the famous speech, we’ve got it linked above.
11. Jim Carrey reminds us that even if you keep it safe, you can still fail so you might as well go big
Jim Carrey delivered a commencement speech at Maharishi University recently that went absolutely viral. You may know it as the one minute video that will change your life. They weren’t lying but they weren’t telling the whole truth because the speech was actually 28 minutes long. During the speech, Carrey talks about his father who wanted to be a comedian but decided to take the safe route and become an accountant. As it turns out, his father was laid off and his family ended up poor anyway. With that, Carrey tells us that you can still end up failing even if you play it safe so you might as well swing for the fences and do what you want to do.
12. Bill Murray teaches us that it’s the hard times that determine if someone really loves you
You may have heard the story about Bill Murray crashing someone’s bachelor party and delivering a speech. It turns out the speech was both short and fairly epic. During the speech, Bill Murray challenged the bachelors to travel around the world with the women they love and go to places that are difficult to go to and deal with. He says if you can get back to the United States and you still love each other, then you should get married right then and there. It’s a great message. It’s easy to love one another when times are good but do you still love each other when the times are bad? If so, that’s true love according to Bill Murray.
Inspiration comes from everywhere and from anyone. There are a countless number of speeches and stories that can teach us an incalculable number of life lessons.
All these speeches almost share the same message: Don’t be afraid to fail and keep trying.
If you also want to live your best life like the above successful people, this is what you should start doing: