We don’t say this out loud, but deep down inside we all want to be attractive. No, not with a fit body or the perfect face, but having qualities that people feel magnetized to. Being the kind of person everyone wants to be with and do favors for.
Unfortunately, I took the make-up route and relied solely on my looks to make people like me more.
The cost: 2 hours of Michelle Phan makeup tutorials a day. $1,000+ worth of brushes and powders a year.
The result: The same people who treated me as their best friend earlier acted as a total stranger the day I skipped my makeup.
Yup. People do judge a book by its cover.
But, what if you could make people like you with just your personality. Or better yet, with good habits?Advertising
That’s when I began hanging out with new friends at Meetups and observing every action that draws me to them. Some of these habits might not seem as obvious to the average Joe or plain Jane, but if you start to build these habits now, you can make friends in a snap or keep the love in your relationship strong.
1. Surprise people, don’t tell them.
I remember my heart jumped when I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers one random day at work, not because it was from my boyfriend or a secret admirer, but as a surprise. I soon discovered that it was my close friend who’d sent me the unexpected gift, just because he knew how depressed I felt after realizing my ex no longer cared about me. It wasn’t the gift alone that made my whole week brighter, it was his thoughts.
The takeaway here? Don’t tell people what you’re going to get or do for them because then they expect you to deliver. Give them a surprise — it’s much more memorable and impactful than doing what you’ve promised.
2. Say “no” when you (really) don’t want to.
People respect those who speak their minds, more so than someone who always agrees with their request or invitation. Because when you say “no” to others, people see how real you are, that you have priorities, and can be honest about your feelings.
Yes, saying the “n” word might make your stomach flip but if you can get past that feeling, you’ll start feeling good about yourself.
If you don’t treat yourself like number one, then others will treat you like number two.
3. Do something nice for a stranger.
Hold the door if their hands are full. Warn them before they sit on a wet seat. Pick up their dropped cash. These are things most people won’t do, but will give respect if you do.
4. Leave your ego behind and learn from those who are better than you.
You can complain all you want about how life sucks, and keep asking yourself, why am I not as smart, rich, likeable, successful, influential, or as good-looking as my better unequal? But at the end of the day, you’re not helping yourself grow. You’re not trying to become better.
Take the time to study what makes others shine. Practice over and over again. Ask if you need to. Because if you want to be the best, you have to be willing to learn from the best.
5. Be curious about everything.
It’s fun talking with others, but the moment the conversation dies because no one has anything else to say is when you start getting bored of that person. Don’t be that person, the one anxiously looking away while racking your brain for a good topic.
If you want to save yourself from that situation, you got to make people curious about you and the only way is if you’re curious yourself. Learn how things work. Ask yourself why people behave the way they do. Read about what’s happening in the world right now.
Because when you have a dozen more things to say, we automatically think you’re a smart and fascinating companion.Advertising
6. Stay calm when someone’s angry at you.
It’s not a pleasant sight to see someone screaming angrily or lashing out in a destructive way. And sometimes we just can’t help but lash back.
Don’t. Before you snap, take a minute to think about the whole situation and why you’re feeling so angry. Maybe there was some miscommunication between you two and maybe it’s best to stay calm and talk it out. This is probably the best solution to understanding people better and feeling more closely connected to them.
7. Start conversations with someone new.
Most of us feel scared when we’re away from our comfort groups, which makes it easier for people to see who’s confident and who’s not. For me, I’d always scout around for those who introduce themselves to others, because I know they’re the types who are completely comfortable in their own skin.
Break out of your comfort zone and talk with somebody you’ve never met. You’ll instantly surprise them (see point #1) and walk away with greater confidence.
8. Write a list on what you want to learn.
It drives me insane every time someone tells me that they’re bored and have no idea what to do. Or if they waste their time sleeping or watching TV all day.
Yes, people would tell me just “live in the moment” and have fun, but to be honest, that’s a very short-term point of view. What makes you more attractive in the long run is getting smarter and learning new things, everyday.Advertising
A suggestion I’d recommend that a friend recommended me is writing a list of all the things you don’t know or have little knowledge about. Update that list whenever you come across a topic that puzzles you and research it when you have time.
9. Saying thank you.
It’s simple, overused at times, but still can make a world’s difference to someone’s day. All it takes is a couple seconds to think about and appreciate what you are given, even if it’s something small like a hug.
Remember: Thank others when you really mean it, but not to the point where you go overboard (otherwise it starts to lose its meaning).
10. Make time for yourself.
If there’s one thing you can’t recover in life, it’s time. That’s why people who are constantly busy doing things they like or can improve on end up becoming more successful than someone who treats their time as if it were a measly dollar — you can waste it in a flash, but it’s something people use to build a life that’s worth living.
Remember, the most attractive thing about you has less to do with your face and body, but more with your heart and habits.
Last Updated on November 18, 2020
50 Habits of Highly Successful People You Should Learn
If you’re like me and really into self-development, you’ve probably read many of the thousands of self-help books out there on the market. But also like me, you probably find all the information a bit overwhelming.
That’s why I wanted to do the self-less task of taking the most important, life-changing lessons I’ve drawn from these books and condensed them into 50 key points.
Here’re 50 habits of successful people you should learn:
1. Believe It to See It
Our minds tend to focus on what’s happening around us and refuse to see what could happen. Only when you trust in what’s possible and dare to dream big, big things can happen for you.
2. See Problems as a Wonderful Gift
While others only see problems and give up, successful people use the problem as a lesson to find improvement in themselves or the task at hand.
3. Keep Looking for Solutions
Even if they’re knee-deep in problems, successful people will still put all of their focus on finding solutions.
4. Remember It’s All About the Journey
Successful people are conscious and methodical in creating their own success. They don’t sit around doing the bare minimum, hoping success finds them.
5. Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
There’s so much fear on the road to success, but instead of letting that fear control and limit them, successful people do a good job of just forging ahead regardless.
6. Always Ask Productive Questions
It’s all about asking the right questions. Successful people make sure they are questions that will elicit information for a more productive, creative and positive mindset moving forward.
7. Understand the Best Waste of Energy Is Complaining
Successful people know that choosing to see the negative side of things will only create a useless and unproductive state.
8. Don’t Play the Blame Game
Taking responsibility for actions and outcomes is a form of empowerment that you can build your success upon. While the act of blaming others or outside circumstances takes this empowerment away from you.
9. Maximize Your Strengths
Not every successful person is simply more talented than the rest, but they do use what they know they’re good at to achieve more successful results.
10. Be in It to Win It
Successful people are busy, productive and proactive. Instead of sitting around over-thinking and over-planning a great idea, they just take a step towards it no matter how small.
11. Know That Success Attracts Success
People who are successful surround themselves and seek out like-minded people. They understand the importance of being part of a team and forge win-win relationships.
12. Actually Choose to Be Successful
Dreaming big is a massive part of being successful even if your dream seems impossible. Ambition is a mindset that needs to be a daily conscious choice.
13. Visualize, Visualize, Visualize!
You’ve got to see your success in your mind’s eye even before it comes. Successful people clarify and get that certainty about what they want their reality to look like rather than being mere spectators of life.
14. Be a One-Off Original
Successful people look for what’s working and then create a unique spin on it. Imitating only regurgitates other people’s ideas with no originality.
15. The Perfect Time to Act Is Now
Waiting for the right time to act is basically procrastination wrapped up in an excuse. Successful people know there’s never a perfect time so they may as well just do it now.
16. Keep Learning, Keep Growing
Continuous learning is the key to a successful life. Whether it’s academic, being a student of life or actionable learning, it’s all about expanding your knowledge and personal development.
17. Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
Successful people have the knack for finding positive aspects in all people and circumstances no matter what.
18. Having a Bad Day? Do It Anyway!
We all have bad moods but it shouldn’t be an excuse to stop everything. Giving into a bad mood just stop-starts your life, slowing success way down.
19. Sometimes Risky Business Is Needed
Calculated risks are a must for success. It’s about weighing the pros and cons while moving forward with that element of trust.
20. Accept Challenge All the Time
Dealing with problems head-on is a must to be successful. Successful people also face challenges in order to improve themselves.
21. Make Your Own Luck
In the mindset of a successful person, there’s no such thing as ‘luck’ or ‘fate’. They take control to actively and consciously create their own best life.
22. Ignite Your Initiative
While many people are reactive, successful people are proactive – taking action before they have to.
23. Be the Master of Your Emotions
Being effective at managing emotions is key on the road to success. That’s not to say successful people don’t feel like we all do, but they’re just not slaves to their emotions.
24. Champion in Communication
Consciously working on effective communication skills gets anyone closer to success.
25. Plan Your Life Strategically
Successful people’s lives aren’t a clumsy series of unplanned events and outcomes, they methodically work at turning their plans into a reality.
26. Become Exceptional at What You Do
To become exceptional, you typically have to do things that most won’t. To become successful, hard decisions need to be made and acting on them is crucial.
27. Choose to Live Outside of Your Comfort Zone
While many people are pleasure junkies and avoid pain and discomfort at all costs, successful people understand the value and benefits of working through the tough stuff that most would avoid.
28. Live by Core Values
Successful people firstly identify their core values and what’s important to them, then do their best to live a life that reflects these values.
29. Realize Money Isn’t Everything
Money and success are not interchangeable and the most successful people understand this. Putting money on a pedestal and equating it to success is a dangerous mindset to have. Success comes in many forms.
30. Don’t Get Carried Away
Successful people understand the importance of discipline and self-control and as a result they are happy to take the road less travelled.
31. Self-Worth Is Not Tied to Success
Successful people are secure. They do not derive their self-worth from what they own, who they know, where they live or what they look like.
32. Kindness Breeds Kindness (And Success)
Generosity and kindness is a common trait among long-term successful people. It’s important to take pleasure in helping others achieve.
33. More Humility, Less Arrogance
Successful people are humble and happy to admit and apologize for mistakes. This is because they’re confident in their ability. They are happy to learn from others and happy to make others look good rather than seek their own personal glory.
34. Change Opens New Doors
People who are successful are adaptable and embrace change, while the majority are creatures of comfort and habit. They are comfortable with, and embrace, the new and the unfamiliar.
35. Success Requires a Healthy Body
It’s not just how you think, it’s about how you show up for success. Successful people understand the importance of being physically well, not for vain reasons but because being in tiptop condition creates a better personal life for success.
36. Laziness Just Doesn’t Exist
Successful people are never considered lazy. Yes, they can relax when they need to, but working hard is their game.
37. Resilience by the Bucket Load
When difficulty strikes, most would throw in the towel, but successful people are just warming up.
38. Feedback Is Just Another Chance to Improve
How people react to feedback determines their potential for success. Being open to constructive criticism and acting on it to improve is most seen in those who are successful.
39. Your Vibe Attracts Your Tribe
If people are hanging out with toxic and negative people, then they need to take a look at themselves. Successful people hang out with others who are positive and supportive.
40. Can’t Control It? Forget It
Successful people don’t invest time or emotional energy into things which they have no control of.
41. Swim Against the Tide
Successful people are not people-pleasers and they don’t need constant approval from others in order to move ahead.
42. Alone Time Is Valuable Time
More self-worth means being more comfortable with your own company. Successful people are more happy and see the value in spending time alone.
43. Self-Standard Is Higher Than Most
Everyone has a choice to set high standards for themselves. Successful people do this, which in turn produces greater commitment, more momentum, a better work ethic and of course, better results.
44. Failure Isn’t Rationalized
While many use age, health, lack of time, ‘bad luck’, or lack of opportunity to explain away their failure, the key to success is finding a way to succeed despite facing these challenges.
45. Down Time Is an Important Part of a Routine
Having an off switch and taking time to do things that make them happy is a common trait of a successful person. Take a look at here The Importance of Scheduling Downtime.
46. Career Isn’t Who You Are, It’s What You Do
Successful people know their career isn’t their identity. They are multi-dimensional and don’t define themselves by their job.
47. Be Interested in Only the Path of Resistance
While most people look for the easiest way or the shortcut, successful people are more interested in the most effective way. They look for the course of action which will produce the best results over the long term.
48. Follow Through
Many spend their life starting things that they never finish, but successful people get the job done. Even when the excitement and the novelty has worn off they still follow through and finish.
49. Invest in All Your Dimensions
We’re not just physical and psychological beings, but emotional and spiritual creatures as well. Successful people consciously work at being healthy and productive on all levels.
50. Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is
To obtain success, it’s important to practice what you preach. Successful people don’t talk about the theory, they live the reality.
So there you have it, a summary of what I’ve learned from self-help books. But of course, you need to start taking actions so you will get closer to success too.
Bonus: 5 Bad Habits To Quit
More About Success
- 19 Definitions Of Success You Should Never Ignore
- 10 Personal Development Goals for Success and Happiness
- 15 Inspiring Ideas to Boost Your Motivation for Success
Featured photo credit: Juan Jose via unsplash.com