We don’t say this out loud, but deep down inside we all want to be attractive. No, not with a fit body or the perfect face, but having qualities that people feel magnetized to. Being the kind of person everyone wants to be with and do favors for.
Unfortunately, I took the make-up route and relied solely on my looks to make people like me more.
The cost: 2 hours of Michelle Phan makeup tutorials a day. $1,000+ worth of brushes and powders a year.
The result: The same people who treated me as their best friend earlier acted as a total stranger the day I skipped my makeup.
Yup. People do judge a book by its cover.
But, what if you could make people like you with just your personality. Or better yet, with good habits?Advertising
That’s when I began hanging out with new friends at Meetups and observing every action that draws me to them. Some of these habits might not seem as obvious to the average Joe or plain Jane, but if you start to build these habits now, you can make friends in a snap or keep the love in your relationship strong.
1. Surprise people, don’t tell them.
I remember my heart jumped when I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers one random day at work, not because it was from my boyfriend or a secret admirer, but as a surprise. I soon discovered that it was my close friend who’d sent me the unexpected gift, just because he knew how depressed I felt after realizing my ex no longer cared about me. It wasn’t the gift alone that made my whole week brighter, it was his thoughts.
The takeaway here? Don’t tell people what you’re going to get or do for them because then they expect you to deliver. Give them a surprise — it’s much more memorable and impactful than doing what you’ve promised.
2. Say “no” when you (really) don’t want to.
People respect those who speak their minds, more so than someone who always agrees with their request or invitation. Because when you say “no” to others, people see how real you are, that you have priorities, and can be honest about your feelings.
Yes, saying the “n” word might make your stomach flip but if you can get past that feeling, you’ll start feeling good about yourself.
If you don’t treat yourself like number one, then others will treat you like number two.
3. Do something nice for a stranger.
Hold the door if their hands are full. Warn them before they sit on a wet seat. Pick up their dropped cash. These are things most people won’t do, but will give respect if you do.
4. Leave your ego behind and learn from those who are better than you.
You can complain all you want about how life sucks, and keep asking yourself, why am I not as smart, rich, likeable, successful, influential, or as good-looking as my better unequal? But at the end of the day, you’re not helping yourself grow. You’re not trying to become better.
Take the time to study what makes others shine. Practice over and over again. Ask if you need to. Because if you want to be the best, you have to be willing to learn from the best.
5. Be curious about everything.
It’s fun talking with others, but the moment the conversation dies because no one has anything else to say is when you start getting bored of that person. Don’t be that person, the one anxiously looking away while racking your brain for a good topic.
If you want to save yourself from that situation, you got to make people curious about you and the only way is if you’re curious yourself. Learn how things work. Ask yourself why people behave the way they do. Read about what’s happening in the world right now.
Because when you have a dozen more things to say, we automatically think you’re a smart and fascinating companion.Advertising
6. Stay calm when someone’s angry at you.
It’s not a pleasant sight to see someone screaming angrily or lashing out in a destructive way. And sometimes we just can’t help but lash back.
Don’t. Before you snap, take a minute to think about the whole situation and why you’re feeling so angry. Maybe there was some miscommunication between you two and maybe it’s best to stay calm and talk it out. This is probably the best solution to understanding people better and feeling more closely connected to them.
7. Start conversations with someone new.
Most of us feel scared when we’re away from our comfort groups, which makes it easier for people to see who’s confident and who’s not. For me, I’d always scout around for those who introduce themselves to others, because I know they’re the types who are completely comfortable in their own skin.
Break out of your comfort zone and talk with somebody you’ve never met. You’ll instantly surprise them (see point #1) and walk away with greater confidence.
8. Write a list on what you want to learn.
It drives me insane every time someone tells me that they’re bored and have no idea what to do. Or if they waste their time sleeping or watching TV all day.
Yes, people would tell me just “live in the moment” and have fun, but to be honest, that’s a very short-term point of view. What makes you more attractive in the long run is getting smarter and learning new things, everyday.Advertising
A suggestion I’d recommend that a friend recommended me is writing a list of all the things you don’t know or have little knowledge about. Update that list whenever you come across a topic that puzzles you and research it when you have time.
9. Saying thank you.
It’s simple, overused at times, but still can make a world’s difference to someone’s day. All it takes is a couple seconds to think about and appreciate what you are given, even if it’s something small like a hug.
Remember: Thank others when you really mean it, but not to the point where you go overboard (otherwise it starts to lose its meaning).
10. Make time for yourself.
If there’s one thing you can’t recover in life, it’s time. That’s why people who are constantly busy doing things they like or can improve on end up becoming more successful than someone who treats their time as if it were a measly dollar — you can waste it in a flash, but it’s something people use to build a life that’s worth living.
Remember, the most attractive thing about you has less to do with your face and body, but more with your heart and habits.
Last Updated on January 3, 2020
The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People
Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don’t understand? If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!
The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This post will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places! Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.
1. Positive people don’t confuse quitting with letting go.
Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgement to let go of negative forces in their lives. Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to The Relationship Prayer which goes:
I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life …
To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones …
And to have the wisdom to know the DIFFERENCE!
2. Positive people don’t just have a good day – they make a good day.
Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.
3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past.
Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong – in the past where they happened. They don’t spend much time pining for the good ol’ days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.
4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person.
The most positive people are the most grateful people. They do not focus on the potholes of their lives. They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences. They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.
5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities.
Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can’t do. They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities. They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time. They refuse to be like Charlie Brown expecting that this time Lucy will not pull the football from him!
6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!
Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.
7. Positive people smile a lot!
When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!
8. People who are positive are great communicators.
They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life. They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else’s blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse. They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.
9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness.
One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time. Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.
10. Positive person are empowered people – they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life.
Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe.They limit interactions with those who are toxic in any manner, even if it comes to legal action and physical estrangement such as in the case of abuse. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.
How about you? How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself? If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it — if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?
I wish you well in keeping positive, because as we all know, there is certainly nothing positive about being negative!
Featured photo credit: Janaína Castelo Branco via flickr.com