We don’t say this out loud, but deep down inside we all want to be attractive. No, not with a fit body or the perfect face, but having qualities that people feel magnetized to. Being the kind of person everyone wants to be with and do favors for.
Unfortunately, I took the make-up route and relied solely on my looks to make people like me more.
The cost: 2 hours of Michelle Phan makeup tutorials a day. $1,000+ worth of brushes and powders a year.
The result: The same people who treated me as their best friend earlier acted as a total stranger the day I skipped my makeup.
Yup. People do judge a book by its cover.
But, what if you could make people like you with just your personality. Or better yet, with good habits?Advertising
That’s when I began hanging out with new friends at Meetups and observing every action that draws me to them. Some of these habits might not seem as obvious to the average Joe or plain Jane, but if you start to build these habits now, you can make friends in a snap or keep the love in your relationship strong.
1. Surprise people, don’t tell them.
I remember my heart jumped when I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers one random day at work, not because it was from my boyfriend or a secret admirer, but as a surprise. I soon discovered that it was my close friend who’d sent me the unexpected gift, just because he knew how depressed I felt after realizing my ex no longer cared about me. It wasn’t the gift alone that made my whole week brighter, it was his thoughts.
The takeaway here? Don’t tell people what you’re going to get or do for them because then they expect you to deliver. Give them a surprise — it’s much more memorable and impactful than doing what you’ve promised.
2. Say “no” when you (really) don’t want to.
People respect those who speak their minds, more so than someone who always agrees with their request or invitation. Because when you say “no” to others, people see how real you are, that you have priorities, and can be honest about your feelings.
Yes, saying the “n” word might make your stomach flip but if you can get past that feeling, you’ll start feeling good about yourself.
If you don’t treat yourself like number one, then others will treat you like number two.
3. Do something nice for a stranger.
Hold the door if their hands are full. Warn them before they sit on a wet seat. Pick up their dropped cash. These are things most people won’t do, but will give respect if you do.
4. Leave your ego behind and learn from those who are better than you.
You can complain all you want about how life sucks, and keep asking yourself, why am I not as smart, rich, likeable, successful, influential, or as good-looking as my better unequal? But at the end of the day, you’re not helping yourself grow. You’re not trying to become better.
Take the time to study what makes others shine. Practice over and over again. Ask if you need to. Because if you want to be the best, you have to be willing to learn from the best.
5. Be curious about everything.
It’s fun talking with others, but the moment the conversation dies because no one has anything else to say is when you start getting bored of that person. Don’t be that person, the one anxiously looking away while racking your brain for a good topic.
If you want to save yourself from that situation, you got to make people curious about you and the only way is if you’re curious yourself. Learn how things work. Ask yourself why people behave the way they do. Read about what’s happening in the world right now.
Because when you have a dozen more things to say, we automatically think you’re a smart and fascinating companion.Advertising
6. Stay calm when someone’s angry at you.
It’s not a pleasant sight to see someone screaming angrily or lashing out in a destructive way. And sometimes we just can’t help but lash back.
Don’t. Before you snap, take a minute to think about the whole situation and why you’re feeling so angry. Maybe there was some miscommunication between you two and maybe it’s best to stay calm and talk it out. This is probably the best solution to understanding people better and feeling more closely connected to them.
7. Start conversations with someone new.
Most of us feel scared when we’re away from our comfort groups, which makes it easier for people to see who’s confident and who’s not. For me, I’d always scout around for those who introduce themselves to others, because I know they’re the types who are completely comfortable in their own skin.
Break out of your comfort zone and talk with somebody you’ve never met. You’ll instantly surprise them (see point #1) and walk away with greater confidence.
8. Write a list on what you want to learn.
It drives me insane every time someone tells me that they’re bored and have no idea what to do. Or if they waste their time sleeping or watching TV all day.
Yes, people would tell me just “live in the moment” and have fun, but to be honest, that’s a very short-term point of view. What makes you more attractive in the long run is getting smarter and learning new things, everyday.Advertising
A suggestion I’d recommend that a friend recommended me is writing a list of all the things you don’t know or have little knowledge about. Update that list whenever you come across a topic that puzzles you and research it when you have time.
9. Saying thank you.
It’s simple, overused at times, but still can make a world’s difference to someone’s day. All it takes is a couple seconds to think about and appreciate what you are given, even if it’s something small like a hug.
Remember: Thank others when you really mean it, but not to the point where you go overboard (otherwise it starts to lose its meaning).
10. Make time for yourself.
If there’s one thing you can’t recover in life, it’s time. That’s why people who are constantly busy doing things they like or can improve on end up becoming more successful than someone who treats their time as if it were a measly dollar — you can waste it in a flash, but it’s something people use to build a life that’s worth living.
Remember, the most attractive thing about you has less to do with your face and body, but more with your heart and habits.
Last Updated on March 13, 2019
How to Get out of a Rut: 12 Useful Ways to Get Unstuck
Have you gotten into a rut before? Or are you in a rut right now?
You know you’re in a rut when you run out of ideas and inspiration. I personally see a rut as a productivity vacuum. It might very well be a reason why you aren’t getting results. Even as you spend more time on your work, you can’t seem to get anything constructive done. While I’m normally productive, I get into occasional ruts (especially when I’ve been working back-to-back without rest). During those times, I can spend an entire day in front of the computer and get nothing done. It can be quite frustrating.
Over time, I have tried and found several methods that are helpful to pull me out of a rut. If you experience ruts too, whether as a working professional, a writer, a blogger, a student or other work, you will find these useful. Here are 12 of my personal tips to get out of ruts:
1. Work on the small tasks.
When you are in a rut, tackle it by starting small. Clear away your smaller tasks which have been piling up. Reply to your emails, organize your documents, declutter your work space, and reply to private messages.
Whenever I finish doing that, I generate a positive momentum which I bring forward to my work.
2. Take a break from your work desk.
Get yourself away from your desk and go take a walk. Go to the washroom, walk around the office, go out and get a snack.
Your mind is too bogged down and needs some airing. Sometimes I get new ideas right after I walk away from my computer.
Take the down time to upgrade yourself. Go to a seminar. Read up on new materials (#7). Pick up a new language. Or any of the 42 ways here to improve yourself.
The modern computer uses different typefaces because Steve Jobs dropped in on a calligraphy class back in college. How’s that for inspiration?
4. Talk to a friend.
Talk to someone and get your mind off work for a while.
Talk about anything, from casual chatting to a deep conversation about something you really care about. You will be surprised at how the short encounter can be rejuvenating in its own way.
If you are in a rut, the last thing you want to do is step on your own toes with perfectionist tendencies.
Just start small. Do what you can, at your own pace. Let yourself make mistakes.
Soon, a little trickle of inspiration will come. And then it’ll build up with more trickles. Before you know it, you have a whole stream of ideas.
6. Paint a vision to work towards.
If you are continuously getting in a rut with your work, maybe there’s no vision inspiring you to move forward.
Think about why you are doing this, and what you are doing it for. What is the end vision in mind?
Make it as vivid as possible. Make sure it’s a vision that inspires you and use that to trigger you to action.
The things we read are like food to our brain. If you are out of ideas, it’s time to feed your brain with great materials.
Here’s a list of 40 books you can start off with. Stock your browser with only the feeds of high quality blogs, such as Lifehack.org, DumbLittleMan, Seth Godin’s Blog, Tim Ferris’ Blog, Zen Habits or The Personal Excellence Blog.
Check out the best selling books; those are generally packed with great wisdom.
8. Have a quick nap.
If you are at home, take a quick nap for about 20-30 minutes. This clears up your mind and gives you a quick boost. Nothing quite like starting off on a fresh start after catching up on sleep.
9. Remember why you are doing this.
Sometimes we lose sight of why we do what we do, and after a while we become jaded. A quick refresher on why you even started on this project will help.
What were you thinking when you thought of doing this? Retrace your thoughts back to that moment. Recall why you are doing this. Then reconnect with your muse.
10. Find some competition.
Nothing quite like healthy competition to spur us forward. If you are out of ideas, then check up on what people are doing in your space.
Colleagues at work, competitors in the industry, competitors’ products and websites, networking conventions.. you get the drill.
11. Go exercise.
Since you are not making headway at work, might as well spend the time shaping yourself up.
Sometimes we work so much that we neglect our health and fitness. Go jog, swim, cycle, whichever exercise you prefer.
As you improve your physical health, your mental health will improve, too. The different facets of ourselves are all interlinked.
12. Take a good break.
Ruts are usually signs that you have been working too long and too hard. It’s time to get a break.
Beyond the quick tips above, arrange for a 1-day or 2-days of break from your work. Don’t check your (work) emails or do anything work-related. Relax and do your favorite activities. You will return to your work recharged and ready to start.
Contrary to popular belief, the world will not end from taking a break from your work. In fact, you will be much more ready to make an impact after proper rest. My best ideas and inspiration always hit me whenever I’m away from my work.
Take a look at this to learn the importance of rest: The Importance of Scheduling Downtime
More Resources About Getting out of a Rut
- How to Get Out of a Rut and Start Living the Life You Desire
- Feeling So Stuck in Life That You’re About to Give Up? Help is Here!
- How to Get Unstuck in Life and Live a More Fulfilling Life
- How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up
Featured photo credit: Joshua Earle via unsplash.com