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Why It’s Much Better To Be Alone Than To Be With Someone Who Makes You Feel Lonely

Why It’s Much Better To Be Alone Than To Be With Someone Who Makes You Feel Lonely

You don’t have to be by yourself to feel lonely.

Popular wisdom would have us believe that when we’re part of a couple, we’ll never feel lonely again. Unfortunately, many people discover that spending time with the wrong person can be a wretched experience that leads to feelings of emptiness and isolation. If you are in a relationship with someone who isn’t right for you or even abuses you, time spent with that person is not the enriching, uplifting experience that it oughts to be. Instead, you end up cutting yourself down, censoring parts of your personality and generally making yourself smaller in an attempt to encourage them to feel positively towards you.

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You may even find yourself bending and twisting yourself out of recognition in a bid to win over their approval. This can cause you to become alienated from yourself, which results in feelings of tremendous loneliness. If you have been in a situation like this, you may remember the moment you first wondered whether the relationship was really worth the struggle.

Why making the decision to leave is so agonizing

Taking the decision to leave a relationship with someone who makes you feel lonely can be very difficult. Leaving is an act of immense bravery. Whilst it may seem obvious to outsiders that you are unhappy, they may not be aware of the factors that make it so hard to quit.

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For example, you may have shared some good times with this person in the past, or you may feel inclined to give them a second (or third) chance in the name of ‘being fair.’ You may also cling on in the hope that one day they will realize how they make you feel and decide to change.

The most loving decision you can take for yourself

As hard as it may be to leave a relationship behind, when you put yourself first you will understand where your loyalties ought to lie. To be absolutely clear, your first priority must be your mental and psychological well-being. When it comes to evaluating a relationship and deciding whether you ought to stay, treat yourself with the same care as you would show a loved one.

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People can and do change, but if someone has made you feel lonely and sad on an ongoing basis, you can expect more of the same in the future should you decide to stay. On the other hand, freeing yourself from an unhealthy situation is an act of self-love that frees you (and the other person) to seek out more mutually beneficial relationships.

The opportunity to enjoy your own company is a gift

When you learn to enjoy your own company, you become truly empowered. No longer will you depend on other people’s’ approval to prop up your self-esteem or validate your life choices. Your faith in your own judgement will grow, and you will come to regard yourself as a competent, capable person with much to offer the world. When you spend quality time by yourself, you will be less likely to accept poor treatment from others in the future because you will know from first-hand experience that being alone is much better than being with someone who makes you feel hollow and inferior.

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If you have recently left a relationship that made you feel alone, congratulate yourself. Too many people are scared to face up to the possibility of time spent in their own company, even though it can be healing. When you make a conscious decision to be alone, you are putting yourself first and recognizing that sometimes the healthiest step you can take is to spend time getting to know yourself as a person. This sets you up for a more confident future based on healthy self-knowledge.

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Jay Hill

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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