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5 Fundamentals of Body Language to Increase Your Success in Life

5 Fundamentals of Body Language to Increase Your Success in Life

Body language isn’t a mere set of “techniques” or a show to put on for others. It is how you move in this world, and how you move, in many ways, dictates how you feel, what you say, what you strive for and what you allow to escape your grasp. Just as form follows function, so does your inner life — your emotional state, your confidence, your vivacity — follow what your body is doing.

For instance, when you hold your body with confidence, you will actually feel more confident. If you slump your shoulders and hang your head, looking down, your brain will read that as sadness and depression, and you will actually FEEL sadder and more listless. Furthermore, as is widely shown by research, your body language — by an overwhelming margin — is the most instant and visceral way that people assess who you “really” are.

A weak limp-fish handshake, for example, will immediately cause us to peg someone as ineffectual, unconfident and untrustworthy. By contrast, someone who crushes your hand and booms their self-introduction will immediately cause us to either cower to power, if we are the subservient type — or see through the bluster and surmise that this fellow is deeply insecure and overcompensating.

How you move your body is a language of its own, and one that is interpreted by others non-stop. And whether you seek more influence and power in your professional life, or more intimacy and clarity in your personal or intimate life, self-awareness in your body language is crucial.

As someone who has coached hundreds of people in personal and professional success, let me give you five of the most important body language “expressions,” so that you can more easily live the life you desire.

1. Do you show up as open or closed?

In my work around dating and intimacy, I begin by moving people away from the language of right and wrong, and more into the language of “open and closed.” For example, does what you say or do “open” the other person’s heart or close it.

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Similarly, your body language signals to anybody you encounter whether your heart or being feels open and receptive, or closed and anxious, judgmental, or afraid. “Open” body language signals trust, warmth, solidity, and comfort in being yourself and it feels inviting to others. “Closed” body language, by contrast, signals coldness, insecurity, isolation, and it makes the other person feel outside your sphere, pushed-away and unaccepted.

So, what are some ways you can start to cultivate open body language?

A. Do your eyes say “Welcome!” or “Scram!”?

Oftentimes the first form of connection with another person will be through your eye contact. Clearly, squinting suspiciously will convey that you are initially closed to another. By contrast, warm, relaxed eyes, and an easy slow smile when you encounter someone, will make them feel welcome and accepted.

B. Is your chest open to the other or closed off?

Think about a person with arms crossed tightly over their chest. Do they feel warm, receptive and friendly? Or guarded and judgmental?

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Uncrossing your arms, and not holding anything in front of you (like a drink, or books or folders) signals that you’re open to interact with people and ready to face what the world brings, whatever it brings. However, when you block your chest (your heart) with folded arms or objects, it may seem like you’re trying to protect yourself from something consciously or not.

C. How is your posture?

Think military posture. Think an invisibly thin steel cable from the crown of your head straight up to heaven. Think a straight spine. Think eye-level. Think feet planted solidly on the ground, with your weight evenly distributed. This kind of posture conveys strength, solidity, alertness and confidence. By contrast, if you hunch your shoulders and head is drooping down, if if you’re weight is uneven, you convey a lack of sureness, a lack of solidity.

2. What is your voice saying?

Words matter, but meaning is always dependent upon tonality. In workshops, I have students say “I love you” like a toddler, a murderer, a lovesick schoolboy, a dying wife after 50 years of marriage. How you say it matters as much as what you say.

It’s the same with daily expressions such as “No,” or “I disagree.” Try it with multiple emotions, and you’ll see how important tonality is. If you want to convey authority, practice that with common expressions. If you tend to come off as cold, and you want to convey warmth, practice that. If you want to inject more positivity into your interactions, then add positivity .

Start noticing the tonality of your voice and others and the social dynamics in your life will start shifting. Importantly, those with whom you interact will notice too. This article on Vixen Daily shows you how to use body language to become more well liked by everyone around you.

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3. Add a personal touch.

When people communicate, it’s out of a desire to connect with each other — even if for a brief moment. To raise the level of connection people feel with you, try establishing touch. Now, there are many kinds of touch — and some of it can feel unwelcome. You may remember George W. Bush’s unwelcome massaging of Angela Merkel’s shoulders.

To create a sense of appropriateness, start slow. Simply high-fiving the person when you both agree on something you really like gives them to opportunity to join in the initial touch, and that’s a two-way interaction rather than forced upon them. Or, at a moment of agreement or laughter or sudden closeness or understanding you can briefly touch someone’s upper arm. A simple touch like that is usually not felt as intrusive and it can quickly deepen the connection that you’re having with another person.

Studies show that simple touch increases feelings of good will — something that every savvy restaurant server knows. That touch on the shoulder along with the check? It adds between 19–28 percent great tip, according to some studies. For insight into the best body language for negotiating with people, check out this article.

4. Are we far apart or close?

Whether you know it or not, the physical distance that you’re close or far away from a person influences the kind of impact you have on them. The closer you are to a person when you’re communicating, the deeper the connection will be felt between the both of you. If you’re farther away, the lesser the connection will be.

Of course, the “Seinfeld Rule” holds true here — which is that an overly “close talker” can feel inappropriately intrusive. Try modulating your physical distance and see for yourself. Speak to a friend then get up and slowly distance yourself from your friend as you’re speaking. You’ll feel a psychological difference, and they will too.

Here’s another spatial-intimacy trick of the trade. Instead of standing directly opposite someone, which can create a primal “confrontation” feeling (especially if you physically larger), try standing to a person’s side and speaking with them, which half-looking out at the world together. It’ll have the both of you feel as if you’re a team.

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This article has great body language tips to apply to your life.

5. “Oh! We are alike!”

In our brains, we have what we now know as “mirror neurons.” These mirror neurons help us understand one another and the gestures we make to each other. Simply put, mirror neurons induce us to “mirror back” speech patterns or physical gestures as an unconscious was to create a sense of “tribe” or likeness.

So how can you use them to your advantage to create a sense of connection? Simply mimic the gestures, key words, vocal tonality, and pace of speech of the person you’re talking to. Doing this will deepen the connection level between you two because we all have a similarity bias, which means that we tend to like people whom we find our similar to us.

If the person to whom you’re speaking speaks quickly, try matching that pace. If they use an unusual word like “indubitably,” find a way to work that into your vocabulary while talking with them. If they pound the table while enjoying a joke, do the same. If they lean in to listen closely, then you lean in to listen closely to them.

These may seem like insignificant gestures, but they create a tremendous amount of familiarity and comfort — which is a way of saying primal safety. You may convey all kinds of messages with the words you speak — when you speak — but your body always broadcasts frequencies of information about you twenty-four-seven.

The question is, which frequency — friendly or unfriendly, safe or unsafe, authoritative or submissive — do you want to send? These five fundamental body language secrets will speed your toward your goals.

Featured photo credit: bad boy Look by Ryan McGuire via imcreator.com

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Nick Bastion

Love Expert, Relationship Coach, Author

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Last Updated on August 20, 2018

How to Prioritize Right in 10 Minutes and Work 10X Faster

How to Prioritize Right in 10 Minutes and Work 10X Faster

Everyone of my team members has a bucketload of tasks that they need to deal with every working day. On top of that, most of their tasks are either creativity tasks or problem solving tasks.

Despite having loads of tasks to handle, our team is able to stay creative and work towards our goals consistently.

How do we manage that?

I’m going to reveal to you how I helped my team get more things done in less time through the power of correct prioritization. A few minutes spent reading this article could literally save you thousands of hours over the long term. So, let’s get started with my method on how to prioritize:

The Scales Method – a productivity method I created several years ago.

How to prioritize and work 10X faster with the Scales Method

    One of our new editors came to me the other day and told me how she was struggling to keep up with the many tasks she needed to handle and the deadlines she constantly needed to stick to.

    At the end of each day, she felt like she had done a lot of things but often failed to come up with creative ideas and to get articles successfully published. From what she told me, it was obvious that she felt overwhelmed and was growing increasingly frustrated about failing to achieve her targets despite putting in extra hours most days.

    After she listened to my advice – and I introduced her to the Scales Method – she immediately experienced a dramatic rise in productivity, which looked like this:

    • She could produce three times more creative ideas for blog articles
    • She could publish all her articles on time
    • And she could finish all her work on time every day (no more overtime!)

    Curious to find out how she did it? Read on for the step-by-step guide:

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    1. Set aside 10 minutes for planning

    When it comes to tackling productivity issues, it makes sense to plan before taking action. However, don’t become so involved in planning that you become trapped in it and never move beyond first base.

    My recommendation is to give yourself a specific time period for planning – but keep it short. Ideally, 10 or 15 minutes. This should be adequate to think about your plan.

    Use this time to:

    • Look at the big picture.
    • Think about the current goal and target that you need/want to achieve.
    • Lay out all the tasks you need to do.

    2. Align your tasks with your goal

    This is the core component that makes the Scales Method effective.

    It works like this:

    Take a look at all the tasks you’re doing, and review the importance of each of them. Specifically, measure a task’s importance by its cost and benefit.

    By cost, I am referring to the effort needed per task (including time, money and other resources). The benefit is how closely the task can contribute to your goal.

      To make this easier for you, I’ve listed below four combinations that will enable you to quickly and easily determine the priority of each of your tasks:

      Low cost + High benefit

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      Do these tasks first because they’re the simple ones to complete, yet help you get closer to your goal.

      Approving artwork created for a sales brochure would likely fit this category. You could easily decide on whether you liked the artwork/layout, but your decision to approve would trigger the production of the leaflet and the subsequent sales benefits of sending it out to potential customers.

      High cost + High benefit

      Break the high cost task down into smaller ones. In other words, break the big task into mini ones that take less than an hour to complete. And then re-evaluate these small tasks and set their correct priority level.

      Imagine if you were asked to write a product launch plan for a new diary-free protein powder supplement. Instead of trying to write the plan in one sitting – aim to write the different sections at different times (e.g., spend 30 minutes writing the introduction, one hour writing the body text, and 30 minutes writing the conclusion).

      Low cost + Low benefit

      This combination should be your lowest priority. Either give yourself 10-15 minutes to handle this task, or put these kind of tasks in between valuable tasks as a useful break.

      These are probably necessary tasks (e.g., routine tasks like checking emails) but they don’t contribute much towards reaching your desired goal. Keep them way down your priority list.

      High cost + Low benefit

      Review if these tasks are really necessary. Think of ways to reduce the cost if you decide that the completion of the task is required.

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      For instance, can any tools or systems help to speed up doing the task? In this category, you’re likely to find things like checking and updating sales contacts spreadsheets. This can be a fiddly and time-consuming thing to do without making mistakes. However, there are plenty of apps out there they can make this process instant and seamless.

      Now, coming back to the editor who I referred to earlier, let’s take a look at her typical daily task list:

        After listening to my advice, she broke down the High cost+ High benefit task into smaller ones. Her tasks then looked like this (in order of priority):

          And for the task about promoting articles to different platforms, after reviewing its benefits, we decided to focus on the most effective platform only – thereby significantly lowering the associated time cost.

          3. BONUS TIP: Tackling tasks with deadlines

          Once you’ve evaluated your tasks, you’ll know the importance of each of them. This will immediately give you a crystal-clear picture on which tasks would help you to achieve more (in terms of achieving your goals). Sometimes, however, you won’t be able to decide every task’s priority because there’ll be deadlines set by external parties such as managers and agencies.

          What to do in these cases?

          Well, I suggest that after considering the importance and values of your current tasks, align the list with the deadlines and adjust the priorities accordingly.

          For example, let’s dip into the editor’s world again.

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          Some of the articles she edited needed to be published by specific dates. The Scales Method allows for this, and in this case, her amended task list would look something like this:

            Hopefully, you can now see how easy it is to evaluate the importance of tasks and how to order them in lists of priority.

            The Scales Method is different from anything else you’ve tried

            By adopting the Scales Method, you’ll begin to correctly prioritize your work, and most importantly – boost your productivity by up to 10 times!

            And unlike other methods that don’t really explain how to decide the importance of a task, my method will help you break down each of your tasks into two parts: cost and benefits. My method will also help you to take follow-up action based on different cost and benefits combinations.

            Start right now by spending 10 minutes to evaluate your common daily tasks and how they align with your goal(s). Once you have this information, it’ll be super-easy to put your tasks into a priority list. All that remains, is that you kick off your next working day by following your new list.

            Trust me, once you begin using the Scales Method – you’ll never want to go back to your old ways of working.

            Featured photo credit: Vector Stock via vectorstock.com

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