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What To Tell Yourself After Turning 25

What To Tell Yourself After Turning 25

Turning 25 is special. Halfway through your twenties and now establishing yourself as an adult, you will be starting to get a firm idea of who you are and the kind of life you want to lead. Here are eight important things to remember as you enter the last few years before turning 30.

1. Don’t settle for less than you deserve

One of life’s most important lessons is that everyone deserves to feel safe, to be happy, and to have a chance to pursue their dreams. Never let yourself believe that you are in some way unworthy of the most fundamental rights to which everyone is entitled. You are just good as anyone else. Do not allow yourself to be satisfied with mediocre jobs, relationships and experiences if you want more from life.

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2. Let go of relationships that do not make you happy

Sometimes we are tempted to stay in unhealthy relationships. This can either be a relationship that is overtly toxic (for example, when domestic violence is involved) or soul-destroying in a more subtle way (for example, your partner may rarely want to go out, or show little interest in your hopes and dreams). If you truly want to be happy, as well as liberating the other party to find someone to whom they are better suited, end such relationships as quickly and gracefully as possible.

3. Focus on self-improvement as a key priority

Women are often taught to put other people before themselves. Whilst this is positive in that they are trained to avoid being selfish, the result is often a reluctance to put sufficient energy into self-improvement. However, the fact remains that you are going to be your only consistent companion over time. Bearing this in mind, isn’t it worth taking the time and effort to invest in yourself? It’s fine to encourage others and help them reach their full potential, but never overlook yourself. If you want or need to learn new skills or work for that promotion, do it!

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4. Embrace challenges, don’t panic

When you decide to work for anything important or special in life, you will face challenges along the way. A major secret to success in life is to change your attitude to challenges. Rather than see them as annoyances or problems with the power to overwhelm you, embrace them as an opportunity to learn new skills and pick up memorable experiences. When you reach your goal, your victory will be even sweeter if you had to battle for what you wanted.

5. Work on caring less about what other people think

By your mid-twenties, you will have realized that everybody you come across has an opinion to share, and that their opinions may not be worth listening to! By all means ask for opinions or advice from those you respect, but an important part of living successfully as an independent adult is to look to yourself first when making decisions. You cannot afford to care too much about judgements other people may be making. No-one knows you and your life better than you do. Act accordingly.

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6. Practice the art of saying ‘No’

If you have a habit of trying to please everyone by accepting every invitation or request thrown at you, then you need to learn how to say ‘No.’ If you are overwhelmed or overburdened, then say so. It is unreasonable for others to expect you to shoulder more than your fair share of work, whether in an office or in a relationship. If someone reacts badly to a polite, reasonable ‘No’ then that’s their problem, not yours.

7. Care for yourself and care for your parents

One of the most important assets in life is your health, so be sure to take care of yourself by following a good diet and exercise regimen. Your parents will also be starting to enter their senior years, so make sure you keep an eye on their health. This isn’t to say you should assume responsibility for their wellbeing, but bear in mind that they may need a little extra help and support in the coming years.

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8. Cut toxic people out of your life

Toxic people are those individuals who drain you, depress you, and bring you down. They tend to be negative rather than positive, and they deserve no place in your life. Whilst it may be tempting to try and help negative people or get sucked into their downbeat conversations, you need to put your own wellbeing first. If you have realized that certain people make you feel ‘low’ or unhappy, now is the time to gradually cut contact with them. Otherwise you will waste precious time trying to raise their spirits, and feel your own lowering in the process!

At the age of 25 you still have a long way to go in life but you have all the experience you need to start taking full responsibility for yourself. Remind yourself of the eight points above and get ready to lead a life that is healthy, happy and satisfying.

More by this author

Jay Hill

Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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