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How Your Texting Habit Reveals Your Personality

How Your Texting Habit Reveals Your Personality

What do your texting habits reveal about you?

A recent study analyzed the effects of texting on satisfaction in romantic relationships, with a specific focus on the role of attachment style.

Attachment theory originates from John Bowlby, and later Mary Aimsworth. It has its origins in analyzing the mother and child relationship. Through observing a child’s behavior in different situations, Bowlby and Aimsworth got an idea of how the child attached themselves to their mothers.

Three types of attachment were identified

  1. Secure attachment: The child would be mildly anxious when the mother left, would avoid the stranger, and be friendly to the stranger once the mother returned.
  2. Insecure attachment: The child was distressed when the mother left.
  3. Avoidant attachment: The child was not distressed at all.

These were later applied to adults in a variety of studies. The texting in relationship study surveyed people who identified themselves as being in a romantic relationship. 395 students were surveyed (175 male and 220 female). All were over 19 years of age, and the average relationship length was 15 months.

The study aimed to determine two things

1. How individuals communicated (via text or other means).
2. What the relationship was between attachment style and texting habits.

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How individuals communicated

Texting habits and other forms of communication (such as e-mail, internet chat, Skype, and face-to-face communication) were analyzed.

“While some partners virtually never communicated via text, others sent as many as 500 texts a day to their partner, which accounted for more than 90% of their communication.”

The relationship between attachment style and texting habits

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Participants were placed in one of three categories identified earlier (this is adapted as it relates to adults):

  1. Secure attachment style: People have a strong self-image, are secure, can enter into a committed relationship, and do not require constant re-assurance.
  2. Insecure attachment style: Their self-image is not healthy. They are insecure, requiring constant reassurance and experiencing anxiety when separated from loved ones.
  3. Avoidant attachment style: Individuals are highly independent, often seeking control and preferring emotional distance.

Those who were categorized under the avoidant and insecure attachment styles (based on their personality) texted significantly more than those classified under the secure attachment style.

What were the reasons for this and what are common examples in everyday life?

Texting regularly as part of the insecure attachment style.

Individuals falling under the insecure category text more regularly due to fears of  abandonment, insecurity, as well as their constant desire and need for re-assurance. Quite simply, they need to be loved. Whilst it is recognized that texting is less intimate than a face-to-face meeting, it reduces the individuals anxiety of not being close to their partner and provides them with needed reassurance and comfort.

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A common example includes a partner who constantly texts you when you are on a weekend away with friends. They seek reassurance that you love them and want to remind you that they still love you.

Being separated (due to working in a different location, for example) will also cause a constant stream of messaging throughout the day to restore comfort.

Texting regularly as part of the avoidance category.

For those classified under the avoidance category, texting more regularly provides a means to maintain emotional distance and control over how often texting occurs. Remember, emotional distance and control are distinctive traits of the individual falling under this category.

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Using the previous example of a weekend away with friends, this kind of individual will also text more regularly, but for different reasons. They will want to know what you are doing and who you are going with. Knowing this makes them feel in control even when there is a distance between you.

Considering that emotional distance is a trait, they will struggle to express themselves face-to-face. As a result, such emotion will be expressed over text, with a flood of messages sent directly after the partners have been in contact with one another.

So, what category do you fall into?

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Last Updated on February 18, 2019

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

The ability to reinvent and redefine yourself is a bold, daring and purposeful choice. It doesn’t just happen. You have to make a conscious, intentional choice and then follow through.

If the thought of forging a new path, changing habits, thought patterns and your inner circle of friends scares you – you’re not alone. Change can be a very scary thing. It takes courage, fortitude and a bit of faith to decide to shed your old self and don a new persona. However, it is one of the most critical processes one must repeatedly endure in the pursuit of destiny. Change unlocks new levels of potential.

The Need for Change

Everyday when we wake up, we make a decision. We decide to follow our routine or we decide to go off script and shake things up a bit. For those who are creatures of habit, routine is comfortable, easy and produces very little stress. The problem with this is, after a while you stop growing.

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We all reinvent ourselves at some point in our lives. It is absolutely necessary to achieve certain levels of success.

Reflect back on who you were as a teenager and then who you were at 25. Those are two very different people. Most of us are completely different. Your thought patterns changed, your appearance, job, level of education and even your friends– changed. We like to refer to this as “growing up” or maturing and consider it to be one of life’s natural progressions. However the changes you made were purposeful and deliberate.

This process must be a lifelong and continuous cycle. You are never too old to refresh yourself.

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Happy_old_man

    Signs It’s Time to Redefine

    “Just as established products and brands need updating to stay alive and vibrant, you periodically need to refresh or reinvent yourself.”– Mireille Guiliano

    So how do you know when it’s time for a system upgrade? There are signs along the way that alert you that it is time for an overhaul. The first sign is the feeling of being stuck. If you feel like you are in a rut, you’re bored with life or you need some newness and excitement, a self reinvention may be in order. Re-evaluate your life vision and your goals. Is that vision still valid and are your goals consistent with your vision and–are they achievable? If you are off course, it’s time for a change. If you are not moving forward and making progress, it’s time for a change.

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    In life, there’s no such thing as neutrality–you’re either moving forward or you are moving backward. Time constantly moves forward and if you are standing still, you are actually losing ground. No matter your age or stage in life– there is always room for improvement.

    “You’re never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.” ~C. S. Lewis

    The second sign that you are due for a change is the occurrence of major life events in which change is forced upon you. Getting married, starting a new job, being promoted, ending a relationship, becoming a parenting or relocating are all prime opportunities to completely overhaul your life.

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    When these major shifts occur in your life–you have to shift with them. You can’t have a single mentality and have a successful marriage. You can’t remain selfish and irresponsible, and raise a healthy, well-adjusted child. You can’t be promoted to a supervisory position and keep the same subordinate attitude. Each level of success requires something different from you.

    Aronld in Predator

      Consider, for a moment, Arnold Schwarzenegger. People may have different opinions about his character and some of his life choices, but he is a master at reinventing himself. He achieved the ultimate success as a professional body builder by earning the title “Mr. Universe” three times. He then earned a tremendous amount of fame and fortune in the entertainment industry making action/adventure films. And in his latest role, he served two terms as the Governor of California. He succeeded as a professional body builder, a film star and a politician. Each role required massive amounts of change, commitment, strength and hard work.

      And if Arnold can do it…so can you!

      Featured photo credit: BK via flickr.com

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