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How Your Texting Habit Reveals Your Personality

How Your Texting Habit Reveals Your Personality

What do your texting habits reveal about you?

A recent study analyzed the effects of texting on satisfaction in romantic relationships, with a specific focus on the role of attachment style.

Attachment theory originates from John Bowlby, and later Mary Aimsworth. It has its origins in analyzing the mother and child relationship. Through observing a child’s behavior in different situations, Bowlby and Aimsworth got an idea of how the child attached themselves to their mothers.

Three types of attachment were identified

  1. Secure attachment: The child would be mildly anxious when the mother left, would avoid the stranger, and be friendly to the stranger once the mother returned.
  2. Insecure attachment: The child was distressed when the mother left.
  3. Avoidant attachment: The child was not distressed at all.

These were later applied to adults in a variety of studies. The texting in relationship study surveyed people who identified themselves as being in a romantic relationship. 395 students were surveyed (175 male and 220 female). All were over 19 years of age, and the average relationship length was 15 months.

The study aimed to determine two things

1. How individuals communicated (via text or other means).
2. What the relationship was between attachment style and texting habits.

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How individuals communicated

Texting habits and other forms of communication (such as e-mail, internet chat, Skype, and face-to-face communication) were analyzed.

“While some partners virtually never communicated via text, others sent as many as 500 texts a day to their partner, which accounted for more than 90% of their communication.”

The relationship between attachment style and texting habits

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Participants were placed in one of three categories identified earlier (this is adapted as it relates to adults):

  1. Secure attachment style: People have a strong self-image, are secure, can enter into a committed relationship, and do not require constant re-assurance.
  2. Insecure attachment style: Their self-image is not healthy. They are insecure, requiring constant reassurance and experiencing anxiety when separated from loved ones.
  3. Avoidant attachment style: Individuals are highly independent, often seeking control and preferring emotional distance.

Those who were categorized under the avoidant and insecure attachment styles (based on their personality) texted significantly more than those classified under the secure attachment style.

What were the reasons for this and what are common examples in everyday life?

Texting regularly as part of the insecure attachment style.

Individuals falling under the insecure category text more regularly due to fears of  abandonment, insecurity, as well as their constant desire and need for re-assurance. Quite simply, they need to be loved. Whilst it is recognized that texting is less intimate than a face-to-face meeting, it reduces the individuals anxiety of not being close to their partner and provides them with needed reassurance and comfort.

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A common example includes a partner who constantly texts you when you are on a weekend away with friends. They seek reassurance that you love them and want to remind you that they still love you.

Being separated (due to working in a different location, for example) will also cause a constant stream of messaging throughout the day to restore comfort.

Texting regularly as part of the avoidance category.

For those classified under the avoidance category, texting more regularly provides a means to maintain emotional distance and control over how often texting occurs. Remember, emotional distance and control are distinctive traits of the individual falling under this category.

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Using the previous example of a weekend away with friends, this kind of individual will also text more regularly, but for different reasons. They will want to know what you are doing and who you are going with. Knowing this makes them feel in control even when there is a distance between you.

Considering that emotional distance is a trait, they will struggle to express themselves face-to-face. As a result, such emotion will be expressed over text, with a flood of messages sent directly after the partners have been in contact with one another.

So, what category do you fall into?

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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