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Talking To Yourself Like Someone Else Can Make You More Motivated

Talking To Yourself Like Someone Else Can Make You More Motivated

“Why don’t I have anything to say at parties?” That’s probably one of the most frequent questions asked by introverts. Look across the dance floor and you see Mister Suave chatting up quite a sophisticated lady at the bar and the next question comes, “Why can’t I be like that guy over there?” As a result, you start hating parties.

Self-talk among introverts is common but it can get unhealthy once you allow your inner voice to belittle you and based on that, form your own negative perception of reality that might not be true. That said, what if there was a way to use self-talk to help introverts feel more confident, help them chase their dreams, and be more successful?

From The Outside Looking In

A recent study conducted at the University of Michigan discovered that by using a subtle linguistic shift of “you” (or your own name) instead of using “I”, we are able to change the way we feel and behave. The research added that by talking to yourself in a first person view, using the word “I” all the time can actually stress us out instead of bringing on self-love and acceptance.

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If we take the introvert as mentioned in the opening paragraph as an example, and they use the third person view when talking to themselves silently, not only will it be a confidence booster, it will also be an internal remodeling of their perspectives on their surroundings. Instead of saying, “Why can’t I be like that guy over there?”, our introvert could use his own name and say, “Come on Charlie, you interact differently and prefer to interact in more intimate settings”.

By doing so, our protagonist is tricking his mind to think that he is another person. By being an outsider looking in, it can bring about real benefits in terms of confidence and positive thinking.

First Person vs Third Person Views

A further study was conducted to determine the performance of participants using contrasting mental approaches to a speech they are required to make on “why they are qualified for their dream jobs”.

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Before they were given a 5-minute preparation for their speech, they were also given additional instructions on how to prepare. One group was given instructions to analyse their feelings before giving their speech in the first person view, using the pronouns “I” and “my”. For the second group, they were given instructions to analyse their feelings using a non-first-person view, using the pronouns “you”, or “he/she”.

Before and after giving their speeches, the participants were led into a quiet room to complete a mood assessment form. Two coders then watched the videotaped speeches to rate them on confidence, nervousness, and overall performance.

The result? The first person group felt significantly worse before and after the speech, while the non-first-person view group recorded stable moods and felt more positive after giving the speech, also recording lesser rumination. More importantly, the non-first-person view group gave better speeches with more confidence as compared to the first-person group.

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Time for Change

In overall, studies have shown that by using pronouns such as “you” or your own name instead of “I” in our self talk will result in lesser anxiety, better performances, and better confidence.

To provide more practical examples, look below for excerpts that represent the contrasting mental approaches:

1. First Person View

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I am a lousy employee. Why can’t I always get things right the first time? Why am I always caught up with so much firefighting at work while the others seem so nonchalant and are able to leave on the dot? Why can’t I be like them?

2. Third Person View

You need to focus on the task at hand. Even if you do make mistakes, you can learn from them and never repeat them again. You are different and you are better than what you think you are. Even if you lack the experience, you can become the hardest worker in the office. 

Featured photo credit: thinking man via pexels.com

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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