Advertising
Advertising

3 Steps To Fighting The Unfairness Of Life

3 Steps To Fighting The Unfairness Of Life

It’s actually hard to write about fighting something when you find yourself still caught up in the midst of it. I wish I could come up with some magic trick up my sleeve and make all the pain and despair go away. I have tried looking up for resources elsewhere and turned up to Google for solace but turns out no one out there seemed to have a quick way to solve the problem either.

So, I said to myself: You can choose to see it as a lesson learned resulting from another epic episode of failure, or you can choose to find its origins in an inadequate, unlucky birth. You can blame it on the odds wrongfully playing against you. The truth is that if you ever choose to stop trying, and if you decide to stick to the “I’d rather not”, you’ll probably end up with a lot of “What if” thus continuing the unfairness of life by default.

The truth is it will take time and energy and probably some more battling and all sorts of other things you feel have deserted you right now. The good thing though is that it could all come back sooner than you think; in three steps actually.

Advertising

1. Get Real

Writer Barbara Kingsolver said:

“Don’t try to make life a mathematics problem with yourself in the center and everything coming out equal. When you’re good, bad things can still happen. And if you’re bad, you can still be lucky.”

The first step is most likely the toughest one for many reasons. You have to realize that you are a wrecking mess and your life is falling apart and the person you are is changing when really, you never asked for any of this. You’ll be sad and feel like you do not deserve any of the things that are happening to you. And you will be right but as mentioned above, it’s not about fairness.

Advertising

2. Fight The Powerlessness

“I am living in hell from one day to the next. But there is nothing I can do to escape. I don’t know where I would go if I did. I feel utterly powerless, and that feeling is my prison. I entered of my own free will, I locked the door, and I threw away the key.”

The words of Haruki Murakami resonated with me because some days – actually most days – that’s how I felt, like all the things that were happening to me today were nothing else but the result of my past choices. I couldn’t help but come to the conclusion that I had taken all sorts of wrong decisions and that I had now to pay the bitter price of their consequences. I had built up my own demise day after day and was now locking myself away from the rest of the world because I was too afraid of my next move. What if I was to take another bad decision? When would I – if ever – be back on track?

3. Reclaim Fairness

“You just have to keep driving down the road. It’s going to bend and curve and you’ll speed up and slow down, but the road keeps going.”
― Ellen DeGeneres

Well, it sounds like an easy thing to say but if you think about it, there are no other options. The world keeps spinning and all around you, people carry on with their daily routines and you feel a bit more lonely and isolated every day. Simply put, things will probably not get drastically better overnight but that’s not what matters. What does is the use you will make of the time that you’ll be granted tomorrow, and the day after that, and so on while the world keeps moving and you’re not.

Chances are life will probably be unkind to you again. Maybe someone you’ll fall in love with, someone who will not love you back or perhaps you’ll lose your job, or someone you care about dearly will be sick. Maybe you will be sick or worst comes to worst, all of those things will happen to you.

All you have to do is take it one step at a time. One step out of your bed, then one step outside until you start walking down the road and find your pace again. All you need to do is show up.

Advertising

Featured photo credit: Untitled via flickr.com

More by this author

8 “Very Good Lives” Quotes from J.K. Rowling 15 Quotes by Stephen King to Cheer up the Artist in You 3 Steps To Fighting The Unfairness Of Life Easy As Pie: A Poem On Happiness The Difference Between Looking Good and Feeling Good

Trending in Communication

1 How to Live a Stress Free Life in a Way Most People Don’t 2 Midlife Crisis in Men: The Definitive Survival Guide 3 30 Powerful Success and Failure Quotes That Will Lead You to Success 4 How to Stop Being a Perfectionist (Step-by-Step Guide) 5 How to Stop Comparing Your Life to Others (Step-by-Step Guide)

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on September 30, 2020

How to Live a Stress Free Life in a Way Most People Don’t

How to Live a Stress Free Life in a Way Most People Don’t

Learning how to live a stress free life may seem impossible, but the truth is that there are specific things you can do to begin eliminating sources of stress.

No, it doesn’t look like a made-for-television movie. No, it doesn’t look like something only people with extra time and money can do. It looks like your life—but without any self-created stress triggers.

Here are 11 ways to help you live a stress-free life:

1. Stop Overanalyzing Situations That Haven’t Happened

The first step to living a stress-free life is to stop overanalyzing imaginary scenarios. It’s easy to spend time in the world of worst-case scenarios. People tend to cultivate this world for one of two reasons.

First, because if you know what the worst-case scenario is, then it won’t surprise you when it happens. Second, if you know what the worst-case scenario is, then you can do everything in your power to control the universe so the worst case never happens.

If that’s really the world you want to cultivate, then become a professional risk assessor. If not, then ask yourself how you are benefiting from continuing to live that way.

Does it make you feel better about yourself and your life? Does it make you want to leap out of bed in the morning, eager to embrace the worst-case scenario? Does it bring you joy or fulfillment?

If your answer to these three questions is no, then stop living in the future and bring yourself back into the present.

2. Don’t Take on Other People’s Problems

The whole advantage of other people having problems is that they aren’t your problems. When you frequently take on other people’s problems, you get into the habit of enabling.

Let’s get crystal clear about the definition of enabling: enabling is the art of continuing to take responsibility for other people, thereby disallowing their personal responsibility[1].

It is of no service to other people to take on their problems because they can’t/won’t/don’t know how to fix the problem.

Advertising

It is of service to empower others to take responsibility for themselves and their lives, to encourage, teach, and motivate others to address their own problems. So stop enabling, and start empowering.

3. Get Present in the Moment

Being present in the moment involves being in your body and feeling your feelings—two things that lots of folks actually don’t know how to do.

Ask yourself these two questions: What does fear feel like in your body? What are you afraid of?

If you don’t know the answer to these questions, you probably aren’t present in the moment. Being present involves vulnerability, humility, and openness[2].

How to live a stress free life by being present

    The past and the future stop being so relevant and intriguing when you’re able to get in your body and feel your feelings. When you can do these two things, you actually want to be in the present moment.

    To get started, close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and watch your stress levels drop. Then, try these tips: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying.

    4. Focus on What You Have, Not What You Don’t

    The easiest way to stop focusing on what you don’t have is by not watching TV commercials. Marketing teaches us to focus on what we don’t have, and advertising campaigns spend millions of dollars convincing us that we must have what we don’t yet have.

    Can you think of a marketing campaign that teaches you to enjoy what you already have without buying something to enhance it? Odds are you can’t.

    In a world dictated by Super Bowl commercials and Facebook ads, it takes stalwart focus to recognize what you have more than what you don’t. If you want a stress-free life now, get stalwart, and stop letting other people dictate your focus.

    In order to do this, try cultivating a gratitude practice to help refocus your mind toward what is good in your life. You can get started with this guide.

    Advertising

    5. Stop Surrounding Yourself With People Who Don’t Make You Happy

    Honestly, what kind of people do you really like to be around with? People who get you, who see you clearly, who accept your flaws and all; people you can be yourself with; people who have shared interests?

    How many of those people are in your life? What characteristics do all of the other people in your life have?

    If you find that the people in your life aren’t adding anything positive, it may be time to make some changes. If you find that other relationships you have are downright toxic, start working to cut out those relationships immediately.

    6. Find a Job That Makes You Feel Good

    You don’t have to stay at a job just because it pays the bills. Most people spend more time working than sleeping. The average person spends 40 to 80 hours a week—or 2,000 to 4,000 hours a year—working. That is a significant investment!

    If your best friend or child told you that they were going to spend 4,000 hours giving their emotional, mental, and physical energy to something (or someone) that wasn’t going to value them, give anything back to them, or pay them what they were worth, what advice would you offer? Give that same advice to yourself. You won’t be stress-free unless you don’t learn this[3].

    Here’re 11 Signs That You Should Leave Your Job.

    7. Only Take on What You Can Handle

    Busyness is an addiction. Slowing down can actually be terrifying because it causes you to notice that you have feelings that you now have time to feel.

    I get it.

    By the time I slowed down, I had decades of busyness under my belt. I went into a tailspin depression because I didn’t understand how to be in the right relationship with my own emotions.

    When I finally figured out that feelings are just feelings and allowing them to express themselves is healthy and natural, I stopped experiencing withdrawal from my addiction to busyness and started figuring out the pace of life that felt best for me.

    Remarkably, I discovered that I don’t actually like being busy. What will you discover about yourself?

    Advertising

    8. Let Go of Grudges and Anger

    For me, it took 20 years of adulthood to figure out that holding on to grudges and anger only hurt me. Lucky for you, though, you can benefit vicariously from my experience just by reading one short paragraph!

    No one is holding your feet to the fire, demanding that you hold on to grudges and anger. The energy of anger slowly eats away at your body, mind, and spirit, until one day you wake up more resentful than optimistic.

    One day, people no longer want to be around you because the stink of negativity is oozing out of your pores. One day, you even get tired of hearing yourself get angry. And the person or people you are angry at or holding grudges against probably haven’t been affected at all.

    Who gets hurt the most in that process of repeating negative thoughts? You do.

    Some good advice for you here: How to Let Go of Resentment and Anger

    9. Stop Reliving Your Past

    To live a stress-free life, you have to stop reliving your past. I know it seems like fun to compare everything in your present to your past, and to experience the present through past-colored glasses, but it actually isn’t.

    When you wear past-colored glasses, you can’t truly experience the present for what it is. Your boyfriend or girlfriend gets compared to a list of expectations and failed relationships rather than recognized for the unique blessing they are in your life.

    Your boss gets compared to all the bosses who came before her/him. Your friends’ ability to parent gets compared to your parents’ ability to parent.

    People, including you, deserve to stand on their own past-free merit.

    10. Don’t Complain About Things You Can’t Change

    There are always going to be people elected into office whom you don’t like, taxes that you don’t want to pay, idiot drivers who refuse to move out of the left-hand lane, and a person ahead of you in the check-out line who won’t stop chatting with the clerk.

    The great benefit of being human is that we get to experience all of what life offers us. To live stress-free is to learn to deal with this fact.

    Advertising

    Dwelling on your frustration with something that can’t be changed doesn’t do anything other than drag you down. You are the only person who will ultimately decide how to respond to what is.

    11. Stop Living Through Other People’s Lives

    Someone else’s life is not your life. Your life is your life.

    What that means is you get to live your life in the way you want. You get to make ridiculous mistakes, take leaps of faith, and stuff things inside your handbag of fear just as much as the next person.

    Going through stuff is the whole great messy adventure of being human! Being alive and living life is terrifying and glorious and everything in between.

    Stop living through social media, trying to soak in all of the experiences everyone else is having. Focus, instead, on what it feels like to be you in this moment. You may find you like it.

    Final Thoughts

    An astounding thing happens when you reduce stress and anxiety, get into a relationship with your body, mind, and spirit, and just be yourself without judgment.

    Your life literally slows down. You stop wishing for the weekend. You begin to live in each moment, and you start feeling like a human being. You just ride the wave that is life, with this feeling of contentment and joy.

    You move fluidly, steadily, calmly, and gratefully. A veil is lifted, and a whole new perspective is born through improved mental health. And this is how you live a stress-free life.

    More Tips on How to Live a Stress-Free Life

    Featured photo credit: Drew Coffman via unsplash.com

    Reference

    Read Next