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5 Reasons Why It Is Alright If Your Dream Changes

5 Reasons Why It Is Alright If Your Dream Changes

I find myself in a different country, a different city and a different culture. This was always the dream: To come to the United States, pursue my life-long dream and change the world for the better – I literally flew across the ocean, that’s how big that dream was. Maybe you also made some huge decisions and sacrifices for your dream, and if you still find your heart being blown out of your rib cage with excitement and passion, then I am really happy for you. My advice to you is to go for it, don’t hold back and be happy and grateful for all the steps in your journey – don’t make up excuses not to do it, the article 5 Terrible Excuses For Why People Let Their Dreams Go might help you with those excuses created by fear.

However, if you have found yourself being pulled into another direction or even a few directions – this article is for you. In it I will show you why it is alright if your dream changes and why you shouldn’t fret all the time spent and the sacrifices made on your previous dream – it was, and is a part of you that you shouldn’t disregard as nothing.

Different stages of losing an old dream and finding a new one:

Let’s be honest, it’s not an easy venture to accept the loss of the thing you prized most in this life – it can be something that shakes you to the core. A dream is something you nurture, love and believe in with your whole heart, and to find it slowly or perhaps suddenly evaporating can be quite scary. As with any loss you find yourself going through the different stages of it: Anger, bargaining, denial, depression and yes, eventually acceptance. It might take you a while to move through these stages or it might be something that happens in a blink of an eye – but whether you like it or not, this is what you will have to go through in order for you to move on to your next dream.

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And then? Then you allow it in. Let it take over control – don’t try and keep it at bay because of fear. Fear brings you nowhere and only puts you in a state of paralysis where you can be of no use to yourself or to others, and there is too much potential and promise in you to allow that to happen. There is something great in all of us that is begging to be set free from its cage of inhibitions and it’s our responsibility to make sure we break that cage and allow it to fly free.

3 Ways to set your greatness free from its imprisonment:

1. Move Past the Fear of Change:

Change is inevitable and the only constant thing in life. We have to accept it, otherwise we will never be able to move on to new horizons.

2. Move Past The Fear of Rejection:

Who are you living for? In the end, despite everyone’s opinion – this is your life, you have to live it your way. It’s important to remember that everyone else are so caught up living their own lives too – that they really pay no mind to you and what you might think. This sounds harsh, but unfortunately we live in a generation that is a little too self-involved to really care. With regards to your family and friends: If they truly love you, they will accept it no matter what.

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3. Move Past The Fear of the Unknown:

Yes, that big, scary and very foggy place known as the “unknown.” Do we really have to fear it that much? If you think about it, all of life is really unknown territory until we step out and try it – how bad has those little steps of faith really turned out? Granted, it might not always turn out as you have expected it to turn out. However, more often than not, it turns out to be the best adventure you went on – where you learn more about yourself and what you want than you would have learned by being stuck in the same position and dreaming the same dream that no longer serves you.

Now that you see that there really is no reason to fear the greatness of a new dream inside you, let us move on to why it is alright if your dream changes and what you eventually get out of that decision of acceptance.

5 Reasons why it is alright if your dream changes:

1. Freedom:

You are no longer bound by a dream that doesn’t serve you and only steals your peace of mind.

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2. Wisdom:

You have now gained more knowledge about yourself and what is really important to you. Accept the fact that your old dream taught you a lot of lessons on sacrifice, patience, hope, faith and many more life lessons – carry it with you in your new dream and grow a little more.

3. Strength:

You are strong enough to let go of the past and embrace the future, as well as the unknown. This is something that will help you in all aspects facing change in your life, for you will know that you are not only wise enough to deal with it, but also strong enough to go on.

4. Self-knowledge:

We as human beings are constantly changing – yes, we remain the same at our core, but our ever-changing views and perception of life influences us. Consciously and subconsciously we are evolving into beings that bring us closer to our core beliefs and what we really want to do in this life. If we are constantly changing, is it not a given that our dreams will also change with us? This is sure to happen until we eventually reach a point where we know exactly who we are and what we stand for.

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5. New Horizons:

Be ready to go on the adventure of a lifetime, seeing things in a way you never imagined you could, meeting people you never thought you would and exploring life in a way that you always knew you should. Make room for excitement, passion, roads less traveled and hidden treasures. For this is what being bold does – it opens up a whole new world for you.

Conclusion:

In conclusion I leave you with the words of the very wise author, who with these words inspired me to dig deeper within myself and allow me to let go of the dream that had become nothing more than my safety net, allowing me to open my arms wide for the unknown – despite my constant battle with the fear that it brings along:

Never too old to Dream a new dream

    Featured photo credit: Théo Gosselin via flickr.com

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    Bianca Gouws

    Freelance Writer, Director and Actress

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    Last Updated on July 15, 2019

    10 Signs of a Bad Boss and How to Deal with Them

    10 Signs of a Bad Boss and How to Deal with Them

    This is an article I didn’t want to write. Even if it appears that way on the surface, few things are black and white. Between the two colors is a world of gray. Notwithstanding the bosses who behave criminally, some of the people who carry the “bad boss” label have possibly been, or have the capacity to become, a “good boss.”

    This is an article I didn’t want to write because I understand that depending on whom you ask, many of us could be labeled either a good or bad boss.

    Perhaps another reason I didn’t want to write this article is because context matters. Context for the organization and context for the individual. What is happening in the organization? What is the culture? Is the “boss” in a position for which the individual is equipped to do the job? Is the person in a terrible place in life? The office culture, the relationship a team member has with a boss or board and the leader’s personal life can all influence how the person shows up and leads and how others perceive the individual.

    But since I am writing this article, I will share a few signs that bosses are bad and in need of a timeout.

    1. Bad Bosses Don’t Know and Haven’t Healed Their Inner Child

    If you plan to lead people – well, if you plan to effectively lead yourself – you must get reacquainted with your inner child. Just because you are in young adulthood, middle age or the golden years doesn’t mean your inner child matches your chronological age. If you experienced trauma as a child, your inner child may be stuck at the point or age of that trauma. While you walk around in a woman’s size 10 shoe, your behavior may showcase an inner child who is much younger.

    In a June 7, 2008, Psychology Today article, Stephen A. Diamond, Ph.D., observed,[1]

    “The fact is that the majority of so-called adults are not truly adults at all. We all get older … But, psychologically speaking, this is not adulthood. True adulthood hinges on acknowledging, accepting, and taking responsibility for loving and parenting one’s own inner child. For most adults, this never happens. Instead, their inner child has been denied, neglected, disparaged, abandoned or rejected. We are told by society to ‘grow up,’ putting childish things aside. To become adults, we’ve been taught that our inner child—representing our child-like capacity for innocence, wonder, awe, joy, sensitivity and playfulness—must be stifled, quarantined or even killed. The inner child comprises and potentiates these positive qualities. But it also holds our accumulated childhood hurts, traumas, fears and angers.”

    Sometimes the key that your inner child needs tending to is conflict with someone else’s inner child.

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    Good bosses are aware of the ups and downs of their childhood, have worked or are working to heal their inner child and are aware of their triggers. Good managers use this awareness to manage themselves, and their interactions with others. Bad bosses are oblivious to how their inner child impacts not only their life but the lives of others.

    2. Bad Bosses Are Unable to Accept Feedback

    Bad bosses are not intentional about creating an environment where their peers and colleagues can share feedback about their leadership. They don’t solicit feedback. Given the power dynamic that managers, CEOs and others in leadership yield, they must go out of their way to solicit feedback, and they must do so repeatedly.

    Before being completely honest, most team members will test the waters and share low-stakes information to get a sense for how their boss will respond. If the boss is angry or retaliatory, team members are less likely to risk being candid in the future.

    So being unable to accept feedback takes on two forms: failing to proactively and repeatedly ask for feedback and reacting poorly when feedback is shared.

    3. Bad Bosses Are Unwilling to Give Timely Feedback

    The flip side of accepting feedback is giving feedback. Both require courage. It takes courage to open yourself up and accept feedback on ways that you need to grow. Similarly, it takes courage to share honest feedback about a team member’s or colleague’s performance or behavior.

    Since not everyone is open to accepting feedback, whether they’re a manager or not, having an honest conversation about areas a team member or colleague has missed the mark, is not always easy. Still, good bosses will find a way to share feedback, and they’ll do so in a timely fashion.

    Withholding feedback and sharing it months after a situation has unfolded or in a snowball fashion is unhelpful to the employees. One of the ways we grow as leaders is through feedback. When people have the courage to tell us the truth, that information allows us to progress.

    4. Bad Bosses Are Unable to Acknowledge Their Mistakes

    Owning their mistakes is like a disease to bad bosses; they do not want it. Instead of being risk averse, they are accountability averse. The problem is that they can only gloss over their weaknesses or failures for so long; the people around are able to see their flaws and weaknesses, and bad bosses pretending they don’t exist is not helpful. It is infuriating.

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    However, bad bosses are masterful at reassigning blame. They are unable or unwilling to accept responsibility for mistakes — small or large. But career expert Amanda Augustine told CNBC “Make It” in May 2017, that “good managers also admit their mistakes.”[2] They don’t pass the blame or pretend they didn’t make a mistake. They own it.

    5. Bad Bosses Are Unwilling or Incapable of Being Vulnerable

    Vulnerability is an underrated leadership skill. But well-placed and well-thought out vulnerability enables employees to see their leaders’ humanity, and it creates a way for leaders to bond with their teams.

    Bad bosses may talk about vulnerability, but they don’t practice it in their own lives, particularly in the workplace.

    6. Privately, Bad Bosses Do Not Live Up to the Organization’s Stated Values

    Bad bosses may publicly spout the values of the organization they work for, but privately they either don’t believe or don’t embody those values.

    If they work for an environmental group, they may not practice sustainability in their private lives. Their words and actions are incongruent.

    7. Bad Bosses Are Unable to Inspire Others

    When bad bosses are unable or unwilling to take the time to inspire others, they lead through fear or command. Neither are helpful.

    A culture dominated by fear will stifle creativity and risk taking that can lead to innovation. An autocratic management style will have a similar effect in that team, members will not feel they have the space to step outside of the box they have been placed in.

    A good boss is someone who takes time to share the big picture and time to inspire their teams to want to be a part of it.

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    8. Bad Bosses Are Disinterested in How Their Behavior Impacts Others

    They are narcissistic and focused on self-preservation. In “19 Traits of a Bad Boss,” Kevin Sheridan said,[3]

    “Terrible bosses are endlessly self-centered. Everything is about them and not the people they manage or what is going on in their employees’ personal lives. It is never about the team, but rather all about how good they look. Conversely, great bosses lead with integrity, honesty, care, and authenticity.”

    Rather than seeing their team’s talents and seeing people’s full humanity, bad bosses believe their team exists to serve them. Families, personal life and priorities be damned. Bona fide bad bosses believe that their comfort should be prioritized over their team’s needs and desires.

    9. Bad Bosses Have Likely Received Negative Feedback

    Bad bosses have likely been told that they are poor supervisors. They have likely been told time and time again that their behavior is harmful to the people around them.

    Perhaps they do not know how to change or are unwilling to change. But bad bosses certainly have received clues, insights and direct feedback that their management style and behavior are harmful to others.

    Even when someone hasn’t explicitly said, “Your behavior is harmful to me and others,” the absence of feedback indicates a problem. It can mean that the leader’s team doesn’t feel safe enough to share feedback, that people do not believe the leader will act on what is shared, or that people have determine the best strategy is to avoid the boss as much as possible.

    10. Bad Bosses Are Perfectionists

    Bad bosses are driven by an internal urge to be perfect. Perfectionists don’t just want to be perfect; they want everyone around them to be perfect as well. This is a standard that neither they nor their team can live up to.

    Since perfection is illusive, they spend their time chasing their shadow and being frustrated that they cannot catch it. They are unable to enjoy the journey and often block others from doing so as well. They let “perfect” be the enemy of “good.” Rather than embracing a growth mindset that desires to learn and improved, they are compulsive and toxic.

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    If you are like me and you see yourself in parts of this list, do not despair. A bad boss can change. The key is seeking honest feedback and being willing to work through that feedback and your triggers with a therapist or coach.

    The Bottom Line

    Regardless of your age and the mistakes you have made, you can change and become a healthier leader whom others respect and appreciate.

    Conversely, if you are employed by a bad boss, do everything in your power to take care of yourself. Understand that your boss’s behavior, even if directed at you, is not about you. Your boss’s reactions, if and when you make a mistake, is a reflection on that individual, not you.

    To survive the work environment, think about the lesson you are meant to learn. You can do this with a trusted therapist or capable coach. However, if you deem the work environment to be toxic and harmful to your health, seek employment elsewhere.

    In the end, this is an article I did not want to write, but I’m happy I did.

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    Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

    Reference

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