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Letter to the other me: From a destitute Lover

Letter to the other me: From a destitute Lover

My Marie,

I have a strange wish today. I was awake last night writing this letter to you, but today, I wish I do not have to give you this letter ever.

This could be my message in a bottle. Years later, when I am long gone, you could find this somewhere hidden in your closet. I have these things that I need to tell you, but for some reason, I also have nothing to say to you anymore.

For the last few days, we haven’t spoken to one another. You ask me to speak. I am strong, Marie. I usually feel extremely strong deep inside, and I have lots to say. But today I am feeling very tired. What can I say, M? There is little left for me to say.

You were nineteen when we first met. I was a few years older. You were a girl fresh in college. I know I was your first and only true love. It hasn’t been that long, has it? Perhaps you’d remember, I was a broken man when I met you. I had lost everything – love, my ability to make decisions, all of my self-confidence and self-respect. I really did not know what you saw in me Marie, when you fell in love.

I did not think I deserved you. I thought if someone would ever fall in love with me, that would be out of pity. I Honesty did not think I could ever be loved again so unconditionally.

You made me feel like never before. You didn’t know it, you were just happy that I loved you, but as you arranged that broken jigsaw puzzle, you made a beautiful picture out of me. Your love made me whole that day, M. You would not understand this, but for a person who had once lost everything there is no greater gift!! I must have told you a million times, I thank God every day for you, every morning when I wake up when I am away from you, that’s what I do. Trust me, Marie, I have never taken you for granted.

Even as I write this letter there are so many things that happened today which I just have to tell you! But I am scared now Marie.

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I have come a long way holding your hands. I am not a person who thinks I could have done it by myself. It was always you, M. But things are different today. Today you see me with these accolades and you start comparing how much I have achieved against what you have lost.

That hurts. You know why? Every time I achieved something the real joy was to be able to share that with you, to be able to see that pride for me in your eyes. There was nothing greater than to feel that someone like you thinks about me every day and feels proud to be with me!! I have no success outside of you, M.

Letter to the other me

    We are a team M, I always thought we were that team which no one can defeat. I always felt we are this one big blob of one person with two bodies. Like a boy who comes running to his mother, I come running to you to tell you, so you will feel proud of me!!

    I really feel proud of every achievement you have in your own profession, Marie. When you achieve something, I do not feel happy for you, I feel happy for myself. I see My baby girl waving at me…there is a part of me which wins every time you win, and I really thought that’s how you felt, too.

    You think all this is my success? I never told you, but I have just one achievement – and that is you! All the others were just to impress you.

    Today you compare and tell me how you have achieved less because of me. You think I am standing in the way of your success? Really, M? Was it wrong of me to feel that we were one? Was it always a comparison for you between how much you can achieve and how much I have?

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    Who can doubt that you could be successful in your career? When did I ever doubt that? When did I ever doubt that you could soar if you wanted? Do I need a letter to tell you that? That hurts, you know. It is a line of thought I could never have imagined coming from you. It really really pains inside!!

    As I write I’m having this heavy feeling inside…when you read this perhaps you will feel I am using mere words to convince you, to justify my own demands. It’s painful to think that you may feel that way.

    I really feel sad about being professionally successful today, M – because had I not, perhaps you would have stayed with me, and not ripped yourself apart to compare. We could have been that happy couple in a small apartment, and I would have been happy with you, M, instead of two different people living in a mansion.

    I was always so confident about us, and today I feel so naïve.

    When you tear yourself apart from me and show me how much you had to sacrifice to make me successful I stand spellbound.  We are family. Does this not mean that we stay together all the time? Am I missing something? Am I too ambitious for you? What can I do, Marie? What else do you need me to do? How have I not supported you all these years? I could not have told you this if it not was for this letter.

    And I did not support you because of you wanted that. I did it because we wanted that, it was always us. So many people have asked about my plans in life and why we are not together. Without exception, I stood for you, every time. I did not even tell you because I always felt our time will come.

    I always believed our equation is different. What we have, Gods Envy!

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    I am proud of you M. I always have been. I have no doubt you would succeed in whatever you do in life, with or without me. I hope you know that I never doubted that.

    But you are my other me, Marie. You are a part of me. If you do leave on your quest for success it will break me forever again. I would return to being a no one like before.

    I don’t know if these words mean anything to you now, but let me say it anyway. All these years you have been busy with your career and I have been with mine, but I was happy inside. Because I knew someday we will be together again. I hoped for us being a family – for almost a decade I felt that. And today you want to compare achievements.

    I am not a stupid guy, Marie. I know what you feel. I have seen this feeling in so many people. I just did not think you could feel this about us. So naïve of me.

    I have never stopped you for anything, and I have always expressed what I felt. If you really want just professional success you will have it, Marie. But if you rip yourself off from me and head out to your true calling, I know one day you will be scared, M, and I feel scared thinking about that day. I know one day my Marie will be alone and look for me with longing eyes and I may be far far away from her. I really love you more than to bear that thought.

    I am scared for myself too because I know I will be shattered here. You will be victorious, Marie, but will we be victorious? Perhaps you compare our relationship with those of other people. I never did. I could not even begin to do that.

    You tell me I would not understand about your profession. I know a thing or two about success Marie, and I know about achieving. I just did not think that for us, you and I were any different. It was always our success!

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    I can fight against the whole world for you Marie, and if you are by my side, I will win every battle for you! I just cannot fight with you. I just won’t be strong enough. I wish we met in a different time, M. We would have been happier.

    I do not know how to end this letter, M. Just stay with me, okay? Will my love be enough for you?

    Yours forever.

    PS: I love you. And the other night, that call was from me. Just wanted to hear the sound of your voice.

    Featured photo credit: Captain D via thesoulcreator.com

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    8 Things to Watch for If You’re Considering Being Vegetarian

    8 Things to Watch for If You’re Considering Being Vegetarian

    Vegetarianism has been around for a long time, finding favor with many people, including Pythagoras clear back around 580 B.C. It’s been presented as one of the most healthy diets around, including being touted by the Egyptians to the point of abstaining from meat and animal clothing due to karmic beliefs. The vegetarian society (vegsoc.org) defines vegetarianism as:

    “Someone who lives on a diet of grains, pulses, nuts, seeds, vegetables and fruits with, or without, the use of dairy products and eggs. A vegetarian does not eat any meat, poultry, game, fish, shellfish* or by-products of slaughter.”

    While it’s pretty obvious that there are multiple benefits to following a vegetarian diet, it’s always good to be informed about the cons of this dietary choice as well.

    Outlined below are several things you might want to be aware of before you say good-bye to meat forever. Whether you are a current vegetarian, or contemplating making a shift, keep in mind these 8 things to keep yourself healthy.

    1. You could suffer from B12 vitamin deficiency

    The B vitamins are especially important for stress management, adrenal health, and brain function. Vegetarians in particularly are at risk for B12 deficiency. Vitamin B12 is attached to the protein in animal products and without enough B12 you can suffer from depression, fatigue, and an inability to concentrate.

    Due to its attachment to animal proteins, B12 is the hardest for vegetarians to obtain when they don’t eat dairy or eggs in their diet. This essential little vitamin can be found in some algae and has been added to some yeast, but research doesn’t currently provide enough information to say whether or not these forms of B12 are of good quality and can provide adequate supplementation.

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    The body is unable to make this vitamin, meaning it has to be taken in through food or supplementation. Essential for making red blood cells, DNA, nerves and various other function in the body, a Harvard Health Medical report in January of 2013 found symptoms of a B12 deficiency can present in sneaky ways including depression, paranoia, delusion, and loss of taste and smell.

    2.  You could suffer from higher states of anxiety/depression, lower sense of well-being

    According to a CBS Atlanta report, vegetarians suffered from a higher rate of anxiety and depression than their counterparts. Read the full report here. Depression and/or anxiety can be a result of many possible deficiencies including essential vitamins and amino acids you can find only in meat products, including Omega-3s from wild caught salmon.

    Without the correct supplementation and proper understanding of diet, including the importance of micro and macro nutrients, depression and anxiety can become a serious problem, bringing down the overall health and well-being of vegetarians.

    Even though reports on health and lifestyle show vegetarians have a lower BMI and lower consumption of alcohol and drugs, it also shows they suffer from more chronic illnesses and more visits to the doctor than their meat eating counterparts.

    3. You could suffer from excess weight

    When you go vegetarian it opens up a lot of food, but just because there isn’t any meat in front of you, it doesn’t mean it’s necessary healthy. Though pizza and beer technically fall under the vegetarian diet, it’s not a healthy choice for your waist line.

    Just because being a vegetarian is associated with a healthier lifestyle in many cases, doesn’t mean it’s always true. Making bread and pasta your staples and not understanding where your protein sources should be coming from, can pack on body fat, which increases your chances of health issues such as diabetes and chronic inflammation.

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    If the choice to go vegetarian happens on a whim without the proper understanding of food control, portion, and nutritionally dense alternatives you can find yourself reaching for vegetarian foods, which could cause serious problems down the road. Nuts are a good example, but just because something is touted as healthy, it doesn’t mean, your should eat it in excess.

    Eating too many calories in fat will still cause you to gain weight. Eating too many calories in carbs will cause you to gain weight. Eating too many calories in protein will cause you to gain weight. See a pattern here? Not to mention you’ll miss out on important nutrients the body needs by over-eating in one area and under-eating in another. Re-read number 2.

    4. You could have a higher risk of heart disease

    Eating plenty of fruits and vegetables should be a goal we all strive for, but when you cut out meat, you also cut out what is known as complete protein, which you find in animal by-products. Complete means more than just the essential amino acids, it means those amino acids contain dietary sulfur. Without enough dietary sulfur, which is found almost exclusively in fish and pasture feed grass beef, the body will struggle with the biological activities of both protein and enzymes.

    The effects cascade downward, effecting bones, joints, tissues, and even metabolic issues. In short, a low intake of sulfur associated with a vegetarian diet can result in high blood levels of homocysteine, which may lead to blood clots in your arteries, blood clots raise your risk of stroke and heart attack. To read the full report click here.

    5. You could suffer from low cholesterol

    I know, at first you’re thinking, wait, low cholesterol is a good thing. Yes, it is, when it’s LDL cholesterol, which you get from eating an unhealthy diet, but low HDL (good cholesterol) can cause serious health issues. HDL, according to the mayo clinic, is in every cell in our body and can help fend off heart disease, not enough of it though, and too much LDL can go the other way, will be building up plaque in the arteries and leading to heart disease.

    Cholesterol, the good kind, is actually vitally important to the making of every steroid hormone in the body! There are six, and without cholesterol the body is unable to convert hormones, and it can cause damage in the endocrine system.

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    A vegetarian without a balanced diet, meaning enough protein, enough veggies, and enough good fats, could disrupt his or her adrenals, which are directly connected to the endocrine system and the body’s ability to make and synthesize the hormones your body needs. The six major hormones in the body help do everything from metabolizing carbohydrates, to the electrolyte balance, to making sure if you’re a woman you can carry a healthy baby through pregnancy.

    6. You could suffer from lower bone density and osteoporosis.

    Osteoporosis, the disease where the bones get thinner, weaker, and fractures become a high risk with day to day movements. It’s often associated with the older generation, but your risk for osteoporosis increases with a lower bone density. Bone density can be directly related to diet and lifestyle, along with many other factors.

    When it comes to eating a vegetarian diet it’s possible to miss getting enough of the right nutrients, causing the bones to begin to break down. If your vegetarian diet isn’t balanced and providing you with the correct nutrients and the means to absorb the correct nutrients, your body could begin to break down.

    Recently, Professor Tuan Nguyen of Sydney’s Garvan Institute of Medical Research led a review of both Australian and Vietnamese research around the bone density of vegetarian versus their meat eating counterparts. Helping Professor Nguyen was Dr. Ho-Pham Thuc Lan from Pham Ngoc Thac University of Medicine in Vietnam. The review was designed to sort though years of research surrounded by discrepancies and inadequate clinical data.

    At the end of the review, with vegetarianism rising to around 5% of the populace in the western continents, and with wide spread osteoporosis reports – 2 million in Australia and closer to 54 million in America – the decrease in bone density of vegetarians is a serious issue which needs to be addressed, if you’ve cut meat and animal by-products out of your life.

    7. You could be at a higher risk for colorectal cancer

    Cancer seems to be running rampant through America, and it’s within everyone’s best interest to do all they can to keep their body healthy and happy to prevent cancer from finding a place to grow. In most studies it’s been found vegetarians are at lower risk for cancer, but a European Oxford study with over 63 thousand men and women in the United Kingdom found the risk for colorectal cancer higher in vegetarians than in meat-eaters.

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    Extra care needs to be taken when establishing a diet to ensure the body is receiving and able to up take all the important nutritional benefits and requirements from food.

    8. You could end up eating more processed food

    Depending on how deep you choose to go as a vegetarian, it could create the need to substitute a lot of food and recipe ingredients in your diet, but what happens when you cut out meat, eggs, and dairy and your recipe calls for meat, eggs, and/or dairy? You have to end up using a “healthy” vegetarian alternative which include stabilizers, thickeners, and various other ingredients you can’t pronounce.

    Lauren from Empowered Substance puts it into a great perspective with her comparison of Earth Balance, a vegetarian approved butter replacement compared to butter. She points out the ingredients in Earth Balance consist of: Palm fruit oil, canola oil, safflower oil, flax oil, olive oil, salt, natural flavor, pea protein, sunflower lecithin, lactic acid, annatto color. Meanwhile, the ingredient list in butter, is much shorter. It’s butter.

    That’s only one example. To appeal to the vegetarian lifestyle food manufacturers have found alternatives which fall under vegetarian, but aren’t necessarily healthy for you. Consider baked goods, which though vegetarian can be filled with more sugars and binders than regular baked goods with diary products. It’s the same with vegetarian items like mac and cheese, without using real cheese you may just be getting oil and thickeners, without even the smallest amount of nutritional value.

    The reality is, most vegetarian substitutes contain the same junky alternatives which even meat eaters should be avoiding to remain happy and healthy.

    On one final note, whichever lifestyle you choose to work with, remember anything in excess – including protein and animal by products – isn’t healthy for the body. It takes a wide spectrum of food and nutrients to keep the beautiful body you travel around in all day running in prime condition.

     

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