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Letter to the other me: From a destitute Lover

Letter to the other me: From a destitute Lover

My Marie,

I have a strange wish today. I was awake last night writing this letter to you, but today, I wish I do not have to give you this letter ever.

This could be my message in a bottle. Years later, when I am long gone, you could find this somewhere hidden in your closet. I have these things that I need to tell you, but for some reason, I also have nothing to say to you anymore.

For the last few days, we haven’t spoken to one another. You ask me to speak. I am strong, Marie. I usually feel extremely strong deep inside, and I have lots to say. But today I am feeling very tired. What can I say, M? There is little left for me to say.

You were nineteen when we first met. I was a few years older. You were a girl fresh in college. I know I was your first and only true love. It hasn’t been that long, has it? Perhaps you’d remember, I was a broken man when I met you. I had lost everything – love, my ability to make decisions, all of my self-confidence and self-respect. I really did not know what you saw in me Marie, when you fell in love.

I did not think I deserved you. I thought if someone would ever fall in love with me, that would be out of pity. I Honesty did not think I could ever be loved again so unconditionally.

You made me feel like never before. You didn’t know it, you were just happy that I loved you, but as you arranged that broken jigsaw puzzle, you made a beautiful picture out of me. Your love made me whole that day, M. You would not understand this, but for a person who had once lost everything there is no greater gift!! I must have told you a million times, I thank God every day for you, every morning when I wake up when I am away from you, that’s what I do. Trust me, Marie, I have never taken you for granted.

Even as I write this letter there are so many things that happened today which I just have to tell you! But I am scared now Marie.

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I have come a long way holding your hands. I am not a person who thinks I could have done it by myself. It was always you, M. But things are different today. Today you see me with these accolades and you start comparing how much I have achieved against what you have lost.

That hurts. You know why? Every time I achieved something the real joy was to be able to share that with you, to be able to see that pride for me in your eyes. There was nothing greater than to feel that someone like you thinks about me every day and feels proud to be with me!! I have no success outside of you, M.

Letter to the other me

    We are a team M, I always thought we were that team which no one can defeat. I always felt we are this one big blob of one person with two bodies. Like a boy who comes running to his mother, I come running to you to tell you, so you will feel proud of me!!

    I really feel proud of every achievement you have in your own profession, Marie. When you achieve something, I do not feel happy for you, I feel happy for myself. I see My baby girl waving at me…there is a part of me which wins every time you win, and I really thought that’s how you felt, too.

    You think all this is my success? I never told you, but I have just one achievement – and that is you! All the others were just to impress you.

    Today you compare and tell me how you have achieved less because of me. You think I am standing in the way of your success? Really, M? Was it wrong of me to feel that we were one? Was it always a comparison for you between how much you can achieve and how much I have?

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    Who can doubt that you could be successful in your career? When did I ever doubt that? When did I ever doubt that you could soar if you wanted? Do I need a letter to tell you that? That hurts, you know. It is a line of thought I could never have imagined coming from you. It really really pains inside!!

    As I write I’m having this heavy feeling inside…when you read this perhaps you will feel I am using mere words to convince you, to justify my own demands. It’s painful to think that you may feel that way.

    I really feel sad about being professionally successful today, M – because had I not, perhaps you would have stayed with me, and not ripped yourself apart to compare. We could have been that happy couple in a small apartment, and I would have been happy with you, M, instead of two different people living in a mansion.

    I was always so confident about us, and today I feel so naïve.

    When you tear yourself apart from me and show me how much you had to sacrifice to make me successful I stand spellbound.  We are family. Does this not mean that we stay together all the time? Am I missing something? Am I too ambitious for you? What can I do, Marie? What else do you need me to do? How have I not supported you all these years? I could not have told you this if it not was for this letter.

    And I did not support you because of you wanted that. I did it because we wanted that, it was always us. So many people have asked about my plans in life and why we are not together. Without exception, I stood for you, every time. I did not even tell you because I always felt our time will come.

    I always believed our equation is different. What we have, Gods Envy!

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    I am proud of you M. I always have been. I have no doubt you would succeed in whatever you do in life, with or without me. I hope you know that I never doubted that.

    But you are my other me, Marie. You are a part of me. If you do leave on your quest for success it will break me forever again. I would return to being a no one like before.

    I don’t know if these words mean anything to you now, but let me say it anyway. All these years you have been busy with your career and I have been with mine, but I was happy inside. Because I knew someday we will be together again. I hoped for us being a family – for almost a decade I felt that. And today you want to compare achievements.

    I am not a stupid guy, Marie. I know what you feel. I have seen this feeling in so many people. I just did not think you could feel this about us. So naïve of me.

    I have never stopped you for anything, and I have always expressed what I felt. If you really want just professional success you will have it, Marie. But if you rip yourself off from me and head out to your true calling, I know one day you will be scared, M, and I feel scared thinking about that day. I know one day my Marie will be alone and look for me with longing eyes and I may be far far away from her. I really love you more than to bear that thought.

    I am scared for myself too because I know I will be shattered here. You will be victorious, Marie, but will we be victorious? Perhaps you compare our relationship with those of other people. I never did. I could not even begin to do that.

    You tell me I would not understand about your profession. I know a thing or two about success Marie, and I know about achieving. I just did not think that for us, you and I were any different. It was always our success!

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    I can fight against the whole world for you Marie, and if you are by my side, I will win every battle for you! I just cannot fight with you. I just won’t be strong enough. I wish we met in a different time, M. We would have been happier.

    I do not know how to end this letter, M. Just stay with me, okay? Will my love be enough for you?

    Yours forever.

    PS: I love you. And the other night, that call was from me. Just wanted to hear the sound of your voice.

    Featured photo credit: Captain D via thesoulcreator.com

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    Last Updated on September 20, 2018

    How to Stay Calm and Cool When You Are Extremely Stressful

    How to Stay Calm and Cool When You Are Extremely Stressful

    Being in a hurry all the time drains your energy. Your work and routine life make you feel overwhelmed. Getting caught up in things beyond your control stresses you out…

    If you’d like to stay calm and cool in stressful situations, put the following 8 steps into practice:

    1. Breathe

    The next time you’re faced with a stressful situation that makes you want to hurry, stop what you’re doing for one minute and perform the following steps:

    • Take five deep breaths in and out (your belly should come forward with each inhale).
    • Imagine all that stress leaving your body with each exhale.
    • Smile. Fake it if you have to. It’s pretty hard to stay grumpy with a goofy grin on your face.

    Feel free to repeat the above steps every few hours at work or home if you need to.

    2. Loosen up

    After your breathing session, perform a quick body scan to identify any areas that are tight or tense. Clenched jaw? Rounded shoulders? Anything else that isn’t at ease?

    Gently touch or massage any of your body parts that are under tension to encourage total relaxation. It might help to imagine you’re in a place that calms you: a beach, hot tub, or nature trail, for example.

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    3. Chew slowly

    Slow down at the dinner table if you want to learn to be patient and lose weight. Shoveling your food down as fast as you can is a surefire way to eat more than you need to (and find yourself with a bellyache).

    Be a mindful eater who pays attention to the taste, texture, and aroma of every dish. Chew slowly while you try to guess all of the ingredients that were used to prepare your dish.

    Chewing slowly will also reduce those dreadful late-night cravings that sneak up on you after work.

    4. Let go

    Cliche as it sounds, it’s very effective.

    The thing that seems like the end of the world right now?

    It’s not. Promise.

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    Stressing and worrying about the situation you’re in won’t do any good because you’re already in it, so just let it go.

    Letting go isn’t easy, so here’s a guide to help you:

    21 Things To Do When You Find It Hard To Let Go

    5. Enjoy the journey

    Focusing on the end result can quickly become exhausting. Chasing a bold, audacious goal that’s going to require a lot of time and patience? Split it into several mini-goals so you’ll have several causes for celebration.

    Stop focusing on the negative thoughts. Giving yourself consistent positive feedback will help you grow patience, stay encouraged, and find more joy in the process of achieving your goals.

    6. Look at the big picture

    The next time you find your stress level skyrocketing, take a deep breath, and ask yourself:

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    Will this matter to me…

    • Next week?
    • Next month?
    • Next year?
    • In 10 years?

    Hint: No, it won’t.

    I bet most of the stuff that stresses you wouldn’t matter the next week, maybe not even the next day.

    Stop agonizing over things you can’t control because you’re only hurting yourself.

    7. Stop demanding perfection of yourself

    You’re not perfect and that’s okay. Show me a person who claims to be perfect and I’ll show you a dirty liar.

    Demanding perfection of yourself (or anybody else) will only stress you out because it just isn’t possible.

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    8. Practice patience every day

    Below are a few easy ways you can practice patience every day, increasing your ability to remain calm and cool in times of stress:

    • The next time you go to the grocery store, get in the longest line.
    • Instead of going through the drive-thru at your bank, go inside.
    • Take a long walk through a secluded park or trail.

    Final thoughts

    Staying calm in stressful situations is possible, all you need is some daily practice.

    Taking deep breaths and eat mindfully are some simple ways to train your brain to be more patient. But changing the way you think of a situation and staying positive are most important in keeping cool whenever you feel overwhelmed and stressful.

    Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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