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Letter to the other me: From a destitute Lover

Letter to the other me: From a destitute Lover

My Marie,

I have a strange wish today. I was awake last night writing this letter to you, but today, I wish I do not have to give you this letter ever.

This could be my message in a bottle. Years later, when I am long gone, you could find this somewhere hidden in your closet. I have these things that I need to tell you, but for some reason, I also have nothing to say to you anymore.

For the last few days, we haven’t spoken to one another. You ask me to speak. I am strong, Marie. I usually feel extremely strong deep inside, and I have lots to say. But today I am feeling very tired. What can I say, M? There is little left for me to say.

You were nineteen when we first met. I was a few years older. You were a girl fresh in college. I know I was your first and only true love. It hasn’t been that long, has it? Perhaps you’d remember, I was a broken man when I met you. I had lost everything – love, my ability to make decisions, all of my self-confidence and self-respect. I really did not know what you saw in me Marie, when you fell in love.

I did not think I deserved you. I thought if someone would ever fall in love with me, that would be out of pity. I Honesty did not think I could ever be loved again so unconditionally.

You made me feel like never before. You didn’t know it, you were just happy that I loved you, but as you arranged that broken jigsaw puzzle, you made a beautiful picture out of me. Your love made me whole that day, M. You would not understand this, but for a person who had once lost everything there is no greater gift!! I must have told you a million times, I thank God every day for you, every morning when I wake up when I am away from you, that’s what I do. Trust me, Marie, I have never taken you for granted.

Even as I write this letter there are so many things that happened today which I just have to tell you! But I am scared now Marie.

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I have come a long way holding your hands. I am not a person who thinks I could have done it by myself. It was always you, M. But things are different today. Today you see me with these accolades and you start comparing how much I have achieved against what you have lost.

That hurts. You know why? Every time I achieved something the real joy was to be able to share that with you, to be able to see that pride for me in your eyes. There was nothing greater than to feel that someone like you thinks about me every day and feels proud to be with me!! I have no success outside of you, M.

Letter to the other me

    We are a team M, I always thought we were that team which no one can defeat. I always felt we are this one big blob of one person with two bodies. Like a boy who comes running to his mother, I come running to you to tell you, so you will feel proud of me!!

    I really feel proud of every achievement you have in your own profession, Marie. When you achieve something, I do not feel happy for you, I feel happy for myself. I see My baby girl waving at me…there is a part of me which wins every time you win, and I really thought that’s how you felt, too.

    You think all this is my success? I never told you, but I have just one achievement – and that is you! All the others were just to impress you.

    Today you compare and tell me how you have achieved less because of me. You think I am standing in the way of your success? Really, M? Was it wrong of me to feel that we were one? Was it always a comparison for you between how much you can achieve and how much I have?

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    Who can doubt that you could be successful in your career? When did I ever doubt that? When did I ever doubt that you could soar if you wanted? Do I need a letter to tell you that? That hurts, you know. It is a line of thought I could never have imagined coming from you. It really really pains inside!!

    As I write I’m having this heavy feeling inside…when you read this perhaps you will feel I am using mere words to convince you, to justify my own demands. It’s painful to think that you may feel that way.

    I really feel sad about being professionally successful today, M – because had I not, perhaps you would have stayed with me, and not ripped yourself apart to compare. We could have been that happy couple in a small apartment, and I would have been happy with you, M, instead of two different people living in a mansion.

    I was always so confident about us, and today I feel so naïve.

    When you tear yourself apart from me and show me how much you had to sacrifice to make me successful I stand spellbound.  We are family. Does this not mean that we stay together all the time? Am I missing something? Am I too ambitious for you? What can I do, Marie? What else do you need me to do? How have I not supported you all these years? I could not have told you this if it not was for this letter.

    And I did not support you because of you wanted that. I did it because we wanted that, it was always us. So many people have asked about my plans in life and why we are not together. Without exception, I stood for you, every time. I did not even tell you because I always felt our time will come.

    I always believed our equation is different. What we have, Gods Envy!

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    I am proud of you M. I always have been. I have no doubt you would succeed in whatever you do in life, with or without me. I hope you know that I never doubted that.

    But you are my other me, Marie. You are a part of me. If you do leave on your quest for success it will break me forever again. I would return to being a no one like before.

    I don’t know if these words mean anything to you now, but let me say it anyway. All these years you have been busy with your career and I have been with mine, but I was happy inside. Because I knew someday we will be together again. I hoped for us being a family – for almost a decade I felt that. And today you want to compare achievements.

    I am not a stupid guy, Marie. I know what you feel. I have seen this feeling in so many people. I just did not think you could feel this about us. So naïve of me.

    I have never stopped you for anything, and I have always expressed what I felt. If you really want just professional success you will have it, Marie. But if you rip yourself off from me and head out to your true calling, I know one day you will be scared, M, and I feel scared thinking about that day. I know one day my Marie will be alone and look for me with longing eyes and I may be far far away from her. I really love you more than to bear that thought.

    I am scared for myself too because I know I will be shattered here. You will be victorious, Marie, but will we be victorious? Perhaps you compare our relationship with those of other people. I never did. I could not even begin to do that.

    You tell me I would not understand about your profession. I know a thing or two about success Marie, and I know about achieving. I just did not think that for us, you and I were any different. It was always our success!

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    I can fight against the whole world for you Marie, and if you are by my side, I will win every battle for you! I just cannot fight with you. I just won’t be strong enough. I wish we met in a different time, M. We would have been happier.

    I do not know how to end this letter, M. Just stay with me, okay? Will my love be enough for you?

    Yours forever.

    PS: I love you. And the other night, that call was from me. Just wanted to hear the sound of your voice.

    Featured photo credit: Captain D via thesoulcreator.com

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    Last Updated on July 18, 2019

    10 Small Changes To Make Your House Feel Like A Home

    10 Small Changes To Make Your House Feel Like A Home

    Your house is more than just a building that you live in. It should be a home that makes you feel welcome as soon as you open the front door.

    Making your house feel like a home is not something that simply happens on its own. You need to make some changes to a house when you move in, to give it that cozy, warm feeling that turns it into a true home. To help you speed the process, follow this guide to 10 small changes to make your house feel like a home.

    1. Make the Windows Your Own

    When you move into a home, they often come with boring Venetian blinds or less than attractive curtains.

    One of the best ways you can instantly warm your home and make it showcase your style is to add some new window dressing. Adding beautiful curtains not only improves your home’s appearance, but it can also help to control the temperature.

    2. Put up Some Art

    If you have a lot of bare walls in your home, it will seem sterile no matter how beautiful your paint or wallpaper is.

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    Hanging art on the walls will instantly give it personality and make it feel like home.

    3. Improve the Aroma

    A house that is not filled with inviting smells will never feel like a home. There are loads of ways you can make your home smell nice. There are tons of air fresheners on the market you can use.

    Incense and scented candles are a nice option as well. Don’t forget that baking in a home is also a great way to fill it with an aroma that instantly smells like home as soon as you open the front door.

    4. Put out Lots of Pillows and Throws

    A great way to make your home look warm and inviting is to place lots of pillows and throws out on the furniture. It is much better to have too many pillows than not enough.

    There is nothing like the feeling of sinking into a cushiony pillow that feels like a cloud to make you feel like you are at home.

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    5. Instantly Class up Your Closet

    If your closet is filled with wire or plastic hangers, it will never truly feel homey. To instantly make your closet feel classy, change out your old hangers for wooden ones.

    Not only do they look great, but they are better for hanging your clothes as well.

    6. Improve Your Air Quality

    One of the most overlooked ways to make your house feel more like a home is to improve its air quality.

    The easiest and best way to upgrade the air quality in your home is to change the old, dirty filters in your furnace regularly. Get some air filters delivered to your home so that you always have some on hand.

    7. Fill it with Plants

    Another way to improve the air quality in your home is to fill it with plants. You should have plants in every room of your home.

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    They help to improve the air quality and they look beautiful. As well as making your home appear homier, plants also help to boost your mood and lower your stress levels.

    8. Change the Doorknobs

    Most people don’t really give their doorknobs a second thought unless they are broken. That is a shame because changing your doorknobs is an easy way to add personality to your home.

    Changing your old, boring doorknobs to new ones that are works of art will instantly brighten your home.

    9. Upgrade Your Tub or Shower

    There is nothing like luxuriating in a whirlpool bath or steam shower to make the cares of the day melt away. Your family deserves a bit of luxury when they are in their bathroom.

    Install a new shower or tub today to make your bathroom worthy of a place in your home.

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    10. Fresh Cut Flowers

    You can make any room in your house feel homier by placing a vase full of beautiful flowers in it. The gorgeous look and intoxicating aroma of fresh cut flowers will immediately brighten your day when you encounter them.

    You don’t have to make all these changes at once. Try one or two a day though, and your house will feel like a home before you know it. The trick is to constantly keep adding these homey touches to make your home a place worthy of its name.

    Featured photo credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/black-wooden-round-analog-wall-clock-on-brown-wooden-wall-121537/ via unsplash.com

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