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17 Things I Wish I Did Before Turning 35

17 Things I Wish I Did Before Turning 35

Did we do all the things we had hoped to do? Are we where we had hoped we would be? Life is a series of choices, so have no regrets. But we can always imagine!

17 things I Wish I Did Before Turning 35

  1. Travel alone to a far away country
    If you have never done this before, you should. Traveling alone is an entirely different experience than traveling with a friend. Challenge yourself. It might not be comfortable at first, but you will reap rewards you are not even aware of yet.
  2. Get rid of toxic relationships earlier
    It seems like such an easy one! But sometimes we don’t do the thing for ourselves that we know is best. It can be hard. But consider your relationship with yourself – consider caring for yourself, the way that you would expect a friend to. Then love yourself enough to cut toxicity out of your life. Now.
  3. Put my own needs before anyone else
    We often barge through life doing what we have learned, or what is expected of us. Sit with yourself a while. Find out what you need. Then be unapologetic going after them, or for putting yourself first. Not all the time, balance is everything. But find out when you need to put yourself first, and just do it.
  4. Violate unnecessary rules Rules were made to be broken! Just kidding. But the rules that are made for your life are often made by others. Consider them. Are they really what is best for you? If not, break the rules. Make your own, that work for you, and stick to them instead.
  5. Say no firmly
    This does not make you a monster. If people are not listening, and you do not wish to proceed, just say no. Practice this. Practice makes perfect. Know your rights. In time it will not feel uncomfortable at all, you will simply be taking a stand for yourself, and reaping the rewards.
  6. Care less about what others think
    Practice this too! You are the only person that should be concerned with your choices. Forget the rest.
  7. Take the class you always thought about
    Remember that painting/ pottery/ hip hop class you always thought about taking because it would be SO fun? Do it while you have the time.
  8. Study abroad
    Before family or any kind of responsibility comes into the equation, look into studying abroad. You can learn invaluable things about the world and forge lifelong friendships. This is a life-changing opportunity so take it if, and while you can.
  9. Try a risky career move
    Ever had a business idea you wanted to go gangbusters with, and only needed young craziness to actually pursue it? Go for it.The worst that can happen is that you will fail. But at least you would have given your nude modelling career a go, and had fun in the process!
  10. Listen to my heart
    Listen to your heart, instead of your head. See where it takes you.
  11. Plan a dream holiday with all of my best friends
    Although we can still try and do this throughout our lives, making memories like this can set the precedent for the future. Do it early. Do it as much as you possibly can.
  12. Trust myself
    Easier said than done. But again, practice makes perfect. If we perfect this in our twenties, we are setting the standard for the years to come.
  13. Play music
    Sing in a band! Have fun! Not only will you meet people and have a great time, you can learn about a new world, and gain confidence through performance.
  14. Do everything your parents told you not to
    Well, at least one. See where your own path takes you. Learn to trust yourself.
  15. Take the road less traveled
    We do this subconsciously sometimes when we don’t even realize it. Try to get off the beaten path in your earlier years, at a time when you might not have anyone to care for but yourself. (But always tell someone where you’re going.)
  16. Fall in love with the right person
    We all know the fun stories of the bad boys or girls. But practice falling in love with the good person. It will propel you toward happiness, and fill you with decency and peace that you deserve.
  17. Love your past, as part of you
    Remember that our pasts make us who we are! So whatever happens, the journey you took brought you right to this moment. And it’s never too late.

Featured photo credit: picjumbo via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on October 13, 2020

12 Things High Self-Esteem People Don’t Do

12 Things High Self-Esteem People Don’t Do

Having high self-esteem is important if you are aiming for personal or professional success. Interestingly, most people will high levels of self-esteem act in similar ways. That’s why it’s often easy to pick them out in a crowd. There’s something about the way they hold themselves and speak, isn’t there?

We all have different hopes, dreams, experiences, and paths, but confidence has its own universal language. This list will present some of the things you won’t find yourself doing if you have high self-esteem.

1. Compare Yourself to Others

People with low self-esteem are constantly comparing their situation to others. On the other hand, people with higher self-esteem show empathy and compassion while also protecting their own sanity. They know how much they can handle and when they can offer a helping hand.

In the age of social media, however, social comparisons are nearly ubiquitous. One study found that “participants who used Facebook most often had poorer trait self-esteem, and this was mediated by greater exposure to upward social comparisons on social media”[1]. Basically, you will feel worse about yourself if you are constantly getting glimpses into lives that you consider to be better than yours.

Try to limit your time on social media. Also, when you do start scrolling, keep in mind that each profile is carefully crafted to create the appearance of a perfect life. Check yourself when you find yourself wishing for greener grass.

2. Be Mean-Spirited

People with low self-esteem bully others. They take pleasure in putting other people down. People with positive self-esteem see no need to down other people, choosing instead to encourage and celebrate successes.

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If you find that you feel the need to put others down, analyze where that’s coming from. If they’ve had success in life, help them feel good about that achievement. They may do the same for you one day.

3. Let Imperfection Ruin Your Day

Perfectionism isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but obsessing over making everything perfect is a sign that you have low self-esteem and can lead to never-ending negative thoughts. This can turn into an inability to solve problems creatively, which will only make self-esteem issues worse. 

Those with high self-esteem disconnect from the results and do their best without expecting perfection.

People with that kind of confidence understand that messing up is a part of life and that each time they aim and miss success, they’ll at least learn something along the way.

If you miss the mark, or if your plan doesn’t work out exactly as you would have liked, take a deep breath and see if you can pivot in order to do better next time.

4. Dwell on Failure

It’s common to hear people dwelling on all the ways things will go wrong. They are positive that their every failure signals an impossible task or an innate inability to do something. People with healthy self-esteem discover why they failed and try again.

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People with higher levels of confidence also tend to adopt a growth mindset[2]. This type of thinking supports the idea that most of your abilities can be improved and altered, as opposed to being fixed.

For example, instead of saying, “I’m just not good at math; that’s why I did bad on the test,” someone with a growth mindset would say, “Math is difficult for me, so I’ll have to put in some more practice to improve next time.”

Next time you experience a failure, check out this video to help you believe in yourself again:

5. Devalue Your Self-Esteem

People with high self-esteem value their own perception of themselves – they understand that they come first and don’t feel guilty about taking care of themselves. They believe charity starts within, and if they don’t believe that, they’ll never have a healthy self-image.

Self-care is often top of the priority list for people with self-esteem. For some ways to practice self-care, check out this article.

6. Try to Please Others

They can’t please all the people all the time, so confident people first focus on doing what will make them feel fulfilled and happy. While they will politely listen to others’ thoughts and advice, they know that their goals and dreams have to be completed on their own terms.

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7. Close Yourself off

Confident people have the ability to be vulnerable. It’s those with poor self-esteem that hide all the best parts of themselves behind an emotional wall. Instead of keeping the real you a secret, be open and honest in all your dealings.

As Brené Brown, author of Daring Greatly, points out, “Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen”[3]. When you embrace each facet of who you are and allow others to see them as well, it will create deeper, more meaningful connections in your life. When that happens, you’ll realize that perfection doesn’t lead to people liking you more.

You can learn more about the power of vulnerability in this TED talk with Brené Brown:

8. Follow and Avoiding Leading

People with low self-esteem don’t believe they can lead, so they end up following others, sometimes into unhealthy situations. Rather than seeking a sense of belonging, people with high self-esteem walk their own paths and create social circles that build them up.

9. Fish for Compliments

If you’re constantly seeking compliments, you’re not confident. People with high self-esteem always do their best (and go out of their way to do good deeds) because it’s what they want to do, not because they’re seeking recognition. If you need to hear compliments, say them to yourself in the mirror.

You can even try some positive affirmations if you need a confidence boost. Check out these affirmations to get started.

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10. Be Lazy

People work harder when they have high self-esteem because they’re not bogged down by doubts and complaints. Those with low self-esteem end up procrastinating and wasting their energy thinking about all the work they have to do rather than rolling up their sleeves and just getting it done.

This may also bounce off perfectionism. Perfectionists often feel intimidated by certain projects if they fear that they won’t be able to complete them perfectly. Tap into your confidence and simply do your best without worrying about a perfect outcome.

11. Shy Away from Risks

When you trust yourself, you’ll be willing to participate more in life. People with low self-esteem are always on the sidelines, waiting for the perfect moment to jump in. Instead of letting life pass you by, have confidence in your success and take the risks necessary to succeed.

12. Gossip

People with low self-esteem are always in other peoples’ business – they’re more interested in what everyone else is doing than themselves. People with high self-esteem are more interested in their own life and stay out of others’ affairs.

Instead of participating in idle gossip, talk about some positive news you heard recently, or that fascinating book you just finished. There’s plenty to talk about beyond what this or that person did wrong in their life.

The Bottom Line

Self-esteem is to success in life. People who maintain a healthy level of self-esteem believe in themselves and push themselves to succeed, while those with low confidence feel a sense of entitlement.

If you need a boost in your self-image and mental health, avoid negative self-talk and the other mistakes of people with low self-esteem. You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes.

More Tips on Building Confidence

Featured photo credit: Christina @ wocintechchat.com via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Psychology of Popular Media Culture: Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem
[2] Brain Pickings: Fixed vs. Growth: The Two Basic Mindsets That Shape Our Lives
[3] Forbes: Brene Brown: How Vulnerability Can Make Our Lives Better

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