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4 Good Reasons Why Newlyweds Should Move

4 Good Reasons Why Newlyweds Should Move

For newlyweds and those who are engaged, it will be to your advantage to look for your new place together — away from the comforts of either of your parents. Now, understandably, this may not be your first thought. However, it is well worth considering. Moving away from the parents can be a really good thing as you embark on the next phase of your life together.

The keyword here is together. You are about to begin a journey that will have many ups and downs, as you well know. This new chapter in your life’s book will have wonderful untold adventures — new job opportunities, new pets, new friends, maybe even children. Your new journey needs to really focus on your new family — the two of you (or, if either of you already have children, all of you). Not to exclude your parents or your in-laws, but your “family” will now consist of who lives under the roof of your new home. Your extended family, though involved and supportive, is not your immediate family.

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Many newlyweds and couples simply struggle with separation from their extended family. This is especially true if you grew up in the south, where families are so important. However, separation from your family should include distance. This helps in so many ways, but is sometimes easier said than done. Once you rely on either set of your parents for financial assistance, for help with a disagreement, or just get too comfortable with them coming over, it becomes a scene from Everybody Love’s Raymond — and that isn’t pretty!

Boundaries are blurred, privacy is out the door, and the bond between husband and wife is not as tight as it should be. Countless experts will tell you that it is vital for a couple to have that time to really be together.

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Below are a few benefits from moving away from both of your families once you decide to live happily ever after:

1. Your parents will see you as independent.

Once you get married, those ties and bonds to your parents are still very much the same. However, if you put some distance between you, there is something amazing that happens: you begin to “grow up” in their eyes. They begin to see you more as equals instead of someone who really depends on them for everything.

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2. You can begin your new life by making new friends together.

Making friends together is a wonderful chance to really grow as a couple. When you move away from home, you are able to meet new neighbors and people in the community you would not have otherwise had the opportunity to meet. You are really beginning a new life together! This does not mean that you ignore those former relationships, but you are growing your sphere of influence and creating new connections that could benefit you in the future.

3. You can create boundaries for all parties involved.

A couple I knew moved back in with a set of their parents after getting married and this proved very stressful for all involved — for years. The parents knew the couple could not financially stand on their own feet and got used to taking care of their children. This even included telling them when dinner would be served — there was no privacy at all. After the couple moved out, for several years later, the set of parents would show up unannounced at their door! The couple had a struggle getting the parents to see them as adults and not children. They also had problems with how the parents disciplined their children. Having space creates that boundary that is necessary for a new couple to really grow

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4. You will have your own set standard way of doing things.

When you move out and venture into the new world together, you end up creating a set standard way of doing things together, and it may or may not be the way your parents would have done things. Odds are, it isn’t. Coming together as a couple, you will compromise and change. That is a beautiful part of marriage, in my opinion. Once you move out, you won’t want to move back in with your parents — that would mean losing all of the benefits of being independent with your new spouse.

Featured photo credit: Timothy Marsee via flickr.com

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

Creating a vision for your life might seem like a frivolous, fantastical waste of time, but it’s not: creating a compelling vision of the life you want is actually one of the most effective strategies for achieving the life of your dreams. Perhaps the best way to look at the concept of a life vision is as a compass to help guide you to take the best actions and make the right choices that help propel you toward your best life.

your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset you have

    Why You Need a Vision

    Experts and life success stories support the idea that with a vision in mind, you are more likely to succeed far beyond what you could otherwise achieve without a clear vision. Think of crafting your life vision as mapping a path to your personal and professional dreams. Life satisfaction and personal happiness are within reach. The harsh reality is that if you don’t develop your own vision, you’ll allow other people and circumstances to direct the course of your life.

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    How to Create Your Life Vision

    Don’t expect a clear and well-defined vision overnight—envisioning your life and determining the course you will follow requires time, and reflection. You need to cultivate vision and perspective, and you also need to apply logic and planning for the practical application of your vision. Your best vision blossoms from your dreams, hopes, and aspirations. It will resonate with your values and ideals, and will generate energy and enthusiasm to help strengthen your commitment to explore the possibilities of your life.

    What Do You Want?

    The question sounds deceptively simple, but it’s often the most difficult to answer. Allowing yourself to explore your deepest desires can be very frightening. You may also not think you have the time to consider something as fanciful as what you want out of life, but it’s important to remind yourself that a life of fulfillment does not usually happen by chance, but by design.

    It’s helpful to ask some thought-provoking questions to help you discover the possibilities of what you want out of life. Consider every aspect of your life, personal and professional, tangible and intangible. Contemplate all the important areas, family and friends, career and success, health and quality of life, spiritual connection and personal growth, and don’t forget about fun and enjoyment.

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    Some tips to guide you:

    • Remember to ask why you want certain things
    • Think about what you want, not on what you don’t want.
    • Give yourself permission to dream.
    • Be creative. Consider ideas that you never thought possible.
    • Focus on your wishes, not what others expect of you.

    Some questions to start your exploration:

    • What really matters to you in life? Not what should matter, what does matter.
    • What would you like to have more of in your life?
    • Set aside money for a moment; what do you want in your career?
    • What are your secret passions and dreams?
    • What would bring more joy and happiness into your life?
    • What do you want your relationships to be like?
    • What qualities would you like to develop?
    • What are your values? What issues do you care about?
    • What are your talents? What’s special about you?
    • What would you most like to accomplish?
    • What would legacy would you like to leave behind?

    It may be helpful to write your thoughts down in a journal or creative vision board if you’re the creative type. Add your own questions, and ask others what they want out of life. Relax and make this exercise fun. You may want to set your answers aside for a while and come back to them later to see if any have changed or if you have anything to add.

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    What Would Your Best Life Look Like?

    Describe your ideal life in detail. Allow yourself to dream and imagine, and create a vivid picture. If you can’t visualize a picture, focus on how your best life would feel. If you find it difficult to envision your life 20 or 30 years from now, start with five years—even a few years into the future will give you a place to start. What you see may surprise you. Set aside preconceived notions. This is your chance to dream and fantasize.

    A few prompts to get you started:

    • What will you have accomplished already?
    • How will you feel about yourself?
    • What kind of people are in your life? How do you feel about them?
    • What does your ideal day look like?
    • Where are you? Where do you live? Think specifics, what city, state, or country, type of community, house or an apartment, style and atmosphere.
    • What would you be doing?
    • Are you with another person, a group of people, or are you by yourself?
    • How are you dressed?
    • What’s your state of mind? Happy or sad? Contented or frustrated?
    • What does your physical body look like? How do you feel about that?
    • Does your best life make you smile and make your heart sing? If it doesn’t, dig deeper, dream bigger.

    It’s important to focus on the result, or at least a way-point in your life. Don’t think about the process for getting there yet—that’s the next stepGive yourself permission to revisit this vision every day, even if only for a few minutes. Keep your vision alive and in the front of your mind.

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    Plan Backwards

    It may sound counter-intuitive to plan backwards rather than forwards, but when you’re planning your life from the end result, it’s often more useful to consider the last step and work your way back to the first. This is actually a valuable and practical strategy for making your vision a reality.

    • What’s the last thing that would’ve had to happen to achieve your best life?
    • What’s the most important choice you would’ve had to make?
    • What would you have needed to learn along the way?
    • What important actions would you have had to take?
    • What beliefs would you have needed to change?
    • What habits or behaviors would you have had to cultivate?
    • What type of support would you have had to enlist?
    • How long will it have taken you to realize your best life?
    • What steps or milestones would you have needed to reach along the way?

    Now it’s time to think about your first step, and the next step after that. Ponder the gap between where you are now and where you want to be in the future. It may seem impossible, but it’s quite achievable if you take it step-by-step.

    It’s important to revisit this vision from time to time. Don’t be surprised if your answers to the questions, your technicolor vision, and the resulting plans change. That can actually be a very good thing; as you change in unforeseeable ways, the best life you envision will change as well. For now, it’s important to use the process, create your vision, and take the first step towards making that vision a reality.

    Featured photo credit: Matt Noble via unsplash.com

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