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4 Good Reasons Why Newlyweds Should Move

4 Good Reasons Why Newlyweds Should Move

For newlyweds and those who are engaged, it will be to your advantage to look for your new place together — away from the comforts of either of your parents. Now, understandably, this may not be your first thought. However, it is well worth considering. Moving away from the parents can be a really good thing as you embark on the next phase of your life together.

The keyword here is together. You are about to begin a journey that will have many ups and downs, as you well know. This new chapter in your life’s book will have wonderful untold adventures — new job opportunities, new pets, new friends, maybe even children. Your new journey needs to really focus on your new family — the two of you (or, if either of you already have children, all of you). Not to exclude your parents or your in-laws, but your “family” will now consist of who lives under the roof of your new home. Your extended family, though involved and supportive, is not your immediate family.

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Many newlyweds and couples simply struggle with separation from their extended family. This is especially true if you grew up in the south, where families are so important. However, separation from your family should include distance. This helps in so many ways, but is sometimes easier said than done. Once you rely on either set of your parents for financial assistance, for help with a disagreement, or just get too comfortable with them coming over, it becomes a scene from Everybody Love’s Raymond — and that isn’t pretty!

Boundaries are blurred, privacy is out the door, and the bond between husband and wife is not as tight as it should be. Countless experts will tell you that it is vital for a couple to have that time to really be together.

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Below are a few benefits from moving away from both of your families once you decide to live happily ever after:

1. Your parents will see you as independent.

Once you get married, those ties and bonds to your parents are still very much the same. However, if you put some distance between you, there is something amazing that happens: you begin to “grow up” in their eyes. They begin to see you more as equals instead of someone who really depends on them for everything.

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2. You can begin your new life by making new friends together.

Making friends together is a wonderful chance to really grow as a couple. When you move away from home, you are able to meet new neighbors and people in the community you would not have otherwise had the opportunity to meet. You are really beginning a new life together! This does not mean that you ignore those former relationships, but you are growing your sphere of influence and creating new connections that could benefit you in the future.

3. You can create boundaries for all parties involved.

A couple I knew moved back in with a set of their parents after getting married and this proved very stressful for all involved — for years. The parents knew the couple could not financially stand on their own feet and got used to taking care of their children. This even included telling them when dinner would be served — there was no privacy at all. After the couple moved out, for several years later, the set of parents would show up unannounced at their door! The couple had a struggle getting the parents to see them as adults and not children. They also had problems with how the parents disciplined their children. Having space creates that boundary that is necessary for a new couple to really grow

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4. You will have your own set standard way of doing things.

When you move out and venture into the new world together, you end up creating a set standard way of doing things together, and it may or may not be the way your parents would have done things. Odds are, it isn’t. Coming together as a couple, you will compromise and change. That is a beautiful part of marriage, in my opinion. Once you move out, you won’t want to move back in with your parents — that would mean losing all of the benefits of being independent with your new spouse.

Featured photo credit: Timothy Marsee via flickr.com

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Last Updated on December 2, 2019

10 Powerful Ways to Stop Worrying and Start Living Today

10 Powerful Ways to Stop Worrying and Start Living Today

Plato knew that the body and mind are intimately linked. And in the late 1800s, the Mayo brothers, famous physicians, estimated that over half of all hospital beds are filled with people suffering from frustration, anxiety, worry and despair. Causes of worry are everywhere, in our relationships and our jobs, so it’s key we find ways to take charge of the stress.

In his classic book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Dale Carnegie offers tools to ditch excessive worrying that help you make a worry-free environment for your private and professional life.

These are the top 10 tips to grab worry by the horns and wrestle it to the ground:

1. Make Your Decision and Never Look Back

Have you ever made a decision in life only to second-guess it afterwards? Of course you have! It’s hard not to wonder whether you’ve done the right thing and whether there might still be time to take another path.

But keep this in mind: you’ve already made your decision, so act decisively on it and dismiss all your anxiety about it.

Don’t stop to hesitate, to reconsider, or to retrace your steps. Once you’ve chosen a course of action, stick to it and never waver.

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2. Live for Today, Package Things up in “Day-Tight Compartments”

You know that feeling: tossing, turning and worrying over something that happened or something that might, well into the wee hours. To avoid this pointless worrying, you need “day-tight compartments”. Much as a ship has different watertight compartments, your own “day-tight” ones are a way to limit your attention to the present day.

The rule is simple: whatever happened in the past or might happen in the future must not intrude upon today. Everything else has to wait its turn for tomorrow’s box or stay stuck in the past.

3. Embrace the Worst-Case Scenario and Strategize to Offset It

If you’re worried about something, ask yourself: “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” Could you lose your job? Be jailed? Get killed?

Whatever the “worst” might be, it’s probably not so world-ending. You could probably even bounce back from it!

If, for example, you lose your job, you could always find another. Once you accept the worst-case scenario and get thinking about contingency plans, you’ll feel calmer.

4. Put a Lid on Your Worrying

Sometimes we stress endlessly about negative experiences when just walking away from them would serve us far better.

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To make squashing that worry easier, try this strategy, straight from stock traders: it’s called the “stop-loss” order, where shares are bought at a certain price, and then their price development is observed. If things go badly and the share price hits a certain point, they are sold off immediately. This stops the loss from increasing further.

In the same manner, you can put a stop-loss order on things that cause you stress and grief.

5. Fake It ‘Til You Make It – Happiness, That Is

We can’t directly influence how we feel, but we can nudge ourselves to change through how we think and act.

If you’re feeling sad or low, slap a big grin on your face and whistle a chipper tune. You’ll find it impossible to be blue when acting cheerful. But you don’t necessarily need to act outwardly happy; you can simply think happier thoughts instead.

Marcus Aurelius summed it up aptly:

“Our life is what our thoughts make it.”

6. Give for the Joy of Giving

When we perform acts of kindness, we often do so with the expectation of gratitude. But harboring such expectations will probably leave you disappointed.

One person well aware of this fact was the lawyer Samuel Leibowitz. Over the course of his career, Leibowitz saved 78 people from going to the electric chair. Guess how many thanked him? None.

So stop expecting gratitude when you’re kind to someone. Instead, take joy from the act yourself.

7. Dump Envy – Enjoy Being Uniquely You

Your genes are completely unique. Even if someone had the same parents as you, the likelihood of someone identical to you being born is just one in 300,000 billion.

Despite this amazing fact, many of us long to be someone else, thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. But living your life this way is pointless. Embrace your uniqueness and get comfortable with who you really are: How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

8. Haters Will Hate — It Just Means You’re Doing It Right

When you’re criticized, it often means you’re accomplishing something noteworthy. In fact, let’s take it a step further and consider this: the more you’re criticized, the more influential and important a person you likely are.

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So the next time somebody talks you down, don’t let it get to you. Take it as a compliment!

9. Chill Out! Learn to Rest Before You Get Tired

Scientists agree that emotions are the most common cause of fatigue. And it works the other way around, too: fatigue produces more worries and negative emotions.

It should be clear, therefore, that you’ve got to relax regularly before you feel tired. Otherwise, worries and fatigue will accumulate on top of each other.

It’s impossible to worry when you are relaxed, and regular rest helps you maintain your ability to work effectively.

10. Get Organized and Enjoy Your Work

There are few greater sources of misery in life than having to work, day in, day out, in a job you despise. It would make sense then that you shouldn’t pick a job you hate, or even just dislike doing.

But say you already have a job. How can you make it more enjoyable and worry-free? One way is to stay organized: a desk full of unanswered mails and memos is sure to breed worries.

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Better yet, rethink about the job you’re doing: What to Do When You Hate Your Job but Want a Successful Career

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Featured photo credit: Tyler Nix via unsplash.com

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