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What Does Your Walk Say About You?

What Does Your Walk Say About You?

Whether you like it or not, first impressions count. Whether this applies to the way in which you perceive a business or the individuals that you meet during the course of the typical day, it is estimated that we form initial impressions of people and things within a period of just seven seconds.

If you flip this, however, it is also fair to assume that people form initial impressions of you based on a number of physical tells. Your walk can be particularly revealing to others, as body language experts believe that this offers a telling if inexact insight into your mood, outlook and standing as an individual.

With this in mind, let’s consider five things that your walk says about you and how they are likely to be perceived by others:

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1. Your walk tells others whether you are lying or not

Let’s start with a bang, as while it is widely accepted that our walk reflects specific moods and attitudes, fewer people are aware that it can also help others to infer whether we are lying or not. According to a study conducted by American psychologists Paul Ekman and W.V. Friesen, those who are lying can be exposed by tell-tale muscle movement in the legs and feet as the human gait (which is established early in life) cannot be easily controlled.

So while liars focus solely on controlling their facial expressions as they interact, their gait and lower body movements offer an insight into their whether or not they are being truthful.

Happy brunette in white sun dress skipping on the sand

    2. Your walk reveals whether you have a positive or negative outlook

    If you walk with a long, purposeful stride and an exaggerated swing of the arms, you give the immediate impression of being a high-energy individual with a positive outlook. Individuals who walk with such a gait also tend to exude confidence. They also have an extremely positive self-image and considerable belief in themselves.

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    Studies have also shown that those who display such a gait have an aggressive approach to tackling problems, as they face challenges head-on and with tenacity. Conversely, people with a negative outlook have a minimal arm-swing and a relatively agitated gait. They are also more likely to look down rather than upwards.

    3. Your walk offers an insight into feelings of fear and vulnerability

    Occasionally you may come across an individual whose gait seems lethargic, and this tends to indicate low energy levels and lack of confidence to the untrained eye. Such a walk can also be indicative of feelings of inadequacy, however, unless the individual in question is unwell or has a pre-existing medical condition.

    It may also embody fear, as this type of gait indicates that an individual feels insecure in themselves and anxious about what lies ahead in the future. Studies have also shown that individuals who walk with their arms folded may be showing signs of vulnerability, especially if this physical tell is combined with a shuffling gait.

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      4. Your walk tells others that you may be an extrovert

      On a more positive note, we have all seen (and probably admired) people who walk with an exaggerated front-foot stride, a swagger of the hips and carefree movement. This can provoke a mixed response, but it is reflective of an extroverted personality who enjoys basking in the limelight and attracting all kinds of attention.

      This is particularly true in the case of males, as while the average individual likes to impress their mate by investing three months’ wages in a diamond engagement ring, extroverted men will strive to make an impression with an aggressive, macho stride. These individuals are particularly hard to miss, although they must also be prepared to encounter the wrong kind of attention on their travels.

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        5. Your walk informs others about your status and level of self-esteem

        The brisk, forceful stride is not to be confused with the exaggerated gaits mentioned previously, as power walkers tend to shift with the minimum of fuss and restricted arm movements. This is the walk of the so-called go-getter, who moves with speed and gives the impression of not wanting to waste time.

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        This type of walk is easily misunderstood, as it can reveal different insights when combined with additional gestures and movements. Those who power walk while refusing to make eye contact with others may be moving quickly in a bid to divert attention away from themselves, for example, while the presence of a dropped head or hunched shoulders hint at low self-esteem (or potentially a lack of status).

        With these points in mind, what do you think your walk says about you? We would love to hear from you, so please feel free to leave us your comments below.

        Featured photo credit: David via flickr.com

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        Published on April 7, 2021

        6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

        6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

        Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

        While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

        1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

        Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

        If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

        In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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        2. They Make Everything Transactional

        Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

        For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

        Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

        A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

        Some statements to be wary of include:

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        • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
        • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
        • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
        • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

        3. They Criticize Everything

        One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

        However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

        Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

        • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
        • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
        • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
        • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

        4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

        We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

        For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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        This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

        5. They Socially Isolate You

        Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

        Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

        This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

        In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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        6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

        It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

        Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

        Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

        • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
        • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
        • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
        • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

        Final Thoughts

        It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

        More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

        Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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