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5 Simple Steps to Overcoming Anxiety

5 Simple Steps to Overcoming Anxiety

Tight chest, shortness of breath, racing thoughts, do any of these feelings sound familiar to you? Believe it or not 40 million Americans suffer from a mental illness, including anxiety.

Everyone encounters stress at one point or another in their lives, dealing with anxiety, however, is a completely different story. I have personally struggled with this issue for the better part of my adult life. I have learned many techniques to overcome this issue and I am happy to walk you through the 5 simple ways for you to overcome anxiety.

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1. The Foundation

Lets start with the basics, why are you feeling anxious? I want you to grab a paper and pen, and I want you to write down a list of everything that makes you anxious in your life. Is work a main cause? Family, or money? Write all of these down and read them over 10 times. I want you to feel anxious, have your mind fully process those trigger points so that you can understand where the anxiety is coming from, and when you can expect it to happen.

2. Understanding

Understanding your anxiety is one of the most important steps to getting better. Remember that list I had you make? Take a look at it again and start from the top. I want you to understand what key points about your anxiety create the problems. Are you feeling stressed about something coming up at work? Maybe a promotion that you are competing for? That can definitely cause some unsettling feelings and nervousness. Understand that what you are feeling, 40 million people are also feeling too, and that you are not just a number in a statistic. Understand that this issue in your life will pass and you will beat it.

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3. Tackling Anxiety

Now let’s get to the best part, tacking anxiety. We are going to confront our issues head on. The best way you can achieve this is to pick one daily occurrence where you feel anxiety the most. The moment where you know you are about to freak out. When this moment happens I want you to take a minute, step back, look over the situation as if you were above your own body, and ask yourself this one important question “will I remember this in a week, a month or a year from now?” Really take a look at why you are feeling the way you are, does this moment of panic really matter? I mean there are better things to worry about than this right? If you agree to all of this, than you are almost there my friend.

4. Acceptance

Now that you have managed to complete 3 steps to overcoming anxiety, you are now ready to move on to step 4, acceptance. Anxiety is unfortunately something that will affect you for the rest of your life, because you are human. Living with this illness is nothing to be ashamed about, but something you can look back on one day and feel proud that you overcame it. When a situation approaches you in a moment of stress, take a breath, accept that you have anxiety, don’t ignore it, and try to deal with the situation as rationally as you can. Trust me you will feel a world of a difference once you can manage your emotions.

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5. Keeping Busy

Now that you have understood the 4 steps to overcoming anxiety, it’s time for a closure to this article. So without further adieu, my most important tip of the post, keeping busy. That’s right, I said it, keep busy. Take up a hobby, learn to write, try out for a sports team, learn to draw, take up a new course at a school anything to tap into your inner self. Distracting your mind is half the battle, and if you are doing something to replace the negative thinking you are well on your way.

I overcame my anxiety by completing the above 5 steps. I really put myself in awkward situations, situations where I know I did not want to be, I stepped out of my comfort zone and I achieved some amazing goals along the way.

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The ride was certainly not easy, and everyday is always going to be a struggle, but by following these 5 steps and really taking yourself into consideration first is the key to overcoming anxiety.

So much of our time has been kidnapped by this illness called anxiety and it’s time we put a stop to it. Just by clicking on this post you have made a step in the right direction so for that I am proud.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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