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5 Surprisingly Predictable Ways to Measure Your Risk of Divorce

5 Surprisingly Predictable Ways to Measure Your Risk of Divorce

What separates good marriages from bad marriages? It is true love, never going to bed angry, good communication? Or is it something more… predetermined?

Fear of failure grips many brides and grooms as they approach the altar and say their “I do’s,” particularly children of divorce.

Whether you’ve been married two years or twenty, it’s hard to ignore talk of rising divorce rates – especially when you’ve witnessed it in your own family. But in reality, blanket statements about the risk of divorce have nothing to do with your own marriage.

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If you look closer at several key risk factors, you’ll get an accurate picture of where you might be headed and whether your marriage will stand the test of time – or fall short of what you expected.

1. Your parents divorced before age 10

While it might not come as a surprise that your own parents’ divorce put you at higher risk for divorce, what you might not know is that gender is also a factor. Daughters of divorced parents have a 60% higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-divorced parents, while sons have a 35% higher divorce rate.

In addition to gender, age plays an important factor as well. As explained at length in Daniel Goleman’s book, “Emotional Intelligence”, the neurons in your brain are formed and strengthened during your first 10 years. These neurons are imprinted by the behavior of the adults that raise you and if your parents divorced during this critical time in your life, you are more susceptible to divorce in your own marriage.

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Did your parents remarry? According to Nicholas Wolfinger, Understanding the Divorce Cycle, Cambridge University Press, 2005 if your parents remarried after divorcing, you are 91% more likely to get divorced yourself.

2. You’ve been divorced once before

Ever heard the saying history repeats? When it comes to marriage and divorce, there’s no denying there’s some truth in that statement when 67% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.

While there are many reasons for this high failure rate, topping the list are people who fail to understand the mistakes from their first marriage and subsequently repeat the same mistakes or marry the same kind of person in their second, third and fourth marriages.

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Additionally, fear of the unknown is no longer a factor for those who have experienced divorce. Men and women who have already gone through a divorce might find that since they’ve handled divorce once, they can do it again. They might even recognize the same warning signs from their first marriage and react quicker in an attempt to minimize the pain and agony their second time around.

3. Your relationship with your father was weak or non-existent

Little is discussed in terms of a mother and father’s role in a child’s development. If you compare the childhood relationship between fathers of notorious dictators and fathers of our most influential leaders, you’ll begin to see a consistent theme:

Strong emotional bond between father and child between ages 1-10 = happy, successful adult.

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When a child’s relationship with his or her father is weak or non-existent, they suffer as adults, particularly if the did not have a strong mother or influential adult in their life.

Look to your own life or those around you. Think of the most happy, successful person you know. How was their relationship with their father between the ages of 1-10? Now think of the most troubled person in your life. Was their father there to support and encourage them as a child or was he “just kind of there” – or non-existent?

4. You cohabitated before marriage

While this statistic may seem straight out of the 1950’s, in addition to being credited for decreasing the number of divorces, cohabitation is still a big risk factor for divorce.  Multiple studies have proven that couples who cohabitate face a 12% higher risk of divorce. There are many theories surrounding this risk factor, from lack of commitment to a greater sense of “self” than “us”.

5. You argue about finances once a week

Money problems are a huge marriage killer. According to Jeffrey Dew, “Bank on It: Thrifty Couples Are the Happiest,” University of Virginia/National Marriage Project/The State of Our Unions, 2009, if you argue about finances once a week, your marriage is 30% more likely to end in divorce than couples who argue less frequently about finances. According to this study, when one spouse earns a significantly higher salary while the other spends an exorbitant amount of money, a divorce can be 45% more likely to occur (as you might expect). Regardless of financial status, setting a budget the two of you can mutually agree upon goes a long way toward building a stronger marriage and fending off divorce.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via flickr.com

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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