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Why I Would Rather Spend My Money On Traveling

Why I Would Rather Spend My Money On Traveling

I am currently in my early 20s, and I have to admit that everyone and their mum’s uncle will tell me that, “your 20s are your time to experience life”. I can now say that I believe in that statement 100%. Yours 20s are a time where you have very little responsibility, and you have the time to see the world as a traveler. And by traveler I mean, meeting other travelers, backpacking trips, sleeping in hostels, and even at a point where you’d have to sleep on floors. Andrew Zimmerman once said, “Please be a traveler, not a tourist. Try new things, meet new people, and look beyond what’s right in front of you. Those are the keys to understanding this amazing world we live in”.

So I would say, travel in yours 20s. Travel with family, friends, new friends, and even alone. Travel to see your friends that live in different countries. Seeing familiar faces in a foreign land will be quite reassuring. When you’re in your 30s or so, you might want to travel slightly differently. You might (well I definitely do) want to stay in The Peninsula in Paris, or dine at Usine in Stockholm.

You’re going to make everlasting memories

“I’d rather look back and say, ‘I can’t believe I did that,’ instead of saying ‘I wish I did that.’”

When you travel, you’re going to fall in love. And I don’t just mean by the people you meet there, but you will also fall in love with the beauty, architecture, and even the culture. You will be so in love; you’d actually feel inspired. Inspired to do what, you may ask? I can’t say. That is too personal a question- everyone would feel different about it so it could be anything.

You’ll also then realize that the memories you make while traveling will last longer than anything else. Life is a wonderful gift and everyone should experience it and live it. If you’re like me, and you constantly daydream about a life where you can finally escape, do it. Just get up and do it. On your deathbed, you’ll remember the memories. It’ll be the stories you’ll tell your kids, it’ll be the life you look back on when you’re older. Experience true beauty and fall, madly and deeply, in love with it

 You’ll push your limits

“Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life” – Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing my Life

Now I have to say, I’m the kind of person that thinks about my future way too often and too extremely (I’m serious here, I wouldn’t even research too much on a celebrity in the hope we might become friends one day). I’m also the type that doesn’t break the rules, or does something I’m not supposed to. It’s a fear that I’ve developed since young- to do everything according to a plan, which is to appear perfect. As I grew up, I realized that this is absolutely ridiculous and that my life is utterly boring. It hit me especially hard when I asked my friend, “If you could keep one memory, just one, what would it be?” and I realized I couldn’t really answer that. I’ve lived a very planned out life, and nothing seemed to be overly exciting. And please don’t get me wrong- my parents never pressured me to do anything I didn’t want to do; it was me who pressured myself.

Something I really want to do (and from listening to my friends who often travel) is to travel alone. That may seem like a scary thought but if your reason is fear, then fear will stop you from doing everything you want to do in life. Traveling alone will allow you to get to know yourself, learn more about yourself, and you’ll love yourself even more. And besides you won’t really be alone. You can always make new friends. Friends are just strangers you haven’t met yet, right? I’m not really used to making friends on my own but I’m starting to- it changes you. You just need to get out of your comfort zone. You’ll then realize humanity is interconnected and it’s SO easy to make friends.

Stop holding yourself back because you’re too afraid to bring your dreams to reality. Be the main character in your life story- do whatever you want, and live your life the way you want it to be.

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 You’ll appreciate life

“Enjoy life today, because yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is never promised.”

The main excuse I hear is that traveling takes up too much money. It’s true it’s not cheap but it’s not as expensive as you think. All you need is to make a few sacrifices, plan these things out, and control your finances. But please do not get me wrong; you still need to plan out your future. Don’t use every single penny on traveling, and when you’re back home, you’re broke. No, that’s never a good idea. Plan everything out, and do not neglect your future. You don’t need that much to travel. Live on the cheap side- with friends, in hostels, and eat cheap. Money does not equal to happiness. It may sound like a lot of work but trust me on this, it’ll be the greatest invest you’ll ever make.

When you travel, you’ll fall in love with everything- the country/city, the people, or even someone in particular. It’s an experience worth having because it changes you, and even how you view the world. You’ll realize that not everything is about you, and there’s a bigger world out there. You’ll truly understand what the world is really like.

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And with that, I can honestly say traveling the world is something you will never regret. I know I won’t. I will travel in my 20s and continue to travel even after my 20s- just slightly differently.

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NOORMARINA ANWAR

Student, Monash University

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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