Advertising
Advertising

8 Ways to Talk Like a Native, and Why We Don’t Need To

8 Ways to Talk Like a Native, and Why We Don’t Need To

Let me tell you a story about two colleagues of mine who were native speakers of English living in Italy.

Jenny spoke fluent Italian but was constantly mocked and imitated because of her unmistakable and laughable English accent. What most people didn’t know when they sniggered, was that Jenny had been an editor for an Italian/English dictionary! Her knowledge of Italian grammar and vocabulary were second to none.

David, the second colleague, spoke perfect Italian and his impeccable intonation and pronunciation was constantly admired and he was always complimented and nobody ever mocked him either! But I can tell you that his knowledge of grammar and vocabulary came nowhere near Jenny’s. Both colleagues actually spoke excellent Italian but Jenny was stigmatized because of her accent.

So, you don’t have to talk like a native speaker. Just concentrate on communicating effectively when you are learning English or any other language for that matter. Here are 8 ways you can do that.

Advertising

1. Start talking.

Even if you are not living in the US or in Britain, you can use Skype to start talking. You will have to develop fluency and the best way to do that is by talking. Get on forums and online chat rooms to make contact. You can try out My Language Exchange or Interpals and see how you get on. That is much cheaper than flying to London for a full immersion weekend! Stop worrying too much about accuracy. That can come later. Don’t think; just talk!

2. Now listen.

I taught English for many years and the students’ main problem was that their listening skills were never properly developed. You can listen to English anywhere and everywhere now. Podcasts, YouTube, news broadcasts, audio books, TV, films, and radio. You name it, there are multiple channels where you can really polish up your listening skills. TED talks are an excellent resource. If you are learning another language, these talks have been translated into over 40 languages!

3. Learn the 300 basic words you need.

Tim Ferris, of the 4 hour work week fame, claims that you can learn any language in 3 months. One essential takeaway from his post is that 65% of all written material in English uses only 300 words! Check out the post as they are listed here. Start using them. Here are some apps to help you gain mastery of even more vocabulary.  Get the Anki app because this uses a SRS (spaced repetition system). This means that you never see the list of words repeated in the same order but at strategically spaced intervals so that you do not forget them.

4. Get cheap lessons.

Maybe you need a few lessons but you do not want to pay a high price for one-on-one lessons with a native speaker. You can hone your conversation skills at any level just by getting really cheap lessons from the italki.com site. Where else can you get lessons for $5 an hour! This is where Skype comes into its own.

Advertising

5. Go for more vocabulary instead of more grammar.

Once you have your 300 words, you cannot stop there! What are your goals and what words do you need? This should always take preference over learning grammatical rules, although you do need to be able to distinguish the past tense from the future. It makes communication less problematic.

The word renowned linguist, Stephen Krashen, also favored meaningful interaction over anything else. Vocabulary is the heart of any language, not knowledge of grammatical rules.

“Language acquisition does not require extensive use of conscious grammatical rules, and does not require tedious drill.”

—Stephen Krashen

6. Never stop reading.

Reading is a great way of improving your English. You can read anything you can get your hands on such as cartoons and kids’ books if you want a good laugh and to relax. You can buy graded readers of all the classics and then move on to the real thing. I always tell my students that there should be no books in their native language on their bedside table as they will never be tested on that. Been there, done that! Having a pen handy to underline words is also great.

“Never read a book without a pen in your hand.”

—Benjamin Franklin

7. Leave your comfort zone

Experts always tell you not to worry about making mistakes. Just do it! Here is a task to do. You want to find out essential information from a museum/art gallery in London. You can choose a hotel or airline if you wish. Phone them up and ask for a lot of information. Prepare your questions beforehand. Then check what you have understood by looking at their site in your own language. Talk to English or American tourists when you spot them in your area.

Advertising

8. Never quit

“Have no fear of perfection—you’ll never reach it.”

—Salvador Dali

When we talk about accents, it really is a very superficial aspect of speaking English. After all, many regional accents in the UK exist. Add in all the accents of Ireland, India, America, and Australia. Then, think about all the foreign speakers of English you will come into contact with on your travels and your business trips. Now, who is judging who on their accent? Communication, the desire to constantly improve plus the determination never to give up are the keys to success.

“Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.”

—Lance Armstrong

Featured photo credit: Learning English/freestocks.org via flickr.com

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

10 Simple Morning Exercises That Will Make You Feel Great All Day 7 Things to Do in a Gossipy Work Environment 15 Signs Of Negative People 10 Reasons Why People Are Unmotivated (And Ways to Be Motivated) 10 Scientifically Proven Ways To Stay Happy All The Time

Trending in Communication

1 19 Golden Pieces of Relationship Advice From the Experts 2 Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And The Root Causes You Might Not Know 3 How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship 4 How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future 5 This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

Advertising

The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

Advertising

If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

Advertising

In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

Advertising

It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

More Articles About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next