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8 Ways to Talk Like a Native, and Why We Don’t Need To

8 Ways to Talk Like a Native, and Why We Don’t Need To

Let me tell you a story about two colleagues of mine who were native speakers of English living in Italy.

Jenny spoke fluent Italian but was constantly mocked and imitated because of her unmistakable and laughable English accent. What most people didn’t know when they sniggered, was that Jenny had been an editor for an Italian/English dictionary! Her knowledge of Italian grammar and vocabulary were second to none.

David, the second colleague, spoke perfect Italian and his impeccable intonation and pronunciation was constantly admired and he was always complimented and nobody ever mocked him either! But I can tell you that his knowledge of grammar and vocabulary came nowhere near Jenny’s. Both colleagues actually spoke excellent Italian but Jenny was stigmatized because of her accent.

So, you don’t have to talk like a native speaker. Just concentrate on communicating effectively when you are learning English or any other language for that matter. Here are 8 ways you can do that.

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1. Start talking.

Even if you are not living in the US or in Britain, you can use Skype to start talking. You will have to develop fluency and the best way to do that is by talking. Get on forums and online chat rooms to make contact. You can try out My Language Exchange or Interpals and see how you get on. That is much cheaper than flying to London for a full immersion weekend! Stop worrying too much about accuracy. That can come later. Don’t think; just talk!

2. Now listen.

I taught English for many years and the students’ main problem was that their listening skills were never properly developed. You can listen to English anywhere and everywhere now. Podcasts, YouTube, news broadcasts, audio books, TV, films, and radio. You name it, there are multiple channels where you can really polish up your listening skills. TED talks are an excellent resource. If you are learning another language, these talks have been translated into over 40 languages!

3. Learn the 300 basic words you need.

Tim Ferris, of the 4 hour work week fame, claims that you can learn any language in 3 months. One essential takeaway from his post is that 65% of all written material in English uses only 300 words! Check out the post as they are listed here. Start using them. Here are some apps to help you gain mastery of even more vocabulary.  Get the Anki app because this uses a SRS (spaced repetition system). This means that you never see the list of words repeated in the same order but at strategically spaced intervals so that you do not forget them.

4. Get cheap lessons.

Maybe you need a few lessons but you do not want to pay a high price for one-on-one lessons with a native speaker. You can hone your conversation skills at any level just by getting really cheap lessons from the italki.com site. Where else can you get lessons for $5 an hour! This is where Skype comes into its own.

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5. Go for more vocabulary instead of more grammar.

Once you have your 300 words, you cannot stop there! What are your goals and what words do you need? This should always take preference over learning grammatical rules, although you do need to be able to distinguish the past tense from the future. It makes communication less problematic.

The word renowned linguist, Stephen Krashen, also favored meaningful interaction over anything else. Vocabulary is the heart of any language, not knowledge of grammatical rules.

“Language acquisition does not require extensive use of conscious grammatical rules, and does not require tedious drill.”

—Stephen Krashen

6. Never stop reading.

Reading is a great way of improving your English. You can read anything you can get your hands on such as cartoons and kids’ books if you want a good laugh and to relax. You can buy graded readers of all the classics and then move on to the real thing. I always tell my students that there should be no books in their native language on their bedside table as they will never be tested on that. Been there, done that! Having a pen handy to underline words is also great.

“Never read a book without a pen in your hand.”

—Benjamin Franklin

7. Leave your comfort zone

Experts always tell you not to worry about making mistakes. Just do it! Here is a task to do. You want to find out essential information from a museum/art gallery in London. You can choose a hotel or airline if you wish. Phone them up and ask for a lot of information. Prepare your questions beforehand. Then check what you have understood by looking at their site in your own language. Talk to English or American tourists when you spot them in your area.

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8. Never quit

“Have no fear of perfection—you’ll never reach it.”

—Salvador Dali

When we talk about accents, it really is a very superficial aspect of speaking English. After all, many regional accents in the UK exist. Add in all the accents of Ireland, India, America, and Australia. Then, think about all the foreign speakers of English you will come into contact with on your travels and your business trips. Now, who is judging who on their accent? Communication, the desire to constantly improve plus the determination never to give up are the keys to success.

“Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.”

—Lance Armstrong

Featured photo credit: Learning English/freestocks.org via flickr.com

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Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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