Advertising
Advertising

An Open Letter To My Old Friend: You May Have Forgotten Me, But I Have Not

An Open Letter To My Old Friend: You May Have Forgotten Me, But I Have Not

“I hope you know that no matter what, you have impacted my life in ways you can’t imagine.”

To My Old Friend,

I know that you must be wondering what happened to me after all of these years. Or, maybe I became one of your more far-distant memories, the kind of memory you can’t recall on your own because you don’t want to. The kind of memory that sneaks up on you in the middle of the day when you are at the mall or when you’re trying to decide if you should dump the guy your with and have no one to call. I hope you have new friends that are better able to take my place. I made mistakes with you that I will regret forever.

Advertising

While I can’t unwind time and correct those choices, I can send you this letter as a way of completing the circle, a circle that represents a friendship that, to this day, serves as a template for every single one of my friendships I’ve had since you.

No one since you can compare. No one since you have been as committed as you were to me and to my plans for the future. Instead of embracing your help and your advice, I battled you and feared you. I couldn’t accept your advice because I didn’t really believe in myself. You believed in me when I couldn’t. I abandoned you that one summer. I turned my back on you because I couldn’t face the hard work I would need to do in order to get my life back together. Up until then, you encouraged me to fight the good fight and offered to be my partner on my journey toward self-awareness. I wasn’t ready. I felt I had to go that path alone and it has been a lonely one.

Advertising

Today, I have fought tooth and nail to make progress in what I now know is my purpose. I couldn’t have done that without the seed you planted with me very early on. I will forever be grateful for the compass you let me borrow so long ago. Without you really knowing, I have taken you along with me every step of the way. I miss you. I miss your laughter and the nights where it was just you, me, and the trees. I will never forget the time you came to me for advice. The night when you had nowhere to go. I didn’t either. I remember feeling like I didn’t want to burden you and those gorgeous wings of yours. I set you free from me.

Please know that I would give anything to correct my damage with you and that I am genuinely in a better place to appreciate all that you have to offer a girl like me. I can do that because I believe in myself now and I finally believe that I am worthy of a friendship like the one we had once upon a time. My door is always open to you, for you, in whatever way you might ever need me.

Advertising

Love, Cherry Tigris

To Everyone Else I Might Have Fallen Out of Touch With Over the Years

I hope this letter touches you in much the same way I hope it will touch my dearest friend. No matter what, we all impact each other’s lives in a vast myriad of ways. We all own our own part of responsibility in the holding on and letting go necessary in our complicated lives. Sometimes, there is no identifiable reason for why we let go. I have spent a lifetime learning to not take these things too personally.

Advertising

When Writing a Love Letter to Your Long-Lost Friend:

Don’t take their lack of communication over the years with you personally, and be willing to make amends should you have something you feel you need to apologize for.

The quality of our character is dependent on our ability to come back to the table when an apology needs to be made. Or, maybe we just miss someone, and that special someone isn’t feeling so special about themselves anymore. When we summon the courage to reach out and make amends, only positive things can be gained out of the exchange. It is my sincere hope that a few of you will touch someone else’s lives today by writing your own unique love letter to a long-lost friend.

Featured photo credit: Paranamir via flickr.com

More by this author

An Open Letter To My Old Friend: You May Have Forgotten Me, But I Have Not

Trending in Communication

1 10 Strategies to Keep Moving Forward When Feeling Stuck 2 Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating 3 7 Simple Ways To Be Famous In One Year 4 How To Feel Happier (10 Scienece-Backed Ways) 5 31 Simple Ways to Free Your Mind Immediately

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

Advertising

The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

Advertising

The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

Advertising

Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

Advertising

The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

Read Next