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12 Signs You’re A Sensitive Person That Always Attracts People To Talk To You

12 Signs You’re A Sensitive Person That Always Attracts People To Talk To You

Life is filled with many ups and downs. All of us are confronted with our own set of challenges, faced with our own responsibilities, and shaped by our own experiences. Fortunately, this rollercoaster ride that is life can feel a lot smoother when you have people who support you. People who understand you and make you feel less alone. People who don’t judge but empathize. People who may not be able to fix your problems but want to help you through them. People whose sensitivity draws you to them.

Being a sensitive person and having the ability to recognize how others are feeling, is a very useful trait to have. Here are the 12 reasons why being sensitive can draw others to you.

1. You validate the feelings of others.

Many people find it difficult to talk about their feelings and emotions. They struggle with letting down their walls and showing their vulnerable side. It takes a lot of courage for them to admit that they’re not okay. By showing them kindness and compassion, you are acknowledging their feelings rather than dismissing them. As a result, people feel drawn to sensitive people because it’s this validation that helps them feel like they matter.

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2. You form your own opinions.

When we meet someone for the first time, it can be easy to make assumptions based on first impressions. It can feel tempting to listen to the gossiping of others and what people have to say about other people. But as a sensitive person, you know that wouldn’t be fair or just. You decide for yourself what you think of people. You believe that everyone deserves the chance to speak for themselves.

3. You keep an open mind.

In a time of crisis, people want to feel understood not judged. They don’t want to feel that they have to justify or defend their decisions. They don’t want to be stereotyped based on their age, gender, sexual orientation, culture, or religion. People will open up to those who they feel they can trust – who are easy going, friendly and accepting of those who are different to them. If you’re someone who wouldn’t want to treat anyone differently, chances are that people who meet you realize this too and appreciate this about you.

4. You help others feel less alone.

When someone is going through a difficult time, they may not necessarily need practical advice. They may simply want a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen to their problems, someone to make them feel less alone. If you’re someone that people often run to when life isn’t going too well, then feel proud of yourself. Life can be challenging for all of us, and taking time out of our day to help someone else is something to be admired.

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5. You remind others that they are important.

Sensitive people help others feel valued through the way that they communicate. They pay close attention to what people have to say. They ask questions to show that they care. You might have a loved one who’s been feeling unwell, so you ask whether they’re feeling any better. Your friend might be studying hard for their exams, so you wish them good luck and remind them to have a rest. It’s not always what we say that matters most, but the meaning behind what we say that does. 

6. You provide the right kind of encouragement.

Sensitive people know that the ‘tough love’ approach does not always work. That telling someone to “get over it” simply discourages them from talking about their feelings. It doesn’t help them feel any better. If you’re someone who is encouraging, who believes in others even when they don’t believe in themselves, and/or often knows the right thing to say – then what you’re doing is making a difference in someone else’s life. Your sensitivity is helping those around you.

7. You help others make sense of their own feelings.

Sometimes, when we’re experiencing some form of ‘negative’ emotion – whether it be sadness, anger, disappointment etc – we may feel too overwhelmed to know exactly what it is that we’re feeling. But when someone shows us sensitivity and listens without judgement, they are often able to find the words that we can’t. This helps others through the pain they’re feeling and it also strengthens the bond between us and our loved one.

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8. You show others that it’s okay to feel upset.

Sensitive persons often set very good examples for other people. They try their best not to pretend to be someone that they’re not. There are days where they are happy and smiling. There are also days where they’re upset. If you’re someone who knows that crying isn’t a weakness and understands how important it is to express feelings and emotions – then people around you will learn to feel the same. Rather than bottling up how they feel, others around you will become a much more authentic version of themselves.

9. You help others to see the positive.

When we’re going through a challenging time, it’s not always easy to see the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. More often than not, it may feel like there isn’t one. But sensitive people are very aware of the ‘negative’ emotions that others are feeling. They want to help others escape their negative mindset. They know how to validate the feelings of others, instil hope and remind them that they will be okay.

10. You spread kindness.

By being sensitive to how others are feeling, you are being kind. You are adding value to other people’s lives. You are helping them believe that they can overcome their problems. That someone cares and they’re not alone. That kindness will have a ripple effect and spread kindness to the next person.

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11. You remind others that they are human.

We are all human. We make mistakes. We don’t always do the ‘right’ thing. We are still learning as we go. So, when someone comes along and reminds us that we don’t have to be ‘perfect’, that we don’t have to put on a fake smile all the time, a massive weight is lifted off our shoulders. We’re reminded that we’re allowed to be upset. If you’re sensitive in such a way, know that your actions and words are helping others in more ways than you realize.

12. You see the value in working together.

The beautiful thing about life is that we don’t have to do it alone. We have the chance to share new experiences, we have the power to influence each other’s lives for the better, we are all in this together. When you are sensitive to how others are feeling, you are following the principle that ‘two minds are better than one’. You are reminding others that despite the fact that we are our own individuals, we are also interconnected. That true family and friends do not let each other go through challenges alone. That there is so much strength and power that comes from working together and being there for one another.

Featured photo credit: John Mark Arnold via magdeleine.co

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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