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12 Signs You’re A Sensitive Person That Always Attracts People To Talk To You

12 Signs You’re A Sensitive Person That Always Attracts People To Talk To You

Life is filled with many ups and downs. All of us are confronted with our own set of challenges, faced with our own responsibilities, and shaped by our own experiences. Fortunately, this rollercoaster ride that is life can feel a lot smoother when you have people who support you. People who understand you and make you feel less alone. People who don’t judge but empathize. People who may not be able to fix your problems but want to help you through them. People whose sensitivity draws you to them.

Being a sensitive person and having the ability to recognize how others are feeling, is a very useful trait to have. Here are the 12 reasons why being sensitive can draw others to you.

1. You validate the feelings of others.

Many people find it difficult to talk about their feelings and emotions. They struggle with letting down their walls and showing their vulnerable side. It takes a lot of courage for them to admit that they’re not okay. By showing them kindness and compassion, you are acknowledging their feelings rather than dismissing them. As a result, people feel drawn to sensitive people because it’s this validation that helps them feel like they matter.

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2. You form your own opinions.

When we meet someone for the first time, it can be easy to make assumptions based on first impressions. It can feel tempting to listen to the gossiping of others and what people have to say about other people. But as a sensitive person, you know that wouldn’t be fair or just. You decide for yourself what you think of people. You believe that everyone deserves the chance to speak for themselves.

3. You keep an open mind.

In a time of crisis, people want to feel understood not judged. They don’t want to feel that they have to justify or defend their decisions. They don’t want to be stereotyped based on their age, gender, sexual orientation, culture, or religion. People will open up to those who they feel they can trust – who are easy going, friendly and accepting of those who are different to them. If you’re someone who wouldn’t want to treat anyone differently, chances are that people who meet you realize this too and appreciate this about you.

4. You help others feel less alone.

When someone is going through a difficult time, they may not necessarily need practical advice. They may simply want a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen to their problems, someone to make them feel less alone. If you’re someone that people often run to when life isn’t going too well, then feel proud of yourself. Life can be challenging for all of us, and taking time out of our day to help someone else is something to be admired.

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5. You remind others that they are important.

Sensitive people help others feel valued through the way that they communicate. They pay close attention to what people have to say. They ask questions to show that they care. You might have a loved one who’s been feeling unwell, so you ask whether they’re feeling any better. Your friend might be studying hard for their exams, so you wish them good luck and remind them to have a rest. It’s not always what we say that matters most, but the meaning behind what we say that does. 

6. You provide the right kind of encouragement.

Sensitive people know that the ‘tough love’ approach does not always work. That telling someone to “get over it” simply discourages them from talking about their feelings. It doesn’t help them feel any better. If you’re someone who is encouraging, who believes in others even when they don’t believe in themselves, and/or often knows the right thing to say – then what you’re doing is making a difference in someone else’s life. Your sensitivity is helping those around you.

7. You help others make sense of their own feelings.

Sometimes, when we’re experiencing some form of ‘negative’ emotion – whether it be sadness, anger, disappointment etc – we may feel too overwhelmed to know exactly what it is that we’re feeling. But when someone shows us sensitivity and listens without judgement, they are often able to find the words that we can’t. This helps others through the pain they’re feeling and it also strengthens the bond between us and our loved one.

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8. You show others that it’s okay to feel upset.

Sensitive persons often set very good examples for other people. They try their best not to pretend to be someone that they’re not. There are days where they are happy and smiling. There are also days where they’re upset. If you’re someone who knows that crying isn’t a weakness and understands how important it is to express feelings and emotions – then people around you will learn to feel the same. Rather than bottling up how they feel, others around you will become a much more authentic version of themselves.

9. You help others to see the positive.

When we’re going through a challenging time, it’s not always easy to see the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. More often than not, it may feel like there isn’t one. But sensitive people are very aware of the ‘negative’ emotions that others are feeling. They want to help others escape their negative mindset. They know how to validate the feelings of others, instil hope and remind them that they will be okay.

10. You spread kindness.

By being sensitive to how others are feeling, you are being kind. You are adding value to other people’s lives. You are helping them believe that they can overcome their problems. That someone cares and they’re not alone. That kindness will have a ripple effect and spread kindness to the next person.

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11. You remind others that they are human.

We are all human. We make mistakes. We don’t always do the ‘right’ thing. We are still learning as we go. So, when someone comes along and reminds us that we don’t have to be ‘perfect’, that we don’t have to put on a fake smile all the time, a massive weight is lifted off our shoulders. We’re reminded that we’re allowed to be upset. If you’re sensitive in such a way, know that your actions and words are helping others in more ways than you realize.

12. You see the value in working together.

The beautiful thing about life is that we don’t have to do it alone. We have the chance to share new experiences, we have the power to influence each other’s lives for the better, we are all in this together. When you are sensitive to how others are feeling, you are following the principle that ‘two minds are better than one’. You are reminding others that despite the fact that we are our own individuals, we are also interconnected. That true family and friends do not let each other go through challenges alone. That there is so much strength and power that comes from working together and being there for one another.

Featured photo credit: John Mark Arnold via magdeleine.co

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Last Updated on July 15, 2020

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

“Entitlement is an expression of conditional love. Nobody is ever entitled to your love. You always have a right to protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being by removing yourself from toxic people and circumstances.” -Dr. Janice Anderson & Kiersten Anderson

It’s not always obvious if you have someone toxic in your life. A toxic relationship is one that is harmful to you. A toxic person can create distress to the degree you feel inadequate and isolated. So, what makes a toxic person?

A toxic person has toxic behavior, meaning it’s not that the whole person is toxic[1]. It’s what they do that counts. Most toxic people run from accountability and misrepresent reality to you. They misrepresent your worth and your ability to heal from them can be stifled the longer you keep them in your life. You have a role to play with it as well; if your values are dismissed by them and you don’t act on it, you have allowed room for toxicity to grow.

When you are in a toxic relationship, you feel less than. You feel as though you are not worth anyone’s time or effort. You feel unheard, and sometimes you feel unsafe. You don’t feel good about yourself in a toxic relationship, whether it be with a partner, friend, or family member.

You may stay in a toxic relationship for a number of reasons. You may believe yourself to be a burden, have a lack of boundaries, resist change, fear conflict, try to be a people pleaser, find yourself codependent, or are partially stuck in a pattern or unhealthy cycle of abuse.

Letting go of toxic people may not be easy. In order to do so, you have to know why or how they are toxic to you and read between the lines that they do not have your best interests in mind.

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Letting go of toxic people is hard because you are good and want to see the good in others. You think their apologies are authentic. You have trouble believing they are being dishonest. You don’t spend time healing from it. You get pulled back into the pain because you don’t want it to end. However, if you feel like something isn’t right, it probably isn’t right.

You should walk away from a toxic person because you need to preserve your peace. You need to feel like yourself again. And you need better support.

Letting go of toxic people can involve four major steps.

1. Recognize the Red Flags

Red flags are signs a person is being toxic. It’s when someone shows characteristics that you should feel caution about. It’s when you feel any level of dissatisfaction and distrust. Trust your gut. When you recognize red flags, you can evaluate whether a person is trying to manipulate you or not. This gives you some level of control over what you allow in your life. The earlier you detect these behaviors, the better off you will be.

Red flags can include:

  • They always put themselves first.
  • They point out imperfections and sabotage your self-esteem.
  • You may feel drained or used when you’re around them.
  • What you give isn’t reciprocated. They don’t return the goodness you provide as a friend.
  • They ignore your boundaries and get angry when you tell them “no.”
  • You catch them in half truths or outright lies when you confront them about anything.
  • You are the villain; they are the victim.
  • Second chances always lead to repeated patterns of behavior.
  • They may engage in abuse.

2. Set Boundaries

There are emotional boundaries that one can set, but there are also physical ones[2]. You can leave any time. Setting boundaries is also an important part of self-care.

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You shouldn’t walk on eggshells. Tell them how you feel. Are they respecting you, fulfilling your needs, and listening to you? If not, it’s time to set up a healthy emotional distance and start letting go of toxic people around you.

There are levels to this. You have your inner circle, which could include family, and then you have acquaintances and strangers. If a toxic person is in your inner circle, it’s time to pull back and put up some boundaries for them to follow. If they can’t hear you out, you can cut off the connection completely.

You can give second chances, but you have to be careful. If someone knows they can get away with something, they will do it again. If there’s any chance for the relationship, they have to know not to cross certain lines.

3. Invest in Yourself

You deserve to know you are worthwhile. Try to remember that things will get better and that anything is possible. How do you do so? Invest in yourself.

This means self care, goal setting, surrounding yourself with positive support, and feeling a sense of peace. Your greatest ambition should be to love yourself. Without self-love, letting go of toxic people will be difficult.

Every relationship is a risk, but if you know yourself and what you will allow, toxic people will have less of a hold over you. If you are a giver or people pleaser, you are most at risk to being in a one-sided relationship. You shouldn’t be punished for caring, but sometimes trust needs to be earned. If you have self-love, you are treating yourself the best way possible. You know that others need to meet your standards; otherwise, they don’t get to be a part of your life.

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It’s possible that you can love yourself and still not see the signs. It can be difficult for some to be aware that toxic people exist. However,, if you know how much you mean to others in your life and what you are worth, you will be less likely to take on a relationship that is harmful to you or repeat negative patterns. Self-love is how we get out of toxic relationships, but it’s also how they never begin.

4. Know When Forgiveness Is Possible

There are times a person will prove their worth to you. They may make a mistake that makes them seem like a horrible person. They may forget to be good to you because of their own issues. They may just have no example of what a healthy relationship looks like. They may have an inflated ego that really comes from insecurity. The list goes on.

If they apologize, that’s a start. Look at their actions. Are they changing for the better because they really want to change or just seeming to in order to manipulate you? A person may control others with their image or perceived personality, but if you see through them, you may be able to discern the degree to which they are willing to be there for you.

If they start to do the right thing, you may begin to trust them again. Don’t start forgiving them until time has passed and you are sure there is growth, even if they show vulnerability or remorse. You can give a second chance if they truly have an awakening. Otherwise, it’s best to get out. Don’t let them walk all over you; let them walk out the door.

If you do give a second change and they still refuse to change, you have every right to remove them and continue the process of letting go of toxic people. The moment you even want to leave may also be a good time to get out. You don’t have to compromise yourself in order to care for them.

Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger[3]. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. You have to go back to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from someone. You don’t have to let them back in. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

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Remember, forgiveness is ultimately for you, not them. You don’t need that person in your life in order to forgive them, and if you give them a second chance, proceed with caution.

Final Thoughts

Recognize the red flags, set boundaries, invest in yourself, and know when forgiveness is possible. This is how you cope with a toxic person impacting your life. You have power in the direction of your life and the people who accompany you as you move forward. Use it.

If a person is worthwhile, they will prove themselves through their actions, not their words. If they cross certain lines that really harm you, you owe them nothing. You have every right to feel what you feel and to be upset. Honor your feelings and communicate them because it’ll only continue to keep happening if you don’t.

If this is happening to you, it’s time to put a stop to it. It’s time to take control. It’s time to live for yourself, not for what others say about you. It’s time to set your standards higher than they’ve ever been before. And most of all, it’s time to let go.

Resource reminder: A physically abusive relationship is ALWAYS toxic. There are resources for you. Always speak up.

If you are in such a cycle or domestic violence or abuse reach out for help. For example, there is The National Domestic Violence Hotline (https://www.thehotline.org/) which can be reached at 1−800−799−7233. There are other ways to get help if you simply ask for it. 

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Featured photo credit: Hannah Busing via unsplash.com

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