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I’m Not Going To Say “I Love You” To My Partner Even If I Really Do

I’m Not Going To Say “I Love You” To My Partner Even If I Really Do

How do you get to the point of I’m not going to say “I love you” to my partner even if I really do? When saying “I love you,” it is so easy when starting your life with someone. You show them you’re into them; because you are. As time moves on and you figure out you want to spend your life with that person, it’s easy to fall into the rut of “I love you, have a good day.” Or “I’ll see you after work, love you.”

Don't say, "I love you", show me.
    photo credit: thehdimg.com

    My husband and I have been married for eight years.

    Over the last year we have tried to move away from just saying, “I love you.” Sure we still say those three beautiful words, but we have learned how to say them without actually having them come out of our mouths. Here are a few of these ways.

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    1. We take time to listen to each other.

    When we do things like this for each other it says, “I value what you have to say.” My husband has gotten to the point of when I am trying to talk to him and he is around other people, he says, “Can you please give me a moment, it’s important that I hear this.” Nothing in the material world screams, “I love you!” like this action does. Just the fact he stops and takes a breath for me gives him brownie points.

    2. Following through with my word.

    When it comes to my husband if I tell him I will do my best to do something, I jump through hoops to try and do it. Why? Because the smile on his face drives my day. I want him to know that it does.

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    3. Showing each other intimacy.

    It doesn’t mean that you just go and jump into bed with your partner. Intimacy comes with two sides, sexual and non-sexual. Most people love the bedroom scene. We actually went through a period where I couldn’t stand being naked around him. Realizing this was an important part for him (and at one time myself also), I went for help. Doing this one action showed him, “I love you, you’re important to me, and so are your needs” it was very beneficial.

    4. Surprises.

    Going back to when you’re dating, it’s easy to send your girlfriend flowers, or make cookies for your boyfriend. My husband isn’t really into sweets, so using the first example and listening for things that he would like is how I surprise him. He knows when I say, “Wow, how cool?!” he just screamed, “I love you” without having to say a word. I know when he tells me, “You really didn’t have to do this” but there’s a smile on his face when he says it; I just told him that he means the world to me.

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    5. We take time to notice each other.

    What does it even mean? One way we say we love each other is to actually look at each other, yes I said it. We put down the electronics and we look at each other. It usually follows with a compliment like, “Wow, honey I really like your haircut!” or “You look beautiful without any make-up on.” I know that this is a corny way to say, “I love you” but honestly; do you take the time to put your electronics and appreciate your partner? For me and my husband, this was a huge barrier in our intimacy. There were times where T.V or video games were more important than each other’s happiness. We had started to notice each other were unhappy until it was almost too late. But just taking the time to realize this was one of our barriers meant more than saying these words, “I love you”.

    6. We take time to be silly with each other.

    I’ve had friends ask me, “Why do you have that manner?” Answering this was simple, one great way that I show my spouse is saying, “Come play with me.” or “Let’s have some fun together.” When we did this for the first time we were walking through a craft store. There were these awesome pool tube swords. My husband, Nicholas kept walking by them. How do you not seize the opportunity to safely beat the crap out of each other and laugh like kids? I bought four of them, a different color for each family member and we laughed for hours over this activity. Through this action we learned how to say, “I love you,” through laughter; making our lives richer.

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    This article by another Lifehack author helped me realize we were heading for success: Lori De La Cruz and it was called, Numerous Messages Behind “I Love You”

    It is my hope, one day the end result will be a heart warming old folks photo like this one

    Growing Old
      photo credit : www.tumblr.com

      Featured photo credit: MoshLab Wallpaper via moshlab.com

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      Last Updated on October 5, 2020

      How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

      How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

      We are given life with many opportunities to make it everything we want it to be and more. If you find that you’ve slipped into living a boring life, it’s time to take a hard look at what you’ve been doing and what you can start doing now to make it more interesting.

      Maybe you’ve been doing the same thing and living the same life for too long, or maybe your daily routine is limiting your growth and happiness. Whatever your reason is, the following list can definitely make any day or life more interesting. Some of them are silly, while some are more meaningful, so hopefully just reading the list makes your life less boring and sparks your creativity.

      Let’s dive in the list to quit your boring life and start living an interesting (and meaningful) one!

      1. Channel Your 7-Year-Old Self

      Imagine being a young child. Life was never boring, was it? That’s because children harness every ounce of creativity they have in order to try new things.

      What would your 7-year-old self want to do in this moment? Maybe they’d pick up a paintbrush and try to paint the landscape around them. May they would go outside and build something with random materials around the yard. Maybe they would raid the fridge and put together a dish they’ve never seen before.

      Just because you’re a grown-up doesn’t mean any of this stuff will be less enjoyable than you remember it. Give yourself permission to play and use your creativity to its fullest.

      2. Go Play With Kids

      Speaking of little kids, if you have your own (or a niece or nephew), go play with them!

      Kids are absolutely hilarious, so it’s simply impossible to be bored when you’re around them. They also keep things so simple, and we can really stand to be reminded of this and stop allowing ourselves to get bogged down in boring details.

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      3. Play Cell Phone Roulette

      You’ll need at least one buddy for this, but this is a great way to avoid a boring life. Scroll through the contacts in your phone, stop on a random one, and (if it feels right) call the person.

      You could spark an incredible catch-up session or, at the very least, remind someone that you’re thinking of them. Neither are boring.

      4. Fill out a Pack of Thank-You Cards

      This is a great part of a gratitude practice. We often forget to thank the people who do things for us, especially if we have come to expect those things. For example, have you ever thought about thanking your mom for that weekly phone call? Or thanking your sister for always sending you a homemade gift on your birthday?

      Take time to think of at least 5 people you would like to say thank you to and write out a card. You could even write them out for random people in your neighborhood, like the local librarian, a teacher at your child’s school, or the accountant at your bank.

      Anyone and everyone appreciates being thanked for their efforts.

      5. Sign up for a Class

      Nowadays, there are classes for everything. To make it as interesting as possible, try finding one that you wouldn’t normally consider doing, like salsa lessons, improv, or boxing.

      Otherwise, try to find a course on something you’ve always wanted to learn, like pottery, photography, or a foreign language course.

      What’s good about joining an interest class is that you will also meet new people, which will add even more interest to your life!

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      6. Talk to Your Grandparents About Their Lives

      We often underestimate how interesting the elderly are. You can rest assured that any elderly person you talk to will not have had a boring life! Take some time to talk to them and hear their interesting stories. You may even find that this motivates you to go out and find your own interesting experiences.

      7. Get up on Stage at an Open Mic Night

      Whether you’re funny or not, get up on stage. If you’re not into comedy, find an open mic that focuses on reading poetry or short stories and bring your own. These groups tend to be incredibly supportive for anyone who is willing to be brave enough to get up and try.

      8. Do Something for Someone Else

      Showing kindness automatically makes you feel good, but doing these small acts will also help to ensure that you don’t have a boring life. Try doing one or two things each week that are outside your normal routine.

      For example, you could make a batch of cookies for the mailperson or help your elderly neighbor organize one of their rooms. There are a million ways to show kindness to those around you. Tap into your creativity and find your own or use some of the ideas from the image below[1].

      Do random acts of kindness to avoid living a boring life.

        9. Start a DIY Project in Your Home

        If you have your own place, there is always a project that needs to get done. Many people simply pay for someone else to do it in order to avoid the hassle, but taking on a DIY project can make a boring life much more interesting.

        It doesn’t have to be super complicated. Maybe you repaint an old vase or build a spice shelf out of used pallets.

        If you need ideas, you can also check out these 30 Awesome DIY Projects that You’ve Never Heard of.

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        10. Plan a Weekend Trip or an All-Out Vacation

        This will give you something to look forward to. One study actually found that most travelers are happiest before a vacation[2]. Therefore, simply planning a trip will boost your mood, even if you can’t actually take the vacation right now.

        Even if you don’t have the time or money to go on a vacation, plan for a staycation, which is also fun and relaxing!

        11. Go People Watching

        Find a bench in a crowded area (centers of transportation like airports, bus stops, and train stations are great for this!) and just observe[3].

        People are infinitely interesting. Try to imagine what their lives are like, what they’re thinking, or where they’re going. You’ll never know if you’re right, but it will give you something to focus on and also help you practice empathy.

        12. Eat Something You’ve Never Eaten Before

        You can try that new Moroccan restaurant down the street and pick the most interesting dish on the menu. Or, you can raid your own fridge and throw together a dish you’ve never made before.

        If you’re up for a trip to the grocery store, try picking up a new fruit or veggie from the produce section. You may find a new food that you love!

        13. Dance

        You can get your friends together for a night on the town or just pull up a video on YouTube and bust a move from your own living room.

        If you’re feeling extra brave, you can even dance in public or join a flash mob.

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        14. Pick up a Book and Start Reading

        Reading a good book can keep you occupied for hours. It will also transport you to a life that isn’t your own, and one that likely will be the opposite of a boring life. You’ll be amazed by what you can learn from those pages.

        Pick on of these inspirational books to start reading: 10 Best Inspirational Books That Can Change Your Life

        15. Spend Some Time With People You Care About

        Facebook stalking doesn’t count as real social interaction. Call up a friend you haven’t seen in a while, or bring a coffee over to your parent’s place and catch up. They’ll appreciate the gesture, and you’ll avoid boredom.

        16. Check out a Museum You’ve Never Been to

        Some people are bored by museums, so if that’s you, skip to the next one. However, if you love art, history, or culture, this one is for you!

        17. Write a List of Things You Desire and Truly Want

        This is a great way to help you figure out the real reason why you’re feeling bored about your life. Maybe you haven’t really done things that you truly enjoy? Maybe what you’ve wanted to do all the time has been left behind?

        Think about the list of things you really want to do, and ask yourself why you aren’t doing these things (yet). Then, start taking your first step to make it happen.

        Now, go make your life interesting and live your dream life!

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        Featured photo credit: Alex Alvarez via unsplash.com

        Reference

        [1] FECAVA: Random Acts of Kindness
        [2] Applied Research in Quality of Life: Vacationers Happier, but Most not Happier After a Holiday
        [3] Psychology Today: The Expert’s Guide to People Watching

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