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Don’t Say FML Anymore — You’re In Control Of Your Own Life

Don’t Say FML Anymore — You’re In Control Of Your Own Life

It’s easy to say “FML,” but every time yousay that, youare actually giving up your control over your life.

Even though we don’t have control over others and external situations, we do have control over ourselves and our choices. Blaming others and events for our misfortune is an easy way out, but it doesn’t help to solve your problems.

Taking responsibility and admitting you screwed up takes courage. But, once you own up to your mistakes and realize youare incontrol of your life, you willmake decisions that move you forward.

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When you come from a poor family, work smarterthan everybody else.

Ifyou come from a poor family, don’t blame it on life’sunfairness. Don’t ask why other kidshave an easier life than you or whytheir parents can buy them things while yours can’t.Everyone’s starting point is different. Don’t make your ending point the same as your starting point. Instead, work smartand believe that you have the power to makeyour life better.

Here’s how to work hard:

  1. Be grateful for what you have. Count the things that money can’t buy —happiness, talent, passion.
  2. Use what you have. If your parents can’t afford to buy you toys, use your imagination. Make games and toys out of scraps.
  3. Discoveryour strengths. Everyone has strengths. When you have the minimum, it is easier for you to know what your strengthsare.
  4. Work smart while working hard. Working hard comes after knowing what your strengths are, because you want to be able to leverage your strengths. Your parents could be working hard, but still earning very little. You want to work smart too, and not just work hard.
  5. Find your motivation.Work hard not just for yourself, but also work hard for the people you care about (for example, to give your parents a better life).

When you weren’t loved as a child, spread love to others.

It’s difficult to believe inlove when you come from a broken family or when your parents abused you. But blaming your parents for your childhood won’thelp you at all.Instead, take control of your life and stopthis vicious loop.Spread love instead of hate. You’ll find more joyin doing so.

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Here’s how to spread love:

  1. Love yourself first. You can’t love someone else when you don’t love yourself. You didn’t receive much love from your parents and you might doubt if you deserve love. So, find the good qualities inyourself and build your self-esteem first.
  2. Forgive your parents.Your parents have their own problems too. Manyparents don’t know how to be parents because they weren’t taught how to. Forgivingthem doesn’t mean you condone what they have done.
  3. Know you have the ability to love.Just because you didn’t receive love as a child, doesn’t mean you can’t give love. It doesn’t take a lot to be kind to others.
  4. Practice empathy. You know how it felt to notreceive enough love. Don’t let others feel the same way.
  5. Spread love withoutexpecting it to be returned. Not everyone will return your kindness, but that’s okay. You love yourself enough. Anything else is a bonus. Plus, the real joy comes from giving, not receiving.

When you hate your job, find a new one.

It’s tempting to blame your boss for giving you too much work, or your colleagues for making your life miserable. But, you have a choice. If you hate your current job so much, stop complaining about it and get a new one. You are responsible for your own happiness.

Here’s how to find a new job:

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  1. Know yourself well. The job you hate might be a job that another person loves.Some jobs donotfit your personality. It’s up to you to find out what fits you.
  2. Do an audit for your current job. Know what you like and dislike about your current job. For your next job, find something that encompasses more of your likes and less of your dislikes.
  3. Budget. Knowing your current financial status and expenses is important. Sometimes, you think you can’t change jobs because you are financially restricted.Doing a budget will help you find ways to cut your expenses.
  4. Buildnew relationship. You think it’s unfair that others are able to get jobs easier than you because of their relationships. The truth is that relationships are important. Most jobvacanciesaren’t advertised. They are filled by recommendations.
  5. Learn. Don’t be jealous of successful people. Learn from them.Understand what they do to become successful and acquire the necessary skills and knowledge for your next job.

When your health gives you problems, care foryour body.

Don’t blame bad genes for yourweight issues or hair loss problems.You may not have the best genes in the world, but you can do something about your health.

Here’s how to care for your body:

  1. Listen to your body.When you have an illness or pain, your body is telling you that you need to pay attention to that part of your body. So listen carefully to these signs.
  2. Develop healthy routines. Don’t wait for your body to break down, then eat healthy food and exercise. Health is about maintaining, not about fixing.
  3. Understandyour system. Not all bodies are builtthe same. Everyone’s body works differently. If you know that you put on weight easily, be mindful about your sugar intake. You can’t choose your genes, but you can choose what you put inside your mouth.
  4. Accept your body.Love your body more than that piece of chocolate cake because it willbe with you tillyou die.
  5. Give it a break. When you are tired, sleep. Mediate or fast if necessary. Your body is working hard for you all day long. Schedule time to rest your organs.

When someoneyou love betrays you, let them go.

You deserve better. Don’t allow people who are problematic and mean to hinder your life. Let them goand embrace the future.

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Here’s how to let them go:

  1. Practice forgiveness. It’s easier said than done, but forgiveness is the first step to being free. And it’s not just about forgiving them, it’s also about forgiving yourself for trusting the wrong person.
  2. Don’t be the savior. Your ego will make you think you areable to save them. No, you can’t. Only they can change themselves. And if you are genuinely in love with them, you won’t need them to change.
  3. Leave their life. Even though you forgive them doesn’t mean theydeserve your attention. Excluding them from your lifegives you a chance to heal.
  4. Raise your standards.Learn how to say no, especially topeople who take advantage of you. Choose who you allow into your life.
  5. Don’t losehope. Learn from your mistakes. You’ll find someone better in the future. They are just not the one.

Featured photo credit: Man/Avel Chuklanov via stocksnap.io

More by this author

Yong Kang Chan

Self-Help Author (Writes about Self-Compassion and Mindfulness)

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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