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If You Don’t Feel Right, He Is Not The One.

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If You Don’t Feel Right, He Is Not The One.

Leaving a toxic relationship can be extremely difficult. Even when a relationship is bad and neither partner feels happy, it can be very tough to accept that the relationship is over and move on. Many people worry that they are making a bad decision, or they fear being alone. However, leaving a toxic relationship will make you happier, more confident and more compassionate. Check out 8 amazing things that happen when you leave a toxic relationship for good.

1. You will have a clear perspective of the toxic relationship

It is hard to have a clear perspective on a relationship while it is still happening. After a toxic relationship ends you get clarity about yourself, your partner and the relationship. The relationship had highs – but it also had crashing lows which hurt you, and it wasn’t worth it for the good parts. After leaving the toxic relationship you will want a healthy, happy relationship without crashing lows, and if you until you find that you will happy to stay single.

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2. You will evolve

A toxic relationship is filled with mistrust, anger, sadness and difficulties. When the relationship ends, those experiences will make you kinder, more compassionate, and wiser. You will be better at empathizing and relating to others, and you will understand yourself more than you did before the relationship.

3. You will learn more about what you want from a relationship

Leaving a toxic relationship will teach you what you don’t want in a relationship. You will no longer tolerate being used or being hurt and you will know the warning signs to look out for to make sure you avoid toxic relationships in the future.

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4. You will become independent

Many people do not leave toxic relationships because they fear being alone, but being alone is better than being with someone who hurts you. When the relationship ends you will realize this and you will embrace being alone. While you may occasionally feel sad or lonely, you will feel much happier than you did in a toxic relationship.

5. You will learn to love yourself again

Toxic relationships can leave both partners with low confidence. Your partner may have put you down or mocked some of your habits, but once you are single you will learn to love every single part of yourself again – even the part that likes to watch the Real Housewives while eating cream cheese out of the tube.

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6. You will focus on following your own dreams

Toxic relationships often encourage dependency, where both partners don’t have any time for their own interests. When the relationship ends you will have time to yourself to pursue your own dreams and goals. Being able to set your own priorities means you will make more progress than you could while you were in the toxic relationship.

7. You will put more effort into other relationships

Toxic relationships can take up a lot of time, and leaving a toxic relationship means you get your free time back. While this may seem scary initially, it actually gives you the opportunity to spend time with your loved ones. It is likely your friends and family missed you while you were busy with your relationship, and being single gives you the opportunity to spend time with the people who care about you and love you.

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8. You will become happy

Being in a toxic relationship can make you dependent, not confident and unhappy. Once this ends, you get the chance to become truly happy again. You will feel pain when the relationship first ends, but this will pass and eventually, you will be ready to be in a relationship again. You will know that you deserve someone who loves and respects you, but you are comfortable being alone until then.

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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