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8 Things A Great Dad Would Do For His Daughter

8 Things A Great Dad Would Do For His Daughter

The role of a Father (A.K.A Dad) plays a very significant role in a young girl’s life and her development into a woman.

1. He will treat her mother with respect

It’s very important that a father treats the mother of his daughter with respect and kindness. Regardless of the relationship status between the mother and father, respect is necessary for a healthy child. The emotional and mental health of the child depends on it. Children absorb and repeat things they observe all the time, so it’s best not to argue, or do anything negative in front of your daughter. As a dad, you set the standard for how your daughter will possibly interact with others.

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2. He will give good hugs

A hug can be powerful. Providing your daughter with hugs may result in her feeling loved, secure, comforted, confident and happy. She will know she is loved by her father. Reward her with a smile, a hug and tell her something positive like “great job” for good behavior. I feel that a hug a day also keeps the doctor away. Never turn down a hug from your daughter.

3. He will spend quality time with his daughter

It’s important for a dad to spend quality time with his daughter. Quality time doesn’t have to be all day to make a positive impact on your daughter. Take her different places or plan different activities over the course of a year. Allow her to be part of the planning process, ask her what she would like to do and offer suggestions. A thirty-minute walk in the park or dance off is a fun and healthy activity that will not require money. Make sure if you have other kids, she will have at least one time a week with you without the other siblings. Each child needs their own separate alone time with their parents.

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4. He will show his support

Show your support to daughter and her endeavors. Notice I used the word show–yes she needs to physically see and feel your support not just hear you say you support her. Okay! I totally get it, you may not be able to attend all her games or events all the time. However, if you do miss her event you can make it up by bringing her a card, flower or whatever she likes.Then take some time to sit and speak with her about the event and be interested.

5. He will share

It’s okay to share with your daughter some of your hobbies. If you like to go fishing, take your daughter. Don’t allow gender biases to dictate the activities you share with your daughter. She could learn how to be patient, other valuable skills and lessons over time, during the activity.

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6. He will say I love you

Your daughter needs to hear I love you. When she is having a bad day, she will find comfort in you and those words from you. It can calm her to know that she is in a safe, secure and loved place.

7. He will allow her to earn

A great dad will allow her to earn what she wants. Giving her money will not show her the value or appreciation of money when she is younger. It’s important that he allows her to earn an allowance by working for it. Depending on her age she could wash the car, fold the clothes, water the plants or hand you the tools while you work on the car.

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8. He will allow her mind to be opened

A great dad will allow his daughters mind to be opened to new experiences, adventures, and cultures. Taking her to different museums and allowing her to participate in different activities. This will allow her to develop into a smart and kind young woman with the ability to make up her own mind through her experiences.

Every day is a gift it allows us to start over and do better than we did yesterday. What better day than today to start making improvements. It’s important to acknowledge and take accountability for our mistakes or things we did not know about. When done genuinely, it allows  the wounds to heal and a new beginning to start.

Take the time to read to your daughter, tell her she is beautiful and smart. Ask her about her favorite color, favorite subject in school and more. This will grow a beautiful bond, between you and your daughter.

Featured photo credit: Father and Child/Petras Gagilas via imcreator.com

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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