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7 Things You Should Always Keep In Mind To Live Without Regrets

7 Things You Should Always Keep In Mind To Live Without Regrets

Some people choose to tightly grasp on to the past and stay stuck in their story, playing it over and over like a broken record. They, in turn, live with regret, anger, fear, and resentment.

Those who choose to live life with no regrets let go of the past and live joyfully in the present moment. They know that every experience gives birth to lessons and growth, even if it felt painful at the time. They look at all life experiences, both positive and negative, as part of their divine journey. They forgive themselves and others and understand their power is always in the present moment. They are grateful and optimistic, and know whatever they focus their thoughts on is what they attract. They also live by the following important mindsets.

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1. Following your unique path leads to greater fulfilment

We all have unique gifts and talents we bring to this earth, accompanied by our distinct personality. We also have a life purpose to pursue- whether it’s to inspire, create, support, protect, or teach. If pave your own path by following your passions and inner guidance, your life will take on deeper meaning and fulfilment. If you pave your own path with what society and others expect of you, you’ll waste your precious time creating a life of pain, resentment, and regret. Instead of living a life of what you think you should do, try living according to what your inner knowing guides you to do.

2. Let your passions guide you, not societal pressures

We all know the feeling of being passionate about something. Our eyes light up, our energy increases, we smile, feel fulfilled, present, and deeply connected to what we are doing. Too often we allow the pressures of society and fear to steer us into spending our days engaged in activities we feel we should do. Whether it’s working in an unsatisfying job, staying in a bad relationship, or worrying what others think, none of those behaviors serve our higher good. To check whether your passions are guiding your life, write a list of up to 10 experiences you’ve had in your life where you felt the most fulfilled and connected. Then assess how many of these activities you have done in the past twelve months. If it’s not many, then start to reduce the amount of things you feel you have to do and start doing more of what you want to do.

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3. Understand happiness is a choice

We often think that we will be happy once we get that job, car, house, or finish that course. The truth is there will always be something we are chasing after and areas we want to grow. Life is a journey of discovery, making mistakes, constantly improving ourselves and exploring our purpose, so there will always be goals we are striving for. Making your happiness dependent upon gaining external things or being perfect is a straight road to misery. Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy and content right now no matter where you live, what your job is or what you are striving for. Happiness comes from within. As everything external to you is temporary, even when you do get what you think will make you happy, once it goes, so will your happiness. True happiness is being connected to your true self and living a purposeful life.

4. Don’t think twice about expressing love and appreciation

A tapestry of relationships, connections, and encounters with others constantly weaves through our lives. We support others to grow by our words and actions, while also receiving their support and love back. What’s easy to take for granted is how often we express our gratitude and appreciation to the people that make a rich contribution to our lives. When I was 20 years old, I lost my best friend to suicide. It had been a while since I told her how much I appreciated and loved her. I then spent the next 8 years living with anger and regret. Life is precious and we don’t know when we will see our friends and loved ones again. Expressing your heartfelt feelings allows you to have no regrets for whatever tomorrow may bring. It may also be exactly what the other person needs to hear to get through their current challenges.

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5. Don’t settle for less than what you truly want

You are here to create, expand, achieve, serve and receive. Through truly believing in yourself and having full trust you can achieve what you desire, you’ll stop wasting time settling for what’s in front of you out of fear you can’t get any better. You won’t live regretting you could have gone further or done more if only you didn’t settle. By continuing to focus on the goals determined by your higher guidance and not letting tests steer you off track, you can have the life of your dreams, with no regrets.

6. Creating your own definition of success is key to finding happiness

In the West we grow up learning that certain models of success are what we need to strive after. Whether it’s climbing up the corporate ladder, acquiring material possessions, or getting married and having kids, we often don’t take the time to assess if these achievements are what will truly make us fulfilled. What is right for one person may not be right for another. By identifying and honoring your unique values and the passions that drive your happiness, you can create your own definition of success that is fulfilling for your life.

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7. Forgiving yourself and others leads to freedom

Forgiving yourself for the things you did in the past allows you to move forward and create the life you were born to live. Accepting what is done is done and that you now know better, allows you to drop your story and become free. Playing out regrets from the past in your mind only creates guilt, resentment, and attachment. Forgiving others is also key to dissolving any anger and resentment that may be living inside you.

Try to accept that everyone is doing the best they can with where they are at and forgive everyone for any hurt you feel they may have caused you. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you condone their actions, it just means you can let the experience go and have neutral feelings towards them rather than letting the experience eat you up inside and cause regrets. You can write a note to yourself or the people you want to forgive, expressing all your emotions. Then burn, rip, wet or bury the note to release these feelings permanently.

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Kelly Weiss

Purpose-driven business + lifestyle coach

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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