Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on November 27, 2020

10 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Worthless

10 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Worthless

When was the last time you felt you had to prove something to the people you love? How often you do you feel like you’re never good enough for your mother, father, grandparents, caregivers, or lover…No matter what you do, you never get a “That’s great! I’m so proud of you!” Or maybe they tell you so but it’s only on very special occasions, and it’s presented like, “You know well that we’re proud of you. It’s a given.

When you feel that you’re not good enough, you often find yourself in isolation, sitting in the dark room abandoned and longing for love from the people you need it from most.

I remember the time when I achieved what I felt was a significant level of my success. I had gotten my voice out in some well-recognised magazines and newspapers, and had collaborated with well-known people. Everyone around me was so excited about my growth that it made me wonder why they were more proud and exhilarated about my achievements than I was. I realised that I was questioning my success and passion. I thought, “I’m not doing as great as some other people in this world. Anyone can have what I have. I still have a long way to go!”

I called my parents to share the news about my victories, and all I got was “Oh, ok. How’s the weather?” I felt devastated. It seemed that my deepest fears were reinforced by the people I love. What else do I need to do to at least deserve “It’s great. So, happy for you!” I got angry, sad, helpless, lonely — the whole garden salad of emotions. Then, I asked myself how I can give somebody so much control over how I feel about my victories, future, and passion.

Anger can be a powerful emotion to breakthrough, if you use it right. – Karolina Tatarenkova

I started to ponder what just happened. I live and breathe emotional fitness, yet it happened to me. Then, I digged deeper and went through a process that I will share with you here because I know that I’m not alone in this boat.

1. Is it really about me?

When you experience pain as a result of interaction with other people, you tend to personalise everything they say or don’t say and take it to heart. I realise that the opinion of those people whose love you have never got and always cherished is precious to you — like water in the desert. But it doesn’t have to be.

Advertising

Remember, it’s not always about you.

2. Do I focus on what I have or what I’m missing?

The reason certain people don’t give you the love you want might just be that they never got the love they always longed for as well. They might be doing their best. Sometimes their way of controlling you or not giving you words of encouragement might be their way of showing love. Sound fucked up? Because it is.

When you hold on to your history, you do it at the expense of your destiny. -Bishop Jakes

It could be that the message they got about praise and encouragement is that it’s waste of time. Actions speak louder than words. You had probably heard this saying many time before. The actions they chose to show you love is according to their dictionary of how love is expressed, not yours. So, don’t expect them to live life according to your terms.

3. What will it take to love myself?

In order to expand the love you experience, you need to embark on your spiritual journey to discover unconditional love for yourself. Love is a choice, and if you have never experienced love it’s because you never chose to love. Love can be a healing force that unifies everybody. You can love someone without needing anything in return from them. That’s were freedom comes in.

I wanted recognition from my parents at that moment to feel loved and, to be honest, to feel love for them too. Sounds like barter or a business transaction, not love.

4. When will I start practicing self-love?

Loving yourself unconditionally will take care of the fear of not being good enough. Do your best in all of your endeavours. Even when you think you haven’t done your best, you still do your best as long as you’re enjoying yourself along the journey of reaching your purpose.

Advertising

You can’t love somebody fully without loving yourself first. – Karolina Tatarenkova

I have a challenge for you. For the next 21 days, imagine it’s night time and you’re somewhere outside of the city, enjoying the sacred darkness of the night. You can’t really see yourself, it’s that dark. From that place of serenity and tranquility, write down three things you love about yourself.

The deeper you explore, the greater sense of totality and personal power will come in.

5. Is it bringing me closer to what I want from life?

I follow my passion and my heart. I know you do, too. It was disrespectful to my passion in life to question my accomplishments. It’s self-sabotaging. Why is it that you still find yourself rushing to prove others that you deserve to be loved and to love? By others I mean those who’s attention and love you were longing to have but did not when you were young.

Why? It’s a powerful question. We spend too much time trying to figure out why that we forget that it doesn’t really matter. It’s rarely about why.

6. What lights me up?

If you rely on someone’s validation of your success, you will never be free. You will never be able to create art and fulfill your passion. It will be so easy for anyone to derail you off your path.

Next time, when you are uncertain about your success — reflect back on why you are in this business, this relationship, and this career in the first place.

Advertising

7. Might it be that I’m looking for something I can’t get?

Wasting your life and drowning in suffering because you have never had the love and attention from your parents you deserved or even witnessed other kids have will not get you anywhere but desperation and self-pity. By focusing on what you can’t have you will create obstacles.

By referring back to the memories of your parents never encouraging you for the great achievements that should have made them outrageously happy, you reinforce the limiting belief of not being good enough and worthy of people’s attention.

8. Am I making a living or designing my own life?

Coaching and counselling people, I can confidently say that you can’t force people to see from your own reality. We all have our own reality, and each reality is valid. Accept that you can’t control people or even change their behaviour by telling them not to do something. We all have been emotionally wounded at some point of our lives. However, some chose not to allow that wound to stop them from finding fulfillment in life, whereas others continue picking that scab, never allowing it to disappear.

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice. – Wayne Dyer

When you find yourself rejected by the people whose love you never got, don’t allow it to feed your soul. It might have been their fault that they never loved you the way you wanted them, but it’s your fault to allow it define who you are in the present.

9. Can I just let it go?

It might be scary as hell to let go of the feeling of not being good enough. Maybe it’s time to forgive and move on. You might think that not forgiving them for not loving you that way you wanted them serves you as a protection. But it doesn’t.

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough. – Oprah Winfrey

It fact, it poisons you, your soul, and your passion for life. Because you’re not only thinking that they robbed you of that moment in the past, but also that they robbed you of the future as well. No one can take away your future from you.

10. Is now a good time to forgive?

Not forgiving is a self-fulfilling prophecy because it has everything to do with you and nothing to do with the other person. You trap yourself in isolation and loneliness, and try to prove that you’re worthy of love. It feeds this imprisonment. Problems need energy to live. Find people in your life who support you and empower you to become a better version of yourself.

Unforgiveness unchecked becomes a cancer in your soul. – Bishop Jakes

Next time you feel like yet again you’re not enough for your loved ones, tell yourself the following: “Every time I’m wasting my energy on where I have been or on what I haven’t had, I’m not going to have the energy, audacity, tenacity and courage I need to energize where I’m going”.

Let it go…

You want to cry – cry. You want to ponder – ponder. But never, ever again let anyone rob you off your celebrations, achievements, and passions.

Featured photo credit: Artur Nasyrov via unsplash.com

Advertising

More by this author

Karolina Tatarenkova

Premier Registered Therapist & Celebrity Coach l Host of AskKarolina Show

10 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Worthless 7 Old-Fashioned But Desirable Dating Ideas That Need Immediate Revival

Trending in Meaning of Life

1 There Is More to Life Than  ____________ 2 Surviving and Thriving Amid the Pandemic: Intentional Living 3 How to Find Purpose in Life and Make Yourself a Better Person 4 5 Keys to Discovering Your Life’s True Mission 5 I Hate My Life: 10 Things You Can Do Now to Stop Hating Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on February 16, 2021

There Is More to Life Than  ____________

There Is More to Life Than  ____________

I decided to leave the title of this article open ended, because I’d like you to fill in what words best fit that blank. We’re all unique individuals from different walks of life, and in different stages of life; so, that sentence will have a different meaning for each of us.

If you’re a busy working professional, why are you working in the job that you have now?

Is it because it’s something you’re passionate about and brings you a lot of satisfaction? Or, is it because you studied that in college and just found a job that hired you for those skills? Perhaps it’s because of the money that you’re earning, or know you can earn down the line?

What if you’re about to retire? You’ve got, say, 2 to 3 more years before you hit your ‘deadline’ for retiring. Have you done all that you’ve wanted to do in the past 30-40 years? Any unfulfilled goals or dreams? Are you happy with the outcome of your life to date, all the decisions and/or risks that you’ve made thus far?

I’m sure many of us started working after college in hopes of earning a good living–to be financially stable and able to afford the ability to experience and do things that we love. We start establishing a career, and with time, tick off boxes on our bucket or ambition list. As you look back on the last couple of years, just how much of your time has been spent doing things that you enjoy and love–the things that give you a great sense of fulfillment and meaning?

Have you become a slave to the economy, a slave to your work, or a slave to your kids? Or have you found a balance between work and pleasure?

When is Enough Ever Enough?

Sadly, many of us live to work.

Realists would argue that if you truly want to work to live, you still need the finances to back that up. No money no talk. That is how the world runs today. So if you don’t earn or make enough dough, it’s hard to truly enjoy life; it’s hard to be happy without money.

Advertising

So, in this quest to provide just that, many of us end up spending our whole lives pursuing wealth and a life of status and material wants. But, is it ever enough? Is there such a thing as having too much money? And, at what expense?

If you’re not sure about the expense you may have been paying already, take our Life Assessment for free and find out. After taking the assessment, you’ll get a report of your life’s analysis and understand how you’re balancing life so far. Take the free assessment here.

Many wealthy entrepreneurs, millionaires and even billionaires have come to agree that money doesn’t bring you all the happiness in the world. It’s good to have, but it doesn’t truly satisfy all desires. There comes a point where you would have ‘had it all’ and still feel a sense of emptiness: an empty void that needs to be filled, not with money or material possessions.

So the question is then, what more is there to life if not for financial stability, status or material possessions?

How do we make work a part of life instead of having it consume our life entirely? Perhaps we need to go back to look at the word life itself.

What is Your Purpose in Life?

What is the nature of life? What does life mean to you? Is there a purpose?

If we seek jobs, all we will find are jobs. But if we have a sense of purpose in how we are productive; if we seek a calling, then we will find more than a job. We will find our contribution to humanity and we will find more to life. Would you agree?

Research has shown that having purpose and meaning in life increases overall well-being and life satisfaction, improves mental and physical health, enhances resiliency, enhances self-esteem, and decreases the chances of depression. So it should be noted that to be happy in life isn’t always enough, because happiness is a surge of emotions that does not last. Instead, it’s more important to find and have meaning in life.

Advertising

Meaning is not only about transcending the self, but also about transcending the present moment. While happiness is an emotion felt in the here and now, it ultimately fades away, just as all emotions do; positive affect and feelings of pleasure are fleeting. The amount of time people report feeling good or bad correlates with happiness, but not at all with meaning.

Have You Been Going on a Wild Goose Chase?

Ironically, the single-minded pursuit of happiness is leaving people less happy. “It is the very pursuit of happiness, that thwarts happiness”, according to Viktor Frankl, a famous Austrian Neurologist and Holocaust survivor. Going back to the common example of pursuing riches in order to be happy is exactly what makes many so unhappy.

So again, look at the statement “There is more to life than ______.”

Have you answered it meaningfully? If you’ve read on this far, and are now wondering how to take that first step to figuring out what your true purpose is in life, fret not; I’m here to help you reframe your mind and actions, so that you can embark on a journey of finding true meaning to your life.

Everything that you can do and accomplish in life are bounded by the Life Multipliers. These are the true essentials needed to achieve excellence. They’ll put you on a path that gives great meaning and satisfaction in life. And, the best thing of all? They already exist in each of us. We just don’t always make the most of it, or sometimes we aren’t even aware of the power that each of these skills have to help us in life.

On it’s own, each skill is unique and can help you through different stages of life, or problems. But as a whole set, these 7 Cornerstone Skills will give you full transformation over any situation. No matter what phase of life you’re in, what you’re striving to achieve, or what feel you’re lacking, your pursuit of meaning in life will be much faster when you’re able to make use of not one, not two, but all the Life Multipliers.

The Life Multipliers

So let me give you a glimpse into what these Life Multipliers are.

1. Self-Empowerment

This refers to sustainable motivation and confidence about what you want to achieve. It means being clear about your purpose and knowing how to stay motivated during adversity.

Advertising

2. Self-Control

With self-control, you can consistently set clear goals and follow through your plan. It means knowing how to build constructive habits and routines that support your goals.

3. Renewable Vitality

A person with renewable vitality is physically fit and healthy. They exercise regularly, eat well, and know how to look after themselves.

4. Emotion Mastery

A person with emotion mastery can manage and change the way they feel and cope with situations. They are also able to reframe negativity into positive actions.[1]

5. Conscious Communication

With conscious communication, you understand others’ ideas and are able to express and deliver your own thoughts and feelings clearly.

6. Smart Focus

With smart focus, you’re able to get things done in the most effective and efficient manner. You’ll know how to take control of your time and energy by working smart.

7. Learning and Adaptability

With learning and adaptability, you can quickly master any knowledge and skill. You’re also able to respond to change swiftly and never stop growing.

8. Constructive Thinking

With constructive thinking, you have a clear mind. You know how to utilize your brain power to solve problems and be creative.

Are You Ready to Live Your Best Life?

The simple fact is, that if you can sharpen these Life Multipliers, you will realize that finding meaning in life, or reaching the goals and ambitions that you’ve set out for yourself, no matter what stage of life you’re in, is very attainable.

Advertising

There is no magical method to having life figured out. The skills have always been there since day 1, you just need to know how to use it to the best of your advantage.

And I’m here to show you just how you can do that. Lifehack is all about equipping you with the best and most effective ways to increase your productivity, motivation and focus to achieve true Purpose in life, in as little time as possible.

Embark on a transformational journey with us as we show you how to learn and improve your Life Multipliers so that you’ll come out a new person, ready to either pursue your existing goals at a much quicker rate, or to find new goals to pursue without being limited by time, age or responsibilities.

If you’ve been wanting a change, or been stuck in a rut for a while now, here is your chance to get started on pushing towards progress again.

Tired of being stuck time and again? It’s time to resolve that permanently and start living out your best days. We’ve got the solution at Lifehack — Find out More About Our Solution Here!

Featured photo credit: Caroline Hernandez via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next