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10 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Worthless

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10 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Worthless

When was the last time you felt you had to prove something to the people you love? How often you do you feel like you’re never good enough for your mother, father, grandparents, caregivers, or lover…No matter what you do, you never get a “That’s great! I’m so proud of you!” Or maybe they tell you so but it’s only on very special occasions, and it’s presented like, “You know well that we’re proud of you. It’s a given.

When you feel that you’re not good enough, you often find yourself in isolation, sitting in the dark room abandoned and longing for love from the people you need it from most.

I remember the time when I achieved what I felt was a significant level of my success. I had gotten my voice out in some well-recognised magazines and newspapers, and had collaborated with well-known people. Everyone around me was so excited about my growth that it made me wonder why they were more proud and exhilarated about my achievements than I was. I realised that I was questioning my success and passion. I thought, “I’m not doing as great as some other people in this world. Anyone can have what I have. I still have a long way to go!”

I called my parents to share the news about my victories, and all I got was “Oh, ok. How’s the weather?” I felt devastated. It seemed that my deepest fears were reinforced by the people I love. What else do I need to do to at least deserve “It’s great. So, happy for you!” I got angry, sad, helpless, lonely — the whole garden salad of emotions. Then, I asked myself how I can give somebody so much control over how I feel about my victories, future, and passion.

Anger can be a powerful emotion to breakthrough, if you use it right. – Karolina Tatarenkova

I started to ponder what just happened. I live and breathe emotional fitness, yet it happened to me. Then, I digged deeper and went through a process that I will share with you here because I know that I’m not alone in this boat.

1. Is it really about me?

When you experience pain as a result of interaction with other people, you tend to personalise everything they say or don’t say and take it to heart. I realise that the opinion of those people whose love you have never got and always cherished is precious to you — like water in the desert. But it doesn’t have to be.

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Remember, it’s not always about you.

2. Do I focus on what I have or what I’m missing?

The reason certain people don’t give you the love you want might just be that they never got the love they always longed for as well. They might be doing their best. Sometimes their way of controlling you or not giving you words of encouragement might be their way of showing love. Sound fucked up? Because it is.

When you hold on to your history, you do it at the expense of your destiny. -Bishop Jakes

It could be that the message they got about praise and encouragement is that it’s waste of time. Actions speak louder than words. You had probably heard this saying many time before. The actions they chose to show you love is according to their dictionary of how love is expressed, not yours. So, don’t expect them to live life according to your terms.

3. What will it take to love myself?

In order to expand the love you experience, you need to embark on your spiritual journey to discover unconditional love for yourself. Love is a choice, and if you have never experienced love it’s because you never chose to love. Love can be a healing force that unifies everybody. You can love someone without needing anything in return from them. That’s were freedom comes in.

I wanted recognition from my parents at that moment to feel loved and, to be honest, to feel love for them too. Sounds like barter or a business transaction, not love.

4. When will I start practicing self-love?

Loving yourself unconditionally will take care of the fear of not being good enough. Do your best in all of your endeavours. Even when you think you haven’t done your best, you still do your best as long as you’re enjoying yourself along the journey of reaching your purpose.

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You can’t love somebody fully without loving yourself first. – Karolina Tatarenkova

I have a challenge for you. For the next 21 days, imagine it’s night time and you’re somewhere outside of the city, enjoying the sacred darkness of the night. You can’t really see yourself, it’s that dark. From that place of serenity and tranquility, write down three things you love about yourself.

The deeper you explore, the greater sense of totality and personal power will come in.

5. Is it bringing me closer to what I want from life?

I follow my passion and my heart. I know you do, too. It was disrespectful to my passion in life to question my accomplishments. It’s self-sabotaging. Why is it that you still find yourself rushing to prove others that you deserve to be loved and to love? By others I mean those who’s attention and love you were longing to have but did not when you were young.

Why? It’s a powerful question. We spend too much time trying to figure out why that we forget that it doesn’t really matter. It’s rarely about why.

6. What lights me up?

If you rely on someone’s validation of your success, you will never be free. You will never be able to create art and fulfill your passion. It will be so easy for anyone to derail you off your path.

Next time, when you are uncertain about your success — reflect back on why you are in this business, this relationship, and this career in the first place.

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7. Might it be that I’m looking for something I can’t get?

Wasting your life and drowning in suffering because you have never had the love and attention from your parents you deserved or even witnessed other kids have will not get you anywhere but desperation and self-pity. By focusing on what you can’t have you will create obstacles.

By referring back to the memories of your parents never encouraging you for the great achievements that should have made them outrageously happy, you reinforce the limiting belief of not being good enough and worthy of people’s attention.

8. Am I making a living or designing my own life?

Coaching and counselling people, I can confidently say that you can’t force people to see from your own reality. We all have our own reality, and each reality is valid. Accept that you can’t control people or even change their behaviour by telling them not to do something. We all have been emotionally wounded at some point of our lives. However, some chose not to allow that wound to stop them from finding fulfillment in life, whereas others continue picking that scab, never allowing it to disappear.

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice. – Wayne Dyer

When you find yourself rejected by the people whose love you never got, don’t allow it to feed your soul. It might have been their fault that they never loved you the way you wanted them, but it’s your fault to allow it define who you are in the present.

9. Can I just let it go?

It might be scary as hell to let go of the feeling of not being good enough. Maybe it’s time to forgive and move on. You might think that not forgiving them for not loving you that way you wanted them serves you as a protection. But it doesn’t.

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough. – Oprah Winfrey

It fact, it poisons you, your soul, and your passion for life. Because you’re not only thinking that they robbed you of that moment in the past, but also that they robbed you of the future as well. No one can take away your future from you.

10. Is now a good time to forgive?

Not forgiving is a self-fulfilling prophecy because it has everything to do with you and nothing to do with the other person. You trap yourself in isolation and loneliness, and try to prove that you’re worthy of love. It feeds this imprisonment. Problems need energy to live. Find people in your life who support you and empower you to become a better version of yourself.

Unforgiveness unchecked becomes a cancer in your soul. – Bishop Jakes

Next time you feel like yet again you’re not enough for your loved ones, tell yourself the following: “Every time I’m wasting my energy on where I have been or on what I haven’t had, I’m not going to have the energy, audacity, tenacity and courage I need to energize where I’m going”.

Let it go…

You want to cry – cry. You want to ponder – ponder. But never, ever again let anyone rob you off your celebrations, achievements, and passions.

Featured photo credit: Artur Nasyrov via unsplash.com

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Karolina Tatarenkova

Premier Registered Therapist & Celebrity Coach l Host of AskKarolina Show

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Last Updated on September 16, 2021

Feel That Life Is Meaningless? Here’s How to Find Meaning

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Feel That Life Is Meaningless? Here’s How to Find Meaning

Have you ever felt like you’re unable to feel anything? You know exactly what this feeling is if you’ve been through it. The feeling of a meaningless life is unexplainable.

A meaningless life may not look bad. In fact, there’s likely nothing obviously wrong. You may be living in your dream house with the love of your life. Your well-paid job in the company that you dreamt of is doing great, too. However, you feel like a part of your heart and soul are missing.

If you feel like nothing is right, you may be living a meaningless life. But don’t you worry, because you’re in the right place to find the perfect solution for you and your unique life.

What Is a Meaningless Life?

Let’s start by helping you put a finger on your issue. Is it actually a meaningless life or just a rough slump?

Be clear on one thing: no human’s life is ever truly meaningless. Basically, your life can never lose its meaning and purpose. If you’re living in this world, there is some reason deep down. The only issue is that you have lost the vision to identify it. Your perspective is too blurred to figure out what you are in this world for.

A meaningless life may mean you’re going through an existential crisis. You could be borderline depressed. The feeling of emptiness may prevail all other emotions. However, you can be sure that, despite all of this, there’s still meaning to your existence.

All you have to do is push through to find it.

If you feel that you’re living a meaningless life, negativity will surround you like wildfire. However, you’ve got to keep your head high so that you can look ahead and find an answer. You have to strive to find your life’s meaning to continue to live a life of high motivation.

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Before you move on with the rest of the process, make sure to first imprint this in your mind. Only then will you be able to guide your thought process in the right direction.

Is There Any Meaning to Life?

Life, in its literal term, means to exist and reproduce. The reproduction not only includes the creation of humans like yourself, but also of thoughts, ideologies, and philosophies.

A person who is living a meaningless life has a very different view of what life is supposed to be. That is where the issue arises. To understand the meaning of life without any misconceptions, one should look at the philosophy behind this concept.

Like most branches of research, philosophy has numerous diverging answers to answer what the meaning of life is[1]. Here’s a quick summary of what I consider the most suitable understanding.

It all starts from a human’s expectations and, ultimately, reactions. Every individual expects something from the world and, in return, has to react to the expectations of others. Generally, this idea is surrounded by wanting goodness. To achieve that, a person has to do good deeds as well.

This cycle continues. But, of course, it is very complex. A lot of factors contribute to this cycle, such as selfishness, a different point of view of what’s good, emotions, likes and dislikes, etc.

The point of this entire concept in philosophy is that, ultimately, the process of growth and reproduction comes to an end for every human. There’s no escaping that. Therefore, the goal is to live life in a way that, when the individual’s growth comes to an end, something good is still left behind for the cycle to continue.

Where Does the Good Come From?

This is the point where the differences come in. People with different beliefs opt for varying methods to reach the same goal.

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There are four main schools of thought in philosophy in this regard, and they all offer different advice on how to move past living a meaningless life[2].

1. God

One school believes that God is the center of everything we do. Hence, goodness is anything that goes in line with the religion that you believe in.

2. The Soul

The other school of thought centers their actions on the soul. For them, anything that satisfies and calms your inner self is the path you should follow, regardless of what the rest of the world thinks.

3. Objectivists

The objectivists say that everything in the world is defined; the good and bad are certain, so no one should go beyond the set boundaries.

4. Subjectivists

The subjectivists, on the other hand, believe that since every individual’s cognition varies, the meaning of every single thing in the world is different. No two individuals can have a similar thought process.

All in all, life comes down to one thing only: goodness. That is what life should be, and that is what you should leave behind. How you achieve it depends on which school of thought you agree with. Whatever you believe in is ultimately what the meaning of your life is.

How to Stop Living a Meaningless Life

Now you know that there is a meaning to your life, without question. You also have an idea of what this meaning is. You’ve got to figure out what you consider “good” and build your life around it.

Regardless of which school of thought you agree with or what you have decided your life’s meaning to be, the process to implement will be a bit hard. To make it easier, here are some universal tips.

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1. Unlearn What You’ve Been Told All Your Life

Do not be distracted by what you’ve learned in your life until now. The truth is, you could have been told something for 30 years of your life only to find out that it was all baseless.

The only thing in life that is definite is that there are no rules. We didn’t come into this world with a rule book or defined meaning. Every individual was given the ability to make choices in their life. So, take hold of yours, learn your right and wrong from scratch, and make sure nothing is detracting you from the real meaning of your life. Don’t be afraid if you learn something that goes against your lifelong motto if it gets you away from living a meaningless life.

2. Know That You Matter

This has been said a couple of times by now but, honestly, the more you emphasize this fact, the easier it will be for you.

The fact that you’re alive, living in this world, and taking another breath to take means that you matter. Your life purpose is yet to be fulfilled, so you’ve still got to make some impact in this world.

You are the one person that has to change the world, even if it is something as small as changing the life of one tiny creature. Keep this in mind at all times.

3. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

If your life’s meaning was somewhere inside the circle that you stay in, you would’ve found it by now. Isn’t it obvious that what you’re looking for is out of your comfort zone? Then, what’s keeping you from stepping out?

Don’t hesitate to step out. The short-term discomfort will help you find the long-term purpose of life, which will give you a lifetime of relaxation and a constant way out of a meaningless life.

4. Follow Your Heart

Whether you’re choosing which school of thought to follow or opting between what good to go after, never ignore your heart. Your intuition is your heart’s way of guiding you. Don’t let it take over, but also don’t forget to take it into consideration.

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5. Do Not Let Go of Your Passion

You know that one thing in life that you just cannot give up no matter hard you try? Stop trying to get rid of it. You’re passionate about something for a reason. It is a step for you to reach your life’s meaning.

6. Be More Mindful

The big things in life tend to take over the tiny details. These little things are signs to help you decode and find answers. Meditate if you have a hard time focusing, but always try your best to pay attention to the little experiences that you usually don’t notice.

Conclusion

If you’re a person who is going through the dilemma of living a meaningless life, try to use these tips to help you seek out your unique meaning. Although your life seems meaningless, rest assured that it’s not.

The ball is now in your court. You’re the one who has to do the rest of the work. Use the tips to help you find the true meaning of your life, and then stick to it. Get on with step 1 from today without losing any motivation at all.

All the work that you’ll put in the process now will help you achieve a life of happiness and peace worth living.

More Tips on Living With Meaning

Featured photo credit: Frida Aguilar Estrada via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Philosophy Now: What is Life?
[2] Philosophy Now: What is The Meaning Of Life?

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