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7 Reasons You Face The Same Problems Again And Again

7 Reasons You Face The Same Problems Again And Again

I’ve done it. So have you. We keep doing the same thing and we keep getting the same results. Sometimes they are the results we don’t really want. And when it comes to the challenges, the same goes. wW seem to manifest the same problems again and again.

Why is that? Why do the same problems (hiding in different shapes and forms) keep rearing their ugly head?

Proponents of The Law of Attraction believe that if you keep complaining about a problem or challenge, or obsessively think about it, you just recreate the problem. Could that be the reason it keeps reappearing?

Maybe. But I believe there’s more, and it’s all about learning a lesson.

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Now, keep in mind that there are things that happen in the world for no apparent reason. It’s the Uncertainty Principle at work, and it’s a reality of physics and life. But most of the time, events and circumstances in your life keep reappearing until you get that major take away – the one that is life transforming. That “ah ha-I’ve got this!” moment. Comprendez?

Let’s break it down. Why do you face the same problems (although repackaged) again and again? Here’s why (and as you will see, it all has to do with your ability to LEARN the lesson):

1.You are wearing blinders or earmuffs.

In other words, you are only choosing to see or hear what you want to in a particular circumstance, instead of being open to new ideas, points of view and information, which may, in fact, be in direct opposition to your beliefs.

2.You believe your way is the only way.

This is all about your ego. If you put up a roadblock or “do not enter” sign, how can you expect to anything to change? When young children can’t get their way, they stand, arms folded and pout. The problem won’t go away when you pout and are inflexible.

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3. Your communication is kinked.

When a wire is kinked, it can’t transmit a signal properly. The same goes with your ability to communicate. If you don’t communicate clearly, and without drama or negative words, you won’t relay what you truly intend to. That problem will just resurface.

4. You lack understanding, empathy and compassion.

Some of the world’s toughest challenges and problems are resolved through understanding, empathy and compassion for others. If the problem involves others, can you put yourself in someone else’s shoes and view the problem from their point of view?

5. You are unwilling to take (calculated) risks or you take too many poor risks.

Taking calculated risks entails understanding the consequences and potential loss or gain of the risk before you take it. If the gain appears greater the loss, it may be a risk you are willing to take. Problems keep repeating themselves when you fear taking any risk, even a favorable one. Trying something new involves being a bit vulnerable and opening up to learning something new. Or at the other extreme, you have chosen to take too many poor risks which lead to back to the same place, same old problem.

6. You are stuck in your backyard bubble.

Sometimes problems can be resolved by changing up your landscape. Venture out of your bubble to discover and explore new environments, people, and new ways of doing things. Then your problem may be tackled with fresh solutions.

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7. You have watched Groundhog Day too many times.

Just like in the movie, Groundhog Day, Bill Murray keeps waking up each morning and living the new day nearly exactly as the day before. Everything repeats itself.

The key to break the “same problem” cycle is to recognize and acknowledge your mistakes, learn the lesson, and move forward. Don’t play victim. Don’t blame your mom, dad, boyfriend, girlfriend, sister, brother or best friend. Don’t blame the abuser or the bully. With certain exceptions of random events, most of your life is dictated by you and how you choose to respond to life circumstances.

You co-create your reality. You are the driving force behind much of your life’s direction, events and challenges. You create most of your own struggles.

All of this simply boils down to you learning something from the continued problems you face. If it’s a money problem, perhaps you need to learn how to better manage money. If it’s a relationship problem, you may need to work on enhancing your communication skills. When problematic situations in your corporate career continue to appear, maybe its a sign to opt out and try a fresh start.

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Whether you are younger or older, you can always learn something new. Most top leaders are not afraid to try new things for fear of failure. They push past each and every problem they may encounter, learn from mistakes and move forward. That ability to be resilient is a major key to success (on many levels) in life. The same problems no longer reappear, but be ready for new ones along the way. Problems are only life’s way of teaching you a lesson.

Are you ready and willing to learn?

Featured photo credit: CollegeDegrees360 via flickr.com

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Last Updated on April 19, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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