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7 Reasons You Face The Same Problems Again And Again

7 Reasons You Face The Same Problems Again And Again

I’ve done it. So have you. We keep doing the same thing and we keep getting the same results. Sometimes they are the results we don’t really want. And when it comes to the challenges, the same goes. wW seem to manifest the same problems again and again.

Why is that? Why do the same problems (hiding in different shapes and forms) keep rearing their ugly head?

Proponents of The Law of Attraction believe that if you keep complaining about a problem or challenge, or obsessively think about it, you just recreate the problem. Could that be the reason it keeps reappearing?

Maybe. But I believe there’s more, and it’s all about learning a lesson.

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Now, keep in mind that there are things that happen in the world for no apparent reason. It’s the Uncertainty Principle at work, and it’s a reality of physics and life. But most of the time, events and circumstances in your life keep reappearing until you get that major take away – the one that is life transforming. That “ah ha-I’ve got this!” moment. Comprendez?

Let’s break it down. Why do you face the same problems (although repackaged) again and again? Here’s why (and as you will see, it all has to do with your ability to LEARN the lesson):

1.You are wearing blinders or earmuffs.

In other words, you are only choosing to see or hear what you want to in a particular circumstance, instead of being open to new ideas, points of view and information, which may, in fact, be in direct opposition to your beliefs.

2.You believe your way is the only way.

This is all about your ego. If you put up a roadblock or “do not enter” sign, how can you expect to anything to change? When young children can’t get their way, they stand, arms folded and pout. The problem won’t go away when you pout and are inflexible.

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3. Your communication is kinked.

When a wire is kinked, it can’t transmit a signal properly. The same goes with your ability to communicate. If you don’t communicate clearly, and without drama or negative words, you won’t relay what you truly intend to. That problem will just resurface.

4. You lack understanding, empathy and compassion.

Some of the world’s toughest challenges and problems are resolved through understanding, empathy and compassion for others. If the problem involves others, can you put yourself in someone else’s shoes and view the problem from their point of view?

5. You are unwilling to take (calculated) risks or you take too many poor risks.

Taking calculated risks entails understanding the consequences and potential loss or gain of the risk before you take it. If the gain appears greater the loss, it may be a risk you are willing to take. Problems keep repeating themselves when you fear taking any risk, even a favorable one. Trying something new involves being a bit vulnerable and opening up to learning something new. Or at the other extreme, you have chosen to take too many poor risks which lead to back to the same place, same old problem.

6. You are stuck in your backyard bubble.

Sometimes problems can be resolved by changing up your landscape. Venture out of your bubble to discover and explore new environments, people, and new ways of doing things. Then your problem may be tackled with fresh solutions.

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7. You have watched Groundhog Day too many times.

Just like in the movie, Groundhog Day, Bill Murray keeps waking up each morning and living the new day nearly exactly as the day before. Everything repeats itself.

The key to break the “same problem” cycle is to recognize and acknowledge your mistakes, learn the lesson, and move forward. Don’t play victim. Don’t blame your mom, dad, boyfriend, girlfriend, sister, brother or best friend. Don’t blame the abuser or the bully. With certain exceptions of random events, most of your life is dictated by you and how you choose to respond to life circumstances.

You co-create your reality. You are the driving force behind much of your life’s direction, events and challenges. You create most of your own struggles.

All of this simply boils down to you learning something from the continued problems you face. If it’s a money problem, perhaps you need to learn how to better manage money. If it’s a relationship problem, you may need to work on enhancing your communication skills. When problematic situations in your corporate career continue to appear, maybe its a sign to opt out and try a fresh start.

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Whether you are younger or older, you can always learn something new. Most top leaders are not afraid to try new things for fear of failure. They push past each and every problem they may encounter, learn from mistakes and move forward. That ability to be resilient is a major key to success (on many levels) in life. The same problems no longer reappear, but be ready for new ones along the way. Problems are only life’s way of teaching you a lesson.

Are you ready and willing to learn?

Featured photo credit: CollegeDegrees360 via flickr.com

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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