“The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique.” – Walt Disney
The majority of us don’t have a very high self-esteem, but among us there are many special individuals who don’t even realize they are unique. The reason why this happens is that sometimes there may be people in our lives who underestimate us and make us feel worthless and insecure.
“As a teenager I was so insecure. I was the type of guy that never fitted in because he never dared to choose. I was convinced I had absolutely no talent at all. For nothing. And that thought took away all my ambition too.” – Johnny Depp
And as many of us, you probably are both very humble and incredibly special, but you still don’t know it. Just because you don’t save lives every day, you don’t have a huge self-confidence and you are not a doctor with five Masters and a PhD, it doesn’t mean that you’re not special. Being special could mean many things, like volunteering, helping your friends, listening to someone who feels alone, being a single mother or working all day long to pay the house mortgage.
Here are 10 signs that will reveal you how special you are.
1. You think there is always more to learn
“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” – Socrates
You are not arrogant like many people, and you’re interested in what happens around the world. Also, you are curious, and you always feel you should learn new things or improve some of your skills.
2. You are kind to others
When you meet new people or when you are dealing with someone you already know, like your friends, or your colleagues, you tend to smile and be kind, just because there is no reason to be negative and treat others as if they were less important. Remember what I’m about to say and stick to it: never ever ever try to emulate people who never smile and are rude and disrespectful, just because they are powerful. Those people have huge unresolved personal issues. It’s the way you deal with others, being kind and positive, that makes you special and unique. So don’t try to change this.
Image: Be Kind
3. You understand others’ feelings
You don’t know how, but when someone talks about his personal life and experiences with you, sharing secrets or feelings with you, you perfectly understand the way they feel. Plus, you know you always need to go beyond the way others appear, to understand them. When someone tells you “I’m fine” you know there might be something more going on according to their voice or their facial expression, and you try to listen them, letting them talk about how they feel.
4. You enjoy music
“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.” – Bob Marley
Your brain is very sensitive to music. Not only do you enjoy music, but you also need it in your daily routine, and it always evokes deep emotions in you. Those emotions may be good or bad, but they are strong.
5. You listen
“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” – Ernest Hemingway
This is one of the most rare qualities in a person. Everyone tends to talk about himself or herself, for hours, regardless of what others have to say. Instead, you tend to listen a lot to others and you feel genuinely interested in their lives and in what they talk about.
Image: Listen My Friend
6. You like to make others happy
You feel good every time you manage to make someone happy, and you spend time thinking about many ways of making others smile or live a good moment. This might be, for example, a nice gift, a smile, a surprise or any kind of good deed.Advertising
Image: Be kind
7. You are positive
“I truly believe that everything that we do and everyone that we meet is put in our path for a purpose. There are no accidents; we’re all teachers – if we’re willing to pay attention to the lessons we learn, trust our positive instincts and not be afraid to take risks or wait for some miracle to come knocking at our door.” – Marla Gibbs
Not only do you have a positive attitude towards life and challenges, but you also try to transmit your good mindset to others. You usually don’t have prejudices and always think people are basically good. As a result, this could hurt you sometimes, and you have to be careful, but it’s the way you are.
8. You have goals
You know exactly what you want from yourself, and you have intelligently planned your goals. You take action in your life, and you know where you want to go. Also, you don’t let others discourage you.
Image: It’s A Goal
9. You dream
This means that you are ambitious, something that gives you the power to boost your productivity and motivation to go through your challenges. You don’t let obstacles stop you, you don’t let anything intimidate you, and you think big even when some people try to confuse or scare you.
10. You like to travel and learn from other cultures
“Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer” – Unknown
You believe in the power of multiculturalism, you are curious about other countries, other architectures and other ways of life. You give yourself the gift of learning from other cultures because you know how much this can make you richer. You like to interact with people with different experiences of life, from other societies, religions, and civilizations, and you are happy to share your culture with them as well.Advertising
Featured photo credit: A Dream Within A Dream via flickr.com
Published on May 4, 2021
How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)
They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?
In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.
Table of Contents
How to Spot Fake People?
When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.
Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.
1. Full of Themselves
Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”
Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.
2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions
Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.
It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.
3. Zero Self-Reflection
To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.
Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.
4. Unrealistic Perceptions
Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.
A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).
5. Love Attention
As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.
6. People Pleaser
Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.
Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.
7. Sarcasm and Cynicism
Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.
8. Crappy friend
Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.
It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.
The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.
How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?
It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.
There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.
Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.
2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally
Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.
3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel
If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.
4. Ask for Advice
If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.
Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.
5. Dig Deeper
Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.
Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.
6. Practice Self-Care!
Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!
Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.
Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.
Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.
We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!
More Tips on Dealing With Fake People
- 7 Types of Fake Friends That Are Secretly Bringing You Down
- 11 Differences Between Real Friends and Fake Friends
- How Fake Friendships on the Social Media Get in Your Way of Real Friendships
Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com