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5 Things The Adult Child Of An Addict Understands So Well

5 Things The Adult Child Of An Addict Understands So Well

A lot of adults today may look back at their childhood with fond memories of playing with friends, going on trips with their families, and basically living a stress free childhood. Most don’t look back at stressful memories of having to take care of their brother or sister overnight because mom “was stuck at work” when she really had to stay the night in jail for a DUI. They don’t remember the need to get themselves ready for school or make their own meals, since daddy had been sleeping on the couch all day and night because “he was working really hard”–when actually he was passed out after a cocaine or heroin binge.

Growing up with a parent who’s an addict is a tough road. Learning to take care of yourself and your parents at a young age is something that no child should have to do, but it’s reality for many.

The silver lining to this is that according to research from groups like “Children of Alcoholics” and “Children of Substance Abusers”, roughly 75% of adults who grew up in a home of addicts are able to overcome adversity, and not get involved with the lifestyle that their parents have. Unfortunately, as these kids grow to become adults, the pain and memories still affect them even years after the problem of the addiction of their parents has passed.

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If you never dealt with this growing up, maybe this can help you understand what it’s like. And if you did have addict parents, please know that you weren’t alone.

As adult children of addicts:

We are always worried.

Regardless of whether our parents went through rehab and have been clean for years, we are always worried about the possibility of a relapse. If our parents are still known addicts, many of us have decided to not let them come around anymore. Even though we are over dealing with them directly, we still love and care about them, and pray every night that they are okay. There is also always the worry: What if it happens to me?

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For some that just seems irrational, but for us it’s a part of everyday life.

We are controlling (without realizing it).

We feel like now that we are adults, we have the strength to control everything that surrounds us, and we can keep those bad things from coming into our lives. From the outside looking in, you may see this as us not wanting to listen or not wanting to compromise, but that is never the intention.

We just try to keep everything going good and that’s the only way we know how.

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We constantly seek approval.

This bugs the heck out of those whom we seek approval from. We do not have a lot of self esteem, and we have been lied to a lot in the past, so we need to be certain that you are sincere when you tell us that “Yes, I think that it would be a good idea to change your major”, or “Yes, you should buy that new car”.

We know these are little things to you, but we need to hear from others that we are making the right decision on everything.

We define “normal” differently than you.

Our normal usually consists of constant disappointment, fear, and uncertainty. My normal was having to go to grandma’s after school, because my dad had gotten caught stealing DVD’s to sell so he could buy more drugs. And then having to stay at Mom’s for a few months because Dad had to stay in jail for a while.

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All of this may sound really absurd. But to me (and many others), this was how we grew up.

We had no peace in our childhoods.

No matter how we look at it, we can’t seem to find happiness in a situation. Rather, we see lessons learned. When we try to look back and seek out some joy, it is almost instantly plagued by betrayal, or some other let down. We are constantly plagued by repressed memories and we will never be able to forget it.

If you didn’t grow up with addicted parents, please try and understand us. And if you did, remember:

We’ll find a way to get through it.

Featured photo credit: https://pixabay.com/en/users/RyanMcGuire-123690/ via pixabay.com

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Michael Daws

Aircraft Painter, Sports & Lifestyle Blogger

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Last Updated on November 5, 2019

12 Powerful Habits of a Lifelong Learner

12 Powerful Habits of a Lifelong Learner

Formal education is something everyone has to go through to a certain degree, and the knowledge it offers isn’t always that practical in real life. Life long learning is how you improve as a person, bit by bit and day by day.

Life long learners recognize the importance and joy of growth so they never settle for what they currently know and always seek for improvement.

Here are 12 habits of people who value lifelong learning have in common – see how many of them you recognize in yourself.

1. They Read on a Daily Basis

Whatever problem or dilemma you currently face, there’s definitely at least one decent book that discusses it and presents a variety of solutions.

Reading is a great way to open up new horizons, train your brain and revolutionize your life. I can’t even count how many times books completely transformed the way I view the world, and it’s always a change for the better. Through reading, you can connect with successful people and learn from the lessons they share.

Life long learners love to get lost in books and do it regularly. Bill Gates knows that reading matters a lot; on his personal blog, he reviews plenty of game-changing books.

Due to technology, you can access a bookshelf of the wealthiest entrepreneur on this planet.

2. They Attend Various Courses

Whether it’s online or offline, there are countless courses you can participate in without spending a dime on it. These are great opportunities to connect with clever and like-minded people and learn from them.

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Because of the advanced technology, you can now gain knowledge from online programs, starting from coding through self-improvement to programs from top universities.

There are literally endless ways to thrive. What life long learners have in common is squeezing as much as possible out of these opportunities.

3. They Actively Seek Opportunities to Grow

Instead of spending your free time laying on the couch and watching TV, you prefer doing something creative and practical. You know every wasted minute is gone forever.

That’s why you’d rather practice your language skills with a native-speaker you’ve met, engage in local meet up or attend a class that teaches something you always wanted to learn.

Life long learners stay up-to-date with growth opportunities in their areas and participate in them frequently.

4. They Take Care of Their Bodies

“Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.” — John F. Kennedy

A clever mind combined with a body in a great condition is the best asset you can have. Our bodies were designed to run, walk, jump, swim, lift and much more. Leading a sedentary lifestyle harms both your physical and mental sphere.

Life long learners know the body is your temple. In order to make it flourish for as long as possible, they train regularly, move a lot and eat healthy.

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5. They Have Diverse Passions

Among Steve Jobs’ wise quotes, there’s one I like especially. It’s about connecting the dots:

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” — Steve Jobs

Each dot is some event or skill in your life, and it’s only when you go through these elements that you know how to combine them into something great.

Having a variety of passions indicates that you love to progress. By practicing different skills, you give yourself an advantage over the rest of the people. During hard times, you are more likely to to act intelligently and solve your problems with less effort.

6. They Love Making Progress

If behind the efforts, there is passion and a deep desire to grow, your chances of success are way higher, compared to when you are forced to learn.

Life long learners love to experience the constant growth and improvement. The breakthrough moments help them to notice the impressive change that took place because of the learning process. Any milestone serves as a driving force for further headway.

7. They Challenge Themselves with Specific Goals

In order to keep growing, you clearly define your goals. Smart goal setting is one of the tools to ensure constant growth.

Since you love challenges, a difficult goal doesn’t scare you. Quite the opposite, it keeps you motivated and engaged.

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Research showed that precise and ambitious goals increase the performance of an individual. As we already agreed, life long learners are people who care about their performance, hence they never stop improving.

8. They Embrace Change

A complete change can lead to incredible results. This is especially visible on the example of successful companies.

Oftentimes, it’s that transformation which created space for their so-called overnight success. Twitter was originally created as an internal service to serve Odeo employees. Currently, it has over 300 million monthly active users and is considered the second biggest social network.

As a life long learner, you know a change can lead to extraordinary results so you welcome it and stay open minded about making a shift.

9. They Believe It’s Never Too Late to Start Something

Some people tend to think after a certain age, they are no longer allowed to start something and become successful. The truth is, it’s just a lame excuse not to leave the comfort zone.

Opposite to common misconceptions, there’s no wrong age to begin something. Henry Ford was 45 when he invented the Ford Model T car, which is considered as the first affordable automobile.

Sure, for some domains like becoming a professional athlete, starting early is required. However, to learn and improve for its own sake, you are never too old.

10. Their Attitude to Getting Better Is Contagious

“We now accept the fact that learning is a life long process of keeping abreast of change. And the most pressing task is to teach people how to learn.” — Peter Drucker

There’s nothing better than to see your surroundings getting involved in what you actively participate in. Oftentimes, the best way to achieve that is to inspire them and be the example. As Gandhi would say, you need to be the change you want to see in the world.

As a life long learner, you are extremely passionate about the constant growth and people around you can sense that positive attitude. As a result, they start acting similarly.

11. They Leave Their Comfort Zone

Is it really better to step out of your comfort zone? The answer is always yes.

You always embrace discomfort as you know the path to success leads through hardship and countless obstacles. Instead of being afraid of facing them, you challenge yourself to overcome more and more difficult handicaps.

Every time you get out of your comfort zone, regardless whether you win or fail, you learn something new. That’s the part you love the most!

12. They Never Settle Down

“Knowledge is exploding, so you need to commit yourself to a plan for life long learning.” — Don Tapscott

A sense of being clever enough is something you don’t experience. Without a doubt, you appreciate what you already know, but that’s never a reason to stop. You just know once you stop learning, you lose the amazing privilege humans have, namely an ability to a never-ending intellectual development.

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Featured photo credit: Christin Hume via unsplash.com

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