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20 Things All Girls Should Understand About Being A Woman

20 Things All Girls Should Understand About Being A Woman

1. To act like a lady, think like one

single-ladies-o

    Society has the habit of stigmatizing all behaviors that are seen as “feminine.” Crying, getting hurt, wanting kids, marriage, believing in true love, the list is endless. The only way for you to succeed in this world is by being who you are. You are not a man and therefor cannot think, act or behave like one and neither should you have any intention of doing so. Own your femininity and get things done in true woman fashion.

    2. You can achieve all your goals through good old fashioned hard work

    Oprah hardwork

      You do not have to sleep your way to the top, we do not have to see your sex tape, you don’t have to be on reality TV, you don’t have to be the center of controversy. Hard work, persistence, intelligence, resilience, ambition, education, these are assets that have stood the test of time and they are a proven formula to realizing even your wildest dreams.

      3. Women make exceptional leaders

      What do General Motors, Hewlett Packard, Oracle, Xerox Corporation, Avon Products, Yahoo!, Pepsi and IBM (to name a few) have in common? they are all Fortune 500 companies and they all have female CEO’s. Yes, there is room for women in the boardroom and they are doing a pretty darn good job at it. Most importantly, they have paved the way for the younger generation. We are not the majority, not because we cannot do it but because we were not given access to those roles – but all that is changing as more and more women are filling executive positions in big corporations.

      act like lady

        4. There is no trade off between having a family and having a career

        Putting off marriage and having kids in pursuit of a career is a preconceived misconception highly popularized by the mass media. You can do both, simultaneously or consecutively; either way it is achievable and worth aspiring to.

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        family

          5. Do not pride yourself in having no female friends and only male friends.

          Growing up as women, we were told that we could not get along with other women, that other women were jealous of our successes and good looks. How many of your turmoils are caused by envy and hate from other women? Not much. Life is hard enough as it is, and people (men and women alike) will not always like you. You will come to find the importance of sticking together as women to open those doors and become trend setters in some very male dominated industries. Most victims of rape and abuse are women; the people who can sympathize and show more compassion towards those victims are women too. We are not opposition but each other’s support structure.

          friends

            6. If you find a good man, keep him and work on it

            In the name of independence we have been told to not be too relationship focused. any women who expresses a desire to be in a healthy and loving relationship is seen as weak and lacks ambition. Unless your ultimate goal is to be single forever, do not be apologetic for wanting to make your relationship work and priding yourself in having a good man. It’s human to want love and even better to find it.

            notebook love

              7. Acceptance is freedom

              If you have some pounds to shed and need to adopt a healthier lifestyle, by all means you should always strive to be better. If you have a forehead that sticks out, there’s no need to spend half your life fussing and obsessing over it. No one cares. The thing with insecurities is, you’re the only one who notices them. Everybody else is too busy with their own life. A man who loves you will accept you with your A-cup breast size and love you regardless

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              taller

                8. Intelligence is sexy

                Better than a new pair of heels, nothing is more attractive than a smart and educated woman. The thing with being a dumb pretty girl is that it gets really old, really fast. A woman who can engage in intellectual conversation from politics, economics, philosophy, arts and science is always a keeper. You do not have to be an expert in everything. Just be informed, be clued up, stay updated and form an opinion from education and not twitter feeds.

                intelligence kelly

                  9. Playing hard to get is not sexy

                  No need to make him go though hoops to get to you. Be yourself, be approachable, be sincere and if he is worthy, he will earn you eventually. The thing with hard to get: it’s usually for show and some boys will put on the show just to prove something to people or convince themselves of their own worthiness. Commitment isn’t chasing someone for two years; commitment is staying with someone even when things aren’t so rosy and breezy.

                  freinds

                    10. You’re never too old for new friends

                    No need to be so closed minded and protective over your life. Explore the world and be open to meeting people. You do not need to become BFF’s but you will definitely come across people who will be worth your attention and they will have so much to teach you

                    hard to get

                      11. Yes to Science, Technology, Engineering and Maths (STEM)

                      Women are doing these things and are owning it. Yes Marissa Mayer, yes Sheryl Sandburg, Anne Nicolas, Carmela Orlando, Sharlene Abrams, Jocelyn Attal, Jo Anderson, Susan Bailey. This list is endless

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                      science

                        12. You are never too old to start but the window does get smaller

                        The reality, unfortunately, is that we are all going to die. If you have a dream to pursue now would be a good time. You are never too old to start your own business but doing it in your twenties where you can afford to take major risks is different to doing it in your 50’s where you may have kids to tend to, a home to pay off, health to worry about, student loans and dependents. There is a certain amount of stress you should be allowed to have in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s…

                        13. Your twenties are a good time to be sowing

                        …And by sowing I mean making all the right investments. Not just money wise, but investing in your self development, investing in building your career, investing in your professional profile and who you want to be known as and known for. You work to learn, not to earn. Don’t be in too much of a rush to make it before such and such, seek first your self worth and all things will surely follow

                        young

                          14. Wisdom is God given

                          They say people come in to your life for a reason, season or lifetime. Be careful to not put lifetime expectations on seasonal people. With age comes wisdom and the ability to be a good judge of circumstance and character. As with jobs, if you get an opportunity to do something out of your comfort zone, take it. No amount of education or experience can prepare you for the unexpected in life. Sometimes, despite your utmost and your dedication, things will not go your way. Do not be discouraged, having wisdom to know when to let go and when to keep pushing is a skill worth mastering and you can spend your entire life doing so.

                          15. Life is too short for sugar free dessert

                          acceptance

                            16. Life is too short to live in regret

                            If you made mistakes, learn from it and become wiser. No use regretting. Move on. The past is long gone

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                            17. Take calculated risks

                            if you take a risk two things are likely to happen, 1) you win or  2) you become wiser. So take more risks.

                            kick ass

                              18. Find your talent and become the best at it

                              talent

                                19. A happy home, a happy husband and happy kids is a definite #life-goal

                                Will-Smith-Family

                                  20. A good woman is always a good woman

                                  good woman

                                    Looks fade, body shape changes after kids, you get older and interest changes. But a good and virtuous woman is and will always be one. So work on you and be everything that you can be.

                                    Dream big, think big and be fierce!

                                    The Perfect Outfit

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                                      Kayiba Mpoyi

                                      Writer by birth

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                                      Last Updated on January 24, 2021

                                      How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

                                      How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

                                      Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

                                      For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

                                      But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

                                      It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

                                      And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

                                      The Importance of Saying No

                                      When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

                                      In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

                                      Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

                                      Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

                                      Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

                                      “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

                                      When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

                                      How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

                                      It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

                                      From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

                                      We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

                                      And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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                                      At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

                                      The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

                                      How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

                                      Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

                                      But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

                                      3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

                                      1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

                                      Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

                                      If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

                                      2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

                                      When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

                                      Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

                                      3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

                                      When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

                                      6 Ways to Start Saying No

                                      Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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                                      1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

                                      One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

                                      Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

                                      2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

                                      Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

                                      Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

                                      3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

                                      Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

                                      Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

                                      You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

                                      4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

                                      Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

                                      Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

                                      5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

                                      When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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                                      How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

                                        Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

                                        Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

                                        6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

                                        If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

                                        Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

                                        Final Thoughts

                                        Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

                                        Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

                                        Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

                                        More Tips on How to Say No

                                        Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

                                        Reference

                                        [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
                                        [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
                                        [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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