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Why Being A Mom Is The Most Unimaginable Gift From God

Why Being A Mom Is The Most Unimaginable Gift From God

Those first flutters, deep down inside my tummy… they made me stop in my tracks. I waited for it to happen again. The anticipation was so great I could have felt a single hair raise on my arm. I was in tune with my body in a way I had never been before. And then it happened; I felt it again. It was the first time my baby tangibly let me know she was in there. I stopped, smiled, breathed out a sigh, laid my hand below my belly button and simply connected.

The first time you feel those small bubbles, you won’t forget. It’s a sensation like nothing else. Well okay, admittedly it’s kind of like gas, which is nothing to swoon over- but it’s not gas, and that’s why you swoon. It’s your child, your creation, your DNA. It will be your future, hopefully your pride, certainly your legacy, and your number one mission in life. You come to the realization that being a mom isn’t simply a right, it’s a gift…truly the most unimaginable gift from God. What do you get from that gift, from motherhood? You take in a combination of everything that equals love:

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The Interaction

From the first time your child lays upon your chest, latches onto your breast, or wraps their hand around your finger, you are taken. It’s the kind of love you will never have with a man, nor anyone else for that matter. Looking into your child’s eyes will never grow old, not even during the teenage years when your heart is breaking for them and they look into your eyes for comfort.

As your child grows, she becomes as much of a need to you as you are to her. She can sense when you’re excited and when you’re scared. She especially knows when something is wrong. If she sees you cry, she wraps her arms around you and comforts you, sometimes wanting to cry herself because your pain causes her pain.

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The intentional, nurturing, and guiding interaction between a mother and her child can be one of the most fulfilling aspects in life. And if the relationship is fostered from infancy to adulthood, the tight bonds of a mother and child never go away. The connections can be a near constant source of happiness and gratification. It is this interaction that sets us apart from other animals on our planet. Motherhood is the deepest form of love there is.

The Evolution

No woman is ever the same after having a child. It doesn’t matter whether a child is born healthy or sick, typical, or different. From the moment you see, hold and protect your child, life will never be the same. Sure you always wanted to be successful, but now your success is what ensures your child’s future. You strive to be a provider and a role model. You research, looking for the best daycare facilities. You learn different discipline approaches and seek out the right doctors. You strive to teach independence by modeling independence yourself. You remember, you forget, you give, and you forgive. You’re number one goal is to be a better mother than your own mother, even if she was the most wonderful mother in the world.

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For most, this evolution is welcomed. The sacrifice of time, money and sometimes heartache is well worth it in the end- and to what is that end? It is the moment your child becomes a productive citizen that is independent, happy, and positively influences the lives of others. If our children can show these qualities as adults, we know we were successful. That knowledge of success will let us rest easily as we age, hopefully allowing us to let all regrets of the past go.

The Memories

What will we have at being ninety-five years old, but our memories? There will be memories of our own mother which will reflect times of long ago. There will be the memories we made with our own children, of their struggles and of their triumphs. All of the memories will make up who we were then and who we are now. By nature it’s called the circle of life. While motherhood may not be what keeps the Earth on its axis, the rotation of life itself comes full swing. It passes the torch, one day allowing our own children to experience this miracle. And it is this miracle, the miracle of motherhood, which is plain and simply the most unimaginable gift from God. It is one that should never and can never be taken for granted. For it is the respect and honor of being a mother that makes us good mothers. And it is good mothers that keep our earth rotating in the right direction: a direction filled with positive relationships, caring hearts, and a prosperous future.

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Featured photo credit: Mother playing with her son in a park/Dollar Photo Club via dollarphotoclub.com

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Last Updated on August 22, 2019

14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over 27% of children under the age of 18 are living with a single parent.[1] That’s over 1/4th of the U.S. population.There is a common misconception that children who grow up in single parent homes are not as successful as children living in two-parent homes.

One crucial detail that was often left out of studies when comparing single and two-parent homes was the stability of the household. There is a correlation between family structure and family stability, but this study shows that children who grow up in stable single-parent homes do as well as those in married households in terms of academic abilities and behavior.

But providing stability is easier said than done. With only one adult to act as a parent, some tasks are inherently more challenging. However, there are a few helpful things you can do to make the parenting journey a little easier for yourself and stay sane while doing it.

1. Don’t Neglect Self-Care

Before anything else can be done, you must be caring for your own needs adequately. Only when you are feeling well-rested and healthy can you be at your best for your children.

Many parents tend to put their kids’ needs first and their owns last, but that will result in a never-ending cycle of exhaustion and feelings of inadequacy. Make time to eat regularly and healthfully, get plenty of rest, and squeeze in exercise whenever you can. Even a short walk around the neighborhood will help your body get much-needed movement and fresh air.

Your children depend on you, and it’s up to you to make sure that you are well-equipped and ready to take on that responsibility.

2. Join Forces with Other Single Parents

At times, it may seem like you’re the only person who knows what it’s like to be a single parent. However, the statistics say that there are many others who know exactly what you’re going through.

Find single parents locally, through your kid’s school, extracurricular activities, or even an app. There are also numerous online communities that can offer support and advice, through Facebook or sites like Single Mom Nation.

Although single moms make up the majority of single parents, there are more than 2.6 million single dads in the U.S. A great way to connect is through Meetup. Other single parents will more than happy to arrange babysitting swaps, playdates, and carpools.

Join forces in order to form mutually beneficial relationships.

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3. Build a Community

In addition to finding support with other single parents, also build a community comprised of families of all different types. Rather than focus solely on the single parent aspect of your identity, look for parents and kids who share other things in common.

Join a playgroup, get plugged in at a church, or get to know the parents of the kids involved in the same extracurricular activities. Having a community of a variety of people and families will bring diversity and excitement into your and your kids’ lives.

4. Accept Help

Don’t try to be a superhero and do it all yourself. There are probably people in your life who care about you and your kids and want to help you. Let them know what types of things would be most appreciated, whether it’s bringing meals once a week, helping with rides to school, or giving you time to yourself.

There is no shame in asking for help and accepting assistance from loved ones. You will not be perceived as weak or incompetent. You are being a good parent by being resourceful and allowing others to give you a much-needed break.

5. Get Creative with Childcare

Raising a child on a single income is a challenge, with the high cost of daycares, nannies, and other conventional childcare services. More affordable options are possible if you go a less traditional route.

If you have space and live in a college town, offer a college student housing in exchange for regular childcare. Or swap kids with other single parents so that your kids have friends to play with while the parents get time to themselves.

When I was younger, my parents had a group of five family friends, and all of the children would rotate to a different house each day of the week, during the summer months. The kids would have a great time playing with each other, and the parents’ job becomes a lot easier. That’s what you would call a win-win situation.

6. Plan Ahead for Emergencies

As a single parent, a backup plan or two is a must in emergency situations. Make a list of people you know you can call in a moment’s notice. There will be times in which you need help, and it’s important to know ahead of time who you can rely on.

Look into whether or not your area offers emergency babysitting services or a drop-in daycare. Knowing who will be able to care for your child in the event of an emergency can relieve one potential source of anxiety in stressful situations.

7. Create a Routine

Routines are crucial for young children because knowing what to expect gives them a semblance of control. This is even more important when in a single parent home.

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If the child travels between homes or has multiple caretakers, life can seem extremely chaotic and unpredictable. Establish a routine and schedule for your child as much as possible. This can include bedtime, before/after school, chores, meal times, and even a weekend routine.

Having a routine does not mean things cannot change. It is merely a default schedule to fall back on when no additional events or activities are going on. When your children know what to expect, they will be less resistant because they know what to expect, and days will run much more smoothly.

8. Be Consistent with Rules and Discipline

If your child has multiple caretakers, such as another parent, grandparent, or babysitter, communicate clearly on how discipline will be handled. Talk to your ex, if you are sharing custody, as well as any other caretakers about the rules and the agreed-upon approach to discipline.

When a child realizes that certain rules can be bent with certain people, he/she will use it to their advantage, causing additional issues with limits, behavior, and discipline down the road.

This article may help you to discipline your child better:

How to Discipline a Child (The Complete Guide for Different Ages)

9. Stay Positive

Everyone has heard the saying, “Mind over matter.” But there really is so much power behind your mentality. It can change your perspective and make a difficult situation so much better.

Your kids will be able to detect even the smallest shift in your attitude. When the responsibilities of motherhood are overwhelming, stay focused on the positive things in your life, such as your friends and family. This will produce a much more stable home environment.

Maintain your sense of humor and don’t be afraid to be silly. Look towards the future and the great things that are still to come for you and your family. Rediscover and redefine your family values.

10. Move Past the Guilt

In a single parent home, it is impossible to act as both parents, regardless of how hard you try. Let go of the things that you cannot do as a single parent, and instead, think of the great things you ARE able to provide for your children.

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Leave behind the notion that life would be easier or better with two parents. This is simply not true. There is a multitude of pros and cons to all family dynamics, and the one you are providing for your kids now is the one that they need.

Don’t get bogged down by guilt or regret. Take control of your life and be the best parent you can by being present and engaged with them on a daily basis.

11. Answer Questions Honestly

Your kids may have questions about why their home situation is different from many of their friends. When asked, don’t sugarcoat the situation or give them an answer that is not accurate.

Depending on their age, take this opportunity to explain the truth of what happened and how the current circumstances came about. Not all families have two parents, whether that is due to divorce, death, or whatever else life brings.

Don’t give more detail than necessary or talk badly about the other parent. But strive to be truthful and honest. Your children will benefit more from your candor than a made-up story.

12. Treat Kids Like Kids

In the absence of a partner, it can be tempting to rely on your children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But your kids are not equipped to play this role for you.

There are many details within an adult relationship that children are not able to understand or process, and it will only cause confusion and resentment.

Do not take out your anger on your kids. Separate your emotional needs from your role as a mother. If you find yourself depending on your kids too much, look for adult friends or family members that you can talk to about your issues.

13. Find Role Models

Find positive role models of the opposite sex for your child. It’s crucial that your child does not form negative associations with an entire gender of people.

Find close friends or family members that would be willing to spend one-on-one time with your kids. Encourage them to form meaningful relationships with people that you trust and that they can look up to.

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Role models can make a huge difference in the path that a child decides to take, so be intentional about the ones that you put in your kids’ lives.

14. Be Affectionate and Give Praise

Your children need your affection and praise on a daily basis. Engage with your kids as often as possible by playing with them, going on outings, and encouraging open dialogue.

Affirm them in the things that they are doing well, no matter how small. Praise their efforts, rather than their achievements. This will inspire them to continue to put forth hard work and not give up when success is not achieved.

Rather than spending money on gifts, spend time and effort in making lasting memories.

Final Thoughts

Being a single parent is a challenging responsibility to take on. Without the help of a partner to fall back on, single parents have a lot more to take on.

However, studies show that growing up in a single parent home does not have a negative effect on achievement in school. As long as the family is a stable and safe environment, kids are able to excel and do well in life.

Use these tips in order to be a reliable and capable parent for your kids, while maintaining your own well-being and sanity.

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Featured photo credit: Eye for Ebony via unsplash.com

Reference

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