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10 Tips for Raising a Child with High Self-Esteem

10 Tips for Raising a Child with High Self-Esteem

Every parent dreams of raising a child who is confident but not cocky, who is self-assured but sensitive, and who feels empowered to make choices and follow their passions. Even if, as parents, we suffer with low self-esteem ourselves, there is much we can do to enable our children to learn to love themselves and to be an active participant, rather than an observer, in their own lives.

1. Start with you

Our children learn far more from what we do rather than the lessons we try to teach them. In the way we conduct ourselves each day, we teach our children how to be. We act as role models and inspire our children. So if we model high self-esteem, our children are more likely to develop high self-esteem too. For those of us with low self-esteem this can make us worry that we’re doomed to pass on feelings of self-doubt and negativity to our children, but that needn’t be the case. Whilst we can’t fundamentally change our personalities overnight, we can think carefully about the way in which we portray ourselves each day. We can think about what we choose to say aloud. We can make a conscious effort to present the best version of ourselves.

When we’re struggling with issues of self-negativity, a good way to redress the balance is to try and see yourself through your child’s eyes. When they are young, kids tend to adore their parents unconditionally. Don’t question it, embrace it, and try to channel the parent your adoring child sees whenever self-doubt creeps in.

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2. Tackle negative self-talk

When we talk badly about ourselves, it reinforces low self-esteem. Again, we should start with ourselves here and make a conscious effort not to talk badly of ourselves. It’s remarkable how often self-critical phrases creep in when you listen out for them. Additionally, any time we hear our child talk negatively about themselves, we should question it. Ideally we should not just dismiss their concerns, but rather provide evidence to the contrary, or balance negative self-talk with meaningful compliments.

3. Give feelings names

When we struggle with difficult thoughts and feelings, it can really pull down the way we feel about ourselves and our place in the world around us. When we give these feelings names and are able to explore them, it can help us to understand and manage them, reducing their impact on how we feel about ourselves. Help your child to understand the different ways they feel, both physically and emotionally, so that your family has a shared language for both positive and negative experiences, which will enable open sharing and support.

4. Listen

As well as helping your child to name their feelings, you need to give them an opportunity to talk about them. This can work best if we get into a habit of listening early on. If we build listening into our daily routine, our child gets used to being heard and will more readily share with us at specific points each day. This will enable us to understand what’s going on in our child’s life as well as tackle difficulties and misconceptions early on before negative thoughts and feelings become entrenched and embedded.

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5. Be a stable base

Whether your child is a toddler or a teenager, they need a stable base from which to explore the world. They need to understand the rules you set and be able to predict likely outcomes from their actions. They need to be able to rely on you to look out for them and to support them. Once they know that they can rely on you, they’ll be ready to walk away and become more independent and self-assured.

6. Let your child spread their wings

Watching our children grow more independent is one of the most nerve-wracking things we ever go through as parents. However, if we want our children to develop self-confidence and assurance, we need to have the confidence to let them go. We can’t live their lives for them, we need to provide them with the tools and encouragement they need to go out and take risks, make mistakes, and reap the rewards of starting to find their own place in the world.

7. Celebrate uniqueness and diversity

Show tolerance of others in all that you say, and celebrate what makes each member of your family unique. Never expect children to live up to expectations set by siblings, nor to fulfill your own childhood dreams. Instead, help them to develop their own skills and talents and enjoy these individual differences.

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8. Empower decisions that have impact

Let your child see that they make a difference in your family. Talk to them and listen to what they have to say. Invite their opinions on decisions both big and small, like what should we eat for dinner? Where should we go on holiday? Also, be prepared to listen to and act on their answers. This way your child learns that their view is valued and that they can be an active participant in family life.

9. Be honest about your mistakes

There are few mistakes we cannot learn from. You teach your child a far more valuable lesson when you hold your hands up and say you got something wrong. They can look for the learning there, better than when you try to portray an image of perfection each day.

10. Don’t forget to say “I love you”

Finally, we need to remember to show and tell our kids that we care about them. As parents, the love we feel can overwhelm us. It might seem impossible that our children could fail to know that they are loved; however, you should never assume your child knows how much you love them. Instead make an effort to show  it and say it out loud. We all know how good it feels to be loved. This is no different for a child. Actually, it can be an important bedrock of self-esteem, as well as making family life just that little bit more pleasurable each and every day.

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Featured photo credit: Let’s do – Latteda via albumarium.com

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Last Updated on April 19, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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