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The Art Of Parenting: 10 Invaluable Lessons To Pass On To Your Kids

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The Art Of Parenting: 10 Invaluable Lessons To Pass On To Your Kids

By the time your newborn has collected himself enough to be able to grab your finger and smile, you probably have his entire life planned out for him. Holding your baby for the first time, you see all of his hopes, dreams, and accomplishments throughout his lifetime laid about before you as if they were drawn on your hospital gown. Perhaps it’s around this time when you realize you don’t have the slightest clue of how to make these dreams a reality. After all, you’re new to this whole parenting thing. So much can possibly go wrong that it’s tough to imagine everything going right. Don’t be intimidated. As long as you impart the following notions to your child over the course of his lifetime, he will turn out just fine.

1. Seek Wisdom

There’s a saying that goes something like: “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in fruit salad.” Don’t just ensure that your child grows up knowing a lot of factual information. Teach him the importance of being able to use this knowledge to be productive in life. Reading with your child on a daily basis is a good start, but he must also learn to utilize the lessons and information gleaned, whether it’s how to treat others, or how to make homemade lasagna. The smartest person in the world can make unwise decisions; make sure your child knows how to choose the right path.

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2. Show Gratitude

A funny thing happens in November. When Thanksgiving rolls around, everyone all of a sudden starts boasting about how grateful they are for everything they have in life. There’s nothing wrong with that, per se, but there is definitely something inherently wrong with being superficially thankful simply because it’s the time of the year in which it’s popular to do so. Teach your children to spend time every day thinking of the advantages they have, and praising the people who have given them these advantages. Teach them to write thank-you cards after a party, and to recognize when someone has gone out of their way to help them. Expressing gratitude is the best way to show someone else how much they matter in this world.

3. Have good manners

“Please” and “thank you” go a long way in today’s world. But good manners go beyond simple words. Teach your children how to behave at the dinner table, in public, and when they are guests in other people’s homes. The way they act toward others sets the stage for how they will be perceived in society. Well-mannered children will grow into respectful and respectable adults who will make great first impressions in their personal and professional lives, which will put them on the path to true success.

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4. Have compassion

There are so many people in this world that are much less fortunate than anyone currently reading this. Teach your children to help those in need – especially those who cannot help themselves. Being compassionate stems from being grateful, as having compassion requires children to first think of the things they have that others might not. When children learn to help others, they are not just exhibiting a knowledge of gratitude; they also use this gratitude in an actionable manner.

5. Be truthful

When children mess up, they have a hard time telling the truth. This may be due to the idea that they’ll “get in trouble” for what they’ve done, so they’ll do their best to skirt the issue. As parents, it’s important to impart in our children the idea that it’s much more important to tell the truth and learn from the mistake made than to lie and continue making that same mistake over and over. If a child lies, it’s because he’s afraid of what will happen to them. They have to feel safe coming to you when they screw up. Of course, you will need to show your disappointment in their negative behavior, but always remember to reinforce how proud you are of them for admitting they were wrong.

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6. Advocate for yourself

Teach your children that they should stand up for what they believe in. This can be tough to do, because going against the grain has the potential to land them in trouble. But if they feel that they’re being treated unfairly, they should be confident enough to stand up for themselves. And they should always know you have their back, no matter what.

7. Money management

Teach children the value of a dollar when they’re young. Set an allowance, and give them chores which they will complete to earn this allowance. While there’s no problem with bringing home a special gift every once in a while, make sure your children learn the importance of saving up for something they really want. As they grow, help them diversify their “income” into short- and long-term savings, so they start to learn the basics of budgeting their money. When they get even older, start taxing them so you can slowly get back all the money you’ve ever given them (just kidding…).

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8. How to handle failure

This is a big one. Many children are so afraid of not doing well that they never take a risk and try something new. In classrooms, children feel uncomfortable experimenting with a new math problem if they haven’t been given explicit instruction on how to solve it, and will often need their teacher to “give them the OK” every single step of the way. It’s important to instill in your children the notion that failure is not a dead-end road. Pencils have erasers for a reason. Life is a series of successes and setbacks; it’s how they handle the setbacks that determine how great their successes are.

9. Keep promises

Children should know that a promise is a sacred contract that should never be broken, and should be taken seriously. In fact, once children make a promise, you should make it their utmost priority. If they promised to clean their room, but have to be told five times that day to do it, they haven’t kept their promise. A promise isn’t something to be completed on their own terms; it’s a vow that they will give something of themselves for another person, and will do so as humanly possible. Make sure they know not to make promises on a whim, because the other party will put a trust in that promise that will be hard to earn back if broken.

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10. Keep learning

Walk into any high school class and you’ll certainly find a large portion of children who are bored to death. Knowing that those teenagers were once toddlers who were dying to know everything about the world around them is downright depressing. Parents should encourage their children to learn something new every day, and never give up that childlike sense of wonder. There’s so much to know about life, and so much that still hasn’t been figured out yet. Instill in your children the idea that they could make the next big discovery if they continue striving to learn all they can, every day of their life. Being a life-long learner is perhaps the most important step in becoming a successful adult.

Featured photo credit: Flickrr via farm6.staticflickr.com

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Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Last Updated on October 7, 2021

Why Spending Time With Your Family Is Important (And How To Do So)

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Why Spending Time With Your Family Is Important (And How To Do So)

In today’s chaotic world, having family time isn’t always easy. It can get pretty hard to coordinate schedules, especially if the family is large. Life demands that we work, attend school, nurture friendships, hobbies, etc. All of those things are extremely time-consuming and important—but so is spending time with your family.

Why is family time so important? Because we all need love and support, and a good, strong family can provide that regularly. For children, spending time with their family helps shape them into good, responsible adults, improve their mental health, and develop strong core values.

There are many positive effects of spending time with your family. My family and I, for instance (and this includes grandchildren as well), meet every Tuesday night for dinner and games. My older son and I take turns cooking. This gives all of us a chance to try some new recipes. After dinner, we play games. And without fail, they inspire competitiveness and laughter. As family night has evolved, the grandkids have invited their friends over as well, creating the need for more chairs but also expanding our circle of fun.

Aside from the obvious fun and games, there are other reasons why spending time with your family is paramount. In this article, I will provide you with multiple reasons why spending time with your family regularly is a win-win. And then, I will lay out some ways on how to do it.

Let’s get started, shall we?

Why Spending Time With Your Family Is Important

Here are six reasons why it’s important to spend time with your family.

1. Provides the Opportunity to Bond

When you spend time together as a family—talking about your day, your highs, your lows—it fosters communication. As parents, it gives you the chance to listen to your children, to hear them out, to learn about what’s going on in their world. It also provides you with the opportunity to use life situations as teaching moments.

Before our Tuesday night dinner/game nights, my family used to see each other pretty regularly but not consistently, especially the grandkids. Our family night changed all that. Now, it’s guaranteed that the grandchildren, along with some of their friends, will be there. Not only do I get to find out what’s been happening in their lives, but they also get to know us better. It’s creating memories they can treasure forever, as well as modeling the Get-Together tradition for when they eventually have families of their own.

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“Spending time partaking in everyday family leisure activities has been associated with greater emotional bonding within families.”[1]

2. Teaches the Value of Family

Taking the time to be with your family lets your children know they are valued—that spending time together is a priority. I know that in today’s world, both parents are busy as both usually working. What better way to let your children know they are loved than by carving out time each week to spend with them?

According to Marilyn Price-Mitchell, Ph.D., “words like honesty, trust, fairness, respect, responsibility, and courage are core to centuries of religious, philosophical, and family beliefs. Use them and others to express and reinforce your family values. Teach children the behaviors that flow from these principles. Use quotes to ignite meaningful dinner conversations and encourage kids to talk about these values.”[2]

3. Enhances Mental Well-Being

Spending that quality time together gives your children a safe platform in which to express themselves, ask questions about things that are bothering them, or talk about their day and things they’ve learned. I know that my 9-year old granddaughter can’t wait until it’s her turn to talk about her day. She usually goes on and on and has to be stopped to give everyone else a chance to talk about their goings-on.

“Research shows the quality of family relationships is more important than their size or composition. Whoever the family is made up of, they can build strong, positive relationships that promote wellbeing and support children and young people’s mental health.”[3]

For children, having the opportunity to seek advice from parents they trust—as well as being able to have a sounding board and help with problem-solving—is priceless. In addition, being able to voice their opinions and be heard—and to feel like what they have to say matters—is an esteem-builder. All of these can have a very impactful positive effect on their well-being.

4. Helps the Child Feel Loved

How do you think a child feels knowing their parents want to spend time with them—talking, sharing experiences, playing games, listening to them? It will make them feel as though they are important, and a child that feels important is happier and more apt to thrive. Setting aside chores or work to spend time with your children demonstrates that they’re essential—that they matter. What a gift to give your child!

“If a child has your undivided attention, it signals that they are loved and important to you. This can be further nurtured by experiencing joyful activities together, as it demonstrates that you want to spend time with your children over and above all of the daily demands.”[4]

5. Creates a Safe Environment

If you regularly spend time with your children, you are also creating an atmosphere of trust. The more trust they have, the more likely they are to share with you what’s going on in their world. As they get older, you’re going to want to know. Negative influences can show up at any time, but if you’ve always been there for your child, they are more apt to come to you and ask for your advice.

Spending time together generates familiarity and feelings of being supported. When a child feels safe and comfortable, they’re more likely to open up. This is one way to get to know your child and know what’s on their minds. Are they okay? Do they need your guidance? If so, how?

6. Reduces Stress

This is significant. We all suffer from stress at one point or another in our lives. Spending time with family helps alleviate that stress. It’s an opportunity to talk things out, get feedback, and maybe brainstorm for a solution to the problem that is causing the stress.

According to Brandy Drzymkowski, “During the holidays, your closest five people probably shifts to family and friends. You may even get to see loved ones who live far away. Good news! This can actually help lower your stress levels. Studies show ‘face-to-face interaction…counteracts the body’s defensive ‘fight-or-flight’ response.’ In other words, quality time spent with loved ones is nature’s stress reliever.”[5]

So, now that you know some of the benefits, what are some ideas for making family time happen?

How to Make Family Time Happen

Here are four things you can do to make family time happen and spend more time with them.

1. Family Dinners

This, as I said above, is a wonderful way to spend time together. While you’re having dinner, you have the chance to discuss things that are going on in your lives—the ups, the downs, and everywhere in between. It’s like having a buffer against life’s challenges.

Aside from that, eating dinner together has many additional benefits. Studies have shown that for kids who eat regularly with their families, there is less risk of substance abuse, teen pregnancy, and depression.[6]

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“Our belief in the ‘magic’ of family dinners is grounded in research on the physical, mental and emotional benefits of regular family meals.” It further states, “We recommend combining food, fun and conversation at mealtimes because those three ingredients are the recipe for a warm, positive family dinner—the type of environment that makes these scientifically proven benefits possible.”[7]

According to Parenting NI, “children and adolescents who spend more time with their parents are less likely to get involved in risky behavior. According to studies done by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse via Arizona State University, teens who have infrequent family dinners are twice as likely to use tobacco, nearly twice as likely to use alcohol and one and a half times more likely to use marijuana.”[8]

As you can see, there are multiple benefits to spending time with each other routinely. You can’t go wrong with this family activity.

2.  Regular Movie Nights

This is another fun event, although, from personal experience, I have to caution that choosing a movie that everyone wants to see is not easy. So, give yourselves plenty of time so you don’t spend two hours searching for a movie, and then end up watching no movie at all because the night is practically over. Try and choose a movie before the day, if possible.

Afterward, open it up for discussion. Ask questions pertinent to the movie. What do you think of ABC? Should they have done that? Would you have done something differently? There are so many questions you can ask to spark a conversation and keep the night going.

3. Game Night

This is another occasion for great fun. If you have a competitive spirit, it makes it even more fun. There are numerous games out there—Balderdash, Pictionary, Apples to Apples, Charades, to name a few—that can create fun havoc. All I can say is, on game nights, don’t take yourself too seriously. It’s okay if you lose the game. The fun is in being together, laughing, debating, and having a good time.

In addition, “Playing board games is great for children for many reasons besides the obvious; it’s fun to play games! Age appropriate games can help children to think strategically, solve problems creatively, work on pattern recognition and build simple math skills. They also help children develop social skills such as following rules, taking turns, and graceful winning or losing. Additionally, a family game night provides an opportunity for children to bond with siblings, parents and family members as well as peers. It can promote tradition building and establish a fun routine.”[9]

So, go find your family a game and start having fun!

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4. Sharing a Hobby

If you and one of your kids like to do the same things, do it more often. For example, my oldest son and his teenage son go on long bike rides together on the weekends. Not only do they get to exercise, but they also get to talk and look at beautiful sceneries. They’ve also incorporated cooking into their routine. They plan the meal, shop, and prepare—activities that bring them closer together.

Sharing a hobby is a great way to bring family members together. It bonds people in amazing ways. According to Alison Ratner Mayer, LICSW, “One of the easiest and most important ways to build a child’s self-esteem is to spend time with them doing something not only that they enjoy but something that you also enjoy. There is a special magic that happens between a parent and a child when they share a mutually beloved activity. It sends the message to the child that their parents are having fun, true, honest, real fun, with them.”[10]

Final Thoughts

Spending time with the family is an investment. It is an investment in the happiness, well-being, and security of that system. It can also serve as a way to break out of the daily rut and the constant worldly demands, while at the same time, building a strong family unit.

Even though it isn’t always easy to find the time, finding the time is key to staying close and to providing and receiving love and support. There is no greater gift than the gift of time. That’s what we all seem to be missing nowadays. So, in giving that gift consistently, everyone feels loved and appreciated.

The family that takes the time to interact regularly is typically happy. They know they are part of a tribe, and that’s essential in today’s chaotic world. To know that there are people whom you can count on—people who will have your back in times of need—is invaluable.

Now, go and plan something plan with your family, if you haven’t already.

Featured photo credit: Jimmy Dean via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Pittsburgh Parent: Spending Time Together—Benefits of Family Time
[2] Roots of Action: Integrity: How Families Teach and Live Their Values
[3] Beyond Blue: Healthy Families
[4] Esperance Anglican Community School: The importance of family time
[5] Brandy Drzymkowski: Spending Time With Loved Ones Reduces Stress
[6] Harvard Graduate School of Education: Harvard EdCast: The Benefit of Family Mealtime
[7] The Family Dinner Project: BENEFITS OF FAMILY DINNERS
[8] Parenting NI: The Importance of Spending Time Together
[9] WNY Children: Family Game Night- The Benefits of Game Play
[10] Child Therapy Boston: The Benefits of Sharing a Hobby With Your Child

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