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7 Reasons You’re Always Exhausted

7 Reasons You’re Always Exhausted

There’s a difference between being tired and being exhausted. If you didn’t get enough sleep last night, you’re just tired and need some time to recuperate. If you’re exhausted, you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. There is no quick fix for exhaustion. A remedy requires you to make some changes in your lifestyle. Although this might seem like a daunting task, it will be incredibly worth it in the long run. Think of how some of these factors have negatively impacted your life, and whether or not it’d be a good idea to make some changes.

1. You lack personal relationships

If you constantly find yourself hanging around people who are fun to be around, but who you don’t consider to be true friends, you should start looking elsewhere for meaningful connections. If your relationships are stagnant, chances are a good portion of your life is, as well. Don’t let yourself get dragged down to other people’s level, under the guise of having a “good time.” A few hours of partying doesn’t make up for a week’s worth of exhaustion. Find people who share your interests and will help you achieve your goals, not hold you back from them.

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2. You are unfulfilled

When life becomes monotonous, it becomes more of a grind than a living. Your job is a huge part of your life; if it becomes meaningless, your happiness will suffer. Not only that, but if you’re exhausted when you get home from work, you’ll be less willing to spend time doing things you love, such as working on hobbies or being with your family. Of course, you probably can’t up and quit your job. However, if you’re feeling unfulfilled in your current position, you should definitely start actively looking for a change.

3. You don’t make time for life

Like I said, if your job is dragging you down, you probably won’t want to put effort into other things after 5PM rolls around. It may seem counterintuitive, but instead of coming home and vegging out on the couch all night, use this time to do something you’ve always wanted to do. Take your family for a walk, read a book that’s been on your shelf for months, or register for a weekly class that could further your career. Just because you’re unhappy with a part of your life doesn’t mean the rest of it has to suffer.

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4. You work way too hard

If you’re at a job which you don’t necessarily enjoy, chances are you don’t put that much effort into improving your productivity. Of course, you still have to do something, since you don’t really care to learn how to be efficient in your duties. This actually backfires on you in the long run. By working harder, not smarter, you end up burning yourself out, while others around you end up leaps and bounds ahead of you. By figuring out how to maximize your productivity, you won’t work yourself to the bone every day of your life.

5. You don’t set goals

Once you get stuck in the rut of a 9 to 5 that you despise, you resign yourself to a life of dead-ends. If you have no direction, you’re simply living to work, and working to live. Although you may have initially suffered from a lack of self-worth which kept you from creating goals in the first place, lacking goals as you age will only further your lack of self-esteem. Try to set short and long-term goals in order to give yourself a reason to get out of bed every day. You’d be surprised how energizing having a purpose can be.

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6. You lack motivation

Maybe you’re in a bad spot right now. Maybe you lack the drive to get up and go every day of your life. This is a sure sign that you need to make a change in your life. Make a list of the parts of your life that make you happy, and focus on them. Check out your list of goals and see which ones aren’t attainable without making a change. Spend some time working on hobbies. You may find that your heart is really into something completely unrelated to your current position. Maybe you can find a way to make a living doing that instead. Finding a reason to get out of bed will set you on a path to success every day of your life.

7. You lack self-care

Earlier, I talked about how neglecting the positives in your life can be downright exhausting. Well, neglecting your own body can be equally as tiring. If you find that you’re not eating right, sleeping right, or visiting the doctor or dentist for check-ups simply because you don’t want to take the time to do so, you need to reevaluate your life as a whole. Yes, going to the dentist is expensive, but you can’t put a price on your health. Even going to the gym a few times during the week can break you out of your rut. As an added bonus, you’ll start to feel better about yourself — physically, emotionally, and mentally.

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You could be the most upbeat person in the world, but if you don’t have others around you that share your passion for life it will be impossible to maintain a sense of optimism.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm3.staticflickr.com

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Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Last Updated on January 24, 2021

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

    Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

    6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

    If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

    Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

    Final Thoughts

    Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

    Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

    Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

    More Tips on How to Say No

    Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
    [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
    [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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