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20 Things Everyone Deserves in a Relationship

20 Things Everyone Deserves in a Relationship

Are you in a happy relationship? A good relationship brings out the best traits in someone, making them happier, more open, loving and accepting. However, a bad relationship can be emotionally damaging. Check out these 20 things everyone deserves to have in a relationship.

1. Laughter

Your partner may have a totally different sense of humor than you, but they should still make you laugh and smile. Loving someone means wanting to see them happy, so a happy relationship is normally filled with side-splitting laughter and silly inside jokes.

2. Someone to go on adventures with

The world is filled with interesting places, from the places you haven’t explored in your town to other countries. A happy relationship involves two people who want to share new experiences and adventures with each other, not people who hold each other back and keep each other inside.

3. Security

An important part of a happy relationship is being able to rely on your partner. You should be able to be able to have a bad day where you feel upset or angry without fearing that your partner will leave you.

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4. Someone who is always excited to see you

After a few years of being with each other, you may not have butterflies in your stomach when you first see each other, but you should still be happy and excited to see each other. Even when you’re in a terrible mood, seeing your partner should make you feel happier, rather than worse.

5. Passion

Spontaneous kisses and passionate sex are a lot of fun. Even if it doesn’t happen often, you should know that your partner loves you and finds you irresistible.

6. Someone to stay up late with

From staying out drinking to sitting up outside gazing at stars, every once in a while your partner should make you want to stay up so you can enjoy the world and have fun.

7. Someone who challenges you

In a happy relationship both partners look up to each other and admire each other. Instead of bringing each other down, you deserve to feel challenged by each other, and to open each other’s minds to new ideas and concepts.

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8. Little gestures

Little gestures like cooking your favorite meals or making you a homemade birthday cards, show that you love each other. These little gestures show your partner that you think about them all the time, and that you know and love them for who they are.

9. Understanding

Maybe you cry whenever you watch romantic comedies, and maybe you like to dip your chips in melted chocolate–if so, your partner should understand that. Even if they don’t want to do it with you, they should understand that you are your own person with your own quirks. They should love you for every little quirk.

10. Someone to be silly with

Life is hard, and it is important that your partner is someone who you can let go and be silly with. From dancing in the kitchen as you cook to play-fighting, you should be able to relax and have fun with your partner even when times are hard.

11. Someone who cheers you on

In a great relationship, both partners are each other’s cheerleaders, cheering each other on with every decision they make. It can be tough living without support, and your partner should offer you unlimited support.

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12. Mutual trust

Your partner shouldn’t worry that you will cheat on them, or that you will take all the money from your joint bank account. You love each other and support each other, and trust is an essential part of that.

13. Respect

In a good relationship, both partners admire and respect each other. After all, you chose to commit to them so you must think they are pretty awesome.

14. A partner in crime

From sneaking alcohol into the cinema to covering for you when you lie to your mom and say you can’t come over because you’re ill, your partner should always be your partner in crime.

15. Freedom

In a healthy relationship, both partners understand that they both need freedom and space from each other to see other people and do their own thing.

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16. Someone who stands up for you

After a long, hard day, you may struggle to stick up for yourself. But if you’re in a happy relationship, your partner should always be in your corner.

17. Someone who will listen to you vent

The new girl in the office is terrible at her job, and your partner is happy to listen to you vent about this for three hours. Instead of telling you to be quiet, they smile with understanding and pass you a cup of coffee–because they know you will do the same for them when they have a hard day.

18. Intimacy

From holding hands to sharing secret looks, your partner should be physically intimate with you as well as emotionally intimate.

19. Open communication

Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship, and you and your partner should both feel like you can openly discuss anything with each other without fear of being dismissed.

20. A best friend

Your partner should be more than your lover; they should be your best friend, strengthening your bond and loving you unconditionally.

Can you think of anything else that everyone deserves in a relationship? Leave your ideas in the comments.

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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