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10 Characteristics Of Highly Desirable Men

10 Characteristics Of Highly Desirable Men

Most men are shadows of their former selves that have died a long time ago.There was a time when they were passionate and adventurous. There was a time when they wanted to conquer the world and show everyone that they have what it takes to be a real man. Unfortunately, this time is long gone. Along the way, something happened. Life happened.

They didn’t achieve their goals on the first try and then gave up on their dreams without ever trying again. As a result, they came to the conclusion that their dream of living an extraordinary life was nothing but an unrealistic illusion. These are the same men who complain that no women are interested in them.

On the other hand, there are guys who didn’t give up on their dreams and who continue to improve and to challenge themselves every day, no matter how often they fall down and have to get up again. These are highly desirable men who get the job, the relationships, and the life they want. Let’s have a look at the 10 characteristics that you need to have if you want to become one of those men.

 

1. They reveal their authentic self

Highly desirable men don’t have to hide behind a mask. They don’t have to pretend to be someone they are not. They know that the people they meet want to get to know their real selves and not some fake mask that they put on in order to hide their insecurities.

While other men try to convince the people around them that they are perfect in the hope that nobody sees their internal conflicts, a desirable men accepts his vulnerable side and isn’t afraid to show it to the world. Real men have the courage to accept their vulnerable side, while boys continue to hide behind a mask.

 

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2. They treat other people with respect

Respect is a two way street. The people around you will treat you with the same respect that you have for them. Life is so much easier when you treat the people in your life in a respectful way. Instead of hate, you will attract love, and instead of toxic relationships, your internal attitude will attract healthy relationships.

However, other people are not the only ones who you should treat with respect. A truly desirable man treats himself with the same respect that he treats other people with.

 

3. They love women

It was Zan Perrion, one of the greatest romancers of this day and age, who said that a man who loves women and proclaims it to the world is loved by women. It is quite shocking to see how many male bloggers write about women as if they were the enemy. The problem is that a man who regards women as his enemy will never be able to attract emotionally healthy women in his life, which eventually leads to more frustration and hate.

In the same was that you don’t want to date a woman who hates men, a woman doesn’t want to date a man who hates women. If you want to become a man who is desired by women, you have to rethink your attitude towards them and learn to love them. Women are amazing, intelligent, and loving human beings who deserve your love.

 

4. They do work that matters

If you work in a job you hate and nobody in your company cares about what you are doing, you should prepare yourself for a change. We men want to build, establish, and grow things. When we do work that doesn’t matter to us, the flame that enlightens our passionate and creative side has not enough oxygen to survive. If we miss this piece of the puzzle, our life feels empty.

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A desirable man doesn’t waste his time with work that doesn’t have any meaning for him and the people who pay him to do it. He doesn’t settle for a job until he finds something meaningful.

 

5. They value a supportive relationship

Some men are so desperate that they don’t care if they have a supportive girlfriend or a girlfriend who doesn’t support them on their journey, as long as they have one. Some men are not ready for love and will subconsciously sabotage every fulfilling relationship they have.

A desirable man doesn’t do that. As the great man you are, you value a supportive relationship. You are not afraid of love and commitment, even though so many other men are absolutely terrified of this emotional cocktail. You are ready to settle down with a truly amazing woman who supports you on your journey, and you appreciate every second you spend with her.

 

6. They follow their own path

There are a lot of distractions on the path to success, but a great man ignores those distractions and follows his own path. As a desirable man, you listen to the opinions of your family members and friends and you thank them for their input, but in the end you always follow your heart.

If your intuition tells you to turn left and your parents tell you to turn right because they think that this way is safer, you should always turn left. Follow your path and you will eventually reach your harbor.

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7. They are willing to take risks

If there is no risk, there is no reward. No matter what you want to achieve in life, you have to take risks to get it. That’s why women are magically drawn to ambitious men and often mistakenly labeled as gold diggers. They are not attracted to men who are financially successful, but to men who have the potential to become successful. If you are a potential winner, you will get the first prize.

This can be the girl of your dreams, the house of your dreams, or the fast car that you dreamed of when you were a little boy. The only way to get any of those things is by taking risks, and the only way to become a desirable man is by being a risk-taker.

 

8. They have a plan for life

Do you have a plan? Most men don’t. A lot of guys don’t take the time to think about what they really want in life. They have absolutely no clue how the hell they ended up in the position they are in and where the journey will take them. If you ask them where they see themselves in ten years they can’t give you an answer. Don’t be that kind of guy.

No woman wants to be together with a guy who has no idea if he will be homeless in ten years or president of the United States of America. Take your time and think about your next destination. Once you know where the journey will take you, women want to follow you until you reach your destination.

 

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9. They are emotionally strong

A man who is desired by women doesn’t cry when something doesn’t work out the way he planned. He doesn’t sink into depression as soon as he fails. Instead, he analyzes why it didn’t work and he finds a way to make it work. In order to belong to the group of highly desirable men, you have to be emotionally strong.

You can’t be a guy who falls down like a tree without roots as soon as you have to overcome an obstacle, yet still expect women to admire you. Your emotional strength is the proof that you are a man who is able to survive the pitfalls of life. I hope you know that women want survivors.

 

10. They make an impact on the world

A truly desirable man is a man who doesn’t only care about his own life, but who also cares about the lives of the people around him. He wants to make an impact and he doesn’t plan to leave the world without changing a few lives.

There are many ways to make an impact on the world. You can either contribute by supporting charity projects, or you can contribute by helping people to achieve their goals by mentoring and supporting them. No matter what path you choose, giving back and helping others is the greatest gift that you can give to the world. In return, you will get more than you could possibly ask for.

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Last Updated on October 22, 2020

8 Simple Ways to Be a Better Listener

8 Simple Ways to Be a Better Listener

How would you feel if you were sharing a personal story and noticed that the person to whom you were speaking wasn’t really listening? You probably wouldn’t be too thrilled.

Unfortunately, that is the case for many people. Most individuals are not good listeners. They are good pretenders. The thing is, true listening requires work—more work than people are willing to invest. Quality conversation is about “give and take.” Most people, however, want to just give—their words, that is. Being on the receiving end as the listener may seem boring, but it’s essential.

When you are attending to someone and paying attention to what they’re saying, it’s a sign of caring and respect. The hitch is that attending requires an act of will, which sometimes goes against what our minds naturally do—roaming around aimlessly and thinking about whatnot, instead of listening—the greatest act of thoughtfulness.

Without active listening, people often feel unheard and unacknowledged. That’s why it’s important for everyone to learn how to be a better listener.

What Makes People Poor Listeners?

Good listening skills can be learned, but first, let’s take a look at some of the things that you might be doing that makes you a poor listener.

1. You Want to Talk to Yourself

Well, who doesn’t? We all have something to say, right? But when you are looking at someone pretending to be listening while, all along, they’re mentally planning all the amazing things they’re going to say, it is a disservice to the speaker.

Yes, maybe what the other person is saying is not the most exciting thing in the world. Still, they deserve to be heard. You always have the ability to steer the conversation in another direction by asking questions.

It’s okay to want to talk. It’s normal, even. Keep in mind, however, that when your turn does come around, you’ll want someone to listen to you.

2. You Disagree With What Is Being Said

This is another thing that makes you an inadequate listener—hearing something with which you disagree with and immediately tuning out. Then, you lie in wait so you can tell the speaker how wrong they are. You’re eager to make your point and prove the speaker wrong. You think that once you speak your “truth,” others will know how mistaken the speaker is, thank you for setting them straight, and encourage you to elaborate on what you have to say. Dream on.

Disagreeing with your speaker, however frustrating that might be, is no reason to tune them out and ready yourself to spew your staggering rebuttal. By listening, you might actually glean an interesting nugget of information that you were previously unaware of.

3. You Are Doing Five Other Things While You’re “Listening”

It is impossible to listen to someone while you’re texting, reading, playing Sudoku, etc. But people do it all the time—I know I have.

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I’ve actually tried to balance my checkbook while pretending to listen to the person on the other line. It didn’t work. I had to keep asking, “what did you say?” I can only admit this now because I rarely do it anymore. With work, I’ve succeeded in becoming a better listener. It takes a great deal of concentration, but it’s certainly worth it.

If you’re truly going to listen, then you must: listen! M. Scott Peck, M.D., in his book The Road Less Travel, says, “you cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.” If you are too busy to actually listen, let the speaker know, and arrange for another time to talk. It’s simple as that!

4. You Appoint Yourself as Judge

While you’re “listening,” you decide that the speaker doesn’t know what they’re talking about. As the “expert,” you know more. So, what’s the point of even listening?

To you, the only sound you hear once you decide they’re wrong is, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!” But before you bang that gavel, just know you may not have all the necessary information. To do that, you’d have to really listen, wouldn’t you? Also, make sure you don’t judge someone by their accent, the way they sound, or the structure of their sentences.

My dad is nearly 91. His English is sometimes a little broken and hard to understand. People wrongly assume that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about—they’re quite mistaken. My dad is a highly intelligent man who has English as his second language. He knows what he’s saying and understands the language perfectly.

Keep that in mind when listening to a foreigner, or someone who perhaps has a difficult time putting their thoughts into words.

Now, you know some of the things that make for an inferior listener. If none of the items above resonate with you, great! You’re a better listener than most.

How To Be a Better Listener

For conversation’s sake, though, let’s just say that maybe you need some work in the listening department, and after reading this article, you make the decision to improve. What, then, are some of the things you need to do to make that happen? How can you be a better listener?

1. Pay Attention

A good listener is attentive. They’re not looking at their watch, phone, or thinking about their dinner plans. They’re focused and paying attention to what the other person is saying. This is called active listening.

According to Skills You Need, “active listening involves listening with all senses. As well as giving full attention to the speaker, it is important that the ‘active listener’ is also ‘seen’ to be listening—otherwise, the speaker may conclude that what they are talking about is uninteresting to the listener.”[1]

As I mentioned, it’s normal for the mind to wander. We’re human, after all. But a good listener will rein those thoughts back in as soon as they notice their attention waning.

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I want to note here that you can also “listen” to bodily cues. You can assume that if someone keeps looking at their watch or over their shoulder, their focus isn’t on the conversation. The key is to just pay attention.

2. Use Positive Body Language

You can infer a lot from a person’s body language. Are they interested, bored, or anxious?

A good listener’s body language is open. They lean forward and express curiosity in what is being said. Their facial expression is either smiling, showing concern, conveying empathy, etc. They’re letting the speaker know that they’re being heard.

People say things for a reason—they want some type of feedback. For example, you tell your spouse, “I had a really rough day!” and your husband continues to check his newsfeed while nodding his head. Not a good response.

But what if your husband were to look up with questioning eyes, put his phone down, and say, “Oh, no. What happened?” How would feel, then? The answer is obvious.

According to Alan Gurney,[2]

“An active listener pays full attention to the speaker and ensures they understand the information being delivered. You can’t be distracted by an incoming call or a Facebook status update. You have to be present and in the moment.

Body language is an important tool to ensure you do this. The correct body language makes you a better active listener and therefore more ‘open’ and receptive to what the speaker is saying. At the same time, it indicates that you are listening to them.”

3. Avoid Interrupting the Speaker

I am certain you wouldn’t want to be in the middle of a sentence only to see the other person holding up a finger or their mouth open, ready to step into your unfinished verbiage. It’s rude and causes anxiety. You would, more than likely, feel a need to rush what you’re saying just to finish your sentence.

Interrupting is a sign of disrespect. It is essentially saying, “what I have to say is much more important than what you’re saying.” When you interrupt the speaker, they feel frustrated, hurried, and unimportant.

Interrupting a speaker to agree, disagree, argue, etc., causes the speaker to lose track of what they are saying. It’s extremely frustrating. Whatever you have to say can wait until the other person is done.

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Be polite and wait your turn!

4. Ask Questions

Asking questions is one of the best ways to show you’re interested. If someone is telling you about their ski trip to Mammoth, don’t respond with, “that’s nice.” That would show a lack of interest and disrespect. Instead, you can ask, “how long have you been skiing?” “Did you find it difficult to learn?” “What was your favorite part of the trip?” etc. The person will think highly of you and consider you a great conversationalist just by you asking a few questions.

5. Just Listen

This may seem counterintuitive. When you’re conversing with someone, it’s usually back and forth. On occasion, all that is required of you is to listen, smile, or nod your head, and your speaker will feel like they’re really being heard and understood.

I once sat with a client for 45 minutes without saying a word. She came into my office in distress. I had her sit down, and then she started crying softly. I sat with her—that’s all I did. At the end of the session, she stood, told me she felt much better, and then left.

I have to admit that 45 minutes without saying a word was tough. But she didn’t need me to say anything. She needed a safe space in which she could emote without interruption, judgment, or me trying to “fix” something.

6. Remember and Follow Up

Part of being a great listener is remembering what the speaker has said to you, then following up with them.

For example, in a recent conversation you had with your co-worker Jacob, he told you that his wife had gotten a promotion and that they were contemplating moving to New York. The next time you run into Jacob, you may want to say, “Hey, Jacob! Whatever happened with your wife’s promotion?” At this point, Jacob will know you really heard what he said and that you’re interested to see how things turned out. What a gift!

According to new research, “people who ask questions, particularly follow-up questions, may become better managers, land better jobs, and even win second dates.”[3]

It’s so simple to show you care. Just remember a few facts and follow up on them. If you do this regularly, you will make more friends.

7. Keep Confidential Information Confidential

If you really want to be a better listener, listen with care. If what you’re hearing is confidential, keep it that way, no matter how tempting it might be to tell someone else, especially if you have friends in common. Being a good listener means being trustworthy and sensitive with shared information.

Whatever is told to you in confidence is not to be revealed. Assure your speaker that their information is safe with you. They will feel relieved that they have someone with whom they can share their burden without fear of it getting out.

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Keeping someone’s confidence helps to deepen your relationship. Also, “one of the most important elements of confidentiality is that it helps to build and develop trust. It potentially allows for the free flow of information between the client and worker and acknowledges that a client’s personal life and all the issues and problems that they have belong to them.”[4]

Be like a therapist: listen and withhold judgment.

NOTE: I must add here that while therapists keep everything in a session confidential, there are exceptions:

  1. If the client may be an immediate danger to himself or others.
  2. If the client is endangering a population that cannot protect itself, such as in the case of a child or elder abuse.

8. Maintain Eye Contact

When someone is talking, they are usually saying something they consider meaningful. They don’t want their listener reading a text, looking at their fingernails, or bending down to pet a pooch on the street. A speaker wants all eyes on them. It lets them know that what they’re saying has value.

Eye contact is very powerful. It can relay many things without anything being said. Currently, it’s more important than ever with the Covid-19 Pandemic. People can’t see your whole face, but they can definitely read your eyes.

By eye contact, I don’t mean a hard, creepy stare—just a gaze in the speaker’s direction will do. Make it a point the next time you’re in a conversation to maintain eye contact with your speaker. Avoid the temptation to look anywhere but at their face. I know it’s not easy, especially if you’re not interested in what they’re talking about. But as I said, you can redirect the conversation in a different direction or just let the person know you’ve got to get going.

Final Thoughts

Listening attentively will add to your connection with anyone in your life. Now, more than ever, when people are so disconnected due to smartphones and social media, listening skills are critical.

You can build better, more honest, and deeper relationships by simply being there, paying attention, and asking questions that make the speaker feel like what they have to say matters.

And isn’t that a great goal? To make people feel as if they matter? So, go out and start honing those listening skills. You’ve got two great ears. Now use them!

More Tips on How to Be a Better Listener

Featured photo credit: Joshua Rodriguez via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Skills You Need: Active Listening
[2] Filtered: Body language for active listening
[3] Forbes: People Will Like You More If You Start Asking Follow-up Questions
[4] TAFE NSW Sydney eLearning Moodle: Confidentiality

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