Advertising
Advertising

8 Things People With Anxiety Want to Tell Their Loved Ones

8 Things People With Anxiety Want to Tell Their Loved Ones

Living with anxiety is incredibly tough. Loving someone with anxiety can be equally as painful, in my different ways. If you love someone who suffers from anxiety, the most you can really do for them is be understanding, and be there when they need support. By doing so, you’re doing more than you even know for the person you love. You need to know that:

1. We get overwhelmed easily

In today’s world, there’s much to do everyday, and so little time in which to do it. A long to-do list may be crippling to a person who suffers from anxiety, especially if it involves meeting with a variety of people and traveling to a variety of places. Anxious people hate to multitask, and will often focus on one problem or issue at a time until it’s completely resolved. By prioritizing our day, we hope to alleviate some of the pressure felt when bombarded with a laundry list of tasks.

Advertising

2. We burn out easily

Anxious people are usually introverts. Simply being out in public is taxing to their stamina and well-being. At the end of a day’s work, they need time to sit on the couch and zone out for a little while. During this time, they will also often reflect on their day. This can either be a good or bad thing, depending on how their day went. Let them have their space, and once they have recharged their batteries, so to speak, you’ll both be able to enjoy your evening together.

3. We know we’re being irrational

Most of the time, anxious people know they’re getting worked up over nothing. Unfortunately, that’s the nature of the beast. It’s a vicious cycle: We get worked up over something fairly insignificant, then get more worked up at the fact that we got so worked up in the first place. During these times, it’s best to just let the anxiety run its course. Just be there for your loved one until the moment passes; that’s all the assurance they need to know everything will eventually be okay.

Advertising

4. We panic more when you call attention to it

Like I said, just be there for the person. Asking if there’s “anything you can do” may seem like the status quo, but it simply won’t help. Of course, once you ask that, the person will get more freaked out that there isn’t anything you can do to fix it, and will feel bad that you feel bad, and the vicious cycle will continue. If you want to talk about ways to help during a panic attack, talk about it during a relaxing evening when your loved one’s anxiety has taken the night off.

5. We don’t let go easily

Again, we know we’re being irrational, but when you spill your morning coffee on your important papers, it’s hard to believe the rest of the day will get any better. We know it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy (ie: If we keep looking for bad things to happen all day, we’ll find them), but it’s hard to shake the feeling that “today will not be my day.” Getting yelled at by a boss, or getting cut off on our way to lunch…all of these completely unconnected experiences will pile up throughout a day to make it seem like a conspiracy against our own happiness. Let us vent, and do your best to help alleviate our frustration after it’s all over.

Advertising

6. We find change difficult

Anxious people are pretty set in their ways. They usually plan ahead in order to prioritize their days, so nothing sneaks up on them. However, life is full of contingencies. For a regimented person, any small change in schedule can be disastrous. If an anxious person had planned to cash his check at lunch, and the bank happened to be closed for its employees’ lunch, he’ll spend the rest of the day worrying that he won’t be able to make it before 5:00 rolls around that afternoon. Being anxious is simply not conducive to today’s busy, ever-changing world.

7. We need for you to listen

We know we’re being irrational, but we just want to be heard. Don’t blow us off. Don’t give us that “you’re just being anxious again” look. Understand that each panic attack is unique, and that if we could help it, we undoubtedly would. We just need you to be there for us in our time of need. Again, listen to our concerns. Talking won’t help much; if we can’t help ourselves, we won’t listen to anyone else. Recognize when it’s best to stay silent and open your arms for us.

Advertising

8. We appreciate all you do

Knowing we’re irrational, and that we must be a pain to take care of sometimes, we truly to appreciate all the effort you put into loving us. It truly means the world to us that you look past the ugly moments, and focus on the best parts of us. We appreciate that you want to help us, but restrain yourself when you know we’re too far gone. We appreciate you being there when no one else is. And know that whenever you need us, we’ll gladly repay the favor.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm3.staticflickr.com

More by this author

Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

12 Self-Destructive Habits to Eliminate for a Positive Life 7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience 20 Little Signs You’ve Found The One 8 Signs of a Man Who Will Never Ever Stop Loving You 8 Things To Remember When Dating Someone With A Guarded Heart

Trending in Communication

1 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way 2 How to Break Free From Negative Thinking for Good 3 15 Simple Things You Can Do to Boost Your Daily Motivation 4 How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often 5 Feeling Super Stressed? Do This Daily Routine Every Day

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

Advertising

2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

Advertising

Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

Advertising

12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

Read Next