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10 Indicators Showing You’ve Found Your True Love, Girls

10 Indicators Showing You’ve Found Your True Love, Girls

I’ve always wondered, how will you know when you’ve found the one? What makes you realise that your babe of a boyfriend is actually the core human existence you couldn’t imagine life without? Sure, you’re a great couple and you have fun, heck someone once commented #relationshipgoals on your Instagram but seriously when do you know when you’ve struck love true and hard?!

I took to my most loved up friends and family to ask them and the results were quite surprising. Forget the soppy stuff you’re told as a kid, these are real, honest and true indications of when you’ve found true love..

1. You’re not embarrassed by your body malfunctions

You know you’ve found true love when you’re comfortable enough to tell him you had a ‘monthly’ accident on his new crisp white sheets and you know he’ll find it endearing. Everyone has body hiccups from time to time and when you’re not afraid of them being seen (or heard) you know you’ve got a keeper. Being gross with your boyfriend shows you’re not afraid for him to see your inner, most human self.

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2. You’ve got inside jokes with his family

You’ve hit a new level of true love when his Mum is one of the top contacts in your phone. You send each other cute cat pictures or text anecdotes from your last visit that even your boyfriend doesn’t understand. Family is his root foundation so if you love them it shows you love him too and he’ll adore the fact his two favourite females have teamed up.

3. You can mention marriage and children

You know you’ve found true love when you can casually mention marriage and what you’re going to name your first son (we know you’ve already planned it) and he doesn’t go into panic mode. Sometimes he even brings it up! This is a clear way sign that your love is true and he sees you by his side in the future.

4. You don’t care about your appearance

You don’t need to shave your legs every time you see him because you know how little it matters to him, he loves you for you and doesn’t flinch as he runs his hands across your prickly legs. You’ll happily spend the evening with your face blotched in sudo cream and he’ll not so much as mention you look like a monster. True love is so much deeper than what’s on the surface and you know he’ll love you the same with half a tub of spot cream on your face or in those new tight black jeans.

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5. You’re best friends

You could spend every second of the day with him and not get bored. Your relationship has no limit and you know he’s the perfect companion to join you with whatever you need, be it shopping, dinner, cinema, the gym, your parents house, a night out. He will always fit the bill.

6. You have your own slang

You’ve developed your own abbreviations and slang so much so, you basically have your own language. Love is all about communication but true love is when you can be in the middle of a group of people, utter one word/sound and know what you’re both thinking.

7. You realise cliches are true, just a lot less cringeworthy

The last thing you think about when you go to sleep and first when you wake up? That’s actually a thing. He makes you want to be a better person and you feel braver and more determined to succeed knowing he’s going to be by your side and you finally understand what your Mum meant when she said ‘when you’re in love, you’ll just know’

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8. You can wear his pants

Forget the baggy boyfriend shirt you donned in the early days of your relationship. True love is when you’re out of clean knickers so wear his boxers and further more, give them a good sniff to check you’ve got a fresh pair. True. Love.

9. You only need his reassurance

When you’re having a freak out, an impossible day or just feeling plain miserable, it only takes his words and touch and you feel like your worries and stresses have been lifted. It doesn’t matter if he’s repeated the same advice you’ve been hearing all day, suddenly when it comes from him it makes so much sense. You truly value him and his words can instantly feel like a remedy.

10. You think about his happiness before your own

You put him first. It becomes natural to start putting their own happiness above your own. Ultimately you just want to see them happy and you’ll do whatever you can to make that happen. True love is selfless and they become your number one priority.

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Featured photo credit: Samuel Hearn via flickr.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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