“Successful people are simply those with successful habits.” – Brian Tracy
Most of us hope that by the time we turn 30, life just magically falls into place. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. We can’t just blow the candles out from our thirtieth birthday cake and hit the fast track to life. Success when turning 30 is all relative to personal perspective, and finding that path means identifying what success actually looks like to you.
If you’re turning 30 and have yet to feel successful, don’t be alarmed because you’re not alone. To build a successful future for your thirties and beyond, forget about comparing your life to others, and start putting your energy into mastering theses 15 habits.
“Great people, no matter their field, have similar habits. Learn them and use them in your own quest for greatness.” – Paula Andrew
“I’ve talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation…I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire.” – The Oprah Winfrey Show
If you are searching for validation from others before you take your first steps to success, you may never get there. Finding validation from within means that you are freeing yourself to trust in your life’s purpose, when no one else does. Once you begin to trust yourself, more people will want to hear what it is you have to say.
Successful people seek self-validation by embracing their own self worth, even when someone is trying to tear them down. While some negative comments can be very constructive for their personal growth, others can be just plain rude. Successful people always remember their life purpose and they always believe in their abilities.
- Don’t take negative comments too seriously
- Do remind yourself of your strengths daily and experiment with daily mantras
2. Body Empowerment
“Thirty was so strange for me. I’ve really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult.” -C.S. Lewis
Your body can be a great tool for success. People tend to base first impression on appearance, so something as subtle as poor posture can really damage your alpha composure, no matter how well dressed you may be.
Successful people empower their body by treating it like a temple. They eat balanced meals with fruits and vegetables to keep a strong mind and a healthy body. They stand tall and confident, insist on eye contact, and they shake hands firmly to debut their confidence. Taking care of their body also means exercising regularly, avoiding fast foods, and dressing the part.
- Don’t let physical limitations determine the rest of your life
- Do know success is not about what you have, but how you use what you have
3. Living In The Now
“One must simply take the days of their lives as they happen. If you spend time worrying over what is to come, which may or may not happen, then you will only be wasting precious days you will wish in the future you could have cherished a bit longer.” ― R.J. Gonzales
You want to live in the present because you can’t change the past and the future is yet to come. Moments can change on a dime, and over planning anything can ultimately become a waste of time. It can be easy to remain stagnant or stuck on an idea, but the goal is to move onward and upward with the present to achieve success.
It’s rare that you will ever find a successful person bogged down from their past. They tend to always express and address all of the skeletons in their closet. Successful people are also always prepared for the unexpected, but continue to keep a strong momentum for the present in order to reach their goals ahead.
- Don’t believe there’s only one way to achieve your success
- Do use past experiences to make wiser decisions in the present
“Order is the sanity of the mind, the health of the body, the peace of the city, the security of the state. Like beams in a house or bones to a body, so is order to all things. – Robert Southey
Organizing your sleep schedule, your work schedule, or even your workout schedule, can help keep you on a productive track. Starting each day with goals and objectives to complete, can really give you something to work towards. Setting aside time for each individual project allows you to feel fulfilled when you see work actually being accomplished.
For successful people, it’s all about schedules and lists. It’s not about planning every second of every day, but simply outlining priorities and listing the steps that are needed to meet deadlines and complete projects on time.
- Don’t navigate around everyone else’s schedule
- Do make time for hobbies, reading, traveling, and relaxing (this is important for your creativity and well-being)
5. Time Management
“Successful people make their decisions quickly and change their minds slowly. Failures make their decisions slowly and change their minds quickly.” ― Andy Andrews
The older I get the more I realize how valuable time is. There’s only 24 hours in a day, and to make the most of that time, we have to make quick decisions, we have to do what we love, and we have to stop complaining if we are not willing to make a change. To use your time wisely ask yourself, “Am I doing anything right now that is amounting to my life goals?” If not, ask yourself, “What can I be doing right now to help myself succeed?”
J.K. Rowling is a prime example of a successful person who made great use of time. Although she struggled to find work after her divorce, she used her free time to write while her daughter attended school. Creating the “Harry Potter” series, Rowling went from welfare to best-seller because she made use of her unemployment.
- Don’t multitask; this leads to holes in your work
- Do turn 6 individual tasks into 1 bigger task by creating flow in your schedule. i.e Avoid the back and forth commutes to the city and make one big trip, checking one thing off your list at a time.
6. Separation From Technology
“Learning to power-down technology is an important life skill with numerous benefits. It is becoming a lost art in our ever-connected world. But the wisest of us take time to learn the discipline. And live fuller lives because of it.” – Becoming Minimalist (Website)
From personal experience, I’ve been addicted to social media, checking my followers, my likes, my comments, and my messages. It’s strange how quickly it can become a full time job. I soon realized that I needed step away from social media because it was actually more of a burden than it was worth. The trick is to find balance and to not forget the reason why you began your path to success in the first place.
Technology brings much convenience to successful people, but success does not mean being held captive of your own devices like a GPS system. Successful people are people who recognize when they should turn their phone down or off. They understand how important it is to step away from technology to spend time alone or with their family. This is because mental breaks are important for their sanity, and a great way to declutter their active minds.Advertising
- Don’t let your phone and social media notifications own you.
- Do make designated times throughout the day to check yours devices so you can avoid checking for notifications every 3-5 minutes. (wasting time)
7. Selecting The Right Relationships
“Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.” – Oprah Winfrey
It’s not about cutting everyone out of your life who has ever done you wrong; it’s about surrounding yourself with like-minded people who will put in as much energy as you.
Successful people avoid others who are negative, disabling, and manipulating. It’s easy for a successful person to cut someone out of their life if the relationship does not add up to 50/50.
- Don’t think that you owe anyone your time if they stump your growth or drain your enthusiasm
- Do give time to the people who deserve it
“Critical feedback is the breakfast of champions. Defensiveness is the dinner of losers.” – Dharmesh Shah
Sometimes your feelings can be hurt when someone points out one of your flaws, but it’s part of the territory when you become successful. Being open minded allows to you take criticism and apply it in positive light. Sometimes the judgment of others can just be their fear of the unknown, and you have to just open your mind to their world and understand that they have different thoughts, ideas, belief and values from you, and that’s okay. If not, feedback can really wear you down.
Successful people are accepting to new ideas and have mastered compromise and colabering. They have no expectations of others, other than the truth and respect. By keeping an open mind they put more energy into their self, rather than the business of other people.
- Don’t gossip, spread rumours, or stretch the truth of others.
- Do confront people in private if you hold concerns for their actions and/or words.
9. Supporting Others
“You were born with the ability to change someone’s life – don’t ever waste it.” – Dale Partridge
“Before you dismiss a beginner’s work, remember how much you sucked when you started. You probably sucked worse, actually.” – Jason Fried
Turning 30 means that you should be getting out of any selfish ways to help make a difference. It takes teamwork to be successful and now that you are coming into your own, this is the best time for you to not only surround yourself by mind-liked people, but also encourage them and build lifelong partnerships.
Successful people don’t want to fall down the rabbit hole of comparison. They want to inspire, build, and network with like-minded people that they believe in. It’s all about building unity and working as a team to become successful together. Often they make kind gestures to help others excel without expecting anything in return, however, when a pay it forward gesture is made they are grateful.
- Don’t lead someone for solely your own benefit, be respectable
- Do feel proud to see someone achieve success knowing you played a role in their greatness.
10. Getting Uncomfortable
“You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” – Zig Ziglar
“Obstacles are those things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.” – Henry Ford
To be successful in life, you need to take risks. In order to take risks you need to stop worrying about what might happen if it doesn’t work out. Yes, it can mean being in an uncomfortable situation, but instead of looking at something like a financial burden, think of it as an investment in your future.
They are successful because they try new things, and they know that there’s an exception to every rule. Vera Wang, once known as a professional figure skater, moved into fashion with no formal experience. She spent 17 years working as an editor for Vogue, and when she was denied the editor-in-chief position she left the company. For the next two years Vera worked as a design director for Ralph Lauren, but after struggling to find the right dress for her upcoming wedding, she left the company to open “Vera Wang Bridal House Ltd.” The rest is history.
- Don’t stay stagnant if you are not growing
- Do understand that as long as you are not hurting anyone in the process of success, taking risks will help you rise above
11. Letting Go Of Perfection
“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill
To let go of your type-A personality, sometimes you have to just remind yourself that this will not be your last and only chance. Success is to follow your passion, and passion needs to be implemented into your lifestyle. If you think you will nail everything in one go, you might be fooling yourself.
The main ingredient to success is failure, so it’s no surprise that most successful people have the capacity to let go of perfection to take their first steps. They know that success is ongoing and learning never stops.
- Don’t think that perfection exists, it doesn’t
- Do know that you can make something perfect for you, for the moment, but like time, everything eventually evolves, including your idea of perfection.
12. Addressing Problems
“Telling people ‘no’ does not need to be an act of rejection. Learning to say no the right way can prove you’re an attentive teammate.” – Brian de Haaff, cofounder and CEO of Aha! Labs Inc.
When you address a problem at the root, you are buying yourself time and energy. Whether that’s admitting a mistake before the mistake has even surfaced, keeping open communication with the people around you, or using a strong “No” to avoid unstable situations. None the less, being proactive in every situation will be beneficial to you.
Before anything gets out of hand, successful people like to source the root of their problem as soon as possible. This helps them bypass hours, days, or even weeks of troubleshooting a situation.
- Don’t bush problems under the rug, that’s where problems go to manifest and marinate until they become unmanageable.
- Do be aware of high-risk potential problems (like knowing the fire doors on a airplane), keep a close eye without obsessing.
13. Being A Leader
“If you are honest, truthful, and transparent, people trust you. If people trust you, you have no grounds for fear, suspicion or jealousy.” – Dalai Lama
To be a leader, you mentor the people around you instead of having expectations of them. Success is teaching, rather than barking demands and reminding people why you are the one barking.Advertising
Most successful people are successful because they lead and encourage, rather than bully others around with their “superior” status.
- Don’t gloat, people wont respect that quality
- Do your part, get in the action, get messy, and have fun with the people around you, you’re a team player
14. Working Hard
“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’” – Audrey Hepburn
“I will not waste time on second thoughts. My life will not be an apology. It will be a statement.” ― Andy Andrews
To make success out of the impossible you have to believe that you can make something out of anything. You have to always go that extra mile, and no matter how crazy of an idea you may have, just go for it. It might just be the next best thing.
At 36 years old, Julia Child, had moved to Paris, France with no experience in great food. It didn’t take long for her interest in French cuisine to spike, steering her in the direction famous Le Cordon Bleu cooking school. By the age of 50 she had published the book “Mastering the Art of French Cooking”, and went on to have her own TV show. Successful people don’t always know what they are going to be successful at, but with healthy lifestyle habits anyone can find success in new or old passions.
- Don’t discourage your ideas because it hasn’t been done before
- Do see opportunity in the untouched field
“In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein
“Failure is a prerequisite for great success. If you want to succeed faster, double your rate of failure.” – Brian Tracy
The goal is to not let any hiccup or roadblock discourage your passion to dream big. Turn that dream into reality and never give up on yourself.
Successful people can’t be stopped once they start. They might not always know what they are trying to achieve in the moments, but all of their failed attempts usually lead to a form of greatness.
- Don’t see failure as a dead-end but as an opportunity to grow
- Do learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others
“For the most part, “naturals” are myths. People who are especially good at something may have some innate inclination, or some particular talent, but they have also spent about ten thousand hours practicing or doing that thing.” ― Meg Jay
“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure.” – Colin Powell
Featured photo credit: Man Looking At Sun Whilst Hiking At Red Rock Man/Ed Gregory via stokpic.com
Published on April 7, 2021
6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of
Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.
While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.
1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda
Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?
If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.
In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.
2. They Make Everything Transactional
Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.
For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.
Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.
A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.
Some statements to be wary of include:
- “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
- “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
- “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
- “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)
3. They Criticize Everything
One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.
However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.
Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:
- Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
- Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
- Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
- Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs
4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them
We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.
For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.
This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.
5. They Socially Isolate You
Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.
Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.
This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.
In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.
6. They’re Emotionally Abusive
It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.
Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.
Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:
- Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
- Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
- Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
- Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)
It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.
More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person
- How to Recognize a Controlling Relationship and What to Do About It
- 10 Habits Of Manipulative People
- Being Kind to Control Freaks Is Being Cruel to Yourself
Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com