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8 Secrets Most Single And Independent Women Won’t Tell You

8 Secrets Most Single And Independent Women Won’t Tell You

Just take a look around, and you’ll see more single, independent, and successful women than ever before. We’re working hard on our careers and education, instead of marrying the first guy who comes along. We’ve got our eyes out for that special guy, but we’re too busy to just sit around and wait. We’re hoping to meet that special someone, but most of us are busy working and spending time with friends.

With the trend toward marrying later, we’ve got lots of company, and we’re enjoying the freedom that comes with our independence. Going it alone has its downsides, but we don’t dwell on them. People have some misconceptions about us, though. Hopefully, the list below will give you some insight into what we want to say, but don’t.

1. Our Friends Are Like Family

We wish people understood that our friends are just as important as husband and boyfriends. When you don’t have a significant other, your close friends share your heartbreaks and joys, are there for you when the chips are down, and make you laugh till you choke.

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Different than a boyfriend or husband, these friends are just as important, and provide support that’s different, but no less valuable, than we get from our blood relatives.

2. The Calling Thing

We wish men would tell us, once and for all, if it’s ok to call first. Ditto on women asking men out. Just because we’re independent doesn’t mean we’ve got this dating thing figured out.

3. We’d Like a Party, Too

How about a “single’s shower”? Don’t get us wrong, we’re genuinely happy when our friends get engaged, married, pregnant, and we (mostly) don’t mind buying all of the shower gifts that go along with these happy events.

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But after we’ve been single and taking care of ourselves for a while, we think it would be nice if our friends and family reciprocated and threw us a party to celebrate our making it on our own. After all, single women need toasters, too!

4. We Like To Feel Feminine

We’re independent and in control at work, but we still want to feel like a woman. We have to compete with men at work, so we want to let our feminine side out when we’re with a man we’re attracted to. So don’t worry that we’ll be offended if you treat us like a lady (hint: flowers are always welcome).

5. We Wish You’d Stop Asking “The Question”

We wish people would stop asking us if we’re “still single,” and assuming that getting hitched must be our first priority in life. The same goes for comments about our biological clocks. Single doesn’t mean desperate: for us, it means having standards for who we couple up with. We’d rather be single than married to the wrong person.

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6. We Believe That Going Solo Can Be More Fun Than Couple-dom

We wish those same people understood that being single can be more fun than being coupled up with the wrong person. The freedom to stay out all night with friends having fun instead of being stuck at home watching sports (when you hate sports) with someone who bores you senseless is a definite upside to going solo.

7. We Wish People Knew How Strong We Really Are

Making it as a single woman makes us resourceful, capable, competent, and interesting. We can’t depend on someone else to handle everything for us, so we learn how to take care of ourselves. Flat tires, leaky pipes, work conflicts: we learn how to handle them like the strong, capable women we are. When things get tough, we keep going.

8.  We Wish We Didn’t Have To Be So Strong Sometimes

We’re proud of our independence, but sometimes we wish someone would step in and help with that flat tire, help us put together that Ikea bookcase, and most importantly, be a shoulder to rest on when life gets overwhelming. Sometimes we just want to be taken care of. The most independent woman has times when she wishes for a significant other to lean on.

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To sum it all up, we’re interesting, intelligent, and living full lives. We’re open to the possibilities that singledom gives us, and are having a great time working and playing while we audition candidates for The One. All in all, it’s a great life!

Featured photo credit: Summer girl portrait. Photo by Maridav.

Featured photo credit: Deposit Photos via depositphotos.com

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Last Updated on April 14, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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