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8 Things Wallflowers Want You to Know

8 Things Wallflowers Want You to Know

As someone who’s been a wallflower since his first co-ed school dance 20 years ago, I feel like I’m an authority on the subject. Although we might not be the life of the party, there are a bunch of reasons you should get to know the people who choose to stay away from the dance floor:

1. We hate small talk

If you engage in a conversation with a wallflower, be prepared for some thought-provoking dialogue. We absolutely hate talking about the weather, or about “the big game last night.” We’d rather get to know people on a much deeper level. Feel free to discuss your interests, passions, hopes and dreams with us. We won’t judge you; we’re genuinely interested in getting to know as much about everyone and everything the world has to offer.

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2. We’re shy around large groups, but fun in small circles

Large groups can be intimidating, especially to wallflowers who tend to march to the beat of their own drum. We avoid crowds because we feel like we don’t fit in with the masses. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We embrace our weirdness, and actively seek out others who feel the same way. Once we latch on to someone, we try to make the connection last. If you’re in our inner circle, know we genuinely care about you.

3. We’re awkward in unfamiliar situations

Since we’re not well-versed in small talk, and hate being in large groups, we’re just not “good” in those situations. We’re the type of people that will say “You too” when a ticket-taker says “Enjoy the movie!” We just don’t come prepared for certain situations, so you need to be prepared to be embarrassed by our ridiculous social gaffes. Sorry, but it comes with the territory.

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4. We can shed our wallflower persona at times

When the mood strikes us, and when we’re around the right group of people, we do enjoy being the center of attention. The situation has to be one in which we’re incredibly comfortable, of course. We have to be confident that we’re pretty good at whatever we’re doing, too. So, don’t expect us to get up and do some wacky dance just for fun if we can’t dance. But if someone breaks out a guitar and we happen to be secretly good at it, we might just take the spotlight for a little while.

5. We don’t mind being passive observers

We actually like being on the outside looking in. Most wallflowers are writers or artists who enjoy analyzing events rather than directly experiencing them. We’re the ones creating poems, articles, and paintings to memorialize special occasions for everyone to enjoy forever. We can live vicariously through our friends or peers, and then recreate the experience through our own chosen media.

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6. We don’t need to be out all night

We can go out and have a good time, but we usually want to leave before the night gets a little too crazy. It just doesn’t appeal to us to “keep the party going” just for the sake of staying out. Usually, by about midnight or 1AM, we’re ready to get some shut eye. Like Ted says in How I Met Your Mother: Nothing good happens after 2AM.

7. We’re ambiverts

We’re just as happy staying in as we are going out. Sometimes that might jibe with our friends’ plans of being out all night (see above), but after a long week at work, sometimes we want to spend Friday night curled up with a nice book. We need to recharge, and sometimes we view going out as another chore that we’d rather not do. On the other hand, there are nights when we get stir crazy and need to show face in public for at least a little while.

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8. We surround ourselves with people we care about

Like I said, if you’re in our inner circle, consider yourself loved. We don’t need to have a ton of friends, so if we consider you one, you should know you’re one of a select few. We most likely find you incredibly interesting, and fun to be around. You also help us feel comfortable in situations in which we usually aren’t. So, thanks for sticking by us!

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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